The Ocarina of Time: The Reality TV Show
by Jane O'Callaghan
Summary: In this story, Link is unknowingly the main character in one of those reality tv shows! Pretty much everyone else in the world knows about it, except poor Link. This story covers the entire Ocarina of Time game, with a few twists on things, of course.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, everyone! I'm back! Muhahaha! Now that those pesky SATs are finally over, I can concentrate on funner things, such as my new story! Hope you all like it!

Oh, and I don't own anything at all! Well, nothing that has to do with the Zelda games anyway...

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The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time: The Reality TV Show

Chapter 1

Getting Started

"Ok, everyone, settle down!" a large owl shouted over the loud arguing of the other people that were in the large, modern-day, conference type room. "Hey! Shut up already!" the owl shouted. The other people quickly became silent and they all turned to stare at the bird with pouts. "Now, as we all know, our last show was a dud. So we-"

"Well of course it was a dud! Nobody wants to watch a show about how amazing turtles are!" someone interrupted.

"Yeah! All we did was record a stupid turtle that just sat there and ate anything that happened to be growing next to it!" another person shouted in agreement.

"Alright, alright! Be quiet! We've talked about this already!" the owl said crossly. "Now, as I was saying, we need a new idea! Something that doesn't have to do with slow moving animals!"

There was a few minutes of silence as everyone tried to come up with an idea. Finally, someone slowly started to raise his hand.

"No, guy, we aren't doing your idea!" the owl shouted grumpily.

"You never do my ideas!" the large man protested.

"That's because your ideas stink!" a young girl shouted back.

The tall, dark man gasped before defending his idea on making a show about the color pink. "It's a great color!"

"What would we do? Just show a pink screen for a whole hour!?" the girl shouted.

The owl sighed when he saw that they weren't going to get anywhere if he didn't put an end to this soon. "No pink!" the owl shouted finally. "And no green either!" he said wearily when he saw another young girl, who was always clothed in green (even her hair was green), raise her hand. "And no blue, red, purple, yellow, orange, or any other color that's out there!" the large bird shouted when more people started to raise their hands. "We need a _good_ show, people!"

"Oh!" everyone shouted. "Why didn't you say so?!"

The owl sighed.

"I've got an idea! Me, me, me!" the tall, dark man shouted, jumping up and down.

"We're not doing pink!" the owl shouted.

"Darn!"

"Anyone have an actual idea?" the owl asked tiredly. He sighed when everyone just stared at him with large eyes.

"Ohhhh, I have an idea!" the young girl who had been arguing with the man before shouted. Everyone turned to face the blond haired, blue eyed, girl. "We do a reality show! Those are getting real popular!"

Everyone looked at each other and mumbled to themselves. The girl sighed when she realized that no one else knew what she was talking about. "Here's what we do, we make up an exciting story, and then we pull in some random, innocent person and force him to follow the story! He'll think it's real, and it'll be up to a few of us to keep him on track!" She beamed happily at the owl as he considered this, everyone else watched the two with bated breath.

"Hey, that's not bad!" the owl said after a few minutes.

"Hooray!" everyone else shouted.

"What's not bad?" the girl asked suddenly.

"Your idea!" the owl shouted.

"What idea?"

The owl stared at the girl before he remembered that she had short term memory loss. "Not your idea, my idea!" the owl shouted after a short pause.

"Ohhhhhh!"

"That wasn't your idea!" the tall, dark man shouted.

"Yes it was! And you better believe me or you're fired! Again!"

"Darn!"

"Now, let's start making up that story! You!" the owl pointed a large wing at the only man that had talked so far. "You'll be the main antagonist!"

"What's that?" the man asked.

The owl sighed disgustedly at him, "It's the main bad guy you fool!"

"Oh! …But I don't want to be the bad guy!"

"Too bad! And your name will be…uh…Ganondorf!"

"I don't like it!"

"Then you're fired!"

"Darn!"

"Now, you can be one of the main protagonists!" the owl said to the girl that had come up with this idea.

"Oh, yay! Can I be a beautiful princess?"

"Uh…sure, why not."

"Yes! I want lots of ponies, and cats, and dogs, and horses, and birds, and-"

"You aren't a real princess!" the owl shouted.

The girl gasped, "How dare you!? I quit!"

"You can't quit!"

"I can, and I did!"

"Hey, can I be her character then?" the tall, dark man asked.

"First of all, you can't play a princess! Secondly, I fired you, why haven't you left yet!?"

"Uh…"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter! I need a bad guy, so you're rehired, again!"

"Darn!"

"What? I hired you, that's a good thing!"

"But I just got a better job as a rich king at some land!"

"So, quit!"

"Ok," the man sobbed as he handed back the large crown that had been given to him by a strange looking man. "Maybe next time."

"You can't quit as king!" the strange man protested.

"He can, and he did!" the owl shouted. "Now get out, this is for actors and actresses only!"

"But you aren't an actor!" the girl who was going to play a beautiful princess protested.

"No, but I'm your boss, that makes me more important! So there!" the owl argued.

"Fine," the girl said with a pout as she tried to shove the tall, dark man, who was crying into her shoulder, off of her shoulder.

"Now, we need more characters! Uh…you! Green girl, you can play a forest freak!"

"I have a name you know!" the green girl said crossly.

"Well, what is it? All I have on your official papers here is, Forest Lover."

"Yeah!"

"That's not a name! From now on, your name is Saria! There! You have a name!"

"But I don't like it!" Saria protested.

"So? I don't care! We need to get our first episode up by tomorrow, so let's get this figured out already!"

"Fine!" the three people who now had roles, shouted.

"What's the main story anyway?" Ganondorf asked curiously.

"I'll tell you what it's about!" the beautiful princess said excitedly. "It's about a beautiful princess who goes around, saving the world from evil!"

"That can't be the story! You can't be the main character!" Saria shouted.

"The forest freak is right!" The owl shouted. "Here's what I was thinking! Listen up! Ganondorf over there is trying to take over our magical world, Hyrule, and the main character has to stop him!"

"Oh, that doesn't really work for me…" Ganondorf said hesitantly.

"What's wrong with it?" Saria asked.

"I'm a pacifist, I don't really take over anything."

"You're also an actor! You act!" the owl shouted.

"Well, I could've been a king!" Ganondorf argued.

"It's not my fault you quit that job!"

"You told me to!"

"Yeah, so?" the owl asked in a bored voice, examining some of his wing feathers.

"Um… why can't I be a good guy?" Ganondorf asked sadly.

"Because, you look evil! Have you looked in the mirror lately? You have red eyes for crying out loud!"

"It's a rare gene! It's not my fault!"

"Well, it looks good on camera, so you're the bad guy! Get over it! Now, what else do we have to do?"

"What's my role!?" the girl who was playing the beautiful princess asked excitedly.

"You're the princess! We've gone over this already!" the owl shouted impatiently.

"Oh boy! I'm a princess! I want lots of ponies, and cats, and-"

"What else!?" the owl interrupted.

"We'll need sets and music," Saria said in a bored voice.

"Thank you! Yes! We need those things! Wait, no we don't! We just need music! It's a reality show, people! We use the world as a set!"

"Oh, I can do music!" a random guy shouted suddenly (he's the windmill guy, I'm not quite sure how to describe him…).

"Great! What music can you play?" the owl asked.

The man pulled out a large, strange looking instrument and started to turn a handle. A short and repetitive tune started to play, and the only person that actually enjoyed it was the man who was playing it. "Go around, go around!" the man said happily as the tune kept going and going.

"Alright, that's good," the owl said, rolling his eyes. Everyone stared at the musical man as he kept turning the handle on his instrument thing. "Ok…we get it!" the owl said, a little louder this time.

"Go around, go around!"

"Alright, that's enough already!"

"Go around, go ar-"

"You're fired!"

"What!?" the man instantly stopped playing his song. "You can't fire me! I quit!"

"Fine! Either way though, you're out of here!" the owl said, and he flapped his wing at the man, which created a strong wind, which sent the man flying out of the room, along with his instrument, which had started to play again. "We'll figure out music later, right now, we need to get the special effects down!" the owl said cheerfully as the repetitive tune slowly faded away as the man got farther away from the group. "Muhahahaha, I can do explosions!" the girl who was going to play the beautiful princess shouted. She pulled out two vials of different colored liquids and threw them together. A few seconds later and everyone was screaming as large explosions started to spread throughout the room. "Muhahahaha!" the girl who was going to play the beautiful princess cackled happily, drowning out the loud screams.

…one hour later…

Everyone was finally settled outside, away from the still burning building that they had just managed to escape. "No more special effects!" the owl shouted at the girl, who crossed her arms and pouted. "Now, I will do the special effects! I will also build some of the bad guys, and I will also build the Great Deku Tree!"

"What's that?" Saria asked, tearing apart a blade of grass in her boredom.

"It's a giant tree that I just thought up! It will be the first dungeon that our hero has to go in!"

"What if it's a heroine?" the girl who was going to play the beautiful princess argued.

"Fine! It will be the first dungeon that our hero/heroine will have to go in! Everyone happy?"

"What if-"

"That's enough! Stupid girl who is going to play the beautiful princess! …That name is too long! Your new name is now…Zelda! There!"

"Zelda? But that's the name of the _real_ princess of Hyrule!" Zelda protested.

"So? We'll just kick the real royal family out of the castle for a few days. They won't mind!" the owl said cheerfully, already thinking about how to make his giant tree.

"What are we going to do for music?" Saria asked, bringing the owl's thoughts back to earth.

"Um…music?" the owl asked uncertainly.

"Ahha! La musique! Je suis très bon à jouer de la musique!" shouted the same weird musical man from before, except this time he was wearing a false mustache and beard.

The owl stared at him for awhile before sighing, "Ok, one: what!? And two: I know it's you, weird musical instrument guy!"

"How did you know it was me!?" the man asked, tearing off his fake facial hair.

"You're wearing the same clothes, you have the same stupid instrument on your back, and your fake hair isn't the same color as your regular hair!"

The man looked at the mustache and saw that it was a bright orange color. "Oh."

"Now get out!" the owl shouted.

"But I'm already outside!"

"Then get inside!" the large bird shouted impatiently.

The man turned to see the still burning building, "In there?"

"I don't really care where you go! Just get out!"

"But I'm already outside!" the man protested again.

"Then get inside!"

"Fine!" the man shouted, and he marched inside the building. Everyone else watched him with wide-eyed expressions.

"Now then, what next?" the owl asked, not even noticing where the man had gone.

"We still need music!" Saria shouted.

"Still?! Why haven't we figured that out yet?!"

"I can play the piano!" Ganondorf said suddenly.

"Well, that's a start I guess…"

"I can play the ocarina!" Saria said happily.

"Yes…we know…" the owl said nervously.

"I'll show you!"

"Nooooo!" everyone else shouted, but it was too late. Saria started playing the one song that she knew, which was just as short and repetitive as the one the strange man had played.

"Make her stop!" Ganondorf shouted.

"Can't…get it…out of my head!!" Zelda shouted, banging her head against the nearest wall, which happened to be the one belonging to the burning building.

"Zelda, your hair is on fire!" Saria shouted suddenly, pulling the ocarina from her mouth.

"My hair!!" Zelda shouted, running around the grassy field that they were in. After a few minutes, they managed to get the fire out, but the damage was done. Zelda's hair was completely gone. "What are we going to do now?! We can't have a bald princess!" the owl shouted, not even caring that one of his employees could've died. "It's ok… I can fix this…" the owl said, looking around desperately for an idea while Saria and Ganondorf did their best to comfort the distressed, bald girl. "A hat!" the owl shouted suddenly. He pulled out a large piece of cloth and wrapped it around the girl's head. "There!"

"It makes me looks silly!" Zelda protested.

"Not as silly as you look without it," Ganondorf said. He gave a high pitched scream when Zelda glared at him. "It makes you look great!"

"What makes me look great?" Zelda asked suddenly.

"Uh…the hat?" Ganondorf said uncertainly.

"What hat? Why am I wearing a hat on such a beautiful day?" Zelda asked.

"Nooooo!" Everyone shouted as the girl tore the hat off.

"My hair!!" Zelda shouted.

The owl gave a tired sigh as the girl started to run around in a panicked frenzy, shouting about her hair, while Ganondorf and Saria chased after her, trying to get her to calm down.

"We still need more characters people!" the owl shouted.

"Actually, we quit!" the rest of the group said. "This place is way too dangerous!"

"What!?" the owl shouted. "Come back! You guys signed a contract! You can't leave!" the owl said angrily as the people went running off to the nearest town. "Great! Just great! Now I don't have anyone to play Sheik, the mysterious man who helps the hero!"

"Heroine!" Zelda shouted at him as she ran past, still panicking about her hair.

"Fine!" the owl snapped. "Hero/heroine! Now what am I supposed to do!?" He sighed when he realized that no one was listening to him. "That's enough!" the bird shouted. He grabbed the three running people as they ran past him.

"My hair!!" Zelda wailed in the owl's ear.

"Stop shouting! I have very sensitive hearing you know!" the owl shouted back.

"Sorry," Zelda mumbled.

"Now, you three are the only actors/actresses left! So let's make the best of it! You three are in charge of music, special effects-"

"Special effects? I can do explosions!" Zelda shouted suddenly, quickly squirming out of the owl's grasp.

"Nooooo!" the other three shouted when they saw Zelda pull out more vials of different colored liquids.

"Muhahahahaha, I am actually a crazy, evil scientist! Under cover!" Zelda shouted as the explosions spread throughout Hyrule's beautiful fields.

…another hour later…

"I don't know about this…" the real Princess Zelda said uncertainly. The royal family had just been visited by a large owl, who had explained to them that he needed their castle and free reign of Hyrule as he made his movie. Zelda, however, was ignored, as her parents started to clap happily at the very thought of a movie being filmed in their castle. "That sounds like fun!" the king said.

"You know you won't be in it…right?" the owl said.

"I won't?" the king asked, his face falling.

"Oh, um…well…You can be in it! Of course, since you're the king!" the owl said quickly.

"Oh, how exciting!" the queen said, still clapping.

"Indeed! I'm going to be in a movie!" the king agreed.

"Yeah…" the owl said, smiling uncertainly. "Just realize, that we do have a time limit thing. So we'll film you and everything, we just might not keep you…"

"Oh! I understand perfectly!" the king said, smiling. _"No one will ever cut me out of my movie! That's just silly!"_ was what was going through the king's head as he and the owl shook hands/wings. Zelda just glared at the owl suspiciously as he flew off, leaving her parents to start giggling amongst themselves as they discussed what they would wear.

"Do you even know what he did to the beautiful meadow?!" Zelda shouted at her parents. "He burnt the whole thing! Now it's just a great big desert!"

"Well, I like deserts!" the king said, waving his hand casually at Zelda.

"I thought it was always like that…" the queen said in a bored voice.

"No! It was not always like that! There can't just be a desert in the middle of a grassy field! Temperatures change gradually! Not instantly!"

"Well, apparently you're wrong! Why would the owl burn Gerudo Meadow?" the queen sniffed at her daughter smugly.

"Well…" the king started to snicker at the thought that was in his head. "It is now Gerudo Desert!" Both he and the queen burst into laughter at this. Zelda gave a disgusted sigh at her parents before stomping off to do some research on the owl and his crew.

Meanwhile, the giant owl was trying to get his crew of three to stand still long enough for him to give his speech. The three were all running around their new office in Kakariko Village, trying to get into their elaborate costumes. "Why do I have such ridiculously large boots?" Ganondorf whined.

"Because you have big feet!" Zelda said happily as she pulled on some white gloves.

"No I don't!"

"Well your character does, so quit complaining!" Saria shouted.

"Everybody, I have something to say!" the owl shouted, stomping his foot on the floor impatiently. Everybody stopped what they were doing and turned to look at their boss with annoyed sighs. "Thank you. Now! Let's go over your characters one last time, shall we?"

"Again?" Everyone whined.

"Yes, again! Now be quiet! Zelda, you are the princess, and you are the only one besides our hero/heroine that knows about Ganondorf's evilness…ness. Ganondorf, you are-"

"I know who I am! I'm the evil bad guy!"

"Yes…good! Saria, you're the forest freak!"

"Hmph!" Saria hmphed, crossing her arms and pouting.

"And you are the hero/heroine's best friend!"

"How am I supposed to be his best friend? We haven't even met!" Saria argued.

"That's your problem, not mine! Become his bff!"

"What's a bff?" Ganondorf asked, still struggling into his large boots.

"It think it's a type of sandwich!" Zelda said. "You know, like a bacon…um…"

"Fluffy fish?" Ganondorf asked.

"Yes! A bacon, fluffy, fish sandwich! It's one of my favorites!" Zelda said, nodding happily.

The owl and Saria just stared at the two as they started to discuss which part of the sandwich they liked better. "Ok, that's enough about food! A bff is a best friend forever, now stop it! There is no such thing as a bacon fluffy fish sandwich!" the owl shouted after a few minutes. Suddenly one of the random workers that liked to run around outside came running inside. "Hey hey hey! No lazy workers allowed!" the owl shouted at the panting man.

"I got your lunch!" the lazy worker said cheerfully. "Four bacon fluffy fish sandwiches!"

"There's no such thing! Now get out!" the owl shouted, and he threw the worker outside, along with the nonexistent sandwiches. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, I managed to get a few extras, too, so you won't have to worry about being the only people in the movie. But remember, you guys are the main characters, and it's up to you to keep-"

"Extra what?" Zelda asked while Saria just sighed tiredly at the girl.

"Extras! Extras! You know! People that just walk around on the streets to make the movie look more realistic!" the owl shouted. "Now, it's up to you to-"

"Why do we need extras?" Ganondorf asked.

"To make the movie look more realistic!!" the owl shouted. "Now, it's up to you guys to keep our hero on track and going the right way!"

"Or heroine!" Zelda shouted.

"Ahha! Got you! I already picked out our main character, and it happens to be a guy!"

"That's not good at all!" Zelda argued.

"Why not?" the owl asked in a whiny voice.

"Duh! Everybody likes heroines who are beautiful princesses!"

"You just want to be the main character!" Saria argued.

"Well, yeah!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes.

"You can't be the main hero! A boy named Link is! I've already written him into the script!"

"Wow, did you see this guy's last name? It's so long!" Ganondorf said, reading Link's birth certificate that the owl had 'borrowed' in order to write the script better. "It's Link-"

"Oh who cares what his last name is!? We're just using his first name anyway!" the owl said with a pout, wishing that he didn't have a beak so he could actually pout.

"You can't just ignore his last name! People are going to wonder what it is!" Saria protested.

"We could make something up!" Zelda suggested.

"We can't make up a new name for him! He knows what his real name is!" Saria argued.

"Well, we'll give him amnesia or something, then he'll believe whatever we tell him!" the owl said. "Hey, that solves the bff problem too! I'm a genius!" the owl started to prance around the small room, fluffing out his feathers smugly. "Alright, let's head off to our first positions!" the owl said after awhile. He sighed when Zelda and Ganondorf quickly started to dance a ballet. "First position in the world, for the movie, not a dance!" the owl snapped.

"Oh!" Ganondorf said happily.

"Alright people, let's do this!" Saria shouted, getting bored.

"Yay! Wait, what are we doing?" Zelda asked.

The owl gave a tired sigh, "Maybe letting her be a main character was a bad idea."

"Duh!" Saria said crossly while Ganondorf patiently explained what they were doing for the fifth time that day.

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The End! For now! Next chapter will be up by tomorrow, unless something goes horribly wrong with my computer...but what are the chances of that happening? Hmm, maybe I shouldn't ask that, because now something _will_ go horribly wrong! Oh well. Thank you all for reading, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Oh, and in case anyone was wondering about it, here's the translation to what the windmill guy said earlier: Ahha! Music! I am very good at playing music!

Bye for now!


	2. Chapter 2

So, wouldn't you know it, something _did_ end up going horribly wrong with my computer! But fortunately, I had a copy of the second chapter on my laptop, so I am still able to post this today! Hooray!

Thank you all for the reviews! :-D

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Chapter 2

The Great Deku Tree

"Ok, places everybody!" a loud voice shouted, ruining the peaceful quietness of the forest. "Turn on the hidden cameras!" A few people came out of their houses, complaining about the loud owl; most of the forest inhabitants were already awake, however, as they had been hired as extras, even though they didn't need to be hired to act like they lived there as they already did. "I can see that camera! You call that hidden!" the owl shouted. A young Kokiri quickly pushed the large camera deeper into the long grass, but most of it was still visible. "That's better!" the owl shouted from his perch in one of the trees. "Alrighty then, send in the fairy! And action!" The owl gave a tired sigh when the fairy that they had hired started to fly around the forest, shouting out greetings to all the other fairies she passed.

"Get inside the stupid tree house already!" Saria shouted from her director's chair that she had somehow managed to balance on the same tree branch that the owl was sitting on.

"I thought I was director!" the owl whined as Navi the fairy crashed into a nearby fence in her haste to get to her destination.

"Oh…right," Saria said hesitantly. "But this chair is too small for you to sit in anyway…"

"Oh fine! But I'm still director! Why isn't the hidden camera that's inside Link's house on yet!?"

"Turn on the hidden camera inside Link's house!" Saria shouted at a Kokiri that was skipping around.

The young girl stared up at Saria before pointing at herself, "Me?" she shouted up.

"Yes you! You're in charge of the cameras!" the owl shouted.

"Oh!" the little girl went skipping off, in completely the wrong direction.

"The fairy is already inside! Get a camera in there now!" Saria shouted. Before anyone could even register what she had said, Saria jumped up and grabbed a camera before running towards the house, stuffing the camera into her hair as she went so that Link wouldn't notice it.

She made it to the house just as Link was exiting. The boy looked tired, and he was glaring at Navi for waking him up so early (amazingly enough, all the previous shouting hadn't woken him up at all). "So, like I was saying, the Great Deku wants to see-"

"I know!" Link shouted. "You told me, like, ten times already!_"_

"Yoo-hoo! Link!" Saria shouted, waving at the boy so he would look at her, so they could get his face on the camera finally.

"Oh great, it's her," Link grumbled to himself as he pretended to be happy to see her. "The new girl who just moved in, and she thinks that we're best friends or something!" Link hid his pout as he approached Saria. "What's with the giant camera in your hair?"

Saria's smile instantly disappeared, "Uh…what camera?" Saria asked hesitantly, trying to stuff the camera deeper into her hair. Link stared at her for a few minutes before shaking his head, deciding it would be easier to just pretend it wasn't there. Before he could say anything else, Saria decided that the camera was now completely hidden (even though it wasn't), and that she should get her first part finished with so they could move on, since they had lost enough time as it was. "Oooooo, you got a fairy! Finally, Link, a fairy has come to you!" she said in a dramatic voice.

"I had a fairy before you know! _Somebody_ decided to steal it!" Link said crossly.

"Oh…you saw that?" Saria asked, biting her lip. The owl had decided that they would use their own fairy, so he had charged Saria with getting rid of Link's first one. That fairy was now happily sitting in a bottle, watching the show with the giant owl. "I liked that fairy!" Saria said, deciding that her character would have to be a little more eccentric then they had previously planned.

"Yeah…I know," Link said, still glaring at the girl that had apparently known him since birth.

"Where was I?" Saria murmured to herself.

"You just got a new fairy!" the owl shouted at her from his tree.

"What was that?" Link asked, looking around.

"Uh…nothing!" Saria shouted. "Anyway…So, you got a new fairy? That is so neat! What's that? The Giant Deku Tree wants to see you? Wow! I'll wait here for you! Don't keep the Giant Deku Tree waiting!"

"I don't even know where the darn tree came from!" Link protested as Saria shoved Link in the direction of the Great Deku Tree. The young girl went skipping back to the giant owl as soon as Link went walking off, Navi following close behind him. "We didn't have a giant tree protecting us last week!" Link complained as he jumped across the small river.

"Hey, listen!" Navi shouted suddenly.

"What now?" Link asked wearily.

"The Great Deku Tree wants to talk to you, Link! Follow me!"

Link waited for the little fairy to start moving, but she just continued spinning around the boy's head, humming a little tune. "Whatever," Link grumbled after awhile, and he continued in the direction that Saria had pushed him in.

After a few minutes, a small Kokiri boy stopped the two."Stop right there in the name of the law!" shouted the boy, who happened to be Mido, the self-proclaimed ruler of the Kokiri.

* * *

"What the heck is he doing there!?" the owl shouted. "Did we hire him?"

"No, sir!" Saria said, scowling down at the boy in the distance, as if that would make him move.

"What's he saying?" the owl asked. "Turn on the hidden microphones!"

"I thought you owls are supposed to have perfect hearing," Saria said smugly as she flipped a switch so they could hear what was being said.

* * *

"I, the great Mido, demand that you bring me a sword and shield!" Mido was shouting, striking majestic poses after each word. While Mido was demanding things, Navi was just shouting out hello every other second, and Link was trying to figure out if Mido knew about the giant tree that had just appeared and was now protecting them. "I also demand a basket ball, and a basket hoop thingy-" Mido shouted.

"Hello!" Navi interrupted.

"And a basket ball court thing, extra bouncy, so I don't have to bounce the ball too hard-"

"Hello!"

"Uh…what are you even talking about!?" Link shouted.

"I also want some popcorn-"

"Hello!"

"I don't even know what popcorn is!" Link protested.

"And I want some butter and extra salt on that-"

"Hello!"

"Hey, salt! I like salt!" Link said happily.

"Hello! Listen!"

"What!?" both Kokiri shouted at the little fairy.

"The Great Deku Tree wants to see you, Link! Follow me!"

"I know!" Link shouted.

"Great Deku Tree? Who's that?" Mido asked, but Link was already marching back to the village to find the sword, shield, basketball items, and the popcorn.

* * *

"That kid is ruining everything!" the owl shouted miserably as they watched Link get run over by a large boulder as he searched for the sword. "He wasn't supposed to find an actual weapon until the next episode!"

"Maybe this way is better! He needs something to defend himself with anyway," Saria said, clapping her hands gleefully when Navi stopped Link to warn him about the large boulder, right before it ran over the boy again.

"No, this way is not better!" the owl argued. "We don't even have any music ready!" Just as he finished saying this, Ganondorf appeared out of nowhere. He missed the tree branch they were sitting on, however, and fell rather quickly towards the hard ground. After a few minutes, he had rejoined the two, panting from his long climb up. "Took you long enough," Saria snapped as soon as the tall man had seated himself on the tree.

"I've got music!" Ganondorf said cheerfully as he pulled out a large piano that he had somehow managed to keep in his pocket. "Behold!" Ganondorf shouted in a deep voice, right before playing 'Row, Row, Row your Boat'. The other two stared at him for a few minutes before Saria quickly put an end to his playing by giving him a hard slap across his face. "Ow!" Ganondorf whined, pouting at the young girl.

"Is that the best you can do!?" the owl asked, watching out of the corner of his eye as Link tried to throw Navi into the path of the boulder after she had tried to push him into it.

"Um…it's my favorite!" Ganondorf said with a pout. "It really makes you think! Is life really a dream? Or maybe the guy who wrote the song was depressed! Or he just liked to paddle around in boats…"

"It's a children's song, the guy who wrote it wasn't thinking anything!" Saria argued. "Now go learn something better, that actually requires more then just three notes!"

"It uses more then-"

"Move it, slacker!" Saria shouted.

"Oh fine!"

And with that conversation done, Ganondorf went running back to the office in Kakariko Village, and Saria and the owl went back to watching Link, whose attempts to kill his new fairy friend had failed miserably. The boy was now running back to the village, his new sword in his hand. "Ok, now all he needs is a shield and a bunch of other stuff… Replace Mido!" the owl shouted.

* * *

Link entered the small, red roofed store and walked over to the counter. "Hey there!" said the store's owner. The little Kokiri was jumping up and down to see past the large counter and at Link. "You would think they would've designed these things better…" the store guy said grumpily as he continued his hopping.

"I need a shield!" Link said, ignoring Navi's attempts to get him to follow her.

"No shield for you, gwahahaha!"

Link just stared at the store owner.

"Uh…right, you need forty rupees! Do you have forty rupees? I bet you don't! Gwahahaha!" the store owner said happily.

"Here you go!" Link said, doing his best to not be freaked out by the crazy store keeper.

"Oh, you do have forty. Huh. Well, here's your shield, have a nice day!"

"Got any popcorn?" Link asked as he put his shield on his back.

"No popcorn for you! Gwahahahaha! You need one hundred rupees for popcorn!"

"Why is a snack more expensive than the shield!?" Link shouted, swatting at Navi when she got too close to him with the sword that she had stolen from him.

"Popcorn, yum!" the shopkeeper said, and he started to eat all of his snacks that were for sale.

"…Ok then, I'll just be going now…" Link said nervously. He quickly ran out of the store and ran over to Mido, who, unbeknownst to Link, had been replaced by Robot Mido. "Ok, I got the sword and shield, but I couldn't find any of that other stuff you wanted," Link said, snatching his sword back from Navi.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, but she was ignored.

"What is that? You got the sword and shield. Huh. I guess you can go now," Mido said in a robotic voice.

"Great! Thanks!" Link said happily, not even noticing Mido's sudden change.

"I, the Great Mido, will never accept you as one of us."

"Yeah, yeah, you say that every day. See you later!" Link said, and he pushed past Mido, who was having trouble with the motors in one of his legs.

* * *

"Ok, get ready!" the owl said excitedly. "You're in charge of voicing the Great Deku Tree, Ganondorf! …Ganondorf?"

"Behold!" Ganondorf shouted from behind the owl, right before playing the 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' song on his piano.

"It still needs work," the owl said, rolling his eyes.

"Darn!" Ganondorf shouted, stomping his ridiculously large boot on the branch.

"Now go voice the Great Deku Tree already!" the owl shouted.

"Guys, we have a problem!" Saria said suddenly. The other two looked at where Saria was pointing, and then gasped. Link was doing his first battle, and none of the cameras were recording it.

"Ok, it's ok…It was just a stupid plant, nobody cares about battles against plants!" the owl said, right before bursting into tears. "Why isn't anyone manning their cameras!?" he sobbed.

"Oh oh oh, I can do cameras!" Ganondorf said happily.

"You better be good at it this time, unlike your music!" Saria snapped.

"No need to be grumpy," Ganondorf said as he climbed down the tree.

"Wait! Don't get caught! You're the main badguy, he can't see you!" the owl shouted after the man, but Ganondorf was already running full speed towards the giant tree where Link was.

* * *

"It's not saying anything," Link said, lightly kicking the Great Deku Tree with his foot.

"Hey, listen!"

"I know! I need to talk to the stupid tree!" Link shouted. "He's not saying anything!

""Hey, listen!"

Link sighed tiredly, "What?"

"The Great Deku Tree wants to see you, Link! Follow me!" Navi said, not noticing the slight twitch in Link's eye.

"I know!!" Link shouted at the fairy.

"Hey, listen!"

"Arrrrgh! Shut up, you stupid fairy!"

"Hey, lis-"

"Ahhh, Navi, you have returned!" a deep voice said suddenly, startling the other two.

"The tree really does talk!" Link said in awe as Navi bobbed up and down happily.

"Link, no doubt your dreams have been filled with dark images of late…" the giant tree said (for some reason, no one noticed Ganondorf sitting in the branches).

"Well, I have been having this one weird dream lately…" Link began.

* * *

Flashback:

Link was standing just outside a large city that was situated in the middle of nowhere. There were no other buildings or towns around it, just the large city standing in the middle of a large field. Suddenly a large drawbridge began to fall towards the ground, upsetting the silent night with its clanging. Before the bridge could make it all the way to the ground, a large white horse came running up it, jumping as it reached the edge and landing gracefully on the hard ground below it. Mounted on this horse were two people, an old woman and a young girl. The older one was trying to keep the horse from jumping into the moat (for some reason it liked to swim) as they raced across the field. It was the younger girl that caught Link's attention, however, mainly because she was constantly throwing things at him and shouting at him to go away because she hated him and never wanted to see him again. Poor Link had to avoid three deku nuts, four deku sticks (that were on fire), and a bunch of other items that went by too fast for Link to see. The girl also shouted something about special effects, and then there was a big explosion, and then the white horse and its riders were gone.

Next, a large black horse came across the bridge, which was _still_ clanking its way down. Mounted on this horse was a tall, dark man with orange hair; he reminded Link of a large fish, the way his face was shaped, or a monkey (Link couldn't quite decide). It was usually at this point that he was woken up; the first time he had had the dream, he had been woken up by Saria, who had insisted that they be best friends, then he had been woken up by Mido, who had insisted that they _not_ be best friends (Link wasn't sure if Mido had been talking about himself and Link, or Saria and Link), and then the third time he had had the dream, Navi had come and woken him up, insisting that a giant tree wanted to talk to him.

End Flashback

* * *

"That's the stupidest dream I've ever heard of!" Saria shouted, glaring at the screen that was labeled as being the Great Deku Tree's hidden camera.

"Who cares? It works for the show!" the large owl said cheerfully, hitting the save button as he did.

* * *

"That's the stupidest dream I've ever heard of!" Ganondorf shouted, still pretending to be the Great Deku Tree.

"No, Ganondorf, no! We didn't want you to say that!" the owl shouted back.

"Oh, whoops!" The Great Deku Tree/Ganondorf said. Link just glared at the giant tree (he had somehow missed all of the owl's and Saria's shouting). "Uh… Ok, we're running out of time here, so I'll just do the long story short thing!" the giant tree said, laughing nervously. "Ok, so there's this stupid bug that's killing me! Killing me! Doom doom doom! Anyway, you have to go inside me and kill it! Good luck!" the Great Deku Tree said cheerfully, right before opening its mouth, which created a weird clanking sound just like the bridge in Link's dream.

Link, however, was more concerned about other things, such as going inside a strange tree. "But…there are bugs in there!" Link said, staring with wide eyes at the tree.

"Yeah, I know! I told you about them, didn't I?" the giant tree said impatiently.

"But, bugs carry germs…and germs have all sorts of diseases…" Link said. Ganondorf, who had just been playing with a small beetle, gave a high pitched scream and threw the poor little bug away from him. "What are you screaming about!?" Link asked nervously.

"Uh…nothing? Um… That wasn't screaming, that was singing!" Ganondorf said uncertainly. He then entered into a long, screechy, out of tune song, that lasted for a good ten minutes. "La la la la laaaaaaaaa!" Ganondorf shouted in his high-pitched singing voice.

The owl and Saria gave disgusted sighs as they watched. Finally Ganondorf/the Great Deku Tree finished his song, and Link was finally able to uncover his ears. "Ok, ok! I'll go in!" Link screamed, and he ran inside the tree without a second thought.

"Muhahahaha!" Ganondorf cackled as he climbed down from the tree.

"What are you doing?! Stay up there you fool! He'll come back eventually!" Saria shouted.

"Oh, but…there are bugs up there!" Ganondorf protested.

"So? Just get back up- Hold on! Hurry, hide! He's coming back!" Saria shouted as the owl pointed to one of the screens that was labeled 'inside Great Deku Tree'. From that screen they could see Link climbing out of a giant hole, covered in spider webs and screaming at the top of his lungs. Ganondorf screamed and then quickly ran behind the tree just as Link came running out.

"There is a big freaky bug in there!" Link shouted at the tree as soon as he had exited it.

"I told you!" the tree said in a whiny voice. "Did you get rid of it?"

"No way!" Link shouted, still trying to get the thick spider webs off of his hat. "You're on your own with that one!"

"Darn!" Ganondorf shouted from behind the tree.

"Hey, how come your voice sounds different?" Link asked.

"Uh…What do you mean?"

"It sounds like there's just someone talking in back of you!" Link said, starting to walk around to the back of the giant tree.

Both Saria and the owl gasped when they realized that they were going to be discovered soon. "Emergency! Activate the weird, attacking plant things!" Saria shouted. Before Link could see Ganondorf, who was running around the tree in his panic, Link ran into more plants that stood up as straight as they could before clacking their mouths like a bunch of birds. "Plant things!" Link screamed, and he turned around to run away, only to bump into Ganondorf, who had been trying to sneak back when he saw he had ran right behind Link. "Who are you!?" Link demanded. Ganondorf, who was thinking fast, quickly grabbed a blade of grass and then hid his face behind it, or tried to anyway; most of his face was still visible, and only his pointed nose was hidden behind the small grass strand. "I am the Mysterious Grass Man! Muhahahaha!"

"…The Mysterious Grass Man!?"

"You bet!"

"That's stupid!" Link shouted.

Ganondorf/the Great Deku Tree/the Mysterious Grass Man gasped when he heard this, "It is not!"

"Yes it is! But anyway, it doesn't matter. I need help with something, and you're-"

"Oh oh oh, I can help! Me me me!" Ganondorf said happily, jumping up and down.

"Yeah…"

"Me me me me me me me!"

"Ok!"

"Pick me! Pick me!"

"Alright! I was going to pick you!" Link shouted.

"Yes! I got it! Loser!" Ganondorf shouted, pointing at Navi, who just shouted hello a few times before Link threw her into the tree.

"Now, here's what I need you to do," Link said slowly, so the excited man wouldn't miss anything.

"Ok, ok! I'm ready!" Ganondorf said, his eyes wide with excitement as he started to jump towards the giant tree.

"Wait you fool! You don't even know what to do yet!" Link shouted. Ganondorf came jumping back to Link, still smiling excitedly.

"Ok, I need you to-"

"Ready! Ok! Let's go!"

"You need to go inside the tree…"

"Go inside the tree! Got it!"

"Wait, there's more. Go inside the tree-"

"Go inside the tree! Ok!"

"Go down the giant hole…"

"Inside the tree, down the hole!"

"And kill the giant bug!"

"Inside the tree, down the hole, kill the giant bug! Got it! Ok, here I go!" Ganondorf shouted, and he ran inside the tree, still holding the small grass blade over his face. "Well, that takes care of that!" Link said cheerfully as he started to turn around to go back home. He stopped short when he saw the Mysterious Grass Man standing in front of him, smiling excitedly and jumping up and down. "I did it!" the man said happily.

"Really? That was fast," Link said in surprise.

"That was great! I did it! I did it!" Ganondorf started to chant, dancing around the small field.

"Ok…that's good. Stupid Mysterious Grass Man, get over here!" Link shouted. Ganondorf came walking back to Link with a small pout. "Now, I need you to-"

"Oh no! The tree is dying!" Ganondorf shouted suddenly.

"What?" Link shouted, spinning around to face the tree, which was starting to turn a grayish color.

* * *

"Why is the tree dying!?" the owl shouted at Saria, who was trying get out of her director's chair without falling out of the tree.

"I don't know, it's not even alive to begin with!" Saria shouted back.

"It's that stupid Mysterious Grass Man's fault!" the owl said, glaring at the screen.

"You do know that that's Ganondorf, right?" Saria said hesitantly.

"Really?" the owl peered closer at the screen, where Ganondorf, Link, and Navi were trying to revive the tree by throwing buckets of water at it, which just made it worse since it was mechanical. "Well what do you know! It is him!"

"Duh!" Saria shouted.

"You're fired, Ganondorf!" the owl shouted over at them.

"Darn!" Ganondorf shouted, throwing some more water at the tree.

* * *

"Who's Ganondorf?" Link asked.

"Uh…him?" Ganondorf asked, pointing at Navi.

"Hey!" Navi shouted angrily.

"Oh…um, her?"

"Hey!" Navi shouted, still angry.

"…It?"

"Hey!"

"I give up! It's someone that isn't here right now!" Ganondorf shouted impatiently, throwing yet more water at the tree, which was beginning to spark with electricity. "Ooooooo," both Link and Ganondorf ooh-ed as the sparks increased. "It's so pretty!" They both ran over to touch the tree, and they both got electrocuted for their trouble.

"Ow! Stupid tree!" Ganondorf shouted; he and Link started to kick the tree, and they then got more shocks because of their attacks. After a few minutes, they gave up on attacking the tree, and Ganondorf was soon saying his farewells, as he was going to try and get his job as a rich king in some land, back. Before he could, however, the owl hired him back, because they still needed the main bad guy, and they still needed music. Link was unaware of all this, however, as he made his way back. He was blocked by Robot Mido, who was still having trouble with the motors in his leg, but the boy finally managed to get past the Kokiri and Link was soon back inside the small village. "Hey, listen!" Navi said cheerfully.

"What?" Link asked wearily.

"The Great Deku Tree said we should find the Princess of Destiny! Let's go to Hyrule Castle, Link!"

"What are you talking about?" Link snapped.

"You want to hear what I said again?" Navi asked happily.

"No! Fine, we'll just go to the castle," Link said as he trudged miserably towards the forest's exit.

As he was crossing a dangerously swinging bridge, Link had the strangest feeling that someone was staring at him. He turned around sharply and gave a sad sigh when he saw Saria standing in back of him. "Hiya Link! I'm Saria!"

"Yes, I know," Link said, frowning concernedly at the girl.

"I always knew you would leave the forest one day, Link. Because you aren't like me and my friends."

"What's that supposed to mean!? Are you trying to alienate me from everyone!?"

"Um…" Saria quickly pulled out a piece of paper (which was her script, but Link didn't know that) and skimmed through it. "Oops, that line was for another movie…" Saria mumbled. "I better distract him!"

"I can hear you, you know!" Link shouted.

"Oh. Hey, I have a…uh…um, oh! Here, have a present!" Saria said quickly.

"A present? I like presents!" Link said, moving cautiously towards the other Kokiri.

"Here you go!" Saria said happily, and she handed the boy her ocarina.

"Noooooo, now we have to depend on Ganondorf for music!" a loud owlish voice shouted in the distance as Link experimentally played a few notes on the instrument.

Saria smiled happily when she saw that her distraction had worked, "That was my very first ocarina!" she said.

Link pulled the instrument from his mouth and started to gag, "You played this!? Did you clean it first!?" Link shouted as he started to rinse his mouth out with some water.

"Um…no."

"Why not?!" Link shouted, almost crying. "Now I'm going to contract some sort of disease, and then die a miserable death!"

"Oh don't be so dramatic!" Saria shouted, glaring at the boy who was supposed to be the main hero. "Nobody likes a hero that is afraid of germs!" Saria admonished.

"I don't care!" Link said, slowly backing away from the angry girl. "I don't wanna die!"

Saria sighed when Link turned around and went running out of the forest, screaming the whole way. "Did any one know he was afraid of germs!?" Saria shouted.

"No," the owl shouted back. "And it's too late now! We're stuck with him!"

"Behold!" Ganondorf shouted suddenly, and in just a few seconds the tune to the alphabet song could be heard throughout the forest.

"This movie is going to be a disaster," Saria grumbled.

"Oh, he's just exited the forest! Time for my big debut!" the owl shouted suddenly. He was just about to take off when Saria stopped him.

"What big debut?!" Saria shouted.

"Uh…my big debut, duh!" the owl shouted. He pulled out a new script that he had just written up and handed it to the young girl. "See, I figured I needed a role, since everyone else has one, and so I wrote myself into a few parts! Nothing big, of course…" the owl explained while Saria skimmed over the paper.

"Yep, there's nothing in here but a big long explanation on how to do things that a three year old could do," Saria said.

"What do you mean!? Some of these things are very hard to-"

"Using a map, walking in the proper direction, talking, eating, running, jumping-"

"Ok ok, fine! Maybe he does know how to do all that stuff, but I want to be on TV! It's my show anyway!" the owl interrupted, snatching the script from Saria's hands. "Now see what you did, he's almost at the castle! Warp him back to the forest, I need to talk to him!"

"Ok…" Saria said, shrugging.

* * *

"What a beautiful field! And look, we've made it Hyrule Castle Town!" Link said happily. Before Navi could respond with a hello, the two suddenly found themselves back at the forest, all of the hours they had spent traveling had been wasted. "Noooooo!" Link shouted.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"Hoot, hoot!" a large owl shouted.

Link looked up quickly to look at the giant bird, "Oh hey look, a giant bird!" Link exclaimed.

"Hello!" Navi shouted.

"Hello, Link!" the owl shouted. "My name is-"

"Hey, how do you know my name!?" Link shouted, glaring suspiciously at the owl.

"Uh…do not ask stupid questions!" the owl shouted back. "Now, my name is Kaepora Gaebora, and I-"

"How do you pronounce that?" Link shouted up at the bird, who was still perched in a large branch.

"I already told you, Kaepora Gaebora! Now, I am here to help you on your quest to save the world!"

"Hello!" Navi shouted.

"Yes…hello. Now, where was I? Oh yes! I am here to help you on your quest to save the world!"

"You said that already!" Link shouted, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Oh… right. Anyway, the first thing I would like to go over is: using maps!" the owl said happily as he pulled out his script so he wouldn't forget anything.

Link sighed, "This is going to take awhile," he grumbled before sitting down on the grass.

"Hello!" Navi shouted in his ear, making him partially deaf for the remainder of his life.

* * *

Well that's it for chapter 2! In chapter 3 (which is almost finished and should be ready to go by tomorrow...unless something goes horribly wrong with my laptop...), Link meets Zelda, the evil scientist under cover!

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

Hooray for chapter 3, which, according to my brother, is always the best chapter because 3 is prime...which doesn't really make sense because 2 is prime as well... and even if it wasn't, it _still_ doesn't make much sense. Anyway, the name of this chapter is kind of lame, but I couldn't really think of anything else!

And...yes, the Mysterious Grass Man does help me quite a bit with my chapters, and since he doesn't really exist, I get to take all of the credit! Gwahahahaha! Unfortunately, I have now insulted the Mysterious Grass Man, and he is now refusing to help me with the next chapter, so the next one might not be up until awhile :-(

* * *

Chapter 3

Malon, Princess Zelda, and Princess Zelda's Assistant

"Hey, listen!"

"I know! I have to see the stupid princess! I'm working on it!" Link shouted at his fairy, glaring angrily at the dusty path as he ran along it.

After a few seconds of silence, Navi tried again, "Hey, listen!"

"What?" Link asked miserably. He had already tried ignoring the fairy earlier, but she had just kept shouting at him non-stop to listen until the boy finally just humored her and asked what she wanted. It seemed to make her happy for a while (a while being just a few minutes).

"The Great Deku Tree said we should see the princess of destiny! Let's go, Link!"

"Wow, what a great idea!" Link said sarcastically. Navi bobbed up and down in the air happily. Link sighed as he continued on his trek through Hyrule Field. It had taken the boy two hours before he had finally managed to escape the crazy owl, and he was now trying to make up for lost time by running as fast as he could towards the large city. It became obvious that they wouldn't make it in time, however, when suddenly the sun sank completely behind the large hills in the distance. Just as they arrived at the city, a large drawbridge began to clank its way up; the man in charge of the bridge pointedly ignored Link's shouting. "Hey, let me in!" Link shouted, but the bridge was already completely up, and he could just make out the maniacal laughter of the drawbridge guy from inside the safety of the city.

"Well that's just great, now we have to camp out here for the night!" Link said miserably as he sat down on the short grass. "This city looks strangely familiar…" the boy said after a few seconds while Navi splashed around in the nearby moat. "It looks just like the one in my dream!" Link quickly looked around the darkening field as he searched for a crazy girl on a horse. When he didn't see anything, he went back to watching Navi battle a nearby frog. The fairy was losing miserably, even though the frog was just sleeping, when suddenly two large skeletons popped out of the ground and stared at a surprised Link with red eyes. Navi instantly joined the boy and started to shout, "Watch out! Hey! Watch out! Hey!"

"I see them! Thank you, Navi!" Link shouted as he ran around in a panic.

"Watch out!"

"Do you know anything about these guys?" Link asked as the skeletons trotted after the two.

"Blue!" Navi shouted.

"…Blue?"

"These are evil skeletons that will kill you and then go back to sleep!" Navi shouted.

Link gasped, "The nerve of them!"

"Hey, watch out! Hey!"

After a few hours of just running around in a mad panic, the sun started to rise. A large rooster crowed from somewhere in Hyrule, and the two skeletons quickly went back under the ground. "We did it!" Link panted, completely tired out from running away from the scary monsters all night.

"Hey, listen! The Great Deku Tree mentioned the princess of destiny, we should go see her, Link!"

"I'm working on it!" Link shouted as he trudged tiredly back towards the city. Just as he arrived, the large drawbridge began to work its way down. It took a long time, but eventually Link was able to cross. The boy glared at the drawbridge man, who looked away innocently and began to nervously whistle a tune.

Once inside the city, Link was overrun by mobs of people as they ran around to the different merchant stalls. "Where's the castle!?" Link shouted over the sea of people.

"Hey, listen! The Great Deku Tree mentioned the princess of destiny! We should go see her, Link!" Navi shouted, very unhelpfully. Link just gave an annoyed sigh before trying to carefully push his way through a large crowd that was arguing over who had gotten there first. Link was so preoccupied with not bumping into anyone, that he accidentally bumped into a young girl that was about his age. The girl gave out a happy, yet creepy, laugh when she saw him. "You're dressed weird! You look funny! Why are you green? Why do you have a fairy following you? Ooooo, a fairy! I like fairies, they're so pretty!" the girl shouted, all in one breath.

"Uh…" was all Link could get out before the girl started to talk again.

"Do you like ponies? I LOVE ponies! And horses, too! And doggies, and kitty-cats, and cute little bunny-rabbits, and-"

"Hey, listen!" Navi shouted over the girl's shouting.

"And I also like snakes, but not as much as butterflies…"

"The Great Deku Tree mentioned the princess of destiny! We should go see her, Link!"

"But I think I like snakes more than rocks!"

"Hey! Listen!"

"And I definitely like snakes more than fire! Have you tried giving fire a hug? It hurts!"

"The Great Deku Tree mentioned-"

"Ahhhhhhh!" Link finally shouted, and he went running off, waving his arms in the air frantically as he tried to get away from the two shouting girls.

After awhile of just running around in circles, Link finally calmed down enough to see where he was going. He soon found himself to be in a suspiciously dark alleyway, with dark shadows lurking around the corners. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…" Link said uncertainly. Just as he finished saying this, something jumped out at him from behind a pile of boxes. Link began to scream and point at the thing that had jumped out, not even trying to move or run away.

This was how Navi found the boy when she finally stopped shouting at the strange girl. "Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"What is it!?" Link shouted, slightly out of breath from all of his previous screaming.

"Blue!"

". . . . ."

"That's a fly! It will eat all of your sugar if you let it!"

Link gasped, "The nerve of that bug!" the boy said, glaring angrily at the tiny fly that was hovering near his face. "Come on, Navi, let's go!" Link said, and he stomped out of the alley, leaving the fly to ponder on what the boy had been screaming about, when all it had wanted to do was say hello.

Once the two had reentered the main part of the city, they began to look around once again for the castle. Of course, if they had just looked up a bit, they would've seen the castle right away, but they didn't. Instead they searched on every single stone that made up the streets. After a while of doing this, Link _finally _looked up in exasperation. "Oh hey look, the castle!" Link said excitedly, pointing at the large castle in the near distance. The two began to dance around, in order to celebrate their success. They quickly stopped their victory dances, however, when the strange girl from before joined them. "I like dancing!" the girl said happily, not even noticing the annoyed glares that were being pointed at her by Link and Navi. "My name is Malon, by the way! I LOVE ponies! How about you?"

"Uh…" was once again all Link could say before Malon started to talk again.

"Yeah, of course you do! Who doesn't, am I right?"

"I guess…"

"So, I have the cutest little pony ever! Her name is Epona, and she likes music! Listen to this!" Malon shouted, and she started to sing a short and repetitive song. "Doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo de doo!"

"That's not a-"

"Yeah, it's a great song, I know! Hey, fairy boy, guess what!?"

". . . . . . . . . ."

"Oh, that's your new name, fairy boy! I forgot to tell you!" Malon said, and she let out another happy, yet creepy, laugh. "Anyway, guess what! Guess what! Go on, guess!"

"You're leaving?" Link asked hopefully.

Another creepy laugh, "No silly! I'm waiting here for my dad! He's delivering milk to the castle! He's been gone a long time though. It's almost like he's avoiding me!"

"I can't imagine why," Link grumbled.

"You're so funny!" Malon said, and Link got to hear yet another creepy laugh. "Anyway, you _still_ haven't guessed what!"

"Just tell me already!" Link shouted impatiently.

"No need to shout, silly! I'll tell you! I've been taking care of this little cucco egg, but so far it hasn't hatched!" Malon said, and she pulled out a large cucco egg from her pocket. Link wasn't at all surprised that it hadn't hatched when he saw how Malon was 'caring' for it. The poor little egg had been stuck inside a mini-freezer, but the young girl had placed a small hat on top of it. "It's to keep its cute little head warm!" Malon explained as she gently tapped the window of the freezer. "Yes it is, it has the cutest little head, yes it does!" Malon said, clucking happily at the egg.

Link and Navi just stared at the girl with worried expressions.

"So anyway, it hasn't hatched. I think that it is unhappy! Would you take care of it for awhile?" Malon asked, finally finished with talking to the egg.

"Uh…" Link said uncertainly.

"It won't be any trouble at all! Will you, little egg? No, you won't be any trouble! No you won't!"

"Alright, I'll take it!" Link shouted, his sympathy for the egg finally getting the best of him. He snatched the mini-freezer from the girl's hands and gently took the egg out. He then placed it into the warmth of his pocket, where Navi quickly joined it and pulled off the hat before placing it on her own head.

"You know, eggs like the cold…" Malon said with a frown.

"No they don't!" Link shouted.

"Well sure they do, silly! (another creepy laugh) Why else would the hens sit on them? It's to protect the eggs from the warmth of the sun!"

"Right…"

"Well, do what you want! It's your egg now! Bye, Link!" Malon said, and she went back to singing her song. Link took this chance to get away from the creepy girl, and he quickly ran towards the castle.

* * *

"Who was she!?" the large owl shouted impatiently at Saria as she just stared in disbelief at the screen that showed what their Hyrule Castle Town camera was recording.

"I have no idea! She isn't one of ours!" Saria said, glaring at Malon who was now chasing after a cucco that another little girl was chasing.

"Well get rid of her, I don't like her!" the owl said with a pout.

"Right…I'll see what I can do!" Saria said, and with that she ran out of the Kakariko office and headed towards the city.

"Hey, wait, you're going to miss Link being thrown out of the castle grounds!" the owl shouted after her. He laughed happily when Link kept trying to sneak past the guards, and kept getting caught. "Ohh, that's gotta hurt! This is going to be our best episode yet!" the owl said when the boy was thrown from the wall back towards the city. "Well, I might as well go bother him, since he's not getting anywhere anyway!" the owl said, and in just a few seconds he was off, following the same path that Saria had taken a few minutes before.

* * *

"I already told you, I need to find the princess of destiny!" Link shouted at the guard that had just thrown him back outside the castle's walls.

"For the tenth time, stop trying to get in!" the guard shouted, and he marched back to his station.

"Hoot, hoot!" shouted a loud voice from behind the boy.

"Oh no…" Link said, the fear obvious in his voice. "It can't be!"

"Hoot, hoot! Hoot, I say! Hoot!"

"Watch out!" Navi shouted as she flew out of Link's pocket, the tiny hat from the egg still perched on her head. Link gave a resigned sigh before turning around to face the giant owl that was perched on a nearby tree. "What the heck happened to you!?" Link shouted when he saw the owl.

"My head is just upside down…" the owl said hesitantly. "It's a special owl talent!"

"Well stop it, it's freaking me out!" Link shouted.

"Fine!" the owl snapped, and he rotated his head back to its normal position.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"What do you want, stupid owl?" Link asked, ignoring the fairy that was fluttering around his head and shouting to watch out.

"I have come to give another speech!" the owl said, striking a majestic pose.

Link groaned, "Another one? I thought you went over everything yesterday!"

"Well, I made up some more stuff!" the owl said, turning his head so he was looking directly into a large camera that was camouflaged to look like a part of the nearby cliff. The large owl quickly stopped posing for the camera when he saw Link trying to see what the bird was looking at. "Ahem, like I was saying… I have another speech!"

"Watch out!" Navi shouted again.

"Let's just get this over with," Link said miserably as he sat down on a small rock.

"Ok, today I am going to go over how to-"

"Watch out!"

"Will you shut her up already!" the owl shouted impatiently.

Link sighed, "What's the name of the bird, Navi?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

"Blue!"

"Blue?" the owl asked, but Navi was already talking again.

"Watch out, Link! That's the annoying talking owl, Kaepora Gaebora! He'll keep talking and talking until you die!" Navi said in a lecturing tone.

"Really?" Link asked while the owl pouted over being called annoying.

"That only happened once!" the owl argued. "And it wasn't really my fault, the guy was almost dead anyway…"

Link stared at the bird with wide eyes, "You really killed someone?"

"I just said it wasn't my fault!" the large bird snapped. "There, now see what you've done? I don't feel like talking! I'll see you later, Link!" the owl said, and with that he made one more majestic pose towards the cliff, and then flew off. Link gave a shrug before standing up and making his way back towards the castle for the eleventh time that day.

* * *

"Ok, are you ready?" Saria asked Zelda as she danced around the courtyard type area.

"Ready for what?" Zelda asked in a confused voice.

"To do your part! You do remember your lines, right?" Saria asked uncertainly.

"Lines? …Um, of course I do!" Zelda said, smiling happily.

"Right… Well, Link will be here any minute now, so get ready!"

"Ready for what?" Zelda asked curiously.

"For Link!" Saria shouted at the young girl.

"Ohhhhhh. …Who's Link?"

"Oh forget it! Just say your lines and then get rid of the kid. Everything will be fine…as long as he doesn't ask any questions… Just keep talking, and don't give him the chance to talk! Now I have to go and get rid of some stupid farm girl, so stay here!"

"Ok!" Zelda said happily. Saria was starting to leave when she realized that Zelda was right behind her.

The Kokiri turned around sharply to face the smiling girl, "Stay here!" Saria shouted. Zelda nodded happily, but then continued to follow her friend towards the castle's exit. "I mean it, stay!" Saria shouted.

"Ok!" Zelda said cheerfully, still following.

"Ahhhhhh!" Saria started to scream as she ran as fast as she could towards the exit, leaving a still smiling Zelda far behind.

As soon as the actress had left, Zelda began to cackle maniacally. "Now that I have unlimited supplies in this castle, I can create anything I want with my evil science skills! Muhahahahahahahaha!"

* * *

"Oh for crying out loud! This is what, the twentieth time!?" the guard shouted when he saw Link trying to sneak around a tree.

"Actually, I think it's more like the thirtieth…" Link said casually.

"Yeah… Don't you ever give up?" the guard asked, frowning at the boy.

"You wouldn't give up either if you had an annoying fairy following you around, that bugs you if you don't do what she tells you!"

"How bad could she be?" the guard asked curiously, leaning on his large spear casually. Link stared quietly at the guard for a few seconds before reaching into his pocket and pulling out Navi. As soon as he did, the little fairy began to shout out her few favorite words. "Hey, listen! Hey, watch out! Hey! Hello! Blue!" After a few minutes of this the guard began to cover his ears and cry.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" the man screamed. Link quickly shoved the fairy back into his pocket. "Wow! I see what you mean!" the guard said with wide eyes. The tall man looked around cautiously, and then beckoned Link closer. "Tell you what," the man said conspiratorially. "I'll let you pass, but you've got to do one thing for me…"

"What?" Link asked curiously, beginning to feel hopeful that he would finally meet the princess and shut up the fairy.

"There's this one creepy man near the fountain that I'm supposed to get rid of. He fell asleep there a few days ago, and he just won't wake up! I've tried everything! I've even tried throwing him into the little moat over there!"

"That didn't work?" Link asked incredulously.

"I had to take him out, the guy almost drowned! He just won't wake up!"

"Ok, I'll get the guy to leave!" Link said confidently.

"Great! Thanks a lot! Just follow the water and it'll take you right to him!" the guard said, and with that he gave Link a shove into the water.

The boy was soon struggling to keep his head above the surface as the swift current pushed him along the large walls of the castle. After a few minutes, Link finally managed to climb out of the water. All he had to do then was follow the sound of loud snoring. In just a few seconds he was standing next to a large, sleeping man. "This must be the creepy guy!" Link said happily as he started to poke the man in the arm. "Wake up, guy! Wake up!" Link shouted.

"Keep it down, stupid intruder!" one of the nearby guards shouted.

"Sorry!" Link called back, and then continued his attempts to wake the man up, being more careful to stay quiet.

…six hours later…

It was nearing midnight by the time Link finally gave up on trying to wake up the snoring man. "I've tried everything!" Link said tiredly to Navi as she stared into the water.

"Hello!" the fairy shouted suddenly.

"That's your reflection, Navi. Not another fairy," Link said, shaking his head.

"Hello!" Navi shouted again, not believing Link.

"I tried hitting him with my shield-"

"Hello!"

"Poking him rather hard with my sword-"

"Hello!"

"I even shot him with my slingshot that just mysteriously appeared in my pocket."

"Hello!"

"If I wasn't so tired, I'd be more curious as to how that happened, but right now, I don't really care!"

"Hey! Listen!"

"Navi, that's not a fairy!" Link shouted.

"I thought I told you to keep it down!" the nearby guard shouted impatiently.

Link shot an annoyed glare in the direction of the guard before sitting down next to Navi, who was still talking to her reflection. "We could just move on, but we kind of need him to move. He's blocking the way…" Link said, mainly to himself.

"Keep it down!" the same guard shouted again.

Link turned around to see the guard standing right behind them.

"Uh…" the guard said, looking around uncertainly. "You are under arrest…for trespassing?"

"Oh go arrest someone else! I've already been arrested thirty times!" Link said crossly, turning back to face the fountain that he was supposed to crawl through to get inside the large castle.

"Well fine, be that way!" the guard said, and he went running off. Somehow, he managed to bump into the sleeping man before he left, even though he hadn't even been near the man, which caused the man to fall into the moat below. Link stared in surprise as the man was swept away. "What in tarnation!?" the man shouted, right before he rammed into a grate that filtered the water. "Well, I guess that settles that!" Link said happily. He sighed when he saw that Navi was still talking to the water. Apparently, she had thought that her reflection had been the one to shout 'what in tarnation', and so she was now having a long conversation with it now that she knew it could talk.

The boy shook his head at the fairy before pushing the large boxes of milk into the water to create a bridge, much to the man's dismay, as he had spent two days delivering that milk (the man was still in the water, he wasn't quite sure how to get out). By the time Link had made the bridge, it was already the next day. The green clad boy was just about to jump across when suddenly a loud cucco crowed from inside his pocket. "What in tarnation!?" the man shouted (he had fallen asleep again). The man quickly climbed out of the water with ease before racing back to the city, screaming about Malon being angry. Link wasn't too concerned with the man, however. He was more concerned with the large bird in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out and stared at the bird, who stared back at Link curiously. "Uh…" Link said. Before he could say anything else, the bird gave a loud squawk before pecking Link on the head. "Ow!" Link shouted, dropping the bird in his surprise. The bird gave a satisfied cluck before taking off, flying in the direction of the nearby ranch, where it was promptly grabbed by Malon and stuffed into another hat before being released into the barn, where all the other cuccos were busy keeping the eggs cold so they would hatch.

Link was oblivious to all this, however, as he had already pulled Navi away from her reflection and was now crawling through the small hole in the wall, and getting extremely wet as he went. "Great, who knows what sort of stuff was growing there! Now I'm going to die a miserable death!" Link said as he arrived inside the castle. "Miserable I tell you!" Link shouted at the nearest guard, who promptly arrested the boy and threw him all the way back outside. "Noooooo!" Link shouted. The boy stomped over to the guard who had helped him the first time. "Can you let me pass again? I still need to-"

"Halt! Stop right there, intruder!" the guard shouted.

"Yeah, yeah," Link said, rolling his eyes and waving his hand casually. "We've gone over this before! I'm miserable, and I need to talk to the princess, and you needed that sleeping guy gone, which I did by the way!"

"Then I can't make another deal with you, sorry!" the guard said, in a voice that said he wasn't sorry at all.

"What!?" Link shouted, but the guard had already grabbed him and tossed him back outside. "But I helped you!" Link shouted through the gate.

"Muhahahaha!" the guard shouted as he ran back to his post.

"Keep it down you two!" another guard shouted from way far away.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted suddenly. Link turned around and then screamed when he saw Malon standing on the path, still singing her song. She waved happily at Link, but before the boy could do anything a green blur came running past him and grabbed Malon before carrying her back to the ranch. All this happened so fast that Link had hardly enough time to blink, and by the time he did both Malon and the green blur were gone.

* * *

"Ok, I got rid of the girl!" Saria said to the owl, still panting from her long run.

"I saw! I got it all on tape!" the owl said cheerfully, rewinding the video to prove it.

"He's wasting time, he hasn't even seen Zelda yet!" Saria said, scowling at Link as the boy tried to sneak past a guard, and failed miserably.

"I know, he's so slow!" said a suspiciously familiar voice from behind them. Saria and the owl whirled around to see Zelda standing there, smiling happily. "Hi guys!" she said cheerfully.

"Zelda?" Saria said, trying to keep her voice patient.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here… and not there!?" Saria shouted, pointing at the screen that showed an empty courtyard, that Link was slowly nearing.

"I got bored!" Zelda said, pouting.

"So you came all the way to Kakariko Village!?" the owl shouted angrily.

"Well, yeah!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes at her two coworkers. "That castle was so boring! There were no fun things to do!"

"Well, I told you you should've brought a book! Now get back there!" Saria snapped, shoving Zelda out of the office.

"Well fine! Be that way!" Zelda said. She stuck her tongue out at the two before the door was completely closed. Saria and the owl just sighed tiredly as they watched Zelda go skipping back to the castle.

* * *

"Carefully…carefully…" Link said quietly as he snuck past two guards that were standing next to a large fountain. Somehow, Link managed to get past them, even though they were looking right at him. After a few minutes had gone by, the two guards realized what they had seen. "Hey, did you just see a little boy in green go by?" one of the guards said slowly.

"I dunno," the other one said, even though he had.

"Well, I thought I did… oh well, I'm sure the others will get him!"

"I dunno."

Meanwhile, Link had already gotten past all of the other guards and he was now walking through a beautiful courtyard with flowers in the very middle. At the other end of this area was a young girl, who was peering into a very large window and muttering to herself. Link realized that this must be the princess of destiny that he had heard so much about. He also realized that he had no idea how to act around royalty. He finally decided on walking very slowly and impressively towards the girl; but since the beautiful flowers were in the very middle of the courtyard, Link ended up trampling them all since going around them wouldn't have looked as cool as walking straight through the middle. "Uh, hi!" Link said hesitantly as soon as he was close enough to the girl. Zelda whirled around and glared at the boy.

"Who are you? How did you get past the guards?!" Zelda shouted at the boy.

"Well, I-"

"Ooooo, is that a fairy? I love fairies!"

"Oh great, you're just like the other girl!" Link said miserably.

"So tell me, do you have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest?" Zelda asked, clasping her hands together anxiously.

"The what? I've never heard of that!" Link said with a frown.

"Do you have it?"

"Nope."

"You can trust me!" Zelda said encouragingly. "Do you have it?"

"No! I already told you!"

"You can trust me! Do you have it?"

"NO!"

"You can trust me! Do you have it?"

"Fine! Yes! I have it!" Link shouted.

Zelda began to laugh happily, "I knew it! See, I had this dream where there were these dark rain clouds, and I just hate the rain! But then a boy with a fairy came running over and used the Spiritual Stone of the Forest as an umbrella, to keep my hat dry! He was so nice! You must be that boy!"

"Ok…" Link said uncertainly.

"Oh, I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Zelda, the princess of destiny! I'm also an evil scientist under cover, but we don't talk about that much! What's your name?"

"Link…" Link said.

"Link? Strange, that name sounds so familiar…" Zelda said (she had already forgotten about the movie she was in). "Oh well!" the girl said with a shrug. "I'm sure it's not important! So, I was spying on this one guy. He has the worst fashion sense ever, seriously! It's even worse than yours!"

"Really? …Hey!" Link shouted.

"Why don't you take a look? Then you might feel better about your own clothes!" Zelda said, and she shoved Link towards the large window. Link sighed before peering in. Inside was a tall, dark man kneeling in front of a dancing king. The queen was singing an opera, which didn't match the dance that the king was doing at all. "Hey, that's the Mysterious Grass Man!" Link shouted. Link's shout was heard by Ganondorf, however, and the man quickly looked over at Link and mouthed the words 'help me'. Link was pulled back from the window by Zelda, however, and so he missed the plea for assistance. "Oh, did he see you? That's ok, he doesn't know what we're planning, yet!" Zelda said happily.

"_I_ don't even know what we're planning!" Link shouted.

"Oh…I must have skipped something. Fine, sit down and I'll tell you! I think that the dark rain clouds in my dream was that man! I think he's either going to make it rain, or force everyone to wear horrible clothes, just like him!"

Link gasped.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, which was her way of gasping in surprise.

"It's up to us to stop him! Here's what you have to do!" Zelda paused and took a long breath before talking extremely fast, "Collect the other two Spiritual Stones, find the Ocarina of Time and use it to grow up already, become the Hero of Time, wake up the six sages that are sleeping in six different dangerous temples, defeat Ganondorf and rescue me!" Zelda stopped and took in another breath. "Got all that?" She looked at Navi, who was busy writing down what she had said in a notepad; and then at Link, who was just staring at her with a blank expression on his face. "Um, I lost you after you said 'here's what you have to do'…"

Zelda sighed disgustedly at him, "Navi, did you get all that?"

"Listen!" Navi shouted, and she threw the notepad at Zelda.

The princess/actress/evil scientist under cover grabbed it and skimmed through it. "All you have written down here is 'hello'!" Zelda shouted impatiently.

"Hello!" Navi shouted back.

"Oh fine, we'll just take this one step at a time. Go find the other two Spiritual Stones!"

"But I don't even have the first one!" Link whined.

"You told me you did!" Zelda said, scowling at the boy next to her.

"You wouldn't let me say anything else!" Link protested.

"Oh, well isn't that just typical! Go ahead, blame it all on me! Men!" Zelda crossed her arms and began to mutter to herself.

"Alright, fine! Sorry! I'll go find the first one, and then get the other two!" Link said crossly.

Zelda instantly brightened, "Great! Good luck, Link! My assistant, Impa, will show you how to get out!"

"Ok…" Link said, and he turned around to face a tall, elderly woman standing at the other end of the room, looking grumpy. "Hi!" Link said cheerfully when he had arrived at where Impa was.

Impa just scowled at the boy, "I don't like you!" she shouted suddenly.

"Ok…" Link said uncertainly.

Suddenly Impa's entire personality changed, "Welcome, Link! I am Impa!"

"Ok…" Link said, even more uncertainly.

"In the princess's dream, I was the one to teach you a song! It's a very annoying and repetitive song, just like all the other ones out there. But the difference between this one and all the others is… you're going to be playing this one over and over again for the rest of your life! Gwahaha! So anyway, here's the song! It's called Zelda's Lullaby! I don't know why…" Impa began to play the song on a small harmonica. Link carefully pulled out Saria's ocarina and wiped it on his tunic before playing along. As soon as they had finished the song, Zelda fell asleep in the middle of doing her dance. "Huh, maybe that's why they call it her lullaby!" Impa said. She shrugged and then grabbed Link before carrying him under her arm like a football.

* * *

"And cut! Great work, your majesties!" the owl said happily. The queen stopped singing and the king quickly stopped dancing, so quickly that he ended up falling to the floor.

"Oh thank goodness!" Ganondorf shouted, and he quickly ran out of the castle and away from the crazy royal couple.

"Ok, thanks a lot Queen, and King…uh…what _is_ your last name anyway?"

"We don't know!" the kind said, panting from his long dance.

"Right…Well, see you all later!" the owl said, and he quickly flew off. As soon as he arrived at Kakariko Village, he deleted every scene that had the king and queen in them.

* * *

After a few minutes of being carried, Link was finally outside the city and back in the large field of Hyrule. Impa tossed the boy to the ground before talking almost as fast as the princess had. "So, first you have to go back to the forest and get the Forest Stone, then you can go to that village over there! That village is called Kakariko Village, I used to live there!" Impa then went into her whole life's story, starting it when she was just five years old. After a few hours Impa finished. "And then I met you and taught you the song! After I brought you here, I started telling you my whole life's story, which goes like this!" Impa said, and she started all over again, much to Link's and Navi's dismay. After two days of this, Impa finally broke out of her loop and started to tell Link more about Kakariko Village. "Next to the village is a large mountain called Death Mountain! It's actually a volcano, so I think we should call it Death Volcano, but the naming society outvoted me. What can you do?" Impa said with a shrug.

"I don't know…" Link said tiredly.

"Anyway, inside that volcano is a group of people called the Gorons, and they have the Spiritual Stone of Fire! Burn, burn!" Impa shouted.

Link and Navi stared at her with wide eyes.

"Hey, you guys want to see a magic trick?" Impa asked suddenly.

"Uh…" Link began, but he was interrupted.

"Ok! Get ready! Warning, this trick may do severe damage to your eye retinas, the person doing the magic trick is not responsible to any injury you may receive." After Impa had said that in a monotonous voice, she threw a deku seed down, which temporarily blinded anyone who happened to be outside. As the bright light faded, Link could just make out Impa running as fast as she could back towards the castle.

"Blue!" Navi shouted with her last breath before falling asleep, exhausted from staying awake for two nights straight and listening to the same story over and over again. Link picked up his fairy friend and stuffed her into his pocket before beginning the long trek back to his foresty home.

* * *

Well what do you know, foresty isn't a word! You learn something new everyday!

Thank you all for reading and/or reviewing! :-D


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone! Sorry this one took so long! Well, maybe it wasn't that long...but two days is fourteen days in doggie time! (I think...)

Thank you all for the reviews! And thanks, The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule, for letting me know what Navi actually says. I couldn't really tell what she was saying, and to me it sounded like blue, lol. 'Look' makes more sense though... Anyway, here's the next chapter!

* * *

Chapter 4

The Forest Stone, A Crazy Old Man, and a Secret Agent

"I, the Great Mido, will never accept you as one of us!" Mido shouted as Link pushed past him in his search for the Spiritual Stone of the Forest. "What are you looking for anyway?" Mido asked curiously as he followed Link towards the Great Deku Tree.

"I need a stupid stone so I can save the world from the Mysterious Grass Man!" Link explained.

"Who!?" Mido shouted.

"It's a long story."

"Well there's no stones here! Wait, is it valuable?"

"I don't think so…" Link said.

"Then I don't have it! I mean… then we Kokiri don't have it!" Mido said grumpily as Link walked around the giant tree. "Where did that tree come from!?" Mido shouted, just noticing it now.

"How should I know! It's been here for days though!" Link said.

"I don't remember that! I'm leader, I'm supposed to know everything!"

"Do you know where Saria is?" Link asked. "She's crazy, maybe she stole the stone or something."

"Saria…uh…I think she went inside the forest. Don't tell me you forgot where that is!"

"I remember!" Link protested.

"It's way up on that cliff over there!" Mido said, pointing it out anyway. "You'll probably get lost in there, but don't worry. Anyone who gets lost just end up back here… unless you get lost, then you turn into a skeleton thing!"

"But you just said that anyone who gets lost ends up back here…" Link said in a confused voice.

"Whatever. So long, loser!" Mido shouted, and he went running back to his large house.

Link shook his head and sighed before entering the Lost Woods. Once inside, he was greeted by the large owl, whose head was once again upside down, which once again freaked Link out. "Watch out!" Navi shouted as she flew around Link's head.

"Hoot! Hi Link!" the owl said cheerfully. "Do you hear that mysterious tune?"

"No," Link said.

"You're not listening! You have to listen first before you answer!" the owl snapped. Link gave an annoyed sigh before listening. Sure enough, he could just make out Saria's favorite song playing throughout the forest. "What about it?" Link asked.

"Just follow the music, and you'll find your friend!" the owl said happily. "And don't get lost, or you'll turn into a skeleton thing! But don't worry, if you get lost you'll just end up back at the village! Did you get all that?" the owl asked.

"Get all of what!?" Link shouted.

"I'll just repeat myself then!" the owl said happily. "Hoot, hi Link! Do you hear that mysterious tune?"

"Nooooo!" Link shouted, shaking his fist angrily at the owl.

After a few minutes, the owl finished his short speech again. "Did you get all that?"

"Yes!" Link shouted quickly.

"Hoot hoot! You're a smart kid! But not as smart as meeeeee!" the owl shouted as he flew off.

"Crazy birds!" Link shouted as he stomped grumpily through the forest, following the repetitive tune. After a few minutes of running in random directions, Link came across a large maze that had large boulders rolling around in it. "What is with these boulders?" Link asked as he got ran over by one. "They can stop, and then start moving again without anyone pushing on them!" Link pulled out a notepad and wrote this down under the title 'Link's observations'. "I'm going to be famous for all of my observations someday!" Link said happily, right before getting run over by another boulder.

Ten minutes, and twenty more boulder encounters, later, Link finally made it out of the labyrinth. He then climbed a long flight of stairs, the short tune that Saria liked getting louder and louder as he went. Once at the top of the stairs, Link found himself to be near the largest tree house the boy had ever seen. "Wow! I'm moving in here!" Link shouted happily, not even noticing Saria, who was just sitting there and playing as loud as she could to try and get his attention. Link, however, was busy trying to get his furniture (which he had gotten from his old house) up to the tree house, which had no ladder, stairs, or any other sort of thing that would help him get up. "Stupid tree house! Let me in!" Link shouted.

"Link you idiot! Get over here!" Saria shouted suddenly before quickly going back to playing her tune. Link sighed sadly and joined Saria near the large tree stump she was sitting on, abandoning his bed, table and chairs for the moment. "Hey, Saria. What's up?" Link asked miserably as he sat next to her. Saria shoved Link off of her seat before stopping her playing. "Oh, Link! Hi! I was so busy playing my song, I didn't even see little old you standing there!" Saria said cheerfully as Link stood up and brushed himself off. The boy stared at Saria, who just smiled brightly at him. "This is the Forest Temple! I feel safe here!"

"Um…that's nice?" Link said uncertainly.

"I feel that someday…that someday this place will become really really dangerous, and that I'll go marching in to try and save the day, but then I'll get kidnapped, and then it'll be up to you to save the day instead! That's what I feel!"

"Ok…" Link said. "Do you have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest?"

"I'm not finished!" Saria shouted angrily before smiling sweetly at a camera that was hidden in the tree.

"Sorry," Link said quickly, wondering if he should feel afraid of this girl.

"So anyway, I want to teach you my song! It'll let me talk to you whenever I want…I mean…when _you_ want! Teehee!"

"Ok…"

"Here it is!" Saria said, and she pulled out her ocarina that looked just like the one she had given Link a few days ago.

Link was quick to notice this, "Hey! Where did you get that one!?" the boy shouted.

"Um…I bought it, duh!"

"How come you get the new one, and I get this stupid used one!?"

Saria gasped, "How dare you? My old one isn't stupid! Hmph!" she said, scowling at the boy. "Now, I will teach you my song! Dum dum dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum dum…. Dum dum dum dum!"

"Why aren't you playing it on your ocarina?" Link asked, staring at the still singing girl.

"Mine is broken, silly!" Saria said cheerfully.

"Since when!? You were just playing it!"

"Muhahahahaha, I break it now! Die, ocarina, die!" Saria shouted, and she threw her instrument to the ground and started to jump on it.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted from inside the safety of Link's pocket.

"Um, Saria?" Link asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Saria asked, still jumping on her musical instrument.

"Do you have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest? I kind of need it…"

"Oh! Sure!" Saria reached into her pocket and pulled out a large green stone. "Here you go, catch!" the girl shouted, right before throwing the stone towards Link.

"Finally!" Link said happily as he stuffed the stone into his pocket.

"Hey!" Navi's muffled voice shouted up at him.

"Oops, sorry!" Link said as he quickly pulled the stone out of his pocket where it had been squashing the poor little fairy. Navi flew out of the pocket, stuck her tongue out at Link, and then went under his hat.

"Hey, get out!" Link shouted, grabbing his hat and shaking it in an attempt to dislodge the fairy, who was hanging on for dear life. While doing this, Link completely ignored Saria's long speech about how important that song was, and how important the forest was, and how important _she _was, and how important _she _was (she mentioned that twice). When Link finally got the fairy out of his hat, Saria was just in the middle of repeating her speech. "That's great, Saria. See you!" Link said, and he went running off. Saria gasped in surprise at his rudeness before stomping back towards Kakariko Village, where the owl, Ganondorf, and Zelda were watching Link's progress through their many cameras, and eating the popcorn that they had stolen from the Kokiri shop owner, who, when he wasn't moping around the village, was now selling his other items at increased prices to make up for his missing snacks (this caused all the other Kokiri to become poor, which made them very grumpy, which made them revolt and kick Mido out of his leadership position, which is why he's found in the middle of the forest and not at his home when Link visits again seven years later…but that's not until awhile from now).

"Ok, I got the Spiritual Stone of the Forest, next stop is Death Mountain!" Link said cheerfully as he strolled across Hyrule Field. In just a few hours, Link was entering the large village of Kakariko. He was just passing under an archway type thing when the guard that was there stopped him. "Ding, dong! I'm the watch guard! I have a watch! The time is now…" here the guard paused to look at his wrist, which had a cardboard watch with arrows drawn on it taped around. "The time is now, three o'clock! Just like always! Time never changes around here, it's always three o'clock! I bet something exciting is going to happen at three o'clock someday! You bet!"

"Can I go now?" Link asked in a bored voice.

"Sure! But wait, I have to welcome you to the village! Welcome!"

After a few seconds of silence Link repeated his question.

"Sure! See you around!" the guard said cheerfully as Link quickly ran past him and fully entered the village.

Link was admiring all of the large buildings when he suddenly got run over by one of the random workers that liked to run around all day. "Stupid worker! Get back to work!" shouted the boss of the workers as he chased after the running man, running over Link as well as he passed.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"Thanks for the warning," Link said sarcastically as he brushed the boot prints off of his dusty tunic.

"You should jump in the well to get all that dust off!" said an old man who was dressed up as a wizard (he was a little crazy and always thought that it was Halloween).

"Don't you drink from the well?" Link asked.

"Not really. There's a bunch of dead zombie guys down there, so we don't drink that much from the well! We get bottled water instead!" the old man said, brushing his cloak aside to reveal that the slight hump on his back was actually a large pile of bottled waters.

"I see," Link said, frowning cautiously at the man.

"Want to hear the entire history of this here village?" the old man asked excitedly.

"Not really."

"Then take a seat! Here, have a bottled water!" the old man tossed a bottle of water at the boy. Unfortunately, the old man had horrible aim, and Link had horrible hand-eye coordination, so the bottle ended up hitting Link in the head, which promptly knocked him out. "Ok! So, the village was founded in the year…"

…ten hours later (still at three o'clock)…

"And then Impa came and opened up the village for everyone to use! Unfortunately, that means that _anyone_ can come in, which means that we now have a creepy family of spiders, a crazy windmill guy…he got fired or something, the guy is always trying to perfect his music so some bird will hire him back… and we also have a chicken lady with her pet cow who never gets to go outside, and the random workers and their boss, and the graveyard guy, and some rotten kid who is always teasing the graveyard guy, and then we have a crazy old man who always thinks it's Halloween! Whoops! That's me! He's not so crazy!" the old man said, laughing happily. It wasn't until this point that Link finally recovered from his encounter with the bottled water and started to wake up. "And we also have a store, and a creepy old woman who sells potions, but you can't get to her because one of the random workers is blocking the way as he considers whether or not to become a thief!"

"What time is it?" Link asked, rubbing his sore head.

"Three o'clock!" the old man said cheerfully.

"Still? Good, I didn't lose any time! I have to go to Death Mountain! Um…thanks for the info…and stuff." Link said, and he quickly went running off.

"No problem! Bye!" the old man said happily. "Stupid kids, wasting all my time!" he grumbled as soon as Link had disappeared up a flight of stairs.

Meanwhile, Link was trying to get past the guard that was guarding the entrance to Death Mountain. "No autograph from the princess, no entry!" the guard shouted, crossing his arms smugly.

"But I don't have an autograph! She didn't give me anything except for a stupid song!" Link protested.

"Well then, let's hear the song!" the guard said cheerfully.

"Fine!" Link snapped, and he began to play Zelda's Lullaby. Just as he finished it, way faraway at the castle, Zelda fell asleep again, much to the annoyance of the owl, who was trying to get her to memorize her lines for her next part, even though all she had to do for her next part was throw a very important item at Link. "That's not a song! That's just three notes being repeated over and over again!" the guard shouted with a pout.

"I know, you fool! But it's still a song, so hah!" Link shouted back.

"Well, I guess I could let you pass, but you have to do something for me first!" the guard said after awhile.

"What?" Link asked tiredly.

"You have to get me a mask! And a shield! And a bottle of milk! And an autograph from the princess!"

"Is that all?" Link asked sarcastically.

"I'll probably think up some other stuff while you're gone!" the guard said cheerfully. "Well don't just stand there! Hop to it!"

"Fine!" Link snapped, and he went running off to search for the items.

The first place Link tried was the store. But as soon as he entered he realized that the store wasn't even finished yet. Most of the shelves were completely empty, and the only other person there was a large, random worker. When Link tried to ask the man if this place was going to be selling anything any time soon, Link received an answer that made Link more confused then before: "Sure, there'll be stuff for sale here…in seven years! Gwahahahahaha! So do you think I should be a thief? I just can't decide!"

"Uh…" Link began, but he was quickly interrupted by the man.

"I bet being a thief is real exciting! I heard there's a group of thieves up in Gerudo Desert, but they're a girls only club! Talk about unfair, guy! Maybe I could dress up as a girl! I heard that there's this mask shop in Hyrule Castle Town that sells masks… I know, I'll get a mask that makes me look like a Keaton! Then the thieves won't be able to tell if I'm a guy or not! Gwahahaha!" the man shouted happily.

"A mask, eh? I need a mask!" Link said happily.

"They're only selling one…" the man said slowly.

"I need it more then you!" Link shouted after a few minutes of silence while the two processed this information.

"No, I need it more than me!" the man shouted back.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Link said, frowning.

He and the worker glared at each other for a few seconds before making a mad dash for the door. In just a few minutes, they were racing each other to the city. They both ran at the same speed; the man could've gone faster if he tried, but he insisted on doing his slow run, with his arms going back and forth in front of him. Link was running as fast as he could, but since his legs were short he couldn't go faster then the man's casual pace. After awhile they started to approach the drawbridge. The sun was getting dangerously low, and the drawbridge guy was slowly walking towards the bridge's controls, a large grin spreading on his face when he saw Link and his competition trying to get inside the city in time. Whistling happily, the drawbridge guy got ready to crank up the bridge as soon as it was time.

The two were just about to cross when Link suddenly tripped on another person that had just jumped out in front of the boy. "Noooooo!" Link shouted as the worker made it across the bridge. Before Link could even get up from off of the ground, the drawbridge was starting to go up; Link was stuck outside with the man who had tripped him. Link got up and glared at this man, who was jogging in place and smiling happily at Link. "Hi there! I'm a bunny-rabbit! Boing! Boing!" the man shouted as he started to jump around the field. Link stared at the man incredulously.

Finally the man sighed and hopped back over to Link, who was now staring angrily at him. "So, what's your name?" the man asked cheerfully.

"Link," Link said through gritted teeth.

"Link, eh? I'm the bunny-rabbit guy! Oh how I wish I was a real rabbit! I could jump around in the fields, and eat grass without feeling terrible afterwards!" the man said as he chewed on some grass. "I just love rabbits, how about you?"

"Yes," Link said, still gritting his teeth angrily as he thought about the worker buying the only mask in town.

"Yeah, me too! Hey, we can friends! You want to be friends?"

"No!"

"Why not? We'd be the bestest friends around! We both like rabbits!" the man said cheerfully. "Let us now do the Pledge to the Rabbits!"

"Watch out!" Navi shouted as the man placed one of his hands over his heart.

"Oh rabbits I love!

The rabbits are so cute, yeah!

Rabbit, you are great!" The man smiled happily, "That's a haiku! Now for the second part!"

"There's more?!" Link shouted.

"Well, yeah! As a fellow rabbit lover, you should know that!" The man cleared his throat before bursting into song:

"Row, row, row your boat!

Away from danger to the bunnies!

Blowing bubbles,

Blowing bubbles,

Is lots and lots of fun! Hey!

The sky is so blue,

So let's have some gruel! Life is but a dream!"

". . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."

"Get it? If you wright down the sentences on top of each other, and then just read the first letter in each sentence, then you get the word Rabbits!"

"Yeah…" Link said, still angry at the man for tripping him.

"And now for the third part!"

Link groaned while Navi shouted 'Watch out' a few times, but the man didn't even notice this as he had already started his next song:

"Little Bunny Foofoo went hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head! Hey! Then-"

"I can't take it anymore! I'll wait for morning somewhere else!" Link shouted, and he went running off in the direction of Lon Lon Ranch.

* * *

"Please tell me that I didn't hire him!" the owl said as he stared at the bunny-rabbit guy.

"We didn't hire him," Saria said with a shrug.

"Good! Because otherwise I'd have to pay him!"

"…Wait, you're paying people!?" Ganondorf shouted.

"Of course he's paying people! You can't work for someone for free!" Saria shouted.

". . . ."

"Let me guess, you aren't getting paid," Saria said, rolling her eyes at Ganondorf. The tall man shook his head.

"Uh… I was going to pay him!" the owl said quickly when Saria started to glare at the owl.

"He's mean!" Ganondorf shouted as he burst into tears.

"Now look at what you did!" Zelda scolded the giant bird.

"Ok, look, I'll pay him right now!" the owl said as he reached into his wallet. Ganondorf instantly stopped crying and started to clap his hands happily. "Here you go!" the owl said, and he handed Ganondorf a green rupee.

"Yes! One rupee! I'm rich now! What can I buy with this?" he asked Zelda, who shrugged.

"You can't buy anything with that!" Saria shouted impatiently, still glaring at the owl, who was trying to sneak out of the office.

"You can buy the Spiritual Stone of Fire for one rupee!" Zelda said suddenly.

"Yes! I'm going to go buy something with the first rupee I ever earned!" Ganondorf said happily, and he went skipping off to see the Gorons.

* * *

Meanwhile, Link was just entering the large ranch. The sun was rising over the hills, and as soon as it was at a certain height all of the cuccos on the farm started to crow as one, which did even more damage to Link's hearing. "So many birds! Make them stop!" Link shouted as he ran around in a mad panic, covering his ears as best he could. As soon as the cuccos had stopped their crowing, Link looked up to see where he was, and what he saw made his heart almost stop. "Malon! Noooooo!" Link shouted. He tried to run away, but it was too late, the young girl had already spotted him. She ran over to him and pulled him into a big hug, shouting in his ear the whole time about how much she loved ponies. "So what are you doing here? Huh, huh? What are you doing here?" Malon asked as soon as she had finished hugging poor Link.

"I need some milk in a bottle. Do you have any?" Link asked, looking around him for an escape.

Malon gave her trademark, creepy laugh. "No, silly! I don't carry around bottles of milk! My dad does, though! His name is Talon, and mine is Malon! Get it? Lon Lon Ranch?"

"Yeah…" Link said, rolling his eyes at the girl.

However, Malon decided that she wanted to explain it anyway, "If you get rid of the 't' and the 'a' in my dad's name, and the 'ma' in my name, you get two lons! Then you just stick them-"

"I get it! I get it!" Link shouted.

Malon laughed, "You're so smart! I'm smart too, because I went to school! A whole year! I learned how to read! Watch!" Malon pulled out a picture book and started to skim through the pages. "Well, there's no words in here…" she said after she had flipped through every single page. "Oh well! Oh hey, fairy boy! I want you to meet my pony, Epona! She's just the cutest little pony!" Malon shouted, and she started to quickly sing her song. "Doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo de doo!" Just as she finished, a young horse came running out of nowhere and tried to kick Malon to get her to shut up. Unfortunately, since the poor little horse was still learning how to kick things, it missed miserably and ended up hitting Link instead. "Oh! I don't think she likes you, fairy boy!" Malon said cheerfully as Epona went running off in shame and Link nursed his sore arm. "Here, I'll teach you Epona's Song! That way she'll like you! Listen to this! Doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo de doo!"

Link rolled his eyes and played along with his ocarina, hoping that the girl would let him go after this. After he had finished playing, Epona came running, once again, from out of nowhere and tried to kick the ocarina out of Link's hands. But this time, Epona ended up hitting Talon, who had just joined them to let Malon know that lunch was ready. "What in tarnation!?" Talon shouted (apparently he had been sleepwalking), and he went running off back to the house.

"Oh Epona, she's grown fond of you, fairy boy!" Malon said happily as Epona tried to run after Talon to apologize. "Pony, come back!" Malon shouted, and she went running after the little horse all around the farm. Link took this as his chance to get away, and he quickly ran towards the house. Just as he was passing the barn, a tall man jumped outside and grabbed Link. "Don't say anything, or my mission will be ruined!" the man said.

"What are you talking about?!" Link shouted.

"Shhhh! I'm a secret agent! Secret Agent Ingo is my name! Secret missions is my game!"

"Uh..."

"What?"

"You just told me your name…"

"What!? Darn! Uh…that's not my real name! That's just my under cover name!" Ingo said as he let go of Link.

"Right…" Link said, rolling his eyes at Ingo.

"Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I just need a stupid bottle of milk, so I can move on and get some other stuff, so I can get to Death Mountain!" Link said crossly as he followed Ingo into the barn.

"Ahha! Just as I thought!" Ingo said.

"You knew that's why I was here?" Link asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No…I thought I had left my pitchfork here…and I did…" Ingo said, pulling the large farming tool out of a pile of hay.

Link stared at the man who was now smiling sheepishly, "Right… well I'm gonna go now."

"No! You can't! I need help with my mission!" Ingo said, quickly blocking the door so Link couldn't leave.

"Fine!" Link snapped. "What's your mission?"

"I can't tell you that! A good secret agent never reveals his mission! You could be the enemy for all I know!"

"Then how am I supposed to help you?!" Link shouted.

"Um…I don't know!" Ingo said with a shrug. Link sighed and slapped his forehead with his hand. "Oh, I got it!" Ingo shouted excitedly, right before shushing himself. "Ok, here's what I need you to do!" Ingo whispered to the boy, who was looking around the barn with a bored expression. "Go and distract Talon so I can get upstairs and grab his super secret journal!"

"So that's your mission? Grabbing some guy's journal!?"

Ingo gasped, "Who told you that?!"

"…You just did!!"

"Did I? Oh. Well, I guess I might as well just tell you the rest then!" Ingo said, happy that he had someone to brag to. "My mission is to spy on Talon and see why none of his chickens are hatching! My boss thinks that he's experimenting, and trying to find a way to keep the chickens from hatching!"

"What good would that do?" Link asked, frowning.

"That way, we'd all have to depend on him for chickens!"

"But all we need the chickens for is eggs! What does it matter if they hatch or not!?" Link shouted.

"Well…I…uh…I don't know! That's why my boss is the boss, and not me! I'm on a NtK basis!"

"What's that?"

"NtK! You know, Need to Know! Honestly, civilians!" Ingo scoffed.

"Right… and so Talon is trying to keep the chickens from hatching…so that all you have is eggs…which is what we need anyway," Link said, staring at Ingo.

"No, no, no! That doesn't sound right at all!" Ingo argued. "But anyway, we need to know if that's what's going on anyway! And the only way to do that, is if we find his super secret journal!"

"Well that shouldn't be too hard, all the guy does is sleep!" Link said. "I don't really see what you need my help for."

"He isn't really sleeping, that's just a ruse! A trick! A deception, a con, a hoax, a-"

"Ok, I get it! And give me that!" Link shouted, grabbing the large thesaurus from the tall man.

"Hey! Fine, be that way! So, will you help me?"

"Actually, I-"

"Great! Go inside the house and wake up Talon, so you can distract him, so that I can sneak upstairs and grab his journal!" Ingo said, and he shoved Link outside and towards the large farm house. As Link was crossing the short distance between the house and the barn, he nearly got trampled by Epona, who was still running away from Malon. "Pony, come back! You need your bath!" Malon shouted. "I got a new shampoo! It smells like strawberry pie! Your favorite!"

"How many times do I have to tell you, don't give the horse pie!" Ingo shouted from the barn's doorway.

"She's not a horse, she's a pony!" Malon shouted back as she continued chasing Epona.

Link shook his head, "These people need some serious help!" Link commented as he ran the rest of the way to the house. As soon as he arrived at the door, he turned around to see Ingo staring at him from the safety of the barn, a scared expression on his face. Ingo made a shooing motion with his arms, and Link went inside the house. Once inside, Link was met with a familiar scene; Talon was sitting on the floor, his back against a table, and he was snoring away. The rest of the room was filled with large cuccos; they were all running around on the floor, clucking happily. "Excuse me…do you have any milk?" Link asked the man as he poked him to try and get him to wake up.

"You need to use a chicken!" Ingo whispered through a window.

"Ingo, get in here," Link said, shaking his head at the man. Ingo's eyes widened but he came inside nonetheless.

"Ok, I'll just grab that journal, you wait here incase he wakes up!" Ingo said. The man started to slowly climb the stairs.

"Watch out!" Link shouted, but it was too late. Ingo, who hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, accidentally stepped on a cucco that had been getting ready to try and fly from the top of the stairs. The large bird crowed indignantly, which woke up Talon. "What in tarnation?!"

"Run, run, run!" Ingo screamed, and he quickly ran back outside, abandoning his mission for the time being.

"Well, well, look who it is. If it isn't Link, the kid who woke me up with that stupid cucco of yours!" Talon said grumpily as he tried to find a comfier position on the floor.

"Yeah…about that…" Link began, but Malon came rushing inside the house before he could finish. The young girl was pulling Epona along with her, despite the little horse's attempts to get away. "Daddy! I caught the pony and I'm going to give her a bath now!" Malon said happily.

"Silly Malon! We ain't got no baths!" Talon said. Link took a few steps away from the man and his daughter.

"Oh yeah! I forgot!" Malon released a relieved Epona before skipping back outside.

"My daughter is so smart! She's way ahead of her own time! It's because she can read, you know?"

"Right…" Link said hesitantly. "So, uh, would you happen to have any milk in a bottle?"

"Well sure! But first, I've got a task for you! You have to catch my three special cuccos, before time is up!"

"Why?" Link asked, frowning confusedly at the man.

"Uh…because I said so! Yep! Ready, and start!"

"Fine," Link said tiredly before grabbing the three nearest cuccos and handing them to the man.

"Great job! Those are my special cuccos alright! Here's your milk!"

"Yes! Finally! Now all I need is a shield, a mask, and the princess's autograph!" Link said cheerfully as he exited the house.

As soon as he set foot outside, Malon came running up to him, waving happily. "Watch out!" Navi shouted from under Link's hat (she had somehow managed to get back there without the boy noticing).

"Hey, get out!" Link shouted, and he pulled off his hat and started to shake it. Navi once again had to hold on for dear life.

"I'm a secret agent! I'll save you, innocent civilian!" Ingo shouted as he ran out of the barn. He tackled Link to the ground and started to hit the hat with his pitchfork. But since it was so big, half of the time he ended up hitting Link instead of his intended target. By this time Malon had joined them, and she quickly sang her song to get Epona to help out. Epona came, and tried to attack Malon, but ended up kicking Link instead. Malon then sang her song again, to try and get Epona to leave, but this just made the horse angrier, and she attacked Ingo instead.

Meanwhile, Talon was woken up by one of his many cuccos. It was then that he heard all the shouting outside. "What in tarnation?! Can't a guy get a little shuteye around here!?" Talon shouted as he opened the door. He sighed when he saw Link (who, for some reason, was still shaking his hat around in the air) being hit by Ingo with the pitchfork; Epona attacking Ingo; and Malon just standing there and singing her song, which just made the horse angrier. "I'll save you, Malon!" Talon shouted, even though she didn't need saving. Talon quickly jumped into the fray, and started to attack both Link and Ingo. Navi had, at this point, gotten outside of the hat and high up into the air where it was safe. "Ooooo, a fairy! Pretty!" Malon shouted.

"Hey!" Navi shouted as Malon jumped up and grabbed the little fairy.

"We're going to have a tea party! Yay!" Malon shouted, and she went running off, leaving the others to figure out what had happened on their own.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted to herself as she was stuffed into a small chair. Navi quickly forgot about her panic, however, when little cakes were served around. "Hello!" Navi shouted happily, and she and Malon became good friends from that moment on.

* * *

Yes, I know that the wizard guy doesn't go to Kakariko Village until later, but I needed someone crazy in there, and it was the wizard's turn. Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you all liked it!

Let me know if there's something in the chapters that you absolutely hate so that I'll be sure not to repeat it in the other ones :-)


	5. Chapter 5

Here's chapter five! Hooray! Thank you all so much for the reviews! :-D

* * *

Chapter 5

The Goron's City and Rock Candy

It took a few hours, but Link finally managed to escape the ranch with his hat. Navi joined him in Hyrule Field a few minutes later, the large tea party finally finished. "Ok, now all we need is a mask, a shield, and the autograph from Zelda!" Link said optimistically as they headed towards Hyrule Castle Town.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"What now?" Link asked, rolling his eyes at the fairy.

"Listen! I LOVE ponies!" Navi shouted (she had spent too much time with Malon).

"Can we go now?" Link asked in a bored voice.

"Sure!"

"Good," Link said, and he went running off to his destination, Navi talking behind him about how pretty ponies were the whole time.

Once inside the large city, Link ran to the mask shop, hoping that the owner had replaced his masks by now. As soon as he entered the store, however, Link was surprised to see the random worker still in the shop. "Noooo, he caught up!" the random worker shouted.

"It's been a day! Why haven't you bought it yet!?" Link shouted as he slammed his wallet down in front of the confused store owner.

"I'm trying to read this sign and figure out how this store works!" the worker said, pouting when Link was handed the only mask.

"Muhahahaha, I win! I win! I win!" Link shouted, dancing around the store.

The worker sighed sadly, "Now I'll never get to join the thieves!" he said before trudging outside dejectedly.

"Ok, now listen up! There are rules to using my masks!" the happy mask shop owner said happily.

Link quickly stopped his dancing, "There are rules? That stinks!" Link shouted with a pout.

"Yes! I love rules, how about you?"

"Not really…"

"Well, you will learn to love them…or else!" the mask guy said threateningly.

"Ok, ok! I love rules, too!" Link said nervously.

"Yay! Rules!" The mask guy stuck a very sharp pin on Link's tunic.

"Ow! What's that for!?" Link shouted. He carefully removed the pin and examined it. It's surface was a bright green color, and in big flashing letters were the words 'I'm a really boring person who loves rules and nothing else! Yay rules!'.

"That's a stupid pin!" Link shouted.

"No…it's a _boring_ stupid pin! Get with the program guy!" the mask owner said, shaking his head at Link.

"Right…well, tell me what the rules are with this mask so I can get going already!"

"Ok then!" the mask owner cleared his throat excitedly. "You have to sell that mask for a lot of money, and then bring it all back here!"

Link stared at the grinning man, "Why would I do that!? I'm keeping my money! Muhahahaha!" Link shouted, and he went running outside in the direction of the castle.

"Ahhhh, that's what they always say…But he'll be back, someday. They always come back. Gwahahahahahaha!" the happy mask guy said as lightning flashed behind him somehow.

Meanwhile, away from the creepy, non-moneymaking, mask guy, Link was sneaking past all of the castle guards once again in his quest to get the princess's autograph. After a few days, he finally made it back to the large courtyard where he had first met Zelda. "Hi Zelda, what's up?" Link said casually.

"Who are you? Why are you wearing green? Oooo, a fairy! I love fairies!" Zelda said happily as soon as she spotted Link.

"Right…" Link said uncertainly. "We went through this already…"

"I'm Zelda, the princess of destiny! Do you have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest?"

"This time I do!" Link said cheerfully as he pulled out the stone.

"You do have it! I knew it! I was spying on this one guy, you should spy on him too, because that way if I get caught, I can just blame it all on you!" Zelda said, and she shoved Link towards the window.

"Ganondorf is back again?" Link asked. He looked inside the castle and then frowned confusedly when he just saw the newspaper delivery guy. The man was trying to give the news to the king and queen, but the two were busy cutting out stars from paper and gluing them all over the place.

The ever patient newspaper delivery guy continued offering the newspaper, even as the royal couple started to glue their paper stars on the man, giggling amongst themselves as they discussed some sort of movie. Before Link could hear anymore about the movie though, Zelda pulled him away from the window. "So, I had a dream about him, and I think he's going to make it rain…or something."

"I know!" Link shouted impatiently. "I just came here for your autograph!"

"My autograph? Well why didn't you say so! I didn't realize I had so many fans!"

"…It's only me."

Zelda just smiled at Link, blinking slowly.

"Never mind. Just give me the stupid autograph!" Link said.

"Ok! Here you go!" Zelda said happily as she started to scribble on a small piece of paper. "Here you go!" she said again, forgetting that she had already said that.

"Thanks!" Link grabbed the paper and stuffed it into his pocket without even looking at it. "I'll be back after I get the other two stones!" Link shouted as he ran back.

"Stones?! How did he know about them!? He must have visions too!" Zelda said, pouting at the exit where Link had disappeared. "It's not fair! I wanted to be the only one! I'm going to go talk to my parents about this! …Even though they aren't my real parents!"

Meanwhile, while Zelda was complaining about her parents not paying enough attention to her and just doing arts and crafts all day, Link was trying to buy a shield in the shop back at Hyrule Castle Town. Unfortunately, the shop owner didn't want to sell his shiny new shield. "This is for adults only! I can sell you this though!" the man said, and he showed Link a bunch of small pebbles for a slingshot.

Link gave an annoyed sigh, "Do you want to sell something or not!?" he shouted at the large man.

"Not! Gwahahahaha!"

"Then no money for you!" Link said cheerfully. He slowly started to turn around to leave. The large man started to look around nervously before finally stopping the boy just as Link was reaching out to turn the door handle. "Ok, fine! You can have the shield…and since I'm so nice, I'll even give you a discount!" Link pretended to consider this for awhile before he finally nodded. The man gave a sigh of relief, "That'll be eighty rupees!"

"Eighty!? That's not a discount! The sign says that the shield is just ten rupees!"

"Oh…you can read that?" the man asked. "I'll have to make the print even smaller… Pay up the eighty rupees!"

"Never!" Link shouted.

"Then no shield for you, gwahahaha!"

"Fine, here!" Link shouted. "I just need to get a stupid rock anyway!"

"Yes! I'm rich! Finally, I can close up and take a vacation!" Link shook his head at the man (little did the man know that vacations were now eighty-one rupees, and so the man couldn't go on a vacation yet) and then left the store. Once outside, Link pulled all of his items out of his pocket and examined them. "Yes! I got everything I needed! To Death Mountain!"

"Hey, want to hear the history of this here city?" asked an old man.

Link stared at the man, "Hey, aren't you that same man from Kakariko Village?!"

"Um…maybe."

"How did you get here so fast? I can walk faster then you can run!"

"Ahha! I'm a wizard, we have broomsticks to ride! Muhahahaha!"

Link stared at the man with a worried expression.

"Want a bottled water?"

"No!" Link shouted, remembering the last time he had gotten a bottled water.

"Here you go!" the old man said, and he tossed Link the water anyway. And, once again, Link was knocked out as the bottle gently tapped Link's head. "So, the history of Hyrule Castle Town…"

…twenty hours later…

When Link woke up again it was past midnight; most of the city was empty except for a few people, and a bunch of stray dogs that were running around. Link groaned when he realized that the old man was still talking, and showing no signs at all of stopping. "And then the Temple of Time was created…or was it?! Muhahahahaha! Maybe it was never created!"

"What are you even talking about?" Link asked as he stood up.

"I dunno."

"Oh… ok then. I have to get to Kakariko Village, I'll see you around…I guess."

"Ok then! Bye!" the old man shouted after Link, who was now being chased by a pack of the small dogs. "Stupid kids! Wasting all my time yet again!" the old man shouted. "I'll just go to Kakariko Village, maybe I'll get some peace there!"

Meanwhile, Link had just escaped the annoying dogs that had been trying to kill him, and he was now running away from a group of skeletons that were trying to kill him. "Ahhhhhh!" Link shouted as he raced towards Kakariko Village. "They're everywhere!"

Finally Link made it to the safety of the village, and he was once again greeted by the watch guard. "Hey there! Guess what time it is? That's right! Three o'clock!"

"That's great," Link said in a bored voice as he walked past the guard and towards the path that led to Death Mountain.

"Hey there! Want to hear the history of this whole town?" the same old man from before asked Link as he was passing by.

"Noooooo!" Link shouted, and he quickly ran into the nearest building, which happened to be the owl's new office.

* * *

"Emergency! Turn off the lights! Hide the computers! Activate the decoys!" the owl shouted. The crew finished hiding everything in a dark corner just as Link was entering the house. The owl quickly activated the decoys, which were large, fake spiders hanging from the ceiling. "Ahhhhhh!" Link shouted, and he was about to run outside when one of the spiders stopped him. "Hey, we need your help!" the spider shouted. Link stopped in surprise and gaped at the talking, fake spider.

"Did you know they could talk?" Saria asked the owl, who just gave a mysterious shrug.

"We've been turned into scary, fake spiders by an evil man!" the spider explained to Link.

Saria glared at the owl, "You turned an entire family into spiders!?"

"We needed a decoy!" the owl whispered back.

"Is there anything I can do to turn you guys back to normal, so you don't look like freaks?" Link asked.

"Are you kidding, we looked like freaks before!" said one of the smaller spiders, but he was shushed by the larger one.

"He's just kidding!" the spider said, laughing nervously. "So, in order to help us, you have to kill spiders that look like-"

"Kill spiders? Ok," Link said with a shrug. He started to swing his sword around the room, missing all of the spiders miserably.

"Stop that!" the spider shouted while all the other spiders quickly went back to the safety of the ceiling.

"You said to kill spiders!" Link protested.

"Not us! …Although, that would solve the whole cursed problem…. Anyway, that's not the point! You have to kill spiders that look like us, but aren't us! They're also a pretty gold color, and they make an annoying scratching sound. It sounds like this: Chh chh chh chh chhhhh! Chh chh chh ch-"

"Ok, I get it!" Link shouted.

"Great! So get going! Every time you kill a certain number of spiders, one of us will be returned to normal! And then you come back here and we'll reward you!"

"With what?" Link asked curiously.

"Does it matter?" the spider asked tiredly.

"Well I don't want something lame!" Link said, rolling his eyes at the large spider.

"Well fine! We'll give you wallets, and this thingy!" the spider said, holding up a gray, block type thing.

"What is it?" Link asked, poking it with his sword.

"Um…I think it finds treasure! …Or something."

"Cool!" Link said happily, reaching out to grab it.

The spider quickly snatched it back, "You have to kill spiders first!"

"Darn! Fine, I'll be back!" Link shouted, and he ran outside.

"Deactivate the decoys!" the owl shouted, but Saria just glared at him. "What?" the owl asked, pouting.

"I'm not deactivating them! They're real!" Saria shouted.

"Well fine, be that way. But since we can't use them as decoys anymore, because _somebody_ is a goody two-shoes, we'll have to move!" the owl said, already gathering the furniture.

"Fine," Saria snapped. "Where are we going now?"

"The Gorons! We'll hide out there!"

"…But that's where Link is going!" Saria shouted, but the owl was already gone.

* * *

Meanwhile, Link was already talking to the guard that was guarding the path to Death Mountain. He was currently examining the autographed paper that Zelda had given Link, glancing at the boy every once in awhile. "This letter says that you're going to stop the rain from falling on her hat, and that I should do whatever you say…" the guard said finally. "And it's signed 'The Evil Scientist Under Cover'…"

Link was about to explain this when the guard started to laugh, "What sort of game is the princess playing now? Well, go on up hero! Hahahahahaha!"

"Thanks," Link grumbled. "Oh, and here's your mask!" he said, deciding to keep quiet about the shield and the bottle of milk unless the guard remembered about them.

"Hey, thanks! Now my annoying son will stop pestering me for a present! I don't know why he's so annoyed at me…I just forgot three of his birthdays in a row!"

Link stared at the man in disbelief, "How old is he?"

"Four years! Well, good luck on the path to the mountain! It's really dangerous!" the guard said, and he shoved Link onto the path before quickly closing the gate again so the boy couldn't get back. The guard then examined the mask before placing it on his own face, completely forgetting that he had meant to give it to his son.

While the guard's son was plotting revenge, Link was running past a bunch of weird, jumping, four legged, spider like monsters that each had one eye. After he had lost them on the narrow path, the boy accidentally tripped on a large rock. While Link was brushing himself off, the rock started to move, much to Link's amazement. After a few seconds, the rock sat up, and revealed it to actually be a Goron. "Hi there! I'm a Goron, Goron, Goron!"

"Are you a Goron, or a Goron Goron Goron?" Link asked, confused.

"A Goron! Goron Goron!"

"Right…Anyway, do you happen to know where the Spiritual Stone of Fire is?"

"You know, we used to get these really great rocks in that cave over there, but then monsters started to go in there! Now we can't get any food! Oh well, I'm sure Brother Darunia has a plan!"

"That's great. So do you know anything about the Spiritual Stone of Fire?" Link asked impatiently.

"Nope!"

"Oh."

"But Brother Darunia might! He knows all!"

"Hooray! …Where is Darunia?"

"How should I know?! I've spent my whole life out here, next to this cave which is now infested with scary monsters that could come out at any time and kill me! This is my spot! I found this spot, and I'm staying in this spot!"

"Ok…"

"Oh, Brother Darunia is probably up in the city. Just keep following the path up!"

"Thanks!" Link happily went skipping up the path, ignoring Navi as she insisted that they visit Kakariko Village (she had just woken up from her nap and now had no idea what Link was up to on his quest).

After a few minutes, they arrived at the Goron's city, Goron City. Link quickly went inside, just as the sun came up and all the cuccos in the world started to wake everyone else up. Inside the city, Link was kept busy avoiding the Gorons as they rolled around and tried to throw bombs at him (they didn't care much for visitors). Finally Link made it to the relative calm of the bottom level. "Hey there! I'm a Goron!" a nearby Goron shouted at Link the minute he spotted the boy.

"I noticed," Link said, rolling his eyes at the rock-like creature.

"Are you here to eat the Goron Ruby? Well you can't have it! Darunia took it into his room, saying that he would await the messenger of the royal family. Personally, I just think he wants to eat it all himself…"

Link just left then and walked over to the sealed door that led to Darunia's room, leaving the other Goron to mutter to himself about how mean their leader was. "Hey!" Navi shouted suddenly.

"What?" Link asked, sighing tiredly.

"Listen! This rug is nice!"

"Yeah…" Link said in a bored tone. "Hey, it is kind of nice, actually." He and Navi jumped around on the rug for awhile as they admired its softness. Eventually Darunia grew tired of watching them, and he just opened the door for them. "Get in here already! Stupid visitors!" The large Goron shouted at them. Both Link and Navi came inside with pouts on their faces. They stood in front of Darunia for a few minutes, waiting for him to say something. The Goron leader, however, seemed content on just ignoring the two now that they were inside. "Uh…hi?" Link said finally.

"Greetings!" Darunia said happily, as if he had just noticed them. "Why am I so grumpy you ask?" he asked, even though they hadn't said anything else yet. "Because, we don't have any food! All I have is this stupid Goron Ruby, and that won't fill anyone up!"

"Hey, I need that!" Link said cheerfully.

"No rock candy for you, gwahahaha!"

"But I need it to save the world!"

"So? I don't care! Do I look like the world to you!? I need saving too!"

Link sighed, "What do you need?"

"A song! Play a song!"

"Fine!" Link snapped. He began to play all of the songs he knew (which were just the two). Finally, he finished the forest song, and Darunia started to stare at Link.

"That song is so pretty!" the large Goron said happily.

He then began to dance, which freaked Link out immensely. Navi, however, was dancing along happily, bobbing up and down in the air and shouting out hello every once in a while. Meanwhile, all the other Gorons were starting to panic as the Goron's dancing created an earthquake, which caused a large rock to fall to the ground and block the entrance to the large cavern where the Gorons got all of their food. "Should we tell Brother Darunia about this?" a Goron asked. Another Goron just shook his head quickly.

"Whoooohoooooo!" Darunia shouted, still dancing. Finally, Darunia stopped dancing and sat down on his chair. Unfortunately, the chair had been meant for decoration only, and it quickly broke under his weight. "Stupid chair!" Darunia shouted. Link and Navi waited with bored expressions as they waited for Darunia to stand up and finish insulting and kicking the chair. After a few minutes, Darunia was all straightened out and back to glaring at Link. "I still can't give you the Goron's Ruby, because I'm planning on eating it for dessert!"

"Darn!" Link shouted, stomping his foot on the floor.

"But…If you can clear out Dodongo's Cavern before dessert time, then I'll give it to you! You have two hours! Ready…go!"

Link started to scream as he ran all the way out of the city as fast as he could, his arms waving through the air above his head. He stopped short when he saw the large boulder blocking the way to the cave. "What happened!?" Link shouted to the nearby Goron. The large creature sat up slowly and then looked at the cave entrance, equally surprised. "Hey, what happened?" he asked.

"I just asked that! Didn't you hear anything?" Link shouted.

"Uh…no. I was taking my nap!" the Goron said, still staring at the rock in amazement. Suddenly, another Goron came rolling down the hill at full speed.

"Watch out!" the Goron shouted. But before he could even make it to where Link and the other Goron were standing, the bomb that he was holding blew up. The Goron stopped rolling and sighed sadly before starting to trudge back up the hill to get another bomb. "Hey, wait up!" Link shouted, and he quickly ran after the Goron, leaving the other one to go back to sleep. "Where did you get those bombs?" Link demanded after he had caught up to the Goron.

"I got them from way up high in the sky!" the Goron answered cheerfully.

Link just stared at the Goron.

"Well, maybe I got it from that cliff over there…I can't really remember!"

"Thanks!" Link shouted as he ran back up the mountain path.

In just a few minutes, Link was struggling to lift the large bomb flower plant thing, from the ground, doing his best to ignore the nearby Goron who was explaining why he was sitting there. "I'm just shading the plants! I just love giving plants shade, don't you?"

"Sure," Link said, still trying to lift the plant.

"Hey, you should work out more," the Goron said as he watched Link.

"You wouldn't want to throw this down the cliff for me, would you?" Link asked, abandoning the plant for awhile.

"Nope! But Brother Darunia might have something to help you! Go ask him!"

"Fine!" Link shouted, and he ran back to the city.

He was just making his way down to Darunia's room when suddenly Navi came out and pushed the boy down to the bottom, "Hello!" she shouted as Link landed rather hard on the floor.

"Yes, hello," Link grumbled as he stood up.

"Listen!"

"What?"

"This carpet is nice!"

"Ok…" Link said and he quickly went inside Darunia's room.

"Hi there, Link! Did you clear out the cavern yet?" Darunia asked as soon as he spotted Link.

"I'm working on it! I need help lifting those bombs!" Link snapped.

"Hmm, I can give you this!" Darunia handed Link a bracelet. "Now you can lift heavy things that your puny arms couldn't lift before!"

"Thanks! …Hey!"

"Well, you only have ten minutes left before dessert time!"

"What!? That only took twenty minutes, tops!"

"Well, we measure time differently around here, stranger! Muhahaha!"

"Cheater!" Link shouted.

Darunia gasped, "How dare you!? You can't call a leader a cheater! Hey…that rhymes! Which reminds me…I like to write poems! Want to hear my poem?"

"No!"

"Well too bad! You insulted me, now you must listen to my poem! Muhaha!"

"Darn!"

"Ahem! Roses are red, violets are blue; sugar is sweet, but you aren't! The End!"

"…That's not a poem!"

"Yes it is!" Darunia protested.

"Fine, but it's a horrible poem!"

Darunia gasped again, "Just for that, you have to hear another poem!"

"Never!" Link shouted, and he quickly ran back outside to the bombs, just eight minutes remaining before Darunia ate the Spiritual Stone of Fire.

Link quickly grabbed a bomb and tossed it down the cliff before running down the path, not even looking to see if the bomb had gotten rid of the rock. "Darn!" Link shouted when he saw that it hadn't. "You have really bad aim, guy!" the nearby Goron said. Link ignored the rock creature as he ran back up the path and tossed another bomb down, this time making sure the rock blew up along with the bomb before he ran down to the cave. "Hey, are you going in there?" the Goron asked as Link passed him.

"I have four minutes to clear out the cave or Darunia will eat the Spiritual Stone of Fire!" Link shouted, still running.

"The Goron Ruby? Darunia already sold that to some guy called Ganondorf…" the Goron shouted after Link.

Link stopped short and turned around to face the large Goron, "He WHAT!?"

"Um…he sold the Goron Ruby…to some guy called Ganondorf…?" the Goron trailed off when he saw Link's face turning bright red in his anger.

"Darunia," Link hissed, and then he went racing back towards Goron City.

A few minutes later and Link's voice could be heard throughout the entire mountain. "Why didn't you tell me you already sold it!?"

"Um… I was bored, and you were funny! You kept running around all over the place!"

Link continued glaring at the Goron leader, who shifted nervously under the boy's gaze. "How much did you get for it?" Link asked finally, starting to calm down.

"One whole rupee!"

"…That's it?"

"What? That's a lot!"

"No it's not! You can get a green rupee in the middle of nowhere by just cutting some stupid grass!"

"Oh…Well…you'll just have to go find him and get it back! Maybe you could offer him two rupees?"

"Fine," Link grumbled. "Do you have any idea where he is now?"

"Well of course I do! He's living here with his coworkers!"

"He's here!?"

"You bet! He lives way up on the very top of Death Mountain. You'll need a large, metal shield… not that pathetic wooden one you've got!"

Link pouted as he equipped the Hylian Shield.

"That'll do! Now get going, but be careful! Once you get to the top, there's a choice of two doors. If you pick the wrong one, you meet…her…"

"Who?"

"Her…"

"Fine, don't tell me! I'll just be off now!" Link said, and he went skipping off to find Ganondorf.

As he was walking up the path, Link was suddenly thrown to the ground as an earthquake started in. "Volcano is erupting!" Link shouted as large rocks started to fall from the sky. "Watch out!" Navi shouted. Link quickly ducked under his large shield, and then pulled Navi under as well when she made no move to follow him. After a few minutes the rocks stopped falling, and Link was squashed underneath the shield. "Ok, going under the shield…not a good idea!" Link commented as he stood up stiffly.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted suddenly as the volcano started to erupt again.

"What's wrong with that volcano!?" Link shouted as he started to make a run for it. "Erupting, stopping, and then erupting again is cheating!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted as an idea came to her.

"And the rocks aren't even falling everywhere, they're just following us! What's up with that!?"

"Hey!"

"What?" Link shouted over the sound of the crashing rocks.

"Listen! I wonder where the next Spiritual Stone is? Maybe Saria knows!"

"We haven't even gotten the fire one yet!" Link protested as he finally made it to safety. "Ganondorf better still have that stone!" Link grumbled as he started to climb up a steep cliff, avoiding the large spiders that were there as he went.

* * *

"Hey, owl, look at this!" Saria shouted over to the owl.

The giant bird waddled over to Saria, pouting, "I have a name you know!" he said.

"Yeah, whatever. Take a look! That Link kid is coming up here!"

The owl gave a high pitched scream, which could be heard all throughout the large cavern they were in, despite the boiling lava that was below them.

"It's sooooo hot here!" Ganondorf complained as he dragged himself over to where Saria and the owl were.

"How did he find us here!?" the owl shouted.

"Well, maybe if _someone_ hadn't bought the Fire Stone for ONE RUPEE, he wouldn't of had to come here!" Saria shouted back. Both of them turned to look at Ganondorf, who waved weakly at them. "Can I get one of those Goron Tunics or something?" the tall man asked.

"No!" the owl snapped. "We need to clear out of here! It's too hot here anyway."

"Where are we going this time?" Saria asked tiredly, shutting down the few computers that hadn't melted from the heat.

"The Zora Domain! He'll never find us there!" the owl said happily.

"Well, at least it's cooler!" Ganondorf said happily.

"You guys start moving everything! I'll distract Link!" the owl shouted as he flew out of the cavern.

* * *

Link finally made it to the very peak of Death Mountain. "We made it!" Link said happily, and he and Navi began to do their victory dance. Before they could finish, however, a large owl came flying outside and landed on the small sign that was in front of them so that they couldn't read what it said (the sign actually read 'this way to the movie studio where Link is being filmed in his reality TV show). "Hoot! Hoot!" the owl shouted at Link to get his attention, as all the boy was doing was running around in circles in a mad panic, his fairy friend shouting 'watch out' the whole time without even stopping to take a breath. "Well Link, you've certainly come far, haven't you!" the owl said, frowning in annoyance when Link continued to just run around and scream."So, what are you doing here anyway?"

Link finally stopped and then took a deep breath before talking really fast about what had happened to him. "And so I came up here to get the stone back!" Link concluded, panting slightly from his long rant.

"Well, uh, I think Ganondorf is in that cave over there!" the owl said, pointing to a blocked off cave. "You need a bomb though!"

"Fine!" Link snapped, and he grabbed Navi and threw her at the wall, "Do your thing, Navi!" Link said cheerfully.

Navi fluttered her wings happily before starting to sing in a very screechy and high pitched voice, so high that Link and the owl could hardly hear it. After a few seconds of this, the wall shattered and fell to the ground, just like all the wine glasses in the world had shattered the minute Navi had started her song. "Well, we'll be back!" Link said happily as he and Navi entered the cave, leaving behind a very amazed owl.

* * *

"This is all so pretty!" Link said, admiring the water that was pouring lazily down the walls.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, her voice echoing around the walls. "Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!"

"What!?" Link shouted.

"Hey!" Navi shouted one more time, just because she liked the overlapping echoes. "Listen! This symbol on the floor looks like the symbol of the royal family's royal messenger!" the fairy said happily.

Link joined her near the large fountain and looked at the Triforce symbol that was there. "I wonder why that's there? And where's Ganondorf!?" Link began to run around the room, shouting out Ganondorf's name as he went. Navi sighed and then grabbed Link's ocarina from him before playing Zelda's Lullaby. "Hey, that's mine!" Link shouted. "You better clean that when you're done!"

Just as Navi finished playing the song, Zelda, way faraway at Hyrule Castle, fell asleep right in the middle of forcing the guards to be her test subjects as she attempted to turn people into frogs. The guards quickly took this as a sign to run, and the castle was soon abandoned except for the sleeping scientist and the king and queen, but they were too busy playing hopscotch to notice that their guards were gone.

"Give me that!" Link shouted, grabbing the ocarina from Navi as she started to play random notes on the instrument. Link was just about to start complaining about the fairy when suddenly a large, horribly dressed fairy jumped out of the fountain, cackling evilly. "Well howdy!" the large, horribly dressed fairy shouted. Link and Navi screamed and then covered each other's eyes so they wouldn't have to look at the large, horribly dressed fairy. "I am the Great Fairy! I am also the queen of all fairies! Ahhahahahaha!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted (she had wanted to say 'you ain't my leader!', but her panic caused her to just say the one word).

"Since y'all have visited me, I'll be givin' y'all presents!" the fairy said cheerfully, still shouting (apparently she liked the echoes just as much as Navi).

"Yay for presents!" Link said happily, still hiding behind Navi, who was hiding behind Link (how did they manage that? Not even the goddesses know).

"Here y'all go! A present!" the fairy said, and she blew on the two, which sent them flying into the wall in back of them.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted as Link fell into the water that was sitting on the floor next to the walls

"There y'all go! Fresh water! Ain't it purty?"

"Great…thanks," Link grumbled as he wrung the water out of his hat. The large, horribly dressed fairy gave another maniacal laugh as she jumped back into the fountain and disappeared. "I don't think Ganondorf is here…" Link commented as he splashed over to dry land. Navi bobbed up and down in the air in agreement. "I wonder where-" but before Link could finish his question, the topic of their conversation came racing into the cave. "Ahha! There you are, Ganondorf!" Link shouted excitedly.

"Oops, wrong cave!" Ganondorf said. He sighed when he saw Link, who was pointing his sword at the man and striking a majestic pose at the same time.

"I demand you hand me the Spiritual Stone of Fire!" Link shouted.

Ganondorf was quiet for a few seconds as he tried to figure out what Link was talking about, "You mean that rock candy I got for a rupee?"

"Yes! The rock candy! Which just happens to be the Spiritual Stone of Fire which I need to defeat you!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted as a warning.

"Oops, maybe I shouldn't have told you that…" Link said thoughtfully. "But it doesn't matter! I need the stone! I'll pay you triple what you paid the Goron!"

"Ooooo, triple? That sounds like a lot!" Ganondorf said happily. "But I can't sell it to you."

"Why not!?" Link demanded.

"I ate it already!"

"…You ate it?!"

"Yep! It was really good!" Ganondorf started to get nervous under the boy's glare. "Hey, it was candy!" Ganondorf defended himself.

"How could you eat it!? It's a very important stone!"

"Well then they shouldn't have made it out of candy! Um…there's a little bit left…" Ganondorf said. He reached into his pocket and then pulled out the gold frame that had held the red candy in its proper form.

"That's it?" Link asked wearily.

"Well…I guess I ate more then I thought! Too bad, too. You would've liked it! Oh well, I have to go clear out the office before you find it! See you around!" And with that, Ganondorf went running off before Link could even register what the man had said. Link sighed and examined the remains of the Goron Ruby.

"Hey, there's still some candy left!" Link said happily. He was about to eat it when Navi swooped in and grabbed it for herself.

"Hello!" Navi shouted happily as she munched on the sugar piece.

"Real nice, Navi…don't even offer me any," Link grumbled.

After awhile, Navi finished her candy and the two left the cave. They both gave tired sighs when they saw the giant owl still sitting on the sign, hooting happily. "Hi there! I see that you've gotten a bit stronger after seeing the fairy!" the owl said. Link and Navi looked at each other and rolled their eyes. "Well, if you're ready, I can fly you back down to the village! Just grab on to my talons!"

"Actually, I think I want to explore that other cave first…" Link said, starting to move past the bird. But the owl had other ideas, and he quickly grabbed Link and took off. "Wait! I wanted to explore the other cave! Noooooooo!" Link shouted as the bird pretended not to hear and Navi flew as fast as she could to keep up with them. In just a few minutes the owl had dropped Link on one of the roofs and then flew off towards Zora's Domain, where his new office was. "How am I supposed to get down from here?" Link whined. Navi solved his problem for him, however, by giving him a push towards the ground. "Thanks, Navi," Link grumbled after he had landed face first in the dirt.

"Hey! Listen!"

"What?" "I wonder where the next Spiritual Stone is? Maybe Saria knows?"

"Fine!" Link snapped, and he pulled out his ocarina and started to play Saria's Song. In just a few seconds Saria came charging towards him, playing along with her brand new ocarina that she had just bought. "Whaddya want!?" she shouted. "I'm kind of busy right now!"

"Do you know where the-"

"What's that? You've already found two of the Spiritual Stones? That's great Link! What's that? You need the third one? Do you mean the Spiritual Stone of Water? Well that should be at Zora's Domain!" Saria gasped when she realized what she had said. "Darn! We're going to have to move again! Owl, get over here!" Saria shouted as she ran out of the village, leaving behind a confused Link and a dancing fairy (Navi liked to dance).

* * *

Muhahaha, in the next chapter, Link meets the Zoras! And since he is afraid of germs, you can just imagine what it'll be like for poor Link when he goes inside Lord Jabu-Jabu! Gwahaha! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

Um...I don't really have anything to say that's of any real interest. Maybe next time!  
Thanks for reviewing/reading/both! :-)

* * *

Chapter 6

The Last Spiritual Stone and an Unsolicited Wedding Proposal

"I wish I had a horse!" Link complained as he walked along the long river that supposedly led to the Zora Domain. They had spent the night at Kakariko Village, and were now traveling under the rising sun.

"Hey!" Navi shouted. Link just sighed and ignored her. The fairy had been telling Link what to do for the past hour, and Link was just tired of it. "Hey!"

"Oh hey look! It's a guy selling magic beans!" Link shouted suddenly, pointing towards a large man that was munching on his own wares.

"Hey! Listen!" Navi shouted again, but once again she was ignored as Link ran towards the magic bean seller.

"Hi there, guy! I sell magic beans! You want one?"

"Sure!"

"Hey, listen!"

"They're one hundred rupees each! Gwahaha!"

"That's kind of expensive for beans, don't you think?" Link asked.

"Hey! Listen!"

"Yeah…maybe that's why no one is buying them…"

"You think?" Link asked sarcastically.

"Hey! Listen!"

"Well, how about I give you a discount? Seeing as how you're my first customer in a thousand years, I'll just charge you a thousand rupees!"

"That's not a discount you fool!"

"Hey!"

"Well sure it is!" the bean guy said cheerfully.

"No it's not!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"Is!"

"Not!"

"Listen!"

"Well I say it is! Gwahahaha! So you want the magic beans or not!?"

"No way!" Link shouted, glaring at the man who was still eating the seeds.

"Hey! Listen!"

"What!?" Link finally shouted at Navi, who bobbed around happily now that she was finally being noticed.

"Listen! I wonder where the next Spiritual Stone is? Maybe Saria knows?"

"We already talked to her," Link explained, trying to keep his voice patient.

"Hey! Listen!"

"Arrrrgh! I can't take it anymore!" Link shouted, and he jumped across the river and ran as fast as he could towards the sounds of a large waterfall. As soon as he arrived in front of said waterfall, Link tried to leap through it and get inside the large tunnel that was carved inside the cliff behind the pouring water. But the falling liquid was too strong for him, and Link ended up falling in the river below. He was then swept all the way back to the magic bean selling man, who then offered a magic bean for just two thousand rupees. Link didn't even bother trying to explain what 'discount' meant, and in just a few minutes he was back to standing in front of the waterfall, glaring suspiciously at it. "Hey!" Navi, who had just waited for Link at the waterfall, shouted at the boy as soon as he arrived.

"What now?" Link asked, still dripping from his encounter with the river.

"Listen! This symbol looks familiar, Link!" Navi shouted. Link looked down at his feet to find himself standing on the Triforce symbol. Link quickly grabbed his Fairy Ocarina before Navi could, and he started to play Zelda's Lullaby. After he had finished playing, way faraway at Hyrule Castle, Zelda fell asleep in the middle of creating a giant flee circus, which was way harder then her pretend parents had told her it was.

While the tiny flees were escaping from the circus, the large waterfall that had previously been blocking Link's progress was slowing down. Eventually the water was thinned out enough for Link to jump through it, which he did, although he needed a large push from Navi to get going. Once through the tunnel, Link found himself inside the Zora Domain, which was a beautiful place, but unfortunately enough, it was infested with large, talking fish that liked to annoy people. Especially the king, who had been elected as king because of his strong ability to annoy people better then anyone else in his kingdom (anyone else in Hyrule, actually, which was proven when he won the 'annoy a friend to death' contest a few years ago…but that's another story all together).

"Look at all the fish!" Link whispered to Navi. Unfortunately, the quietest noise echoed all around the domain, so every single Zora was now insulted by Link's exclamation. Oblivious to all this, Link hopped into the warm water below him and started to swim around. "Hello there, I'm a Zora, the fish you were talking about…" a Zora said, gritting his teeth angrily at Link.

"Uh…that's nice? I'm looking for the Spiritual Stone of Water? Do you know where it is?" Link asked.

"Hey, have you see Lord Jabu-Jabu yet?" the Zora asked curiously (fortunately for Link, the Zoras' brains hadn't evolved much, and so they still had horrible memories for things just as their fishy ancestors had).

"Um…no," Link said, frowning cautiously at the large fish.

"Well, you should go see him! Every visitor should see Lord Jabu-Jabu! He's a god!"

"Right… well, I'll just be going… over there!" Link said, and he quickly swam to land. As he was exploring the large domain, he soon found himself to be on the second floor, and after a few more minutes of walking, Link was soon inside the throne room where the largest fish Link had ever seen was sitting, his dangling feet kicking lazily through the air. "You must be the king!" Link said cheerfully. "My name is Link, and I am looking for the Spiritual Stone of Water! Do you have it?"

The fish king sighed miserably, "Oh Ruto, my dear princess… where have you gone?" This was all the king said, no matter what Link said. Even Navi couldn't get any information from the fish. Eventually the two gave up, and they went off to explore the rest of the domain. They soon found themselves to be right above the large waterfall that the fish people had created indoors. The boy was greeted by a tall Zora, who was staring at the water below with a bored expression on his face. "Hey there, want to play a game?" the Zora said after Link has asked him where the Spiritual Stone of Water was.

"No, I do not want to play a stupid game! I need to find the Spiritual Stone of Water!" Link shouted.

"Great! So here are the rules! I'll toss some money down the waterfall, and you dive down and collect it all! If you get all of the rupees before time is up, I'll give you this!" The Zora held out a large blue sphere, which was apparently a Zora scale, but it looked nothing like a scale at all.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she swooped down and grabbed the scale before the other two could even react.

"Navi!" Link scolded.

"Hey!" the Zora shouted, his skin turning a purple color in his anger.

"Run!" Link shouted, and he quickly grabbed Navi, along with the scale, before jumping off of the cliff and landing in the water below with a loud splash.

"Hey, nice dive!" the Zora shouted down at them, already forgetting what had just happened. Link quickly resurfaced before Navi tried to breathe underwater.

"What is wrong with you!?" Link shouted at Navi, who was flying around his head, proudly showing off her Zora scale. "Give me that!" Link snapped.

"Hey!" Navi shouted when she lost her prize.

"We're giving this back to the fish guy!"

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she then pushed Link back underwater and into an underwater tunnel that led to who knew where.

"At least you warned me first…" Link grumbled as soon as he had managed to get his head above the water. He looked around and found himself to be in a large lake. "Hey look, a house!" Link said happily, and he began to swim towards the shore, completely ignoring Navi's attempts to get him to notice the bottle that was under the water. "Hello?" Link called out as he cautiously entered the small house. Link whished he hadn't come in, however, when he spotted the creepy old man that was inside.

"Hello there young man! I am studying Lake Hylia's water to try and create a giant, mutant fish! Muhahaha! Have you met that young lady in Kakariko Village?" the old man asked, referring to Zelda, the evil scientist under cover. Link, however, thought he was referring to the potion lady that the wizard guy had mentioned. "She's a sort of student of mine. Hey, why don't you dive into my pool that has a giant shark that is stuck down there?"

"I think I'll pass…" Link said as Navi started to knock on the door from outside.

"Well, you should try it anyway!" the old man said. He quickly grabbed Link and tossed him into the large pool behind him.

"Are you crazy!?" Link spluttered as he climbed back out again.

"You may not have noticed, but I've been watching you! You managed to dive two inches that time…you should be able to dive deeper!"

"Whatever, old man! I'm out of here!" Link shouted, and he stormed out of the house, accidentally hitting Navi as he threw the door open.

"Hey!" Navi shouted as she slammed the door back, which hit Link and caused him to fall back into the pool.

"You managed to dive three inches just then! You should be able to dive deeper!" the old man shouted after Link as he ran out of the house.

"Hello!" Navi said happily as Link ran past her.

"We're going back to the Zora's Domain!" Link shouted, jumping into the water.

"Hey!"

"What now?"

"Listen! What is that?" Navi asked, jumping into the water and swimming up to the bottle that she had been trying to get him to notice before.

"Oh hey look, a bottle!" Link said happily. He quickly joined Navi under the water and picked it up before the two swam back to the surface. "Now we can hold more milk!" Link said happily as he examined the bottle. "Hey…there's something in here already!" Link quickly opened up the bottle and then turned it upside down before shaking it vigorously. After a few minutes a small, rolled up piece of paper fell into the water. "Noooooo!" Link shouted as the ink started to smear. Link quickly pulled the paper out and waved it around in the air to dry it off. Unfortunately, this just smeared the ink more. Link, however, didn't even seem to notice this as he finally stopped drying the paper and started to read it out loud. Navi landed happily on the boy's hat as she listened. "I am currently residing in Lord Jabu-Jabu's stomach, as I grew tired of the same old environment inside Zora's Domain. Signed, Princess Ruto. PS: Don't tell my father!" Link read. "Hmm, well, there's only one thing to do now…"

…ten minutes later, back at the Zora king's throne room…

"Your daughter got eaten by your god!" Link shouted, throwing the bottle with the princess's message at the king.

"What?" the king asked slowly, blinking his large eyes at Link. "Oh, what's this? A message from Ruto? Eh? Lord Jabu-Jabu has eaten my daughter!? I wonder why? Seems like a strange thing to do… Then again, he's been acting strange ever since that Ganondorf guy came around…

* * *

Flashback:

"Hi there! I'm Ganondorf! I'm an actor!"

"That's great…" King Zora said slowly.

"An actor! Goodie! Are you going to make a movie about me?" Princess Ruto asked, clapping her hands excitedly. "Are you? Are you? Are you?"

"Um…no."

Ruto gasped, "Why not!?" she shouted. "As princess of Zora's Domain, I demand a movie be made about me!" the girl demanded.

"Me too!" King Zora said, finding it easier to just agree with his daughter so that he didn't have to pay attention to what was going on.

"Well, we're making a different movie right now…" Ganondorf tried to explain.

But the fish princess wouldn't hear any of it, "I won't hear any of this!" she screeched.

"Me neither!" the king said in his usual bored voice.

"I demand a movie be made, that stars me! Tell them, Daddy!"

"Do whatever my daughter says!" the king said in a bored, commanding voice.

"Oh fine! We'll film you in one of the scenes!" Ganondorf shouted, crossing his arms and pouting.

Ruto instantly clapped her hands happily, "Goodie! I'm going to be a star! Let me show you Lord Jabu-Jabu! He likes to know what's going on!"

"Ok…" Ganondorf said, following the princess dejectedly.

Ruto grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him along into Zora's Fountain where a fish that was even larger than her father was sitting. "Here he is!" Ruto said, and then she instantly forgot about the fish god as she went into a big long explanation about where she wanted to be filmed, and what she would wear while being filmed, and what she would be doing while wearing those certain clothes, while being filmed. Ganondorf sighed and went over to the giant fish, trying to block out the princess's ranting. "Hi there! I'm Ganondorf! I'm an actor!" Ganondorf introduced himself happily to the giant fish.

"An actor…?" Lord Jabu-Jabu asked curiously. "Goodie! Are you going to make a movie about me? Are you? Are you? Are you!?"

"Oh boy…" Ganondorf grumbled, smacking his forehead with his hand. The man soon had to listen to both Ruto's and Jabu-Jabu's rants about what they would wear, and what they would do in the movie.

"Hey, this is my movie, fish boy!" Ruto shouted, finally listening to what her god was saying.

"I don't think so, Miss Fancy Pants!" Jabu-Jabu shouted back.

Ruto gasped, "How dare you! As princess of Zora's Domain, I demand an apology… shrimp!"

Now it was the god's turn to gasp in surprise, "How dare you! You can't just insult your god! I shall eat you for your impudence!"

"Alright, let's just calm down and think about what we're saying here…" Ganondorf said, standing between the two fuming fish. "Words can hurt, you know!"

"You know what hurts more?" Ruto shouted.

"What?" Ganondorf asked meekly.

"Sticks and stones!" Ruto shouted, and she charged towards Jabu-Jabu, wielding a deku stick that was on fire and a bunch of deku nuts. She pushed Ganondorf out of the way as she went before hitting the giant fish with her lit stick and throwing the blinding nuts at him.

"Hey, stop that!" Ganondorf shouted.

"I'll show you!" Jabu-Jabu shouted, and he opened up his wide mouth and breathed in.

"Eep!" Ruto shouted as Jabu-Jabu swallowed her.

"That's better!" the fish said as he closed his mouth.

Ganondorf just stared at the fish with wide eyes. "Uh…I gotta go ok bye!" the man said quickly before racing out of Zora's Domain.

End of Flashback

* * *

"How do you know what happened at the fountain!? You weren't even there!" Link shouted.

"I was sort of there…" King Zora said, pouting.

"Whatever. I really need the Spiritual Stone of Water, so if you could just hand it over, I'll be going!" Link said cheerfully.

"I don't think so, green guy! I need someone to save my daughter!" King Zora paused to slowly look around the room. "And since you're the only one here right now, I volunteer you to get the job done!"

"That's not fair! Why don't you do it?" Link asked.

"Because, I have trouble moving…" the king said. He then slowly started to scoot off to the side to prove it. After three long days, the king was finally out of the way, and Link could now get to the fountain. "Hey, wake up!" the king shouted.

Link quickly sat up with a start, "I'm awake!" he shouted. He looked around for Navi, and then realized that she had fallen asleep under his hat. "Hey, get out!" Link shouted, and he started to shake his hat around in the air.

"Hey!" Navi shouted as she refused to let go of the hat.

The king watched them with his large eyes for a few minutes before finally getting bored. He threw the bottle that had held Ruto's message at Link as hard as he could. The fish clapped happily when it hit the boy right on the head. "Go save my daughter!" King Zora shouted impatiently as Link stuffed the bottle into his pocket.

"Will you give me the Spiritual Stone of Water then?" Link asked as Navi finally flew out of his hat.

"Maybe…" King Zora said mysteriously.

"Fine!" Link snapped, and he stomped off towards the fountain, gently placing his hat back on his head and glaring at Navi as he went. After a short time, they found themselves to be back outside and standing in front of the largest fish that they had ever seen. "Uh…hello?" Link said uncertainly, gently poking the fish with his sword. The fish, however, refused to wake up, even after Link started to hit the fish harder. "Stupid fish, wake up! I need you to spit out the stupid princess so I can get the stupid Spiritual Stone of Water, so that I can save the stupid world from the rain!" Link shouted over the clanging that his sword made as it hit the thick scales of Lord Jabu-Jabu.

After a few minutes, Link realized that Navi was missing. He soon spotted her, though, at the other end of the fountain, splashing around in the water. "Navi, get back here!" Link shouted.

"Hello!" Navi shouted back, her voice faint from the long distance.

"Yes, hello! Now get back here!" Link shouted impatiently. Navi continued splashing around in the water, however. After a few more minutes she came flying back, holding on to something twice the size of her. "Navi…is that a fish!?" Link shouted, jumping away from the slimy creature.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she dropped the fish right in front of Jabu-Jabu.

"Navi, he's a humongous monster thing! A little fish like that isn't going to fill him up!" Link said impatiently, quickly kicking the flopping fish back into the water. "Besides, you don't want to kill an innocent fish, do you?"

Navi's wings drooped, "No."

Link looked at her in surprise, "You learned a new word!" he said excitedly.

"Hey!" Navi shouted happily. "No! No, no, no, no, no, no!"

"Hooray!" Link shouted, and he and Navi began to dance around the fountain, not even noticing that Jabu-Jabu was finally waking up from all the noise.

"Shut up!" Jabu-Jabu shouted, and he opened up his mouth and started to breathe in the two dancing people.

"Nooooo! I don't want to be eaten!" Link shouted as he was pulled into the giant fish's mouth.

"No!" Navi shouted along with Link, still excited about her new word and not even concerned about being eaten.

The two landed inside the fish's mouth, which freaked out Link to no end. "We're all going to die! Inside a fish! With all the germs! Ewwww, doesn't this guy floss at all!?" Link then started to floss his own teeth to make up for the fish's poor dental hygiene.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"Wha?" Link asked, still flossing and trying to stand on just one foot so that at least one of his boots would stay clean.

"This thing looks like it could be shot!" Navi said happily, flying up to a weird looking pillar that was growing on the roof of the fish's mouth.

"…That looks like… some kind of horrible fungus growth!" Link shouted, and he began to floss more vigorously. Navi sighed and then grabbed Link's slingshot before shooting at the pillar thing. It took her awhile, since she had trouble aiming with the giant weapon, and she ended up using all of the rocks that Link had. Eventually, though, she managed to hit the thing, and a door that was inside the fish quickly opened. Link quickly ran out through this doorway (or hopped, since he was still trying to keep one boot clean), praying that it would lead to someplace cleaner. Unfortunately, it didn't.

* * *

"Well that's just great!" Saria shouted. "I told you we should've just gone back to the village! But noooooo, you wanted to hide inside the giant fish! Well guess what? Link is, also, now inside the giant fish!"

The owl pouted as he watched the boy through the camera that Navi had just shot. It was extremely hard to make out anything through the broken screen, and if Saria hadn't opened the door for the fairy when she did, the camera would have most likely been completely destroyed. "We should go somewhere else while he's exploring!" the owl said.

"Why can't we just stay at Hyrule Castle?" Ganondorf asked. "Link can't get in there at all, except for the courtyard area…but why would he want to go anywhere else anyway?"

Saria and the owl stared at Ganondorf as they considered this. "That's a stupid idea!" the owl shouted finally while Saria just nodded in agreement. "I say we make our next office in that old building that's in the city! What kid would go inside an old building?"

"You mean the Temple of Time?" Saria asked. She shrugged when the owl nodded happily, "I guess we could try it…"

"Great! Everybody, move out!" the owl shouted, and the crew got ready to move once again.

* * *

"Thish ish my worsht nightmare!" Link shouted, still trying to keep his teeth clean with the floss. Suddenly he stopped and examined the floss more closely. "Wait a minute…this is candy floss!" Link screamed in a high pitched voice. He turned sharply to face Navi, almost losing his balance as he did. After he had steadied himself out, he started to glare at the fairy, who was staring at him with wide, innocent eyes. "You replaced my floss with candy, didn't you!"

"No!"

"Don't lie to me, young lady! You aren't getting any snacks for the rest of the day!" Link shouted as he rummaged through his pockets in search of the real floss. Navi's wings drooped sadly, and she went flying off to sulk in a corner, muttering about how mean Link was. Link ignored the moping fairy and he hopped angrily through the next door. In this large, strange room, Link spotted a young Zora. "You must be Princess Ruto!" Link said happily as he hopped towards the girl.

Ruto turned sharply to face the boy who was hopping towards her on just one foot. "Who are you!?" she demanded.

"I'm here to rescue you so that I can get the-"

"Rescue me!? I don't need rescuing! Lord Jabu-Jabu has eaten me loads of times…"

* * *

Flashback:

Six years earlier….

Ruto was still learning how to swim, and yet she was already great at sneaking away from the throne room. She was practicing to be the world's most annoying person, just like her father. And the one person she just loved annoying, was her god. "Hey, Jabu-Jabu!" Ruto squeaked.

"Oh…you again." Jabi-Jabu sighed sadly. "I'm trying to sleep! Go away!"

"But I like you! You're funny!"

"I said go away!"

"I said go away!" Ruto copied in a mocking voice.

"Alright that's it! Prepare to be eaten!"

"Eep!" Ruto shouted, but she was already being pulled through the air as Jabu-Jabu breathed her into his mouth.

Four years earlier…

"Haha! You can't move!" Ruto shouted teasingly as Jabu-Jabu tried to get the large meal from the princess's hands. Ruto had been placed in charge of feeding the great fish god, and every day she would run around with the food to see if Jabu-Jabu could get it. And everyday she realized that the giant fish couldn't. "No food for you!" Ruto shouted, and she sat down a short distance away and started to eat the delicious meal.

"That's mine!" Jabu-Jabu shouted. "I'm telling your father about this!"

"Go ahead! He won't believe you!" Ruto shouted, and she stuck her tongue out him.

"Don't you take that tone with me, stupid princess!"

"Call me stupid, and I'll call you…uh…something worse!" Ruto shouted back, sipping loudly on some of the steaming soup.

Jabu-Jabu eyed the food longingly, "Don't make me eat you again!"

"Go ahead, I dare you!" Ruto shouted, still slurping on the soup.

"That's it!"

"Eep!" Ruto eeped, but she and the food were already on their way to the fish's giant mouth.

One year earlier…

"I mean it, cut it out!" Jabu-Jabu shouted loudly as Ruto slowly extinguished all of the torches that were around the fish. It was the middle of the night, and Jabu-Jabu was afraid of the dark.

"Whatcha gonna do about it!?" Ruto taunted as she got closer and closer to the last torch. Jabu-Jabu eyed the young girl nervously, and then finally ate her for the ten thousandth time in her life.

"Eep!" Ruto shouted as she was swallowed again. Unfortunately for the fish god, his deep breathing had extinguished the last torch anyway, and so he was left in the dark until morning. Jabu-Jabu sighed when he could just make out the maniacal cackling of the Zora princess as she realized herself that all the torches were out.

End of Flashback

* * *

"So…how do you get out?" Link asked curiously.

"That's easy! You just give him a hard kick on his side, and then he opens his mouth. Then you just run out right away!" Ruto said, rolling her eyes at Link as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Now, what was I saying? Oh yes! I don't need rescuing! At all!"

"But you sent a message in a bottle!" Link protested.

"I did not!" Ruto shouted. "And even if I did, I wouldn't of asked for your help."

"Fine! You didn't ask for help!" Link snapped. "But I'm still taking you back to the king so that I can get the Spirit-"

"I'm not going to listen to you anymore!" Ruto screeched loudly. "I need to find something very important that I dropped!"

"Wouldn't it still be in his mouth, if you dropped it?" Link asked.

Ruto glared at Link to hide the fact that she hadn't even thought of that, "Don't be ridiculous! Jabu-Jabu would've hid it somewhere, just to get back at me!"

"I don't really blame him…" Link mumbled.

"I need to find my precious item before I can leave!" Ruto shouted, ignoring Link. "Hmph!" she said, and then she turned around and jumped into a sandpit type thing of doom. "Noooooo!" Ruto shouted, forgetting that she had jumped into it on purpose. Link rolled his eyes before following the fish. As soon as he landed Ruto started talking again, completely ignoring the strange, flying jellyfish things that were slowly coming towards them. "So, you are really determined to bring me home? Fine! Then you can carry me! But I won't leave until I find my precious stone! So hah!"

"Fine, fine! Let's just go!" Link shouted, inching away from the jellyfish. Ruto sat down on the floor so Link could carry her, but Link was already running to the next room as fast as he could. Ruto gave an annoyed gasp before standing up and following the boy, grumbling to herself about how cowardly he was.

"A whole lot of good you are!" Ruto shouted loudly as she entered the next room where Link had disappeared to. "Oooooo, bubbles!" she shouted happily. She ran past Link, who had been trying to pop one of the bubbles with his sword while still balancing on one foot, and jumped right into the bubble. It exploded with a loud pop, and Ruto laughed happily. "I love bubbles!" Ruto said, clapping her hands. Before she could say anything else, Link got an idea on how to clear the short hallway so that it would be safe for him to walk in. He grabbed Ruto and then tossed her into the remaining bubbles, Ruto screeching the whole time about how annoying he was being. After the hallway was cleared out, Navi came flying from out of nowhere and shouted out 'hello' to anyone who was listening.

"Who's that?" Ruto asked, frowning in confusion at the little fairy.

"Navi, where have you been?" Link asked, ignoring the princess, who was grumbling about being ignored.

"Hello!" Navi shouted cheerfully. "Listen!" Navi then threw a map, a compass, and a new boomerang at Link.

"Hey, thanks!" Link said happily. But, since Link's hand-eye coordination hadn't improved much, he ended up being knocked out by the map as it hit him (the boomerang might have had something do to with him losing consciousness as well, but it was mainly the map's fault).

"Well, he's a lot of help!" Ruto said, kicking Link lightly with her blocky foot as she tried to get the boy to wake up. "I'm out of here!" Ruto said, and she went running off, her feet making a weird slurping sound as she ran barefoot back to where Link had first found her.

After Link had woken up a few minutes later, it had taken him forever to find the princess again. After almost a whole hour had passed, he finally found her. "What are you doing way back here?!" Link shouted impatiently.

"How could you just leave me here!?" Ruto shouted back, just as impatiently. "Act like a man, take responsibility!"

"Like you? You're supposed to be a princess, but all you care about is your stupid rock!"

Ruto gasped, "How dare you!? I'll have Jabu-Jabu eat you for that!"

"I've already been eaten!!"

"Oh. Right. Well fine, be that way! Let's go!" Ruto said, and she gave Link a shove towards the door. Link, since he was still trying to stay on one foot, fell to the ground, much to his dismay, as the ground was rather slimy.

"I don't want to die!" Link shouted as all of his items went flying out of his pockets, including the boomerang. The wooden weapon went flying towards a large green thing that was blocking the way to one of the many sandpit type things of doom. The boomerang cut right through the green pillar thing, and then came flying back, hitting Ruto along the way.

"Hey, watch it!" Ruto shouted. She then ran over to the new hole while Link was trying to explain that it hadn't been his fault that she had gone right in the path of the flying weapon. Ruto, however, ignored the boy, and she quickly jumped down into the sandpit type thing of doom. "Noooooo!" Ruto screamed, once again forgetting that she had been the one to jump down on her own. Link gave a frustrated sigh before following her down. He then had to follow her through another door as she ran through it, and then he had to cover his ears to protect them from the screeching fish as she pointed out her stone.

"Hey, that looks like a Spiritual Stone!" Link said happily. "I need that!"

"Well it's mine, and you can' have it!" Ruto snapped. "That's the Zora Sapphire, and it was given to me by my mother! It wasn't given to _you_ by my mother! Or by your own mother! It was given to _me_ by _my_ mother!"

"Ok, I get it!" Link shouted.

"Throw me up there so I can get it, then we can get out of here!"

"Fine!" Link snapped, and he grabbed the girl before tossing her onto the raised platform that the Spiritual Stone of Water was sitting on.

"Yes! It's all mine! Now I am all powerful! Ahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!"

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, just as freaked out by the Zora's laughter as Link was.

"Now, come up here and carry me home," Ruto demanded.

"Carry yourself home! I'm going by myself!" Link said, pouting over not being the one to get the magical stone.

Ruto gave a disgusted sigh before standing up. She was just about to hop down when suddenly the platform started to shake. "Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! He-"

"Ruto, cut it out!" Link shouted. "Just jump down already!"

"Oh. Ok!" Ruto was about to do just that when the platform started to rise towards the ceiling. "Help! Help!" Ruto shouted. "Help! Help! Help! He- Ewwwww, what is this!? An octopus?! They're sooooooo icky! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! He-" Finally Ruto's loud, screechy voice was cut off as the platform stopped rising for a few minutes. It then came back down, but this time there was a large octopus sitting on the platform.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"What is that!?" Link shouted back, hopping on his one foot as fast as he could as the octopus started to chase after him (Link didn't even consider leaving the room, even though the octopus thing had forgotten to lock the door).

"Watch out! That's an evil octopus! It hates stupid jokes!" Navi shouted.

Link stopped short when he heard this, "Really?" The boy turned around sharply, which startled the octopus and caused him to stop short as well before it actually rammed into the boy. Link cleared his throat, "Knock knock!"

"Who is it!" the octopus asked excitedly.

"Orange!"

"Orange who?"

"I like oranges!" Link said happily.

The octopus stared disappointedly at Link, "That's a stupid joke! Prepare to die!"

"Navi!" Link shouted as he started to run away from the octopus again.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, which was her way of saying 'What? I told you he hated stupid jokes!'.

Eventually Link grew tired of hopping around, and so he quickly climbed up onto the platform. "So long, loser!" Link couldn't resist shouting as the platform started to rise, leaving the octopus far behind. Once at the top, Link found himself to be in another room. After a few minutes of hopping around, Link finally made it through that room, and a few others, with the help of his new boomerang that Navi had somehow found. Finally Link was entering the last room inside Jabu-Jabu (it's weird how organized the insides of a fish can be…).

"Hey, watch out!" Navi shouted, just as a large monster that was covered in jellyfishes started to spin around the room.

"Weird monster thing, prepare to meet your doom!" Link shouted, and he pulled out his sword before hopping towards the monster in a very non-cool kind of way. After he finally reached the monster, he gently poked it with his sword, only to get zapped as the jellyfishes' super electricity powers traveled through the sword and straight to Link. "Ow! Stupid monster thing! Take this!" Link shouted, and he hit it with his sword again.

After a few more failed hits later, Link finally gave up. As he hopped back to a safer distance, he tried to get his smoking hair to go flat so his hat, which was now burnt, would sit on his head properly. "Hey!" Navi shouted in Link's ear (apparently she had been shouting that the whole time, but Link just hadn't noticed).

"What!?" Link shouted back.

"Watch out! That's a scary monster!"

"Yes…I know. Is that all you had to say!?" Link shouted. He sighed when Navi just bobbed up and down in the air. "Do you have anything of use to say?" Link asked tiredly. Before Navi could respond, however, the octopus came crashing into the room, panting from its long run.

"Where is he!? Where's the lame joke guy!?" the octopus demanded.

"Uh…over there?" Link said uncertainly, pointing towards the larger monster.

"Ahha! I have you now!" the octopus shouted, and it started to chase the dungeon boss around the large room. The boss quickly ran out of the room, shouting that the octopus was stupid. This just made the octopus angrier, however, and he continued chasing the jellyfish monster thing.

"That was easy!" Link said cheerfully.

Suddenly, Ruto came running inside. She scowled at Link as soon as she saw him. "Took you long enough!" she shouted. Link and Navi sighed before following her into a large, glowing ring that had just appeared. A large, blue crystal suddenly formed around the three and carried them back outside. "Nooooooo!" Ruto screamed suddenly, startling Link and Navi, who had just been starting to enjoy the ride. "We're stuck inside this large crystal thing! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!" Ruto shouted, kicking the inside of the crystal.

"Cut it out!" Link shouted, trying to hit Ruto with his sword. Unfortunately, he ended up hitting the crystal. This annoyed the crystal very much, as all it had been trying to do was carry the three safely out. Navi soon joined in with hitting the crystal, just for fun, and soon the crystal got tired of this and it just dumped them all into the water before it had made it to its destination. "Yay! Clean water!" Link said happily, and he began to splash around. He stopped when he saw Ruto swimming energetically towards him.

"Hi there! I'm a Zora!"

"Yeah…I know," Link said while Navi just glared at the girl for being so annoying.

"As thanks for saving me, and what not, I will give you a present!" Ruto said cheerfully. "Is there anything you want?"

"Yes!" Link said happily. "I want the-"

"Great! One big hug, coming right up!" Ruto said, and she pulled the boy into a hug.

"Get off!" Link shouted, trying to hit the fish with his sword (which he had somehow managed to hold on to the whole time).

"Well fine! What do you want then!?" Ruto shouted, releasing Link with a pout.

"I want your stupid Spiritual Stone!" Link shouted.

"Ohhhh…." Ruto giggled a little. "That's an engagement stone, silly!"

"Darn!" Link shouted.

"I'll give it to you anyway!"

"Noooooooooo!" Link shouted.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, but it was too late. Ruto had already thrown the Zora Sapphire to Link.

"Yay yay yay! I love weddings!" Ruto said, and she swam back to tell her father the good news, leaving Link to grumble about fish and their stupidity.

"Well, that's all of the Spiritual Stones, time to go back to Zelda!" Link said cheerfully.

"Zelda!?" Ruto shouted from the throne room. She had very good hearing, but, unfortunately, her father didn't, and so he thought that his daughter was yelling at him as she ranted on and on about the princess of Hyrule. "I hate that stupid, full of herself, thinks she can get whatever she wants, princess!" Ruto spat. "I'm getting my stone back!" Ruto shouted, but Link and Navi were already gone. Ruto then had to take her anger out on someone, and the nearest person was Lord Jabu-Jabu, who was eyeing the princess warily. "Oh, Jabu-Jabu, I feel depressed! Time to vent my depression!" Ruto shouted, and she started to hit the giant fish with a deku stick. Jabu-Jabu sighed before eating the princess once again. "Eep!" Ruto screamed as she was swallowed for the ten thousandth second time in the princess's life.

* * *

So how was this chapter? I hope y'all liked it!

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

No, your eyes have not deceived you! I really have updated this story! And let me just say that I am so so _so_ sorry for the long wait!

So, since it's been so long, I'll just remind you all of a few things that happened, so you don't have to go back and re-read everything! If you still remember everything, then I guess just go ahead and read the story, but BEWARE!! There are kind of, sort of, major SPOILERS for the game in this chapter! Just FYI! Anyway, as I'm sure you all remember, Link's adventure is actually just a reality TV show created by the annoying, giant, talking owl. Saria is sort of the co-host person (I think that's what they call them...). Link just recovered the last Spiritual Stone, and is now on his way to Hyrule Castle to visit the princess, who is actually an evil scientist under cover and one of the owl's actresses, but she forgot about that because she has short-term memory loss and so she thinks that she is actually the real princess of Hyrule. Ganondorf is also one of the actors, but unlike Zelda, he actually remembers his job. Oh, and Link has that fear of germs still.

Anyway, um...I probably forgot to mention a few other things, but I think I got all the important stuff down... Please enjoy the chapter, and again, really sorry for the long wait!

* * *

Chapter 7

Link gets Brain Damage

Link was confused. As he approached Hyrule Castle Town, the sun started to set very quickly and dark rain clouds drifted in. Then Link would start to head to Kakariko Village to wait for morning, when the sun went back up and the rain clouds quickly dispersed. Even the drawbridge guy seemed confused. The large bridge could be seen going up and down as quickly as it could, trying to keep up with the bridge man's commands as he glared at Link, as if the sun's strange behavior was his fault. "This is strange…" Link said, glaring up at the sun. Glaring at the bright star, however, had been a bad idea. Link quickly realized this when he had trouble seeing after he looked back at the ground. "Darn!" Link shouted, and he began to run around in a blind panic. After a few minutes the strange, bright dots that were in his vision started to fade. "Hooray!" Link shouted, but he continued running around and panicking for some reason. After awhile Link realized that he was running around in Kakariko Village; not only that, but he was in the graveyard. "Hmm, what's this place for?" Link asked, as he had never been inside a graveyard before since the Kokiri were immortal (not only immortal, but they were also stuck as annoying ten year olds).

"Oh hey look! There's that Triforce symbol again!" Link said cheerfully. He pulled out the Fairy Ocarina and started to play the usual lullaby. As soon as he had finished playing the song, way faraway at Hyrule Castle (well, maybe not that faraway, since Kakariko Village was pretty close to the castle), Zelda fell asleep right in the middle of stealing an ice cream cone from the ice cream cone man (yes, he only sells ice cream cones, not ice cream. His brother sells the ice cream, and together they make a pretty nice profit, since each item is sold at fifty rupees, and not only that, but it's fifty rupees per scoop). While the ice cream cone man was filing a complaint against the princess, Link was running away from an exploding grave stone. After he had used Navi as a shield to protect himself from the flying rubble, Link cautiously approached the deep hole that was in the ground. "I wonder what's down there?" Link said uncertainly. "Probably a lot of bugs…" He was about to turn around to leave when suddenly Navi pushed him down the hole in order to get back at him for using her as a shield when he had a perfectly good one in his pocket. "Noooooo!" Link shouted as he fell into the darkness. "Navi is just so mean!" Link mumbled as he stood up and gazed towards the surface, where Navi was peeking down at him from the very edge of the hole. "Navi, get down here!" Link shouted. He sighed when Navi quickly shook her head. "Fine! I'll just find a way back up by myself!" Link said crossly, and he started to explore the tomb, only to be attacked by a bunch of bats. "Bats! Now I'm going to get bitten, and then die a miserable death! Noooooo!" Link shouted, running around in a mad panic.

The bats, who were afraid of loud noises, quickly flew outside. This freaked out Navi, and she quickly flew back to the village to wait for Link there. Meanwhile, Link was celebrating his success on 'defeating' the evil bats. After awhile he finally noticed the door that had just opened up. "Yes! Maybe this will lead me back outside!" Link said happily before skipping through the open doorway. Unfortunately, the next room was even worse than the one with the bats. In this one, the floor had rivers of green goo running through it; and where the floor wasn't covered in the green stuff, there were creepy zombie guys that were trying to get together to play a friendly game of cards, but since they moved so slow it was taking them forever to meet. "Zombie guys! Nooooooo!" Link shouted, and he started to run around in a mad panic. A few of the zombie guys tried to catch the boy and explain that they weren't trying to kill him, but they shouted in his ear so loudly that it caused Link to lose some health. Finally Link managed to escape the evil zombie guys, and he was soon in the safety of another room. In this room there was a boring, stone tablet thing that had yet another short and repetitive song written on it, as well as a poem, which Link skipped because he didn't care much for poems ever since he had met the bunny-rabbit guy.

"I'm going to learn a new song!" Link said happily, and loudly in case Navi was around. "Yep, a brand new song!" he shouted.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, and she came flying in as fast as she could and grabbed the ocarina from Link's hands. "Listen!" Navi shouted, and she played the new song in a very out of tune kind of way.

"Ow! My ears! Make it stop!" Link shouted as Navi continued playing the song. Suddenly a weird sound came from the next room. Navi quickly stopped playing and looked at Link with wide eyes. Link was staring back at Navi, equally frightened by the strange sound. The two cautiously made their way back to the room where the zombie guys were. "Hey, look! They turned a funny white color!" Link said cheerfully as he walked up to one of them, completely forgetting his last experience with them. "They're frozen! What should we do now?" Link asked. He looked over at Navi, who was starting to smile mischievously.

A few minutes later, the zombies started to wake up. They all gasped in surprise when they saw each other. Each of them had large hats on their heads; and each hat had large flowers glued to them. "Oh, we're weird looking!" the zombies shouted miserably. They all turned to face Link and Navi, who were in the middle of doing their victory dance. They both screamed when they saw the zombies starting to walk towards them. "Run run run!" Link shouted, and he and the little fairy quickly ran into the room where the bats had been. "How are we going to get out of here!?" Link shouted as the zombie guys started to politely knock on the closed door.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, and she quickly flew outside, leaving a very annoyed Link behind.

"Don't just leave me here, stupid fairy! Get back here!" Link shouted as he ran right under the opening. Suddenly something began to pull Link up towards the surface. "Hey…I can fly!!" Link said happily. "I'm the amazing, flying Link! Yes!" Link shouted as he landed gently on the ground above the tomb. "Oh," he said miserably when he saw that Navi had been pulling him up. "Well fine! But I'm still amazing!" Link said as he marched out of the graveyard, not even noticing that it was now nighttime.

"Alright, no more dillydallying! We have to get moving and see the princess before it starts to rain!" Link said, rushing out of the quiet village.

"Hey, guess what time it is!" the watch guard shouted as Link went by.

"Don't you ever get tired of your job? It seems boring," Link said.

"No way! I love my job! You're just jealous because your job stinks!"

"I don't even have a job!" Link shouted.

"See! I told you you were jealous! Gwahahahahaha!" While the guard was still cackling happily, Link quickly ran out of the village. He was soon outside Hyrule Castle Town and trying to get the drawbridge guy to lower the bridge. The drawbridge guy, however, was quite happy just ignoring the boy and reading his magazine on how to make the best home garden ever, which his wife had been bugging him about ever since he had trampled the old garden. All he had been doing was practicing his cool guard moves, but his wife wouldn't listen to any of his excuses. Suddenly the drawbridge guy received orders from the princess to lower the bridge. Grudgingly, the drawbridge guy slowly started to lower the bridge, so slowly that the princess would have been better off doing it herself instead of hitting the drawbridge guy with a stick as she continually ordered him to speed it up. Finally the princess just gave up and she mounted her horse where Impa was waiting. Impa quickly marched the horse up the still moving drawbridge before jumping down onto Hyrule Field. Suddenly Zelda spotted Link, who was staring at them with a confused expression. "Hey, I got the stones!" Link shouted as the large white horse pranced around. Zelda just glared at the boy; she knew that he had been the one playing her lullaby every time she had fallen asleep. "I hate you! Go away, I never want to see you again!" Zelda shouted, and she started to throw several items at Link in an attempt to get him to leave.

"But I got the stones!" Link protested as he dodged the flaming deku sticks she was tossing at him.

"The stones!? How did you know about them!? You're trying to take my job as the person who sees visions, aren't you!? I hate you! Take this!" Zelda shouted, and she threw the last item she had in her pocket. She missed miserably, however, and the item landed in the moat. "Hey, guess what!" Zelda shouted suddenly.

"What?" Link asked cautiously.

"I can do special effects!" the princess shouted. As the white horse disappeared over a hill, there was a large explosion. By the time the dust had cleared, Zelda and her assistant were nowhere to be seen.

"That seemed strangely familiar…" Link grumbled as he brushed some burnt remains of the deku sticks off of his tunic. "This is just like my dream! Just wait, Navi, soon another horse is going to come!" Link said cheerfully. Navi didn't believe the boy at all, until a large, black horse came across the still moving drawbridge.

"Hey!" Navi shouted at Link, amazed.

"I told you!" Link said smugly, not even paying attention to Ganondorf, who was waving slightly as he tried to get their attention.

"Stop waving, you look stupid!" shouted the owl from the Temple of Time.

"Oops!" Ganondorf said cheerfully, and he quickly put his hand down.

"Hey, Ganondorf. What's up?" Link said casually, finally turning to look at the man.

"How did you know my name!?" Ganondorf shouted.

"We met before, remember?" Link asked in a bored voice.

"Oh. I forgot…Um, you made me forget what I was supposed to say!"

"Well excuse me! It's not my fault you have such a horrible memory!"

"That green kid is just so mean!" Ganondorf shouted before bursting into tears.

Link sighed as Ganondorf continued crying, even when Navi tried hitting the man with the slingshot. "Well why don't you backtrack and see if you can remember your speech that way!" Link said as he pulled the slingshot away from Navi. The fairy pouted at Link and went flying off to grumble about how mean Link was, again.

"Hey…that's not a bad idea!" Ganondorf said happily. He quickly turned his horse around and then jumped back onto the bridge, which was still being lowered. A few seconds later and Ganondorf was back, smiling happily. "I remembered!"

"Hooray!" both he and Link shouted.

Ganondorf cleared his throat before beginning his speech, "Darn, I lost them! You there, boy in green! Did you see where they went?" Ganondorf shouted.

"See who?" Link asked.

"Zelda and the annoying assistant!" Ganondorf explained in a whiny voice.

"Oh them! Yeah, they went that way…before they blew up…"

"They blew up?! Noooooo!" Ganondorf shouted. "Oh well, I guess that makes my job easier!" Suddenly Link spotted a bee coming towards him. He quickly drew his sword to get ready for when the evil bee arrived, but Ganondorf thought that Link was getting ready to fight him.

"What, you want to fight me!?" Ganondorf asked in a small voice. "Well, I have super magic powers!"

"What are you talking about? I'm just trying to get the bee!" Link shouted, waving his sword around.

"BEE!!" Ganondorf shouted, and he launched a large ball of magical energy at the tiny insect. Unfortunately, he ended up hitting Link, as the bee had already passed them and entered the city on her quest to find the perfect flower.

"Ow! What was that for!?" Link shouted.

"Oops! Sorry!" Ganondorf said quickly, still looking around for the bee. "Stupid bee, you can never defeat me! Never!"

"You do know the bee is gone now, right?" Link asked cautiously.

"Oh…yeah!" Ganondorf said happily. "I got it! I got the bee! Muhahahahaha!"

"Yeah…"

"Oh! I better go look for Zelda!" Ganondorf said cheerfully, and he went racing off on his horse.

"But I already told you, she went a little crazy with some sort of special effect thing… Hmm, I wonder why she was doing special effects?" Link shrugged after awhile and then turned around to look in the moat to see what Zelda had tried to hit him with. "That looks like a brand new ocarina!" Link said happily. "I wonder if I should jump into the water…there's probably all sorts of things growing in there…"

"Hey!" Navi shouted from behind him, which startled Link and caused him to fall into the moat anyway.

"Noooooo!" Link shouted as he accidentally swallowed some of the water. "Now I'm going to die a miserable death!" Link shouted.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she threw a large rock right at Link's head.

"Nooooo!" Link shouted, even though he made no move to get out of the way of the falling rock. After the rock had knocked him unconscious, Link somehow grabbed the ocarina and then climbed up onto shore before showing it off to Navi, who was throwing more rocks at him. Meanwhile, Link was having a scary dream that had the princess of destiny in it.

"Hiya, Link!" Zelda shouted happily.

"Hi, Zelda," Link said, not as happily as the girl.

"So, I was trying to figure out how to create a freakishly mutated person. I want half froggie, half kitty-cat, and half human!"

"How can you have three halves of a person?" Link asked in a confused voice.

"Um…I dunno! So anyway, I also wanted him to have super powers, so I can rule the world! Gwahahaha!"

"But you already rule the world…" Link said, still confused.

"Oh yeah! Well, I guess I don't need the freakishly mutated human! …Now look at what you made me do! I've forgotten what I was going to say!"

"Yay!" Link shouted.

Zelda glared at Link, which made him quickly stop his cheering. "Anyway, I had something else I needed to say anyway… I know it was you who kept playing that stupid lullaby by the way! But that's not what I wanted to say! I wanted to say that I am the princess of destiny! And that I will be working with my evil science skills to save my precious Hyrule, so that I will continue ruling it!"

"Ok…"

"Oh! And I also want to teach you a song with your new ocarina! It has a name by the way, I named it all by myself!"

"You named an instrument? What for?"

"To be cool, fool! Now, the name of the ocarina is Toot!"

"…Toot?"

"The Ocarina Of Time! Toot!"

"I think I'll just call it the ocarina."

"Fine, be that way! Anyway, here's a brand new song that you'll be playing almost as much as my lullaby! So here it is!" Zelda said cheerfully, and she pulled out her own Ocarina of Time. She examined it carefully for awhile before deciding that she liked the sound of her own voice much better than the ocarina's. So the princess cleared her throat before humming the Song of Time, "Dum dummmmmm dum, dum dummmmm dum, dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dummmmmm! The end!"

Link sighed before trying to play along, although since the girl's voice hadn't been very easy to listen to, Link had a little trouble copying it. After awhile he finally got it, or at least he thought he did. Zelda was too bored to say whether he had gotten it right or not. "Good enough!" She said cheerfully. "But you forgot the 'the end' part at the end…"

"You don't have to say the end when you're done playing a song!" Link shouted impatiently.

Zelda just rolled her eyes at him and shook his head, "You don't know much about anything do you? Silly forest boy! Anyway, you need to find the Temple of Time and stick the three Spiritual Stones on the Pedestal of Time, and then open the Door of Time to get to the other Pedestal of Time! Got all that?"

"Uh…"

"Good!"

"Why are there two Pedestals of Time?"

"Don't ask stupid questions! Did I say you could ask stupid questions?! No! So no asking stupid questions! I hate stupid questions! They're so stupid! …And questiony! Hence the name, stupid questions! Now, get going before I start asking stupid questions!" Zelda shouted, and she shoved Link out of his dream and into reality.

Link awoke to Navi repeatedly flying into him as she tried to get him to wake up. "Hey! Hello! Hey! Hello!" she shouted over and over again.

"Navi! I got a brand new ocarina!" was the first thing Link shouted as soon as he woke up.

"Hey!" Navi shouted happily.

"Hey!" Link shouted excitedly in agreement. The two began to dance around until they noticed the little tag on the instrument. "Used…" Link read off of it.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she threw a small bottle of soap at Link.

"Hooray!" Link said, and he began to happily clean his ocarina while walking towards the Temple of Time.

* * *

"It's the main character and his sidekick! They're coming!" Saria shouted as the owl, Zelda and Ganondorf ran around the Temple of Time in a mad panic, screaming and throwing random papers around for no reason.

"We need to move again!" the owl shouted as he started to grab the computers.

"Where this time!?" Ganondorf shouted back.

"Oh oh oh, we can go to the forest!" Saria said happily. "It's a beautiful place! Filled with birds and trees and-"

"You do know that you're just acting the whole forest lover thing…right?" the owl asked as Zelda and Ganondorf just stared at the green haired girl.

Saria quickly snapped out of her daze and went back to normal, "I know!" she shouted. "But we could still go to the forest! …Even if it is filled with creepy little animals." Saria shuddered at the very thought of the squirrels as they stared at her with those wide, menacing eyes.

The owl cleared his throat, "Ok! Forest it is! But we should-"

"He's coming inside!" Ganondorf screamed as the doors to the Temple slowly started to open. Saria, Zelda and the owl quickly joined in with Ganondorf's screaming for a few seconds before quickly grabbing everything and running it all into the next room. "Seal the doors! It'll give us a little bit of time anyway!" the owl said as the large Door of Time sealed shut just as Link entered the Temple. "That was close!" the owl said as everyone else gave sighs of relief.

"Now what? We're kind of stuck here," Zelda said.

Everyone started to scream and panic, again.

* * *

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"I'm working on it! Don't tell me the answer!" Link said, frowning in his concentration as he examined the stones and the holes where he was supposed to put them. Only one stone could fit in each hole, and it was sort of obvious where each one was supposed to go since they were differently shaped and the holes were the same shapes as the stones, but for some reason Link was having trouble with it. Navi's wings drooped lower and lower as she watched Link slowly lift the Forest Stone and try to shove it into the slot where the Fire Stone was supposed to go. "Hey!"

"Don't tell me the answer, Navi! I think I'm getting it!" Link said as he started to hammer on the Forest Stone with his fist.

Navi sighed as Link continued to insist that the Forest Stone belonged in the Fire Stone's slot.

After a few hours Link finally got it figured out, and the Door of Time slowly started to open up. "I did it!" Link said happily as he marched into the next room. Navi rolled her eyes before following the young boy. "Do you hear something?" Link asked after Navi had joined him. The fairy listened hard and could just make out the desperate whispers of the TV crew as they all hid behind the Master Sword, which was sitting on a high up pedestal. Link had to climb a bunch of stairs before he could finally reach the sword, and for some reason he didn't even notice the large owl, the tall man, his friend from the forest who had apparently known him since birth, and the princess of destiny all crouching there, trying to stay hidden. "A new sword!" Link said cheerfully as he started to grab it.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, and she quickly pushed the boy so he fell all the way down the stairs, hitting his head several times as he went.

"Muhahahaha, I have a super strong head now!" Link shouted as he stood up, not at all injured from the long fall.

"What's that, Link? Is that the Master Sword!?" Navi shouted.

"I guess so…" Link said as he started the long climb back up again. He was used to the fairy's strange behavior by now, and he wasn't at all upset about being pushed down the stairs. "I want it!" Link said happily as he grabbed it for the second time.

He started to pull it out when he noticed Ganondorf (all the other TV crew people had left when Link had been distracted by the whole falling down on the stairs thing). "What are you doing here!? Did you find Zelda?" Link asked, pulling out the Master Sword and examining it.

"Uh…Take this!" Ganondorf shouted, and he quickly poked Link in the arm with his deku stick.

"Ow! What's that for?!" Link shouted.

"Uh…for not warning me about the bee…?"

"Whatever."

"Gwahahahaha! Now that you have pulled out the sword, I can make a wish! Yes!" Ganondorf shouted happily, running towards a large golden triangle thing that had just appeared. "And I know just what I'm going to wish for!"

"Nooooooo! I want to make a wish too!" Link shouted, tripping Ganondorf with his new sword.

"Nooooo!" Ganondorf shouted as he fell towards the ground. He just managed to grab the Triforce, however, and the man began to cackle maniacally while Link pouted. "Ok! I wish that I had a-"

"Let me guess, you want to make the world a horrible place," Link said, rolling his eyes.

"Well no, silly! I just want to make the world a horrible place!" Ganondorf's eyes widened when he realized what he had said. "Noooooo! I wanted a puppy! Look at what you made me do!"

"Why don't you just buy a puppy?"

"Because, I don't have enough rupees. I should've saved that one rupee instead of spending it on that candy!" Ganondorf pouted.

"You know there's a bunch of stray dogs outside…Why don't you adopt one?" Link suggested cheerfully.

Ganondorf mulled this over for awhile, "Hey! That's not a bad idea! Thanks guy!" Ganondorf shouted, and he went running outside, hitting Link with his deku stick as he went.

"Ow!" Link shouted, right before tripping on the stairs and falling again. "Muhahahaha, Link have strong head, because Link fall lots!" Link shouted, right before collapsing into unconsciousness.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, staring out of the window. Link refused to wake up, however, as the stupid goddesses granted Ganondorf's wish and began to make the world a horrible place.

By the time Link woke up, the Door of Time had gotten tired of waiting for Link to leave and it had already sealed shut again, despite Navi's attempts to hold it open. "Hey!" Navi shouted angrily at Link as he sat up, wearing a toothy grin on his face.

"Link awake!" Link shouted. "Link will get door open! Link will use Link's head!" Link said, and he started to ram into the large, heavy door, head first. Navi's wings drooped again as she watched him knock himself out for the second time that day.

That's what life was like for Link and Navi as the years passed. The boy didn't even notice all of the years going by, as he spent most of his time unconscious, and the few times he was awake he would spend ramming into the door. Eventually Link woke up to a new location, which confused the poor boy, especially now that he had hardly any brain cells left to speak of. "Where Link!?" Link demanded as Navi floated around next to him.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Link!" shouted an old man in orange-reddish-yellowish robes.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Link!" Link copied, as he started to relearn how to do a conversation.

The old man scowled at being copied, and then decided to start over. "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Link! I'm Rauru! The mysterious sage of-"

"Rar?" Link asked as he tried to figure out how to pronounce the man's strange name.

"No, Rauru!"

"Ruru?"

"Rauru!!"

"Rum!" Link said happily.

"Fine, rum! Now, I am the mysterious sage of light!" The sage quickly turned on a flashlight and shined it in Link's eyes.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Link shouted, running around the water-flooded room in his panic.

"You were sealed away for a few years, because you couldn't figure out how to turn the door knob. I have now warped you here to-"

"Rum?"

"What?" Rauru asked, rolling his eyes.

"Link hungry! Link no eat for years!"

"Oh…uh, here!" Rauru tossed Link a small cookie crumb, which Link quickly ate.

"Link still hungry!" Link shouted.

"Well too bad! I'm talking now!" the sage snapped. "Now! Since you've wasted sooooo much of my time already, I'll just give you the short version. …You probably wouldn't understand the long version anyway! When you pulled out the Master Sword, you woke up the stupid goddesses. They sent you the Triforce so you could make a wish, but Ganondorf made a wish first! Link, don't be alarmed…look at yourself!"

Not sure what this had to do with Ganondorf and the Triforce, Link examined his foot. He looked back at Rauru and shrugged. The old man gave a disgusted sigh, "You won't notice any change in your foot! Here!" Rauru tossed Link a ruler so he could measure himself, so that he would finally realize that he was now an adult. Link, however, had lost most of his brain during his battle against the Door of Time, and so he had no idea what to do with this strange ruler.

Eventually he started to chew on it, which made the old man next to him give another sigh. "Give me that! That's my good ruler!" the sage shouted, snatching the ruler back from Link, who began to jump around and scream like a monkey that had just lost its banana.

"Link…you're all grown up!" Navi shouted suddenly. Link stopped his monkey imitating and stared at Navi.

"Little bug can talk! Talking bug!" Link said after a few minutes of silence. While Link chased poor Navi around the room, the sage of light explained to Link that it was up to him to stop Ganondorf (although stopping the man from doing what, even the sage wasn't sure, seeing as how Ganondorf had already made the wish anyway). "You need to find the seven sages…or is it six? Anyway, find the sages, wake them up, and then they will add their power to yours!" the sage of light said happily as Link tried to hit Navi with a deku stick. The fairy was at a safe height, however, and so she began to taunt Link, "Hey! Hello! Hey!" Navi shouted as Link jumped around, still trying to catch the little fairy.

"More power? Link like power!" Link shouted, instantly stopping his jumping when his brain finally processed what the old man had been saying.

"Yes, I noticed," the old man grumbled. "Anyway, go find the sages and then report back here!"

"Never!" Link shouted, but he started to look around for the exit anyway. Rauru sighed tiredly before warping the boy and Navi back to the Temple of Time. "Door! Link will get door open now!" Link shouted, and he started to race towards the doors, not even noticing that they were opened. Suddenly Link remembered that he had gotten a new sword. He stopped, still on the stairs, and pulled it out, examining its shininess. After examining the sword for a few seconds he got bored and decided to continue on. Unfortunately, he had forgotten which way was out, and so he ended up turning around and heading back up the stairs. He stopped short when he saw another person there, leaning casually against the pedestal. "Link, Link! I finally figured out how to transform into other people by using my evil science skills!" the man shouted.

"Huh?" Link asked.

The man sighed, "Never mind! No one ever understands what I'm saying! I must just be too smart for them! Anyway, I am now under cover, and my under cover name is now…Sheik! Of the Sheikah! Isn't that just ever so clever!?"

"Yeah."

"…Is that all you have to say!? Just 'yeah'!? After seven long years, that's all you have to say? Really!?"

"Yeah."

"Well fine, be that way!" Sheik of the Sheikah shouted. "Well, I have more to say, so hah!"

"Ok."

"Muhahahaha! Ok, here's what I have to say!"

"Ok."

"Ok, now stop talking, you interrupt my thoughts, fool!"

"Ok."

"Ok, that's enough talking now!"

"Ok."

"Stop it!!"

"Ok."

"Oh Link you make me so mad!"

"Ok."

"That's it! Prepare to meet your doom!" Sheik of the Sheikah shouted, and he started to race towards Link with a large deku stick, cackling maniacally.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"Talking bug!" Link shouted, and he started to chase after the bug. Any random passerby who might have looked in the window of the Temple just then would've seen Navi high up in the air, taunting Link, who was jumping around in the air trying to grab the fairy, and Sheik of the Sheikah, who was following Link's exact movements, jumps and all, as he chased after the boy. Eventually they got tired, and so they moved to the other room where the Spiritual Stones were and ate the rock candy, which had grown back. "So anyway, like I was saying," Sheik began, his mouth still full of candy. "There are six sages you have to find. One of them is in the forest, the other one is in the mountains…or volcano…another one is in the ocean somewhere, another is in a really scary place, and the last one is in the desert!"

"Link like dessert!"

"Yeah…"

"Hey!" Navi shouted, as she tried to protest that Sheik had only talked about five of the sages.

"Oh, and the other one is under cover! That's a hint! Can you figure it out?" Sheik asked happily. Navi bobbed up and down as she understood what Sheik was saying, but Link just stared at the other man with a blank expression. "Oh never mind! You'll find out later! Anyway, we have to save Hyrule, so go wake up the sages!" Sheik said tiredly.

"Link don't wanna!"

"Well too bad! Get moving!" Sheik shouted as he kicked Link out into the mostly destroyed city where a bunch of zombies were trying to gather to play chess. "You should visit Kakariko Village first!" Sheik said before running off.

"Ok," Link said dumbly, and he began to explore the place that he hadn't set foot in for seven long years.

He eventually died, because the zombie guys got mad at him for interrupting their game. So Link gave up on exploring the city, and he quickly set off for Kakariko Village.

* * *

Well that's it for this chapter! Updates might be a bit slower than when I first started this story, but I'll probably have one up a week. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


	8. Chapter 8

Hello everyone, and thanks soooo much for reviewing! I just love getting reviews, it's so fun! Anyway, since I am currently bored, I will now respond to reviews. It will also make the author's notes look longer, and so then everyone will think I'm really cool! Muhahaha! Um...anyway, let's see what we got here!

The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule: Only a very heroic bee called Linkette! ...Or just a psychotic bee, either one works!

Mella Marie: Serious? What is this strange word you speak off? Just kidding! I did try to add a few serious parts in there, but I'm not sure if they turned out alright... But later on things will get a little more serious, mainly because I'm sort of running out of ideas for humor stuff...

lion-of-judah: Yes, it was hyper! Muhahahaha! And it's all thanks to coffee and lots and lots of sugar, all in one sitting!! :-D (I don't really recomend that for anyone under the age of 300... That's right, mortals! I am over 300! Muhahaha!)

Well, that was fun! Anyway, hope you like this chapter, and once again there are hints to the ending of the game in this one, kind of...

* * *

Chapter 8

An Art Museum

"Hey, guess what time it is!" a familiar voice shouted at Link as soon as he arrived at Kakariko Village.

"Link don't know!" Link shouted back.

"Three o'clock! Isn't that just so exciting?"

"No."

The guard gasped at Link's rudeness, "Well fine, be that way! Oh hey, guess what!"

"What?" Link asked, chopping up a nearby bush with his sword for no particular reason.

"I was right!" the guard said before clapping happily for himself.

"About what?" Link asked, chopping up the chopped up bush into smaller pieces.

"About something interesting happening at this time!" the guard said, pouting over the fact the Link hadn't remembered their conversation from seven years ago. "All of the people from Hyrule Castle Town came here at exactly three o'clock!"

"Ok," Link said, trying to grab his sword back from Navi, who had wanted to help chop up the bush.

The guard's face fell, "Ok? That's all you have to say? Just, ok?"

"Yeah," Link said. He finally managed to get his sword back and he was soon on his way, leaving behind a very depressed watch guard.

* * *

"Oh my gosh!!" Ganondorf shouted, waking up the entire household that he was staying with.

"What now!?" his mother shouted down the stairs.

"Is Granny shoutin' again!?" his father shouted.

"I told you, that's Ganondorf, our son, not Granny!" Ganondorf's mother shouted as she and her husband stomped down the stairs to see what had made her son shout so loudly.

"Guess what, Ma!?" Ganondorf shouted happily as he waved his mail in front of his parent's faces. "I got my job back! That kid in our show finally made it out of the Temple of Time!"

"Well hot dog! We'll finally be getting some money, since you're the only one who has a job, and my lazy, good for nothing husband doesn't have one anymore!" Ganondorf's mother said cheerfully.

"I told you, I'm retired!" Ganondorf's father protested. "And I don't see you getting a job!"

"And I told you, I'm naturally lazy!" the woman snapped angrily, brandishing the heavy rolling pin that she always had in her pocket.

"Ok, ok! Sorry!" her husband shouted before quickly hiding behind a vase of flowers.

Ganondorf's mother gave a disgusted sigh, "I can still see you you know!"

"Darn!" Ganondorf's father shouted, and he quickly ran out of the room.

"Well don't just stand there, Ganondorf!" the woman shouted.

"Eh?" Ganondorf asked, rearranging the flowers that his father had disturbed.

"Get moving before you get fired on your first day!"

"Oh, right!" Ganondorf said as he quickly finished fixing the flowers and ran outside towards the forest, where the owl's office was still stationed.

As soon as he arrived at the forest, he started to climb up the giant tree towards the giant tree house, avoiding the old, moldy furniture that Link had left there the last time he had visited Saria. He grinned happily when he heard the familiar sounds of the owl and Saria arguing about something or other. "I can't believe that stupid Zelda, who is pretending to be somebody else, told him to come here!" the owl shouted miserably. "We'll have to move, again!"

"Well, she was right…I am here!" Saria said happily.

"So?!" the owl shouted.

"Well, you have to admit that it's pretty impressive that she knew I was here. She hasn't talked to us in years!"

"That's because she's crazy! She completely forgot about the movie, and she now thinks that she's the real princess, and that she has to defeat us!"

"I know, fool!" Saria said, rolling her eyes. "I know as much as you… Actually, probably more!" The young girl grinned at the owl happily.

"Whatever," the owl grumbled, knowing that it was true.

"Hi everybody! I'm here!" Ganondorf said cheerfully as he burst through the doorway. He screamed when he saw two large wolves standing next to Saria, snarling at the newcomer. "Um…those are trained, right?" Ganondorf asked hesitantly, inching towards the owl so he could hide behind the giant bird.

"Of course not! My little puppies don't need to be trained!" Saria scoffed.

"They're not so little anymore…" Ganondorf mumbled.

"Wait a minute, those wolves are those puppies that you found!?" the owl shouted.

"Yeah, where have you been?" Saria and Ganondorf asked at the same time.

"Those cute little puppies from Hyrule Castle Town, seven years ago?" the owl asked, still not quite getting it.

"Yeah!" Ganondorf said, pouting slightly when the two dogs didn't seem to recognize him at all.

"The puppies that Ganondorf adopted because he wanted a dog, and then Saria stole them because she wanted a dog, those puppies!?"

"Yes! Now shut up already!" Saria shouted. "And I didn't steal them…they liked me better, that's all."

"No they didn't!" Ganondorf protested. "You bribed them with doggie treats! That's cheating, and you know it!"

"I did not cheat!" Saria shouted.

"Uh…guys?" the owl asked uncertainly, staring at his large TV screen.

"Cheater cheater!" Ganondorf shouted, running around.

"Cut that out!" Saria shouted, chasing after Ganondorf, her dogs following close behind.

"Guys! Link is coming!" the owl shouted.

"What!?" both Ganondorf and Saria shouted as they raced over to the owl.

"Oh hey, he's sort of cute!" Saria said, a dreamy smile spreading over her face as she watched Link get pummeled by a giant pig thing.

"At least he doesn't have those creepy, big eyes anymore…" Ganondorf said.

"Would you two cut it out!" the owl shouted. "We need to get out of here before he finds us recording his every move!"

"Or lack of movement…" Ganondorf said as the giant pig monster continued hitting Link with his giant club.

"Why doesn't he just move to the side, the stupid pig won't even notice he left!" Saria said, crossing her arms and pouting.

"He's saying something! Turn up the speakers!" the owl shouted. All three leaned closer to the screen as Link's voice drifted over to them.

"Link will-ow!-kill evil-ow!-pig monster-ow!-thing!" Link shouted, saying ow each time the giant club came down on his head.

"Oh brother," Saria groaned when suddenly Link pulled out his sword and started to swing at the pig's mail boots.

"Doesn't he have the hook shot!?" the owl shouted.

"Hook shot?" Link asked.

"Oh great, he heard you!" Ganondorf said.

"Yes, hook shot, you stupid person!" the owl continued shouting. Link paused in his attacks so he could listen better, even though the pig was still swinging away with his club. "You're supposed to have the hook shot!"

"Link has hook shot!" Link said happily as he pulled out a thin piece of string which had a fishing hook tied to one end.

"…What is that?" Saria asked.

"Hook shot!!" Link shouted, and he started to swing the string around, trying to hit the pig monster, who was still hitting Link with the giant club. "Uh oh…" Link said when suddenly the piece of string broke and the fishing hook went flying.

"How did you get that!?" the owl shouted as Link ran after the hook, the giant pig chasing after the young man.

"You want Link to tell story?" Link shouted in the general direction of the owl's position.

"Yes!" the owl shouted back.

Link shrugged as he started to search some nearby bushes for the hook, the pig monster helping with the search by flattening the bushes with his weapon. "Ok, Link tell story now! Sit down!" Link said. He glared at the giant pig when he continued to flatten the bushes. "Link said sit!" Link shouted. The monster quickly sat down, secretly pummeling some bushes now and again when Link wasn't looking.

…Flashback…

"Link has found creepy tomb!" Link shouted happily, running up to a ghost that was floating around. "Hi there! I'm Dampe the grave keeper!" the ghost shouted.

"Damp?" Link asked.

"No no, Dampe the grave keeper!"

"Dampe grave keeper!" Link shouted happily.

"No no no! Dampe _the_ grave keeper!"

Link stared at the ghost, "Huh?"

"Oh never mind, it doesn't matter anymore now anyway," the ghost said with a sigh.

"Link found Dampe grave keeper diary, it say that Dampe grave keeper give gift to Link!" Link said happily, pulling out said diary and proudly showing it off, not realizing that it was actually upside down.

The ghost stared at Link for awhile before finally giving another sigh, "I'm surprised you managed to even read that!" he said.

"Link didn't read, little talking bug read!" Link said happily, grabbing his hat and shaking it extremely hard until Navi fell out. "There is little talking bug!" Link said cheerfully, waving at Navi.

"Hello!" Navi shouted happily. "Hey! Listen! Hello! Watch out! Hey! List-" the little fairy was quickly silenced when Link pulled the hat back over her and then placed it back on his head.

"She talk lots…" Link said.

"I can see that," Dampe the grave keeper said slowly, trying to figure out why the goddesses hated him so much that they would send this boy to visit him.

"You give Link gift now?" Link asked.

"No way, man! You snooped into my house and read my super secret diary! How could you!"

"Link didn't read diary, little talking bug did!" Link protested.

"…So she did!" Dampe the grave keeper said, his anger completely gone. "Alright then, I'll give my treasure to you! Follow me!" the ghost said as he quickly flew into a long, dark hallway.

"Hey!" Navi shouted in an attempt to get Link to move, but the boy just stood there. After a few minutes his brain registered that the ghost had left, and Link quickly set off, Navi grumbling under his hat the whole way. After another few minutes, a strange ticking noise could be heard.

"What that noise?" Link asked. He was about to pass under an open doorway, when suddenly the ticking noise sped up, and a heavy door slammed shut, nearly hitting Link. "Let Link through!" Link shouted, hitting the door with his sword. Suddenly it got very dark, and then a few seconds later Link found himself back in the room where he had started, Dampe the grave keeper's ghost hovering next to him and looking very annoyed. "Hey, keep up, will you!" the ghost shouted, and he sped off again.

…two months, five weeks, and thirty-two days later…

"Oh forget it! You're just no good at this, are you!" Dampe shouted. "Here, just take the stupid treasure!" The ghost, not wanting to actually give away his precious treasure, reached into pocket and threw the first thing he could grab, which happened to be his old fishing line. "There! Ok?"

"Link got treasure!" Link shouted, swinging it above his head.

"Hey, be careful with that!" Dampe shouted, even though he had nothing to worry about since the hook went right through him anyway.

"Link now has special item! Link can now wake up lazy sage in forest, and then save world from rain!" Link shouted, and he went running off, back into the dark hallway.

"Oh, sure, now he knows which way to go!" Dampe grumbled as he watched Link's speedy progress through the large labyrinth.

As soon as Link exited the tomb, he found himself to be inside the windmill. "Annoying, repetitive song!" Link screamed as he listened to the music that was playing below him. "Link says hi!" Link said cheerfully to the tall man who was playing the music with a strange, music box type instrument.

"Grrrr, someone messed up my windmill, seven years ago!" the man shouted, not even noticing Link. "A young boy messed up my windmill with an ocarina! He played the same song I'm playing right now, but for some reason I can't mess it up! It's not fair! How come it won't go faster when I play the song??" the windmill guy pouted. Link, who was getting bored listening to the man's rants, pulled out the Ocarina of Time and examined its shininess. "Hey! That's the ocarina!" the man shouted suddenly. "The ocarina that the boy played, seven years ago, and messed up my windmill! …I think I'll teach you the song, even though that's probably what started this whole mess in the first place!" the man said, still shouting angrily. "This is how it went: Doo doo doo, doo doo doo, dooooo doo doo doo doo doo doo!" the man shouted. His voice was so angry, however, that Link had trouble copying the tune. Eventually he got it, and the windmill quickly sped up as rain water poured down on the two (Navi was nice and dry under Link's hat). "Noooooo! It happened again!" the man shouted as Link jumped onto the spinning platform, laughing with joy as he was spun around the room extremely fast.

"Go around, go around!" Link shouted.

The crazy windmill guy sighed sadly, "I used to be that happy too!" he said. Suddenly a thought hit him, "Oh my gosh! By teaching that kid the song, I'll bet he goes back in time somehow and plays that song, which messes up my windmill! And then I learn the song by listening to him play it, and I then teach it to him seven years in the future! I've just created a time loop thingy! …But how did he learn the song the first time? Ach! My head!" the man then fainted, the confusing thoughts of time travel too much for the windmill guy.

Eventually Link grew tired of spinning around, and he quickly jumped off of the spinning floor and left the windmill, marching happily towards the forest. Once he arrived, Link ran around in random directions until he finally met Mido, who had lost his job as leader of the Kokiri, because the people had been grumpy, because everything was so expensive in the store, because Link had stolen from the store keeper seven years ago. "Ahha! You again!" Mido shouted.

"Who? Link?" Link asked, pointing to himself.

"No, not you, whoever you are!" Mido shouted. "I don't know you! I was talking to that squirrel over there!" Mido leaned over to Link conspiratorially. "He's evil I tell you…" he whispered.

"Ok…" Link whispered back.

"Anyway, you can't come this way! Saria said to only let people through who knew her song…Even though it's not that hard to figure out, because it never stops playing in these stupid woods!" Mido shouted in a frustrated voice.

"Ok," Link said, and he pushed past Mido and went skipping off to find Saria, ignoring Mido's protests that he was supposed to play the annoying song first.

…End of Flashback…

"The end!" Link said happily as he finished his story. He gave a gasp of annoyance when he realized that no one was listening to him. The owl and his TV crew had quickly left while Link had been preoccupied with his story, and the giant pig monster was sound asleep, all tired out from bashing people and plants with his club. "Link hates audience!" Link shouted as he marched up a familiar flight of stairs. "Hey, Link has found Link's furniture!" Link said happily, and he flopped down on his moldy couch and started to chew on seven year old cookies.

Suddenly a tall person jumped from a nearby tree and landed right on top of Link. "Hey! Watch where you're lazing about!" a familiar, blue clad man shouted as he jumped again and landed on the grass next to the sofa.

Link shook his head and then stopped, "Hey, you cured my brain damage!" Link said happily. He was about to jump up and give the annoyed Sheik a hug, when he suddenly realized what he was sitting on. "Ahhhhhhhh!" Link shouted, jumping off of the moldy couch. He then looked at his hand and saw the old cookie. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Um, excuse me, but I have something to say!" Sheik said. He pouted when Link ignored him and continued running around and screaming. "Hey!" Sheik shouted, and he grabbed Link by the collar of his tunic. "I said, I have something to say, darn it!"

"Oh, sorry," Link mumbled as he started to drink an entire bottle of mouthwash.

"Hey!" Navi shouted in warning.

"You know, that stuff does have alcohol in it…" Sheik said hesitantly.

"I must get rid of the cookie that I…I…ATE!" Link wailed, and he went back to drinking the mouthwash.

"Whatever," Sheik said in a bored voice while Navi tried to pry the large bottle out of Link's hands, to no avail. "Anyway, I changed my evil laugh from Muhahaha, to Ahhahahaha! What do you think?" Sheik stared at Link as he battled the fairy. "I'll do them again, Muhahahaha, or Ahhahahahaha! …Well!?" Sheik shouted. Link managed to give a thumbs up as he swatted Navi away with one of his hands. "Honestly, how much is in that bottle?" Sheik asked as Link continued to drink the mouth wash.

Link paused from his drinking long enough to answer, "A lot! I bought the extra-large bottle!"

"I didn't know they sold extra-large!" Sheik said happily. "I will have to look into that, I need the ingredients found in mouthwash to create the ultimate weapon against the rain! Ahhahahaha!"

"Shounds good…hic!" Link said, finally finished with the bottle.

"So anyway, I had a speech that I prepared just for this moment!" Sheik said happily as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small piece of paper and started to unfold it. After a few hours it was completely smoothed out, stretching across the entire forest. Link stared at Sheik in amazement as he cleared his throat and began to read from the large piece of paper. "Time is mean, but no one can stop it, yo!" Sheik shouted. Link stared at the man with a nervous expression. "What time can't change, though, is memories of when you were really young and cool! …Well, you weren't cool, because you had creepy bug eyes, but I was cool! Anyway, if you want to come back here, then just play the Minuet of Forest…hmm, shouldn't it be the Minuet of _the_ Forest? Or the Minuet of Forests... Oh well!"

"Why would I want to come back here?" Link asked.

"Well I don't know! Stop asking me questions, what do I look like to you, answer man!?"

"Not really."

Sheik gasped, "How dare you!? I am to the answer man! Hmph!"

"Ok ok, fine!" Link shouted.

Sheik beamed at him, "So anyway, I'll teach you the song, and then I have to get going!"

"Wait, that's it for your speech?" Link asked.

"Well, yeah!"

"But you have this big piece of paper! I thought it would take you forever to finish reading from it!" Link protested.

"That's just silly! I just like to use one piece of paper! I do care about the trees you know!" Sheik said, pouting.

"…But you just have a giant piece of paper instead of a bunch of little pieces. Isn't that like the same thing?"

"No, because it's just one piece of paper!"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts!" Sheik shrieked.

"But I-"

"What did I say!?"

"Um, no buts?"

"That's right, now listen to the stupid Minuet already!" Sheik then pulled out a small harp and began to play a pretty tune. "There! Now you can come back here whenever you want, even though you probably won't use it anyway! See you around!" Sheik shouted, and he then pulled out a giant boulder which he had somehow been keeping inside his pocket, and then threw it at Link to knock him out.

"Noooooo!" Link shouted, but the boulder was already heading towards him.

"Ahhahahaha! Sorry, but I ran out of deku nuts!" Sheik said as Link fell unconscious, and with that the so far unhelpful man went running off.

As Link started to wake up, Sheik came running back. "Here, you forgot this!" he shouted, and he threw the real hookshot at Link, which hit his head, which sent him back into unconsciousness. Navi, meanwhile, was just enjoying the show and munching on fairy-sized popcorn in one of the trees. After Link woke up, again, he stood up quickly and looked around to make sure that Sheik was really gone this time. After he had made sure that he was safe, he grabbed the new hookshot and stuffed it into his pocket (he thought that his pocket was magical and could hold as many items as he wanted, but really it just had a hole in it, and so anything he put in the pocket just fell out again. It was the TV crew that made sure he had the items he needed for each scene, it wouldn't look cool if the hero of their show kept losing all of his shiny new items). "So, I guess we have to go up to the giant tree house and save Saria!" Link said cheerfully as Navi joined him with her popcorn. "Oooo, popcorn!" Link said happily. He reached out to grab some but Navi slapped his hand and scowled at him. "Fine, don't share," Link said grumpily as he pulled out his hookshot and hooked onto a nearby tree branch.

In just a few minutes he was standing in front of a large building that was built on the ground…which was on top of the trees…somehow. Before Link could enter the building, however, two large wolves popped out of the ground, howling madly. "Puppies!" Link said happily, his little kid instincts still strong in him. He grabbed both of the still howling wolves and gave them both a large hug, ignoring Navi's shouting as she tried to warn him that the wolves were dangerous and that he could kill them by hitting their tails. Link wasn't sure how you could kill a wolf by hitting its tail anyway. Eventually the large monsters grew tired of being hugged as it reminded them of their time with Ganondorf too much. They quickly summoned all of their strength and shoved Link away from them before running off, yelping for Saria to come and save them. "Bye doggies!" Link shouted after them, waving happily. "Well then, let's move on!" Link said cheerfully, and he marched inside the Forest Temple.

After killing a scary spider that would stupidly show off its weak point when Link just waited patiently for a few seconds, Link made it inside a large room with four torches that surrounded an elevator in the very center of the room. Each torch had a different colored flame, there was a red flame, a blue one, a green one, and a purple one, which was weird because fire isn't usually green or purple. "They must have added food coloring to it!" Link decided as he skipped over to the light so he could examine it better. Suddenly four ghosts appeared, each one a different color as well, just like the torches. "Gwahahaha! We like fire!" one of the ghosts said, and they each grabbed their corresponding colored fire before disappearing. The elevator quickly sunk down into the floor, keeping Link from going into the basement (not that he wanted to anyway, basements were usually scary).

"Silly ghosts! I'll just light the torches myself!" Link said, and he started to frantically rub two of his deku sticks together. The ghosts gave annoyed sighs as they watched Link relight their torches and raise the elevator.

"He's a rotten cheater!" one of the ghosts said forlornly. Her sisters agreed as Link hopped happily onto the elevator and nearly lost his hands as he stuck his arms out to pretend that he was flying (the elevator went in a very tight corridor type thing, and there wasn't a lot of room for limbs sticking out of the elevator). After Link had angrily kicked the mean wall for awhile, the elevator finally left the corridor type thing and landed in the basement, which had no doors whatsoever. The only openings that were there were blocked by large grates.

"Now what?" Link asked as he jumped off of the elevator, and then on it again, and then off. He screamed when the elevator started to head back up, not noticing that Link hadn't stayed on. "Nooooo!" Link shouted.

"Hey!" Navi said, scolding Link for jumping around.

"Don't you tell me what to do!" Link shouted, and he grabbed poor Navi and threw her towards the wall. Surprisingly, the fairy didn't get hurt. Instead the wall started to move, revealing new doorways that Link could go through. "Hooray! I did it!" Link said happily, ignoring Navi's angry glare. After spending a few hours solving a tedious puzzle which required him to throw Navi into the wall a few more times to get the wall moving again, Link finally revealed the door that led to the boss chamber. "Here we go!" Link said excitedly, and he charged through the door, ignoring the fact that it required a key. Once inside the room, Link skipped into an arena type thing. "Oooo, look at all the pretty pictures!" Link said in awe as he examined the identical pictures that showed a plain road in the middle of a forest.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"What?" Link asked.

"Listen! I'd say that these pictures were in very good condition! Probably thirteenth century, maybe even by the famous painter-"

"Boooooring!" Link shouted. Navi gave an annoyed sigh and then went under his hat without Link even noticing. "This art museum is lame! All they have is the same picture over and over again! I'm out of here!" Link said, and he started to march out of the arena type thing. Before he could leave, however, a bunch of spikes came out of the ground, blocking his way. Link could've easily just squeezed between the spikes, but he didn't feel like it, and so he went back to staring at the art. "Hey…the painting changed!" Link said suddenly. Navi, who was still upset over being interrupted, simply yanked on some of Link's hair before going back to sleep.

"Fine, be that way! But I'm telling you, the picture changed! Now there's a little horse in it! And a guy on the horse…and the horse and the guy are getting bigger…and they're moving. Ahhhhhhhhh!" Link began to scream as the horse and its rider suddenly jumped out of the painting and launched a magical stream of energy at the boy. Not only that, but Navi pulled on his hair again, even harder than last time. "Ow!" Link shouted as the energy beam hit him and he felt the sharp pull on his head. "Cut it out Navi!" Link shouted as he ran around the room in a mad panic. Navi just stuck her tongue out at the boy, even though he couldn't see her, and then went back to sleep, pulling his hair every once in awhile to try and get him to stop moving around so much as he dodged the evil painting-come-to-life guy. "Navi, could you help me out here!?" Link shouted as he got hit by yet another energy beam thing.

"No!" Navi shouted, but Link had already pulled his hat off and grabbed her. Navi quickly latched on to some of Link's hair before he could pull her off of his head. "Noooooooo!" Navi shouted, sounding like a two year old as Link pulled as hard as he could to get her off of his sore head.

"Navi! I need to know what this guy's weakness is!" Link shouted.

"Hey!" Navi said suddenly, back to her normal voice, but still hanging on to Link's hair.

"What!?" Link said impatiently.

"Listen! That's Phantom Ganon! …Or is it Phantom Ganondorf? Phantom Ganon would be shaped more like a giant pig thing."

"It doesn't really matter!" Link said quickly as he dodged the ghost.

"Anyway! It's weakness is art!"

"Really?"

"You want to hear what I said, again?"

"No!" Link shouted, and he quickly pulled his hat back onto his head, leaving Navi to start braiding his hair for no particular reason.

Still running around to keep away from the phantom, Link pulled out a blank piece of paper and a pen before quickly drawing the first thing that came to mind. Once he was done he stopped short and showed it off to the ghost. The ghost gave a shriek and then leaned closer to try and figure out what the picture was trying to depict. "What is that? A dog?"

"What?" Link asked disappointedly as he looked at it himself. "No, it's you."

"That doesn't look like me at all!"

"No look, that's the horse, which you so rudely called a dog, and there's you!"

"That looks more like a cucco to me…"

"Well fine, my drawing skills aren't that good! But hey, I've been sleeping for over seven years, give a guy a break!"

"Fine," the phantom snapped. "But what's that off to the side?"

"That's a flower! Come on, even a five year old could figure that one out!" Link shouted.

The phantom stroked his chin thoughtfully, "I suppose it does sort of look like a flower."

"Ha! Told you!" Link shouted, smiling smugly.

Suddenly another voice drifted over to them (it was actually Ganondorf shouting through the ceiling), "This phantom has failed me! I will send it to the…uh…gap between dimensions? What sort of place is that!? Well, whatever it is, I'm sending him there! Gwahahaha!"

"Oh well, see you around!" Phantom Ganondorf said as he slowly faded away.

"Bye!" Link said cheerfully. Link was about to leave when suddenly the four differently colored ghosts from before appeared in front of him, glaring angrily.

"You, like, totally ruined everything!" one of them said angrily.

"Prepare to die!" shouted another one, and they all started to surround Link while whirling their torches around (which they had collected once again from the elevator).

"Oh no!" Link screamed, and he quickly pulled out his hookshot and started to desperately shoot it at the enemies. Unfortunately, since they were ghosts, they were able to just let the hookshot go right through them. "Navi, wake up!" Link shouted, but the little fairy was fast asleep. Finally Link gave up on the hookshot and pulled out his sword instead before swinging it around in random directions. The ghosts just stared at Link for a few seconds before one of them gently tapped him with her torch. "Ow!" Link shouted as his tunic instantly caught on fire. "Stop, drop, roll! Stop, drop, roll!" Link screamed as he rolled around on the floor. Somehow, Navi even managed to sleep through all that. Finally the fire was extinguished, and Link jumped back up into a standing position to face the ghosts. "Ahha! Take this!" Link shouted, and he grabbed one of the many pictures and threw it at the ghosts.

This knocked their torches out of their hands and distracted them long enough for Link to make a run for it. At least, that had been his plan. Unfortunately, the picture had ripped slightly when it had hit the ghosts, and that ripping sound had woken up Navi. "Hey!" she shouted, extremely angry at Link for damaging such an old painting.

"They did it!" Link shouted, pointing his finger accusingly at the still disorientated ghosts. Navi turned into a dark red color, and she instantly grabbed Link's sword from him and started swinging away at the ghosts. In just a few seconds all four of them had fallen and then disappeared, much to Link's amazement. "Wow, you should do this quest!" Link said cheerfully as he took his sword back from Navi, who was busy fixing the picture with some tape. After she had fixed it up, Link hung it back on the wall and let Navi admire it for awhile. Then the two turned around to leave, when suddenly they were warped back to that one room where he had first woken up, The Chamber of Sages.

Rauru wasn't there this time, instead, Saria was there. "Noooooo!" Link shouted, his voice echoing in the chamber. Saria was staring at Link with wide eyes. "Wow, kids do have creepy eyes! Glad I'm an adult! Ha! Loser!" Link shouted, pointing at Saria. "I grew up! Now I can get a job! Ha! …Hmm, but I don't want to get a job!" Link crossed his arms and pouted. "Life isn't fair!"

"Shut up already!" Saria shouted. Link quickly bit his lip to keep from talking. "Thank you! Now, where was I? Oh yeah! Thank you for waking me up as a sage, yada yada yada. I'm Saria, the sage of the Forest Temple!"

"I know who you are!" Link snapped.

"Well fine, be that way! I knew you would come, because I know you!"

"Oh, now you remember me! You didn't recognize me before!" Link shouted. "You had to introduce yourself!"

"No…you don't have to explain it to me," Saria said.

"What?" Link asked, getting confused.

"Because it is destiny that you and I can't live in the same world."

"Yes! Go destiny!" Link started to jump around as he cheered. He quickly stopped his dancing, however, when he saw Saria glaring at him with her creepy, large eyes.

"Anyway, like I was saying…" Saria said, gritting her teeth. "I'm going to stay here as the Forest Sage and help you! Here, take this medallion!" Saria said cheerfully, and she threw a large medallion at Link.

"Ow!" Link shouted as the medallion fell on his head. "Thanks, Saria…" he grumbled.

"Sure, whatever. See you!" Saria shouted, and she warped Link back to the forest. "Saria will always be…your friend!" Saria shouted as Link was warping.

"Nooooooo!" Link shouted, but it was too late. Link was already standing next to the dead Deku Tree, and a strange little plant. Link walked over to the little sprout and was about to pick it so he could eat it later when suddenly a small tree popped out of the ground from where the little plant was, sending Link flying through the air. "Hi there! I'm the Deku Tree sprout! Nice to meet you!" the little tree said happily.

Link sighed sadly, "Why does everything have to talk in this world!?"

The Deku Tree, however, ignored him. "Because you and Saria broke the curse on the-"

"Whoa! Slow down there, little tree! Saria didn't do squat!" Link protested. "I did all the work!"

The tree gave an annoyed sigh, "Whatever. Anyway, I was going to tell you that you were a special kind of Kokiri, but now I think I'll crush your spirits and tell you that you aren't a Kokiri at all! You're actually a Hylian!"

But, instead of being sad by this news, Link was actually happy, much to the tree's disappointment. "Yes! No more stupid clothes for me!" Link said excitedly.

"Whatever," the tree said miserably. "Just go find the next sage! Shoo!"

"Ok, see you!" Link shouted as he went running off. Once he was outside, he was blocked by Mido, who was still insisting that he play Saria's song. Link, annoyed at the little kid, played the Song of Storms instead, instantly drenching Mido with rain water.

"Noooooo! I hate the water!" Mido shouted. He then hissed and spat at Link like a cat before scampering off, back into the forest. Link shrugged and then marched off to Hyrule Field, the other Kokiri staring at the stranger in awe.

* * *

So, I guess I didn't do too good with the whole serious thing...sorry about that... But on the bright side, writing (or at least _trying_ to write) more serious stuff gave me an idea for yet another story, which would be more on the serious side! I'll probably start working on that once this one is finished! So...thanks!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

Howdy everyone! Link is now returning to Lon-Lon Ranch! Muhahaha! Will Malon be less annoying, or will she be worse? Who knows! Oh wait, I do! Yay me! ...Ahem, anyway...thanks a bunch for the reviews! :-D You guys are the best! Cookies for everyone! No...wait, everybody else hands out cookies...I want to be different! Muffins for everyone! Or scones, which go great with tea! Yum!

* * *

Chapter 9

The Return to Lon Lon Ranch and Goron City

Link was skipping along the dirt path back to Kakariko Village so he could get some rest, when he suddenly remembered Epona. "That horse should be grown up by now!" Link said cheerfully as he changed his course. "Maybe I can get some transportation!" Link had, unfortunately, completely forgotten about Malon, and so he marched fearlessly into the ranch.

"Fairy boy!!" a high pitched voice shouted as soon as he entered the farm.

"Oh no…" Link quickly looked around, but Malon was nowhere to be seen.

"Watch out!" Navi suddenly shouted, but it was too late. Malon had jumped down next to Link from the roof of her house and was already giving the poor boy a hug.

"Hi fairy boy!" Malon shouted in his ear. She finally released the dazed Link and examined him. "Oh my gosh! Omg! You're still wearing those clothes! Oh, I am so taking a picture of this so I can show all my friends!" Malon said, and she pulled out a small cell phone and snapped a picture of Link before he could even react. "So anyway, I was like, totally going to the store in Hyrule Castle Town, and the store guy was, like, really weird. And so then I was, like, don't you have anything else besides ghosts? And he…or she, I'm not sure, was all like, no way, I just have ghosts! And not only that, but they weren't even for sale! What's up with that, fairy boy? So then I totally went over to Kakariko Village, but, like, all they had was potions, or something? And so I was like, what's up with that? And the big, ugly store keeper was all like, I dunno. So then I went and bought a fish! See?" Malon slapped a large fish on Link's face while he was still trying to figure out what she had been saying before.

"Fish!" Link shouted. "Nooooooo!"

Link ran around and panicked for awhile until Navi handed the boy a bottle of soap.

"Yay!" Link cheered, and he quickly scrubbed his face clean.

"So anyway, fairy boy, you so have to see my pony! I don't know what Daddy fed her, but she's, like, totally huge!" Malon said as she pulled Link towards the corral. As they were walking, Malon continued talking, "Oh my gosh! I saw the coolest guy the other day when I was visiting my lazy father in the village! He caught me staring, and then he was all like, whatever. And then I was, like, whatever. And then he was all, like, double whatever! And then I-"

"What are you talking about!?" Link shouted, finally unable to take it any longer. Navi had lost it sooner, and she was currently trying to fly through the barn's wall.

Malon just glared at Link for being so rude and interrupting her. "Whatever, fairy boy!" she said in an annoyed voice before stomping off, leaving Link standing in front of Ingo, whose clothes had greatly improved since the last time Link had seen him.

"Hi Agent Ingo!" Link said cheerfully.

Ingo gasped in surprise, "How do you know my name!?" he shouted.

"Um…it says on your name tag that you're Secret Agent Ingo…" Link said, pointing to the small name tag pinned to Ingo's elegant shirt.

"Darn! Betrayed by my own name tag!" Ingo said as he pulled the tag off and threw it into the dusty ground.

Link just stared at the man, "Yeah…so, can I have a horse?"

"Hah! No horse for you! Muhahahaha!"

"Ok fine," Link said, slightly offended.

"Hmm…you look familiar…" Ingo said suddenly.

"Yeah, I was the guy who helped you get that journal and-"

"Oh! I remember you! You were that double agent!" Ingo shouted wildly. "Yes! That's you!"

"A double agent!?" Link shouted.

"Yep! You said you'd help me get Talon's journal, but you were actually working for him! That's why he woke up before I could figure out why the cuccos weren't hatching!"

"Talon woke up because you stepped on one of his birds!" Link protested.

"…I don't remember that!" Ingo snapped.

"Of course you don't," Link said, rolling his eyes.

"Anyway, I'll never sell a horse to you! Because of you, I never figured out what was wrong with the eggs!" Ingo said, crossing his arms and pouting.

"It's because Malon puts them in freezers!" Link shouted.

"Yeah, I thought of that, but it's too obvious!" Ingo said, looking around the farm suspiciously.

"Whatever, can I talk to Talon?" Link asked, hoping that maybe the other man would sell him a horse.

"Muhahahahahaha! Talon is no more!" Ingo shouted.

"He's dead!?"

"No! Of course not! Don't be so melodramatic!"

"Then where is he?" Link asked, trying to stay patient.

"Well let me think, I'm pretty sure he's in Kakariko Village right now. I kicked him off of the ranch, because it is I, the great Ingo, who is a much better ranch worker than lazy Talon! Muhahahaha…"

…Flashback, six years ago…

Ingo stood staring angrily at Talon as he carefully looked around before sitting down on the short grass and writing in his super secret journal. "I need that journal!" Ingo shouted from the barn's doorway as he continued watching Talon.

"Hiiiiiiiii Ingo!" Malon shouted from behind him (how she had managed to get inside the barn without using the door was a mystery to the man).

"Hi, Malon," Ingo said hesitantly.

"What are you doing? Huh? Huh? What are you doing?"

"Well, actually I'm-"

"Oooooooo, are you planning my birthday party? Are you, are you, are you, are you!?"

"Um…well I-"

"Yay! You're the best Ingo! Ok, here's what I want! I want a new pony, because my other one mutated into a horse! What's up with that? And I also want another cucco!"

"Another one!? You have a whole flock already!" Ingo protested, but he added the bird to the list that he was writing down.

"And I want a tree!"

"What are you going to do with a tree?" Ingo asked.

"Burn it, silly!"

". . . . . ."

"What?" Malon asked when she saw Ingo's worried expression.

"Um, why do you want a tree if you're just going to burn it down?" Ingo asked, confused.

"I want to build a tree house, silly!" Malon said, and she laughed her creepy laugh.

"But, you can't build a tree house if the tree is burnt down!!" Ingo shouted.

Another creepy laugh, "You're so funny!"

"Arrrrrrgh!! I can't take it anymore!!" Ingo shouted, and he ran outside the barn as quickly as he could, tripping on Talon as he went.

"What in tarnation!?" Talon shouted as he was woken up by Ingo tripping on him (he had fallen asleep while writing, and he was even writing while sleeping). "Ingo!? I can't take it anymore! I quit!" Talon shouted, and he stomped off.

"Nooooooo! Now I'll never get that journal!" Ingo shouted, running after the other man.

"I'm putting you in charge!" Talon shouted angrily.

"Nooooo!" Ingo shouted back, even though they were walking side by side.

"Bye Daddy!" Malon said cheerfully as she chased after her horse.

"Bye Malon!" Talon said, equally cheerful.

"Why can't she go with you!?" Ingo wailed.

"Because, she's annoying! So long, loser!" Talon shouted, and he hopped onto a nearby horse and rode off into the sunset.

"Noooooooo! The journal!" Ingo shouted miserably.

"Where's my tree!?" Malon shouted from behind the man, her horse stomping a hoof angrily.

"Right! A tree! Coming right up!" Ingo said in a scared voice, and he went running off.

…End of Flashback…

Ingo was still laughing maniacally while he remembered why he had been placed in charge. Link was trying to sneak away from the crazed man when he suddenly stopped his laughter. "So, yeah, like I was saying, I'm way better at running the ranch than he was! Muhahahaha!" And the laughter started all over again. Finally he stopped, again, and went back to telling Link that he couldn't have a horse. "But you can ride one if you want! It'll be ten rupees!" Ingo said, starting to cackle again.

"I don't have any money…can I have ten rupees?" Link asked.

"Sure!" Ingo said cheerfully.

"Thanks! Here you go!" Link said as he handed Ingo the ten rupees back.

"Muhahaha! Finally, my ranch is starting to make a profit!" Ingo cackled as he opened up the gate so Link could enter the corral.

"Hi Epona!" Link said cheerfully as he approached the large, red horse. The horse snorted at the boy before prancing off, whinnying happily at the new game as Link chased after her.

"Epona! Come back!" Link shouted.

"Time's up!" Ingo said after a few minutes.

"But I didn't even get to ride her!" Link said disappointedly, kicking at a tuft of grass.

"You can pay again if you want!" Ingo said, eager for more money.

"Ok! Can I have ten rupees?" Link asked.

"Sure!" Ingo handed the boy the same two blue rupees, and then a few seconds later he got them back again. "Thanks! Go right on in!" Ingo said, and he then began to cackle some more about all the money he was making that day.

Epona stared at Link as she waited for him to start chasing her again, but this time Link decided to try something else. He pulled out his ocarina and started to play the song that Malon had taught him. Instantly Epona's ears went flat and she started to charge towards Link. She was about to trample him when she saw a pretty glowing bug floating around Link's head. Amazed at this new creature, Epona slid to a stop and stared at Navi, who waved happily and shouted out a few hellos. "Hooray!" Link said happily, and he quickly mounted Epona.

"Hey, how did you do that!?" Ingo shouted as Link rode around the grassy area (Epona was actually just following Navi, but Link thought that he was steering).

"I'm just naturally good with animals!" Link said happily. Of course, Navi took this moment to go back inside Link's hat, and so Epona finally noticed that Link was on the saddle that was always on her, and so she instantly threw the boy off. Whinnying happily, the large horse went prancing off, just as Ingo called that time was up. "That was amazing!" Ingo said in awe to Link. "Hey, how about a race? If you win, you get some money! And if I win, I get some money! What do you say?"

"Sure!" Link said, shrugging casually.

"Yes!" Ingo cheered, and he quickly mounted one of the other horses.

In just a few minutes the race was on, and Malon startled both horses by jumping in front of them and shouting boo just as they started running. Both riders were flung off of their mounts, and Link somehow managed to go flying all the way around the track and land at the finish line. "Hiiiiiiii Epona!" Malon said happily, ignoring Link as he landed next to her in a heap.

"I can't believe this! How did you manage to win?!" Ingo shouted, pulling at his hair in his distress.

"Even I don't know! That's how good I am!" Link said, jumping up off of the ground and brushing the dust off of his tunic.

"How about another race! And if you win this one, you can keep the horse!" Ingo said.

"Ok," Link said cheerfully.

The second race had soon started, and Malon once again sabotaged it unknowingly. The young girl had gotten bored of watching Link and Ingo fight, and so she had went off to check on her cuccos. She skipped happily over to her small flock and started hugging each and every one. Of course, most birds don't like to be hugged, especially by someone as crazy as her, and so they started to turn a red color and squawk very unhappily. When Malon continued to hug the animals, they called in reinforcements. A giant flock of cuccos came rushing in and started attacking every Hylian they could find. This, of course, completely ruined the horse race because you can't really see anything when you're surrounded by angry birds. Epona, tired of all this running, pranced back to her corral with Link still on her, while Ingo's horse just raced off to eat some grass that he had seen nearby. "Nooooo! How could you win!?" Ingo shouted as he dismounted and saw Epona prance over the finish line. Link just shrugged as the cuccos slowly flew away, casting back warning glares as they went.

"Bye bye, birdies!" Malon shouted after them as they flew over Hyrule Field and disappeared into the distance. "Birds are just so great!" Malon said happily while her own flock just glared at her and clucked amongst themselves about how annoying the young girl was. Meanwhile, while Malon was still bothering the cuccos as she insisted that they let her in on their conversation, Ingo was turning into a madman. "You can't leave the ranch! Gwahahaha!" the man shouted as he sealed the gates.

"Who, me?" Malon shouted over to him.

"No! You can leave whenever you want! I'm talking to Link!" Ingo shouted back, and then strutted back inside the house.

"Whatever," Link grumbled as he tried to remount Epona, who was back to running away from him. "Epona, get back here!" Link shouted. "Fine, I'll just play that song, again!" Link said miserably as he pulled out his ocarina. Before he could play the song, however, Epona came racing over to him when Navi woke up from her nap and came out from under the boy's hat. "Hello!" Navi said happily to Epona, who was just staring at the little fairy. "Hello!" Navi tried again, waving energetically while Link mounted the large horse. Navi stuck her tongue out at Epona when she still didn't respond to the fairy's greetings.

"Let's go, everyone!" Link said cheerfully, and he had Epona run towards the small gate that was blocking their way.

"Hey hey hey! No jumping!" Ingo shouted as he came racing out of the house.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Link asked tiredly.

Ingo thought for awhile before finally shaking his head, "Not really!"

"Fine, I'll just find another way out!" Link said, and he put his new horse into a trot as he searched for another way off the ranch.

"Muhahahaha! You'll never escape Lon Lon Ranch! Never!" Ingo shouted. He gasped when he saw Epona jump over a different fence. "Noooooo!" the man angrily stomped his foot. "Now that Ganondorf guy is going to be mad!"

"Mad about what?" a familiar voice asked from right behind the ranchhead. Ingo whirled around and gasped in surprise when he saw Ganondorf standing there, waving happily and petting one of the cuccos at the same time.

"Uh…I kind of lost the horse you wanted," Ingo said hesitantly.

"You lost Mr. Horse?" Ganondorf asked, his bottom lip starting to quiver.

"Sorry…"

"Nooooooo!" Ganondorf shouted, and he then burst into tears. "I liked the horse, and she liked me!"

"Yeah, you were the only one she actually came up to," Ingo agreed. Unfortunately, reminding Ganondorf about his lost horse just served to make him more upset.

"What happened to Mr. Horse?" the man asked finally, sniffling.

"Um…well…some guy called Link took her…" Ingo said.

"Link!" Ganondorf hissed out the name. "He'll pay for taking Mr. Horse! I never had a pet before! I got two doggies, but then Saria stole them. I try to get a horse, and Link steals it! I even tried to get a cat, but then my parents took it!"

"Why did your parents take your cat?" Ingo asked.

"They liked it, duh!" Ganondorf said, still crying about his missing horse. "I'll get that Link! Vengeance shall be mine!!" the man shouted as he raced out of the ranch.

"Whatever," Ingo said, and he then went back inside the house to continue his plan on how to get Talon's super secret journal.

Meanwhile, Link, Epona, and Navi were crossing Hyrule Field as they traveled back to Kakariko Village. It was almost night by the time they arrived, and Link quickly dismounted his horse and left her near the river before racing up the steps, Navi following close behind. The minute Link was gone, Epona calmly walked off back to the ranch, munching on the short grass as she went.

Inside the village, Link was marching around as he searched for the next sage. "Let's see, that Sheik person said that one of the sages was in a mountain…Maybe he's in Death Mountain!" Link said happily as he skipped towards the giant volcano.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, trying to point out the large, dark cloud that was circling the peak of the mountain, but Link ignored her as he began his journey up the long, windy path. They traveled all night, but they finally arrived at the Gorons' City. "Here we are! Maybe one of the sages is here!" Link said cheerfully as he marched inside. Navi just rolled her eyes before following. As soon as they entered the large city, the pair could immediately tell that something was wrong. Even though the catchy Goron music was still playing, the city appeared to be completely abandoned.

"Hello?" Link shouted out, his voice echoing along the empty corridors.

"Hey!" Navi shouted suddenly, and she shoved Link down a few floors. The young man landed heavily on a small rock, which began to cry the minute Link climbed off.

"Uh…Hi?" Link asked uncertainly as he poked the rock with his sword.

"Stay away! I am the great and powerful Link!" the rock shouted between sobs.

"No way! I'm Link, too!" Link said happily. The rock stopped crying instantly and sat up, revealing itself to be not a rock, but a Goron! "Hey look, a Goron!" Link said cheerfully. "…A mini-Goron!"

"I am not mini!" the Goron protested.

"Fine, whatever," Link said. "Mini-Goron," he grumbled under his breath.

The little creature glared at Link before introducing himself again. "I'm Link, son of Darunia! Are you really the Link that cleared out the Dodongo's Cavern?"

"Uh…sure," Link said, even though he hadn't done anything of the sort.

"Amazing! …But you don't look like that person, I have a picture of you!" the mini-Goron pulled out a small photograph of young Link staring at Darunia with a very scared expression as the giant Goron danced in front of him along with Navi. "Yeah, you don't look anything like him," the mini-Goron said, examining the picture and looking up at Link every once in awhile.

"That was seven years ago! Of course I don't look the same!" Link shouted as he snatched the picture away from the small Goron. "So, where is everyone anyway?" Link asked looking around.

The mini-Goron, who still didn't believe that Link was who he said he was, glared suspiciously at the man before explaining what had happened. "Well…"

…Flashback…

The Gorons were having a nice little party when suddenly Ganondorf came racing into the city. "Hi there! I'm an actor!" he said cheerfully. All the Gorons did, however, was stare at the tall man. "Uh… So, I was wondering if you had anymore rock candy?" Ganondorf asked, smacking his lips in anticipation of the sweet snack.

"No rock candy for you, fool!" Darunia shouted, his son nodding quickly from behind the giant Goron.

"Oh no! But I like the rock candy!" Ganondorf said sadly as he left the city. A few minutes he came running back. "Hi there! Are you sure you don't have anymore candy?" he asked with a small pout.

"No! No rock candy!" Darunia said, rolling his eyes.

"Darn!" Ganondorf stomped his ridiculously large boot against the ground. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Darunia shouted impatiently. "Now would you leave!? We're having a very important party! It's my birthday!"

"Oooooo, happy birthday!" Ganondorf said happily, clapping for the Goron chief.

"Uh…thanks, now get out!" Darunia said, crossing his arms and glaring at the man.

"Fine, be that way! Oh hey, what's that?" Ganondorf asked, pointing towards a switch. A small sign sitting next to the switch said the following, 'Do not flick this switch, it wakes up a very mean dragon thing. Also, be sure to remove your foot wear before entering Darunia's room, thank you.'

"Oops!" Ganondorf said, and he quickly slipped out of his boots before slowly reaching out a hand towards the large switch.

"Hey, step away from the evil switch!" Darunia shouted anxiously.

"But I want to see what happens!" Ganondorf protested.

"Did you even read the sign!?" Darunia shouted.

"Oh, fine," Ganondorf said, and he slowly turned around. The large collection of Gorons all gave a sigh of relief, only to start screaming in panic when Ganondorf whirled around and quickly pressed the switch.

"Nooooo!" Darunia shouted.

Everyone held their breath, even Ganondorf, as they waited for something to happen. Way deep underground, they could just make out the sound of a little alarm clock going off. A few seconds after the ringing faded, there was an extremely loud roar and the entire room began to shake. "Now look at what you did!" Darunia scolded Ganondorf, who was trying to sneak out of the still shaking room. "You woke up the dragon!"

"Oh no!" Ganondorf wailed miserably. "I didn't know the sign was serious!"

"Oh for crying out loud! Why else would I put it up!?" Darunia shouted. Ganondorf just shrugged. "Fine! Everybody, run for your lives!!" the leader screamed, and soon there was a mad panic as everyone rushed in every direction possible (one Goron even managed to climb through the air somehow). Darunia's son managed to hide inside a pot, because of his small size, but all the other Gorons ended up running towards the dragon in their terror. "Huh," was all Ganondorf had to say after the last, giant Goron disappeared into the Fire Temple. "Well, I guess I'll just find that rock candy myself!" And with that, the tall man went skipping off to find the store, leaving Darunia's son inside the pot to munch on some of the deku nuts that he had found there.

…End of Flashback…

"And that's exactly what happened!" Darunia's son said, beginning to cry again.

Link, who had fallen asleep during the story, had to be woken up by Navi. "Hey! He's sad, maybe you should try talking to him?" Navi suggested.

"Why don't you talk to him?" Link asked, inching away from the wailing Goron child.

"Hey!" Navi shouted angrily, and she gave Link a shove. He ended up hitting the wall rather hard when Navi underestimated her own strength, and overestimated Link's weight. The Goron began to laugh happily when he saw this, but then he went back to crying a few seconds later.

"Hey, he likes that! Do it again!" Link said happily. Not one to argue, Navi quickly shoved Link into the wall again. They both cheered when the little Goron began to laugh again. "Do it again!" Link said, still cheerful. Navi gave him another shove, and the boy ended up falling towards the very bottom floor of the city. After hearing the loud thud that sounded during Link's hard landing, the mini-Goron began to clap his hands and laugh hysterically.

"That was fun!" he said, while Navi anxiously peered over the edge and at Link, who was getting up from the floor very stiffly.

He looked up at Navi and gave her a thumbs up, "I'm ok!" he called out.

"Hello!" Navi responded before turning back to Darunia's son. While Link began the long climb back up to the other two, the mini-Goron began to talk enthusiastically about the dragon that had captured his father and the other Gorons to Navi. By the time Link arrived, Darunia's son was talking about a large hammer that another Goron had used to defeat the dragon before. "And then, wham! He hit the dragon really hard on the head!" the little Goron said cheerfully.

"Well, he didn't do a very good job, did he?" Link scoffed. "The dragon returned, after all."

"He just knocked the dragon unconscious, and then Ganondorf came and woke it up again!" the Goron said with a pout.

"Right, whatever," Link said, rubbing his sore arm which had taken most of his weight when he had landed. "So anyway, we're here to find a sage. Do you know anything about that?" Link asked.

"A sage?" Darunia's son asked in a confused voice.

"Yes, a sage. S-A-G-E, sage."

"I know how to spell it!" the little Goron said impatiently. "But I don't know anything about a sage! Maybe my dad knows! You should ask him!"

"I though he was with the dragon!" Link shouted.

"He is, that's why you should go and talk to him, you can save him!" Darunia's son said happily.

"I don't think so, midget!" Link said, crossing his arms and ignoring the Goron's glare. "I just need to find the stupid sage so I can defeat Ganondorf!"

"Then you'd better go find my dad! Here, take this!" the little Goron handed Link a red tunic.

"Oh but, I like my tunic better!" Link protested, examining the new clothes item.

"You need to wear that so you can survive in the hot temperatures in the volcano!" the Goron explained.

"What!? The dragon is inside the volcano!?" Link shouted, his voice slightly muffled as he pulled the red tunic on over his other one.

"Well, yeah," Darunia's son said, rolling his eyes at Link.

"This just gets better and better," Link grumbled as he stomped off.

"Hey wait! Where are you going?" the little Goron shouted after the two.

"Inside the volcano! Where do you think I'm going!?" Link said impatiently.

"You can use the secret entrance that's inside my dad's room!" the Goron said.

Link gave the little kid a withering glare, "You could've told us about that sooner!" Link snapped as he marched past the Goron and headed towards Darunia's room.

In just a few minutes, Link and Navi were inside the volcano. "Oooooo, look at all that lava!" Link said, running over to the edge of a large cliff and peering down. "Well, let's get this over with!" Link said, and he marched across a nearby bridge, which was wooden, which was weird because normally at those temperatures a wooden bridge would've just burst into flame. Suddenly a man in blue clothes leaped from out of nowhere and landed in front of a surprised Link. He was so surprised, in fact, that he ended up jumping off of the bridge and into the boiling lava below. After somehow warping back to the entrance of the volcano, Link marched over to Sheik, grumbling under his breath.

"Hi, Link!" Sheik said cheerfully, not at all fazed at what had just happened.

"Hey, Sheik, what's up?" Link asked tiredly.

"You forgot this!" the man shouted, and he threw a large bow at Link, along with a quiver full of arrows.

"Hey, cool! Where'd you find this stuff?" Link asked as he shoved the new weapon into his pocket.

"In the Forest Temple, you really should explore more carefully you know," Sheik said in a lecturing tone.

"Whatever," Link grumbled. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh! I'm here to teach you a new song!"

"Again?" Link groaned while Navi just sighed and then went under Link's hat to take another nap.

"You bet!" Sheik said excitedly as he pulled out his mini-harp. Unfortunately, the thin strings couldn't take the heat, and they quickly shriveled up and melted. "Nooooooo!" Sheik shouted in a screechy voice. "My mini-harp!"

"Maybe you can just teach me the song some other time," Link suggested.

"No! I must teach it to you now!" Sheik shouted. "Ok, here it is! La la la la la la la la! La la la la la la la la!"

Link just stared at Sheik as he shouted out the new song. Finally the man was finished, and Link just pushed past the Sheikah and marched towards the entrance to the Fire Temple.

"No no no! That didn't sound right at all!" Sheik shouted after him, but Link was already gone.

"This place sure is hot!" Link commented unnecessarily as he walked around the temple. After awhile he came into a large room, and on the other side of this room was none other than Darunia.

"Hey! Brother Link!" Darunia shouted happily.

"Hey, Darunia, how've you been?"

"Eh, not bad. I've had a sore knee for awhile, and I also have a sore shoulder, and a sore foot!"

Link sighed when he realized that Darunia was going to go over every single ailment that he had, whether it was important or not. After a few hours Darunia finally finished his long list. "So, what brings you here?" the large Goron asked Link.

"Oh, I'm here to save you because your kid said that you might know who the next sage is!" Link said cheerfully.

"A sage?" Darunia asked, confused.

"Yes, a sage! S-A-G-E!" Link shouted impatiently, feeling a sense of deja-vu.

"Ohhhh, so that's how you spell sage!" Darunia said happily as he wrote down the word on a piece of paper so he wouldn't forget how to spell it later.

"Yeah…so do you know anything or not?" Link asked.

"Oh, hey, I don't have time to talk right now!" Darunia said. "I have to go kill that there dragon! Could you rescue my people while I do that?"

"Do you have the magical hammer?" Link asked curiously.

"Nah, I don't need that! I'm the all powerful Goron leader!" Darunia shouted, and he raced inside the next room, locking it behind him for whatever reason.

"Fine," Link grumbled, and he marched over to the nearest jail cell where a Goron was waiting. "The door is unlocked you know…" Link said as he gave the door a gentle shove. It swung open with a creak, and the Goron quickly sat up and looked around.

"Hey, you aren't here to eat me?" the Goron asked.

"…No," Link said, not sure why the Goron had thought that.

"Well…I guess I'm going home then! So long, loser!" the Goron shouted, and he went racing off.

"Real nice, Goron!" Link shouted after the rock creature. "A simple thanks would've been fine!"

"Hi hi hi hi hi!" Sheik shouted suddenly, and he shoved Link into the jail cell before quickly locking it.

"Hey!" Link shouted. "What is your problem, guy!?"

"You need to learn the Bolero of Fire!" Sheik said, pouting.

"Never!" Link shouted, and he squeezed through the bars before running towards the nearest door.

* * *

Meanwhile, while Sheik was chasing after Link, Saria and the giant owl whose name is impossible to pronounce were gathered in their newest office in Lon Lon Ranch. They had shut out Ingo from his house and ordered him to sleep in the barn while they discussed important things. These important things happened to be mostly about Ganondorf and his new quest on getting his horse back. "If he gets caught by Link then we're all doomed!" the owl said miserably.

Saria, however, was ignoring the large bird as she chased after a cucco, who had stolen her dinner. "Stupid bird! Get back here!" Saria shouted impatiently.

"Hey, I'm not stupid!" the owl said, pouting.

"Not you, stupid owl! The chicken!" Saria said.

"Oh, ok then! Anyway, we have to find a way to get Ganondorf and Zelda back here before they ruin everything!"

"They won't come! I already left three messages on their phones!" Saria argued, still chasing the cucco.

"Leaving messages never works! We have to send someone to find them and bring them here, someone who is dependable…someone like me!"

Here Saria burst into laughter, completely forgetting about the cucco, who happily scampered off with his meal. "You aren't dependable at all!" Saria said, her laughter finally finished for the moment.

The owl pouted again, "Fine, did you have someone else in mind?"

"As a matter of fact, I did!" Saria said cheerfully, grabbing the owl's meal for herself. "We could use-" At this moment, however, Malon came bursting into the house. "Malon!?" Saria shouted impatiently.

"Malon? She's not dependable at all! But alright!" the owl said.

"What?" Saria shouted at the owl, but Malon's loud voice drowned out Saria's.

"Hiiiiiiiiii birdie! Hiiiiiiii green forest freak!" Malon said cheerfully, running over to them and giving each of them a hug.

Saria cleared her throat and was about to finish her previous sentence, but the owl was faster. "So, Malon, how would you like to go on a quest?"

Malon's eyes widened in excitement as she stared at the giant owl, "Ooooooo, a quest! I just love quests! Yes I do!" Malon said, and she began to dance around the house. "What do I have to do? What do I have to do?" she sang to the tune of Epona's song. "What do I have to dooo-hooo-hooooo!"

"Just sit down and I'll tell you!" the owl shouted. Malon quickly obeyed.

Saria was just about to try and say something again when suddenly Epona came crashing through the window, upset over hearing the annoying song again. "Nooooo!" Saria shouted as her hair got tangled up in Epona's reigns. The young girl was soon dragged out of the house as Epona went skipping off, back to the corral.

"Bye bye, giant pony!" Malon shouted after them.

The owl just shrugged before turning back to Malon, ignoring the giant hole in the wall that Epona had made to get back outside. "So, your quest is to find Ganondorf and Zelda and bring them back here!"

"Ooooooo! Goodie! I have a quest! Do I get a sword?" Malon asked, barely able to sit still in her chair because of her excitement.

"No," The owl said, rolling his eyes.

"Oooooo, do I get a shield?"

"No."

"Ooooo, do I get a rocket launcher?"

"…Uh…no."

"Awwww." Malon crossed her arms and pouted.

"Look, you don't need any weapons! You just have to walk over to Goron City and start looking for them there!"

Malon stuck her pointer finger to her cheek as she considered this, "It doesn't sound very exciting…" she said finally.

"Oh, it's very exciting!" the owl said, trying to force some excitement into his voice in the hopes that Malon would catch it from him. "Now go get a horse!" the owl said, and he shooed the young girl outside, where Saria was still being dragged around by Epona.

"Heeeeelp!" the girl shrieked.

"I'd love to, but I have a more important quest to do!" Malon said, and she went skipping off towards the nearest horse, humming Epona's song the whole way.

* * *

Ok, so I'm thinking of doing a whole chapter away from our main character, Link, and following Malon during her quest! It'll be for just one chapter, and will give us all a break from Link, who's getting a bit boring! What do you guys think?

While you all are considering the fate of this story, and possibly your sanity, I'll just thank you all for reading! And I hope you liked this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Ok so, the very next chapter is going to be all about Malon's quest, since I have two votes for it, and one against! ...My brother voted against it (he didn't even bother to send his vote in a review!), cheeky little bugger... But you guys all outvoted him (thanks so much for reviewing, by the way!), and so Malon gets her chapter! Hooray!

* * *

Chapter 10

An Icy Cave and Faulty Logic

Link glared at Sheik, who was casually twirling around the hammer that he had been trying to get for the past hour. "Give it to me already!" Link shouted.

"Not until you play the song!" Sheik shouted back.

"Alright, fine!" Link shouted, and he pulled out the Ocarina of Time, grumbling crossly under his breath. After learning the Bolero of Fire, for the second time that day, Sheik threw the large hammer towards Link, who had to leap out of the way to keep from getting hurt.

"Noooooo!" Both he and Sheik shouted when they saw that the hammer was headed straight towards the large pit of lava that was beneath them.

"Darn, rotten luck!" Sheik said cheerfully as they watched the hammer melt. The man then gave a shrug before turning to face Link, who was glaring angrily. "So…maybe you should find a hammer from somewhere else?" Sheik suggested nervously.

"That was a special, magical hammer, fool!" Link shouted. "You can't just buy them at the store!"

"Really? You'd be surprised! One time I found this magical mask that was called the Majora's Mask, and I-"

"I don't care!" Link interrupted. "I don't need a magical mask! I need a magical hammer!"

"Hmm…Oh! You should try the mall!" Sheik said, nodding happily.

"Right…I'll do that," Link said sarcastically as he started to walk off, leaving Sheik who was naming all the different stores that you could find in the mall. After Link had backtracked for awhile, he returned to the room where he had met Darunia. After looking for a way to actually get to the room where the dragon was, Link decided to use Navi. Holding her above his head just like he did with the cuccos (Navi even made the same squawking noises that the cuccos made), Link jumped off of the ledge and glided towards the large door. After releasing his fairy friend, Link walked over to the door and used the giant key that he had found to unlock the large door. Navi, who was still upset, refused to follow Link into the room. Instead she flew back to Goron City, where she met Malon, but that story isn't until later. Link was just about to enter the boss room when suddenly a large pillar came crashing down from the ceiling. "Yee-haw!" Sheik shouted as he rode the pillar down.

"Sheik!? What are you doing here!? And how did you get that big thing to fall?" Link shouted.

"Duh, I bought a new magical hammer at the mall!" Sheik said, rolling his eyes at Link.

"Well then, hand it over!" Link said. "I need it to defeat the dragon!"

"Never!" Sheik shouted. "Not until you admit that I was right!"

"I'm not doing that! You just got lucky!" Link said impatiently. "Give me the stupid hammer!"

"What's the magic word?" Sheik asked cheerfully.

Link gave a disgusted sigh, "Please?"

"Nope!"

"…But that is too the magic word!" Link protested.

"Is not! The magic word is, 'huzzah!' Honestly, Link, everyone knows that!"

"…That's a stupid magic word!" Link shouted.

Sheik just leaned on the hammer and glared at Link.

"Fine! Huzzah! There, you happy? Can I have the hammer now?"

"Nope!"

"But I said the magic word!!" Link shouted angrily.

"That's not the magic word, silly! I just wanted to see if you would actually say it! Ahhahahahaha!" And with that, Sheik went running off, hammer in hand. Link gave an annoyed sigh before chasing after the eccentric man. After a short time, Sheik got bored of running, and tired from running with a giant hammer, and so he threw the large weapon at Link. "Nooooo!" Link shouted as the hammer smacked into him. "Ow!"

"Ahhahahahaha! So long, loser!" Sheik shouted, and he quickly went running off, leaving Link to try and pick up the hammer. After awhile, he finally managed to lift the heavy thing and stuff it into his pocket. He then made his way back to the giant door and pushed it open.

He cautiously entered the large, lava filled room and looked around for Darunia, but he was nowhere to be seen. Neither was the dragon, which Link was rather grateful for. He hopped over to the island type thing that was floating around in the lava to get a better view of the room. Unfortunately, jumping on this island woke up the dragon again, when it sank a bit and hit the poor monster's head. Angrily it came flying out through one of the many holes that were in the island thing. It flew around for awhile while Link ran around in a panic, trying to find the door (he had trouble finding things when he panicked). "I don't wanna die!" Link screamed. The dragon sighed and landed in front of Link before shouting at the boy to shut up. Unfortunately, since the dragon just woke up and always had trouble talking properly when it first wakes up, all that came out was an angry roar. Link screamed and started to run around again, much to the dragon's dismay.

Finally Link stopped running around like an idiot and he turned to face the dragon, wielding the weapon that he had yet to try out, the bow. "Ahha! You'll never eat me alive!" Link shouted, trying to figure out how to actually shoot the bow. The dragon just stared at him with a bored expression on its face while Link struggled with a large arrow. Finally Link managed to shoot it, but it only traveled a short way before flopping back to the ground a few inches from Link's foot. "Darn! Let me try again!" Link said cheerfully. The dragon sighed as Link went through all of his arrows, none of them making it any farther than the first one. "Darn! This weapon stinks!" Link said with a pout. After he had collected all of his arrows again, Link looked up to see the dragon sipping on a steaming mug of coffee and munching on some scones. "Hey…I like those too!" Link said in a whiny voice. The dragon rolled his eyes before pushing the tray of goodies closer to Link. Link clapped his hands gleefully before skipping over and sitting down next to his newfound friend. "I thought you liked to eat Gorons," Link said as he carefully examined all the scones to find one he liked.

"No way man!" the dragon said. "I don't know why you all think that I eat those people…"

"But you locked them all up in cages!" Link argued.

"No I didn't! They locked themselves up!"

"…What did they do that for?" Link asked, confused.

"How should I know? They're crazy!"

"Then what happened to Darunia?"

"Oh, him…You just missed him actually! He got kidnapped by some crazy farm girl just a few seconds ago!"

"A crazy farm girl? Malon!?" Link shouted.

"Maybe…She claimed that her fairy friend helped her find Ganondorf, and that he was under cover as a Goron. So I said, whatever. And she dragged him off."

"Interesting. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to find the next sage on my own!" Link said cheerfully, not at all worried about Darunia.

Link stood up after awhile, his coffee and scone finally finished. "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you!" Link said, and he went marching off. Before he left, however, he accidentally walked right into the wall. This caused a piece of the ceiling to fall right on top of the large dragon.

"Noooooo! You defeated me!" the dragon shouted, and he sank back into the lava.

"Oops," Link said as he watched the dragon disappear. "Oh well!" Link was just about to leave the room when suddenly he was warped back to the Chamber of Sages.

"Hi, Brother Link!" Darunia said cheerfully. "Thanks for finally defeating that dragon! I'm saved from that scary girl!"

"Whatever. So do you know where the next sage is?" Link asked.

Darunia rolled his eyes, "I am the next sage!"

"…Really?"

"Why else would I be here!?" Darunia shouted impatiently.

"I dunno."

"Yep! I'm the Sage of Fire! Isn't that funny, Brother?"

"No," Link said in a bored voice.

"Fine! Here, take this!" Darunia threw a large, red medallion towards Link. The boy quickly jumped off to the side to avoid being killed by the evil thing.

"Noooooo!" both he and the Goron shouted when the medallion landed in a large pit of lava (where did this strange pit of lava come from? The goddesses had gotten bored, and decided to do a little decorating in the Chamber of Sages…) "Darn!" Link said as the medallion sunk into the lava.

"That's ok, I've got another one!" Darunia said cheerfully, and he threw another medallion at Link.

"Noooo!" Link shouted, and he jumped to the side again to avoid being hit. Unfortunately for Link, Darunia had expected this to happen, and he had thrown yet another Fire Medallion. This one hit Link right in the head, while the other one ended up melting in the lava along with the first one.

"There! Now you're all set to go!" Darunia said happily.

"Great, bye bye now!" Link said in a bored voice as he waited for the mysterious warping person to warp him out of there. It took a few minutes, since the mysterious warping guy was having his lunch break, but he finally warped Link back to the beginning of the Fire Temple. Right before Link completely disappeared, however, Darunia started to shout at him. "Don't forget…Now you and I are true brothers!"

"Darn! I don't want to be brothers with a rock!" Link wailed as the Chamber of Sages disappeared from his view. Sighing, Link marched all the way back to Goron City, where most of the Gorons were already moving back in.

"You saved them!" the mini-Goron shouted as he ran over to Link along with Navi, who shouted out hello before throwing a brick at Link just for fun. "Thanks for saving them! You're the best!" mini-Goron said happily.

"Yeah, I know," Link said as he pulled the Goron Tunic off.

"…Where's my dad?"

"Oh, he's a sage! He's going to be living in the Chamber of Sages for the rest of your life. I hope you said goodbye!" Link said cheerfully. He screamed when suddenly the little Goron burst into tears.

"He didn't say goodbye!" he wailed.

"Oh here we go again!" Link groaned while Navi threw another brick at Link. The Goron instantly stopped crying and laughed happily at Link's pain. "You guys are insane!" Link shouted, and he went stomping off before the little kid could start crying again.

By the time Link had made it back to Kakariko Village, it was already midnight, so Link decided to spend the rest of the night in the village (which was a stupid idea because time never changed when Link was in the towns). Ignoring the creepy woman who wanted him to sell her something with a mysterious 'c', Link charged into the nearest house, where Navi was already waiting. "How did you get here so fast?!" Link shouted, waking up half of the inhabitants.

"Shhhhh!" Navi shouted back, which woke up the other half of the household.

"What in tarnation!?" a familiar voice shouted angrily.

"Talon?" Link asked incredulously when he saw the retired farmer sitting up in his bed and blinking owlishly at them.

"Yep! I'm Talon! I retired from Lon Lon Ranch and I'm going to spend the rest of my life right here!"

The other people in the house groaned when they heard this, "In _this_ house!?" they all shouted at him.

"You bet!" Talon said happily. Everyone else looked at each other before running outside to find somewhere else to stay, leaving behind Link, Navi, and the old farmer. "What's their problem?" Talon asked, scratching his head.

Link just shrugged.

"Well, I've been thinking of going back to Lon Lon Ranch to see how Ingo is doing. What do you think?"

"I don't care what you do!" Link shouted impatiently, testing out one of the other beds to see if it was comfy. "This bed is too hard!" he said with a pout before looking around the room some more.

Suddenly, Ingo came crashing inside the house; his eyes were all bloodshot and his hair looked as if it hadn't been combed in weeks. "I'm gonna get that journal now!" Ingo shouted before cackling maniacally.

"Hey there, Ingo! What're you doin'?" Talon asked curiously.

"Talon!? What are you doing awake!?" Ingo shouted.

"This bed is too soft!" Link said, completely ignoring what was going on.

Ingo turned sharply to face Link, "You! You woke him up again! I knew you were a double agent!" the man shouted angrily.

"This bed is just right!" Link said, still ignoring Ingo. He flopped down on the same bed that he had claimed was too hard and too soft, and went right to sleep. Navi waited until the young man started to snore softly before shoving him off of the bed and curled up on the pillow herself. Link continued to sleep on, oblivious to the fact that he was now on the floor. Ingo gave a sad sigh as he stared at the night table that was next to Talon's bed. It was there that the super secret journal resided, at least that was what Ingo suspected.

"I'll just have to find another way to get that journal!" Ingo said, and he stomped back outside.

"Hey now, Ingo, wait up! I've got the feeling that no one is watching the ranch! I think I'll take the ranch back!" Talon said happily.

"Noooooo!" Ingo wailed as Talon dragged the poor man all the way back to their ranch, scolding him for leaving the animals unattended.

After a few hours, Link finally woke up. After freaking out about being on the dirty floor for a few minutes, the young man finally marched out of the house, Navi following him happily. "Darn, it's still midnight!" Link said as he stared up at the sky.

"No it's not! It's three o'clock!" the nearby guard shouted angrily.

"Really? That means I only got three hours of sleep! I need more than that!" Link shouted, and he quickly raced back inside the house.

"Hey!" Navi said impatiently, and she quickly followed him before dragging him outside, ignoring his protests that he'd die of exhaustion. "Listen! We have to find the next sage, Link!" Navi said. "There's a cold air coming from the Zora's Fountain, don't you feel it, Link?"

"No," Link said, still trying to escape Navi's grasp so he could go back to sleep.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she began to drag the boy along, towards the home of the Zoras.

"But I can't go back there! My fiancée will kill me if she sees me!" Link protested, only to be ignored once again.

After a few hours, Link and Navi finally arrived at their destination. "Well, here we are…" Link said miserably as he pulled out his ocarina. Under Navi's watchful gaze, Link began to play Zelda's Lullaby. As soon as he finished it the large waterfall began to slow down, and also, way faraway in Kokiri Forest, Zelda fell asleep in the middle of pulling the Deku Tree Sprout out of the ground so she could start her own talking garden. The Deku Tree Sprout quickly ordered all of the Kokiri to build a giant wall around him. This giant wall was named the Great Wall of Kokiri. After a few centuries, a few people felt that the Great Deku Tree was challenging them with this wall, and they all came rushing in to try and defeat the poor tree. Long story short, the war didn't last too long, as the Kokiri had evolved into weird plant things, and they were terrible at fighting. And so eventually the wall was torn down, and Zelda's descendents could finally dig him up to make their talking garden.

Meanwhile, while the doomed wall was being built, Link was looking around in awe at the Zora's Domain. It was completely frozen over, even the waterfall that was inside was solid. "Look at this place! It's so cool!" Link said, running around on the ice and then stopping short so he would slide for a bit. "Wheeeee!" Link screamed happily while Navi carefully tested the ice with one finger. The tiny finger was quickly withdrawn when she felt how cold the ice was, and she hurriedly flew under Link's hat. "Well, I guess we should try to find out what happened to the fish people," Link said, ceasing his ice skating for the time. After failing to find anyone in the lower level, Link carefully walked over the ice covered path to the king's throne room. "Howdy, King!" Link said cheerfully when he saw the giant fish, not realizing that he was stuck in some sort of red, crystal, shield thing. "Hmm…" Link said thoughtfully as he tapped the red shield thing with his boot. "What's wrong with him?"

Navi carefully lifted the edge of Link's hat so she could see, but she refused to come out into the cold. "We should go see if Jabu-Jabu is still here!" Link said, and he quickly marched outside (fortunately, the king wasn't blocking the entrance to the fountain this time).

Link was relieved to see that the giant fish had disappeared along with the rest of the Zoras. "Good! Now we don't have to worry about being eaten!" Link said cheerfully as he looked out over the water's surface at the small islands of ice that were drifting around. Navi disappointedly put her bottled fish away, pouting over the fact that she wouldn't be able to get Link eaten; it had been the one thing she had been looking forward to. "Hey look, there's a cave over there!" Link said excitedly, pointing towards an opening in the distance. In order to get there, however, they had to cross the freezing cold lake. "Here we go!" Link said, and without even thinking about what he was doing, he jumped towards the water. He landed gently on one of the floating ice blocks, much to Navi's relief, as she was still hiding under Link's hat. She yanked on his hair for scaring her, and then quickly flew into the cave on her own, just incase Link landed in the water. After awhile, Link finally joined Navi inside the cave, and nearly got killed by a bunch of giant icicles that fell from the ceiling. After running around blindly for a few minutes, Link arrived inside a large room that had a giant pair of blades spinning around. Navi was busy flying around the room, collecting silver rupees that were scattered around and sounded out a pretty note every time they were picked up. "Those are strange rupees…I bet it isn't real money!" Link said as he just watched Navi, not even thinking to help out. "Maybe some loser will accept it though," Link said thoughtfully after a while.

After Navi had collected the last silver rupee, a gate opened up, allowing Link to proceed, which was exactly what he didn't do. Link had found a shortcut to the end of the cave, and he was currently digging through the ice wall to get there. "Help out Navi!" Link said, but the little fairy was already gone, leaving Link behind, to finish the cave herself. Grumbling under his breath about how useless fairies were, Link continued to scrape at the wall with his sword, making hardly any progress at all.

A few minutes later, Navi made it to the room that Link was trying to get to. She could just make out the quiet clanging of Link's sword at the other side of the wall as the little fairy looked around the sparkly room she was in. "Watch out!" she warned herself suddenly as a large, white wolf jumped out from under the snow.

"Is that a puppy?" Link asked excitedly as the wolf began to howl and chase after Navi, who was throwing random objects at the dog as she flew around in circles. "I like puppies!" Link shouted, and he charged through the remainder of the wall. After the poor wolf was grabbed and given a big hug, it went running off towards safety.

"Watch out!" Navi said again, and she threw a bottle towards Link that had some sort of blue fire in it.

"Hey cool, how did you manage to keep the bottle from melting?" Link asked. Before Navi could stop him, the boy opened up the bottle and reached a hand in. "Ow!" Link shouted. "This fire is…cold?"

Navi bobbed up and down through the air happily.

"Weird, I don't like!" Link said, and he dumped the fire onto the ground. Navi slapped him and quickly scooped up what was left of the cold fire before it disappeared entirely.

While all this was going on, they didn't even notice that Sheik was standing there, tapping his foot impatiently as he stared at the two. Finally he couldn't take being ignored anymore, and so he threw a deku net at Link, which promptly blinded the boy. "I'm bliiiiiind!!" Link shouted, rubbing at his eyes frantically.

"Hi, Link! It's me! Sheik!" Sheik said while Link ran around the room desperately, crashing into the walls as he went. "So anyway, if you came to find the Zoras, you're wasting your time," Sheik said, ignoring Link. "All but one of the Zoras are sealed under the ice."

"Oh no! They're going to die!" Link shouted, his vision slowly returning.

"No they aren't! They're fish! They can breathe under the water, fool!" Sheik said impatiently.

"Oh, right…Hey, you said that there was one Zora who wasn't stuck under the ice…it's not…her…is it?"

"Who?"

"Her! My fiancée!" Link shouted.

"Awwww, I didn't know you were getting married! Congratulations!"

"I'm not getting married!" Link shouted angrily.

"…But you're engaged. Now I'm confused!" Sheik said, and he threw another deku nut at Link, blinding him once again. "Get your story straight! Now, where was I? Oh yes! I managed to rescue the Zora princess-"

"Nooooooo!" Link screamed, and he quickly threw his own deku nuts at himself. "Maybe if I can't see her, she won't see me!" Link shouted over the exploding nuts.

"That's faulty logic!" Sheik shouted, and he began to throw his own deku nuts at Link as well.

After the two men had ran out of the seeds, Sheik went back to telling his story as if nothing had interrupted it. "But the princess went to the Water Temple."

"What'd she do that for?" Link asked.

"I dunno," Sheik answered, shrugging. "She's crazy! I don't know why you want to marry her…but um, if you need a best man…"

"I'm not marrying her! And you aren't going to be my best man!" Link snapped.

"Well fine, be that way! Anyway, there's this icky monster in the Temple that created the ice. Unless you defeat the icky monster, the ice will never melt! Doom doom doom! So, are you going to save the Zoras?"

"No way!" Link shouted.

"But Ruto is the next sage, fool!" Sheik said impatiently.

"Oh, really? Hey, does this mean that we can't get married?" Link asked hopefully.

"Yeah, sorry!" Sheik said, wondering why Link was currently dancing happily. "So?" Sheik asked impatiently after awhile.

"Oh, yeah I guess I'll save them then!" Link said, still happy.

"Great! Then I'll teach you the song to get to the water temple!" Sheik said excitedly, and he pulled out his new instrument. Since the death of his mini-harp in the Fire Temple, Sheik had been using a flute. But, unfortunately, because of the cold temperatures, the flute broke in half the minute Sheik pulled it out of his pocket. "Noooooo!" Sheik wailed as he desperately tried to stick the two pieces of flute back together.

"Tough luck," Link said, shaking his head at Sheik.

The blue clad man finally gave up on his newest instrument and he disappointedly threw it to the ground. "I'll just sing it to you!"

"No, really, that's ok! You don't have to-"

But Link was interrupted as the other man began to sing, "Bum bum bum bum bummmmm!"

"Ok, that's great, I'll just go-"

"Bum bum bum bum bummmmmm!"

"Ok…thank you!" Link said impatiently.

"You're welcome! Bye!" Sheik said, and he quickly ran out of the room through the hole that Link had made when he had first came in. Link was just about to leave himself when suddenly Navi grabbed him and threw him into a small hole in the ground that was filled with freezing cold water.

"Navi!!" Link wailed. "What did you do that for!?"

"Oh hey, you forgot these!" Sheik shouted suddenly as he came racing back. He quickly threw a pair of heavy iron boots at Link before disappearing once again.

"Nooooo!" Link shouted, but the boots had already stuck to the magnetic pen that he kept in his pocket. Link quickly grabbed some air in a bottle, so he could drink it later, before his head went under the water.

Link was walking as fast as he could along the under water passageway, and trying to get the pair of boots off of him, when he suddenly realized that Navi had climbed into his bottled air. "Hey, get out!" Link shouted in a burst of bubbles, and he began to pry the cork out of the small bottle. "That's my air!" Link screamed as Navi quickly latched onto the other side of the cork to hold it in place.

And so, instead of just trying to walk out of the passageway to where there was tons of air, Link wasted all of his time trying to get Navi away from his own bottled air. After a few minutes, Link finally couldn't hold his breath anymore, and so he took the few steps that was required to exit the water. "Whew! That was a close one!" Link panted as he went back to pulling the boots off. Navi cautiously opened up her bottle and climbed out.

"No, Navi! You just let all the air out!" Link screeched. He quickly grabbed the bottle and swung it through the air before quickly placing the cork back in it. "Don't do that again!" Link scolded the little fairy, who was just staring at Link with wide eyes. "Now, where are we?" Link asked as he looked around. "Well what do you know! We're back near the entrance!" Link said happily, and he raced outside, nearly getting killed once again by the evil icicles.

As Link was marching back inside the throne room, Navi pulled out the bottle that held the cold fire and tossed it to the boy. "What do you want me to do with this? Stupid fairy, you can't just hand me stuff that I don't need!" Link said, and he stuffed the bottle into his pocket. Fortunately, Link still didn't know about the hole that was in his pocket, and so the bottle came crashing down to the floor. "Oh no!" Link screamed as the blue fire spread over the floor and towards the king Zora, who was still trapped in the red crystal thing. As soon as the fire touched the shield it began to melt. Navi smiled smugly before disappearing into the warmth of Link's hat. "He's awake! Run!" Link shouted, and he jumped away from the king fish that was slowly looking around. As soon as he spotted Link, however, he started talking. Link, who just hated to be rude, gave an annoyed sigh before turning around to listen to the king.

"Hey, thanks for saving me, stranger!" King Zora said happily, his small feet kicking through the air lazily. "Boy, it sure is cold here…"

Link was no longer listening to the king, though, as he realized that the fish didn't remember him. "How could you not remember me!?" Link shouted. "I'm Link! See!" Link pulled out the picture of him when he was a kid that the mini-Goron had had.

The king blinked slowly at Link as he compared the man to the picture. "It doesn't really look like you…" he said finally.

Link gave a disgusted sigh, "Of course not! I'm older now!"

"Then why did you give me this rubbish?" the king asked crossly as he crumpled up the picture and tossed it back to Link.

"I dunno," Link said, and he stuffed the photo back into his pocket, where it fell onto the ground, but Link didn't notice this, as he was now hitting the king with a deku stick. "Why don't you remember me!?" Link shouted, hitting the king on the head with each word.

"Oh, I see, Princess Ruto went to the Water Temple," was all the king had to say.

"Oh whatever," Link said finally, and he started to leave the throne room.

It was then that the king decided to say something else, "Oh hey! Wait! I've got a present for you, for saving me!" the king said cheerfully, and he threw a blue tunic at Link.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Link asked with a frown.

"Um…wear it?"

"Well I got that part! I like my green one!" Link shouted impatiently.

"Um…oh! I think it lets you breathe under water!" the king said with a smile.

"How does it do that?" Link asked, examining the tunic for something that would let him breathe. The king just shrugged, still smiling happily, and so Link left the room, grumbling to himself about how incompetent fish were.

Once outside the Zora Domain and in the warmer air, Link pulled out his ocarina and played the newest song that Sheik had taught him, curious as to where it would take him. After exploding into little blue balls of sparkly light, Link went flying towards Lake Hylia. As soon as he reformed into his Hylian form, Link looked around the area. "This place dried out!" Link commented unnecessarily. Most of the lake was, indeed, dried up; only the deepest part of the lake still had water in it. "It's raining! I'm melting! Meeeeelting!" Link shouted suddenly when he finally noticed the slight downpour over the lake. After he had finished panicking, Link marched into the creepy scientist's house to see if he had seen Princess Ruto.

"Hello there, young man!" the creepy scientist greeted Link the minute he entered.

"Hey, creepy old man!" Link said cheerfully. "Have you seen a fish arou-" But before Link could finish his question, the old man grabbed Link and threw him into the nearby pool. "I forgot about you and your tendency to rudely throw people into the water!" Link shouted as he climbed out.

"You may not have noticed, but I've been watching you! You managed to dive ten inches that time, you should be able to dive deeper!" the old man said, cackling happily.

"Really? Yes! That's six inches deeper from last time!" Link said, and he began to do a victory dance.

"You must have gotten heavier!" the old man commented.

Link instantly stopped his dancing, "You calling me fat!?"

"Um…no…"

"Good, 'cause I work out, like, every year! Well, last year I didn't really do much exercising, or the year before that…or the year before that…"

The creepy scientist sighed tiredly as Link continued talking. Eventually he got tired of listening to the man, and so he shoved Link back into the pool. "Hey!" Link shouted as he climbed back out. "You're still crazy! I'm out of here!" Link said, and he stomped outside, much to the relief of the old man. Once Link was back outside, he marched grumpily towards the remainder of the lake and swam around for a bit until Navi finally pointed out something strange under the water. "But I don't like going under water!" Link protested. Navi, however, wouldn't hear any of his whining. She pulled out the heavy boots and stuck them to his magnetic pen. "Nooooo!" Link shouted as Navi quickly jumped into the bottle of air before they went under. "Get out!" Link shouted. After a few minutes, Link gave up on Navi and quickly decided to try out the new tunic he had gotten. After pulling it on, he was instantly able to breathe. "Weird…" Link said.

He walked around at the bottom of the lake for awhile, chasing after a few fish, and then finally went over to where Navi was impatiently pointing. "It's just a shiny gem, Navi!" Link said, examining the blue gem that was slightly above them on the gate that was blocking the doorway to the temple. "We don't need…Hmm, I do like shiny gems!" Link said, and he quickly pulled out his hookshot and grabbed onto the gem. As soon as he did, the gem came flying towards him and hit him right in the forehead. The gate also opened up, but Link was too busy attacking the gem to notice. "Hahahahaha! Yeah you better run!" Link shouted as the gem slowly floated towards the surface. Link gave a satisfied nod and then marched into the Water Temple, where he was instantly attacked by a group of killer sea urchins.

Once Link had ran away from those things, he went inside a room that had two torches guarding the doorway. Of course, the torches weren't lit, since they were under the water. Link probably would've tried to light them anyway, if it wasn't for his angry girlfriend that was currently glaring at him and tapping her foot impatiently. Link gave out a scream, "Oh no!" he shouted.

"I cannot believe you!" Ruto shouted angrily. "First you ask me to marry you, and then you go running off to see Zelda," she hissed out Zelda's name as if it was the worst word in the world. "And then you don't even write to me for seven years! Honestly, is it that hard to write a simple letter?!"

"Uh…" Link began, but he was instantly interrupted by the angry fish.

"And you don't even bring me a present! Unbelievable!"

"Hey wait, I have a present!" Link said happily, and he showed off his Goron Tunic.

"Not a present that was given to _you_, fool!" Ruto screeched. "A present for me!!"

"Oh…nope, don't have any of those!"

Ruto gave Link such an angry glare that even the water started to freeze up, "That's it! I'm calling the wedding off!" the fish shouted.

Link struggled to keep himself from dancing happily.

"We can talk about us later!" Ruto snapped when she saw the grin spreading on Link's face.

"Darn!" Link shouted.

"For now, I'm here to save my people! You, don't even think about following me!" Ruto said angrily, and she started to swim gracefully up. Link would've just left right then and there and left Ruto to save the day this time, when suddenly his magnetic pen broke, and so he ended up floating upwards as his iron boots slowly sunk to the sandy ground.

"Darn!" Link said the minute his head was above the water. "I guess I am going to follow her after all," he said miserably as he went through the only door that was there.

Link was relieved to see that Ruto was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the only thing in that room was a picture of the Triforce. Link gave a shrug and then pulled out his ocarina before playing Zelda's Lullaby. As soon as the final note faded, the water began to drain, leaving the second floor breathable. Also, Zelda fell asleep in the middle of battling an evil bee, who was just trying to get past the princess and get to the flower that was right behind her. Link gave a shrug and then marched back out of the room to try and find his way out of the temple.

* * *

Well, I hope you all liked this chapter!

Oh, and that whole thing with Link having trouble with the bow in the Fire Temple...that actually happened to me! Not in the game, but I was at this Renaissance fair thing, and they had this archery stand set up. And I was all like, Oh cool! I can be like Link! So I marched over to the stand and cut to the very front of the line, and aimed very carefully at the pile of hay. It was very exciting, but then the stupid arrow didn't go anywhere :-( I think it was because they wouldn't let me pretend I was left handed...curse my parents for telling the guy in charge that I was actually right handed! My natural Link nature couldn't take over, because the bow was in the wrong hand! Anyway, after that I decided to do something easier, and I tried this stupid hammer game instead. Apparently, I have the strength of a jester :-( What's up with that? Well, I got a free jester hat out of it, so I guess everything worked out! It's got little bells on it that jingle as you walk! :-D


	11. Chapter 11

Hello everyone! Here is the chapter that's all about Malon! Now just keep in mind that this starts while Link is doing the Fire Temple, and it sort of goes from there. Anyway, hope you enjoy it, and thanks for reviewing!

* * *

Chapter 11

Malon's Quest

"I have a mission, I have a mission!" Malon chanted happily as she strapped a saddle onto one of the ranch's many brown horses. All of them already had saddles on, but Malon didn't notice this as she put her own saddle on top. "Going to Goron City, going to Goron City to find Zelda and Ganondorf!" she sang loudly, completely ignoring Saria, whose hair was entangled in Epona's reigns, as she was dragged around the ranch by the red horse.

Ingo was staring at her from the other side of the fence, wringing his hands nervously. "I really don't think this is such a good idea…" he said as Malon came skipping outside, her chosen horse reluctantly following behind.

Ingo was rewarded with one of Malon's creepy laughs, "You're so silly, Mr. Ingo!" Malon said cheerfully as she jumped energetically onto her horse. "Let's go, Buttercup!" the young girl shouted, even though Buttercup wasn't the name of the horse at all. His name was actually Lord Xavier the fourteenth, but Malon had forgotten that. Lord Xavier the fourteenth, aka, Buttercup, gave an annoyed snort before trotting off towards Kakariko Village.

Ingo gave a sad sigh before going back inside the barn, giving an annoyed glare at the owl, who was currently staring out of the window. "Well, I guess there's nothing to distract me from completing my plan on getting Talon's super secret journal!" Ingo said happily as he pulled out several blueprints of random buildings, most of which he didn't even know their location. Humming happily to himself, Ingo got to work on his plan.

While Ingo was creating several plans on how to break into banks, stores, and other buildings that he didn't even want to break into, Malon was enjoying the bright sunny day that was over Hyrule Field. "Tra la la la la la la!" Malon began to sing as they traveled the short distance to the village. The young girl, unfortunately, wasn't paying any attention to where they were going, and so when the horse finally stopped, she was actually at Hyrule Castle Town. "Is this really Kakariko Village, Buttercup?" Malon asked with wide eyes as dark clouds began to cover the sun. "Well, they sure need a few repairs, don't they!" Malon said cheerfully as she climbed off of her horse. "You wait here, Buttercup, I'll be back soon!" she said, and, lifting her skirt slightly so as not to get it wet, she crossed over the collapsed bridge and entered the town. "Hmmm, where's the people?" Malon asked as she walked around. Finally she made it to the market area, and there she saw a bunch of people. The group of re-deads were still trying to get together for a game (this time they wanted to try out twister), but they were still having trouble walking. "Hiiiiiiiii creepy person!" Malon shouted from behind one of the zombie guys. Malon frowned slightly when all she got in response was a low moan. "Hey, creepy person, where's the path to Death Mountain?" Malon asked.

She sighed when the zombie guy continued to slowly move towards the others. "Ohhhh, you're trying to join your friends! I'll help!" Malon shrieked happily, and she easily lifted the poor zombie guy and raced him over to the middle of the market place, right next to the fountain. After carefully placing him down, and giving him a gentle pat on the head, Malon raced off and carried the others over as well. "There you go!" Malon said happily. She watched with a smile as the re-deads spread their twister mat on the ground and moved on top of it. Her smile slowly faded, however, when they refused to do anything else. "You're supposed to move!" she shouted finally. All the other zombies just turned to look at her, and then they went back to their conversation. After a few hours they turned around and moved back to their earlier positions. Malon, by this time, was shaking with impatience and annoyance. "Where's Death Mountian!?" Malon screeched.

One of the zombies had the courtesy to slowly point in the direction of Kakariko Village. "Thank you!" Malon said, her rising anger completely gone. "Byyyyyye, creepy people!" she shouted, and she then went skipping back to Buttercup, who had left for the ranch a long time ago. "Buttercup? Where aaaaaaaare you?" Malon asked in a sing-songy voice. "Hmm, oh well! It's getting dark, I think I'll just go to the village now! Maybe I can visit Daddy!" Malon said happily, and she went skipping off. Once at the village, she discussed the importance of three o'clock for a few hours with the watch guard, and then she went into the house where her father was staying. "Hiiiiiiii, Daddy!" Malon shouted, waking up everyone except for Talon. "So, Daddy, oh my gosh! I have a quest! I have to find Princess Zelda, and Ganondorf, and bring them to some owl that's living at the ranch right now! Oh, and I also like pie! What about you?" she waited for a long time for Talon to wake up and answer her, a patient smile on her face. "Daddy! Wake up!" Malon shouted after awhile, which woke up the others in the house once again as they had just been starting to fall asleep. Malon then repeated what she had said, even though Talon was still sleeping. "Sooooo?! Do you like pie or not!?" Malon shouted, waking up the household…again.

Malon gave an annoyed sigh before leaving the house to continue on her quest, deciding to ask her father if he liked pie later. A few hours later, and she arrived at Goron City. She looked around with wide eyes, and then smiled happily when she saw Link, the mini-Goron. "Hiiiiiiii!" Malon shouted, startling the Goron and making him cry. "Oh my gosh! You are just the cutest little thing ever!" the young girl said, clasping her hands together and smiling happily. The little Goron slowly stopped crying as Malon made funny faces at him and made little baby sounds. "So, I'm on a quest!" Malon said after awhile.

"I met someone who was on a quest!" mini-Goron said excitedly.

"Really? Then we have a lot in common!"

"Hooray!" both of them cheered.

"I'm Malon, what's your name?" Malon asked (obviously).

"I'm Link!"

"Oh my gosh! I know a Link! But he's not as cute as you! No he's not!" Malon said, pinching the little Goron's cheeks.

Mini-Goron giggled happily, "You're funny! I like you!" he said.

"Oh! I like me too!" Malon said.

"Hooray!" both of them cheered again.

"So, I'm here to find Zelda and Ganondorf. Do you know where they are?" Malon asked. Mini-Goron just shook his head. "Oh well," Malon sighed. "I guess I'll just look somewhere else!" Malon said.

"Ok, bye!" mini-Goron said, and he quickly went to sleep.

Malon was just about to leave when suddenly she saw a small fairy sitting in the corner and grumbling to herself. "Hiiiiiiii, Navi!" Malon shouted as she ran over to the fairy.

"Hello!" Navi said happily.

"So, I'm on a quest!" Malon said, giving Navi a hug.

"Hey!" Navi said, as soon as she escaped from Malon's grasp.

"You're on a quest too!?"

"Hello!"

"Wow! What quest are you on? Are you here to find Zelda and Ganondorf?"

"No!" Navi said cheerfully.

"Well, that's why I'm here! Is Ganondorf here?"

"Hey!" Navi said, trying to say that he was actually in his castle, but Malon misinterpreted it.

"He is!? Yay!" Malon said, and she went skipping off, waving goodbye to Navi as she left.

Once inside the Fire Temple (for some reason she was able to handle the heat without the Goron Tunic just fine), Malon immediately ran towards the largest door she could find. After she had past this door, she found herself in the room where the dragon lived. Darunia was there as well, and he was currently challenging the dragon to a duel by continually slapping the dragon with a glove. The dragon was simply doing his best to ignore the large Goron chieftain. "Ahha! You must be Ganondorf!" Malon shouted at Darunia.

The Goron slowly turned around to face the young ranch girl. "Who are you?" Darunia asked in a confused voice.

"I'm Malon!" Malon said, as if that would explain everything. "And I'm here to bring you back to Mr. Owl! He's very mad!"

"…Who?" Darunia asked, frowning as he tried to figure out who this girl was and what she was talking about.

"Mr. Owl! I can't pronounce his real name!" Malon said, and she laughed her creepy laugh.

"Good, you take him! I'm going back to sleep!" the dragon said, and it quickly disappeared into the lava.

"I'm not going anywhere with you! I need to save my people!" Darunia shouted angrily.

"Oooooo, is that a quest?" Malon asked excitedly.

"Um…yeah, I guess…"

"Well too bad! I have a more important quest! My fairy friend told me that you were Ganondorf under cover as a Goron. So you're coming with me!" Malon said, and she raced over to the giant Goron before picking him up just as easily as she had with the creepy zombie guys.

"Hey, put me down!" Darunia shouted angrily, but Malon was already skipping outside of the temple, ignoring Darunia's hollering.

Malon was halfway back to the ranch when suddenly Darunia disappeared. "Awww," Malon said as she looked around for him with a small pout on her face. "I lost him!" She sighed before walking around aimlessly, trying to figure out where to go next. Before she knew it, she had arrived at the Gerudo Valley and was skipping across the wooden bridge that was swinging dangerously over the deep valley. Way down below her in the valley was a large river, but due to the distance it seemed small to Malon. Once the young farm girl was across the rickety bridge, she ran straight towards a large tent that was there. "Hiiiiiiii!" Malon shouted happily as she raced into the tent.

"Be quiet!" a large man, who happened to be the boss of the random workers, shouted.

"Oooooo, what are you doing? Huh, huh? What are you doing?" Malon asked.

"I'm standing here, what does it look like I'm doing!?" the boss of the workers shouted, finally turning to face the girl. "Hmmmm…" he said when he saw her. "Hey, I could use your help with something!" he said after a few minutes of silence.

"Oooooo, help! I love to help! Daddy always told me to help everyone as much as possible! …Of course, he might have just said that so I would stop asking him what I should do…" Malon said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," the large man said, waving his hand casually. "Look, My workers have gotten kidnapped by the group of thieves that live up in the fortress. Since you're a girl, maybe they'll let you release them!"

"Hmm…" Malon stuck her chin in her hand as she considered this. "But I'm already on a quest!" she said finally.

The boss of the workers was beginning to get desperate, "Well…uh…you can't go on a quest without a weapon now can you?" he said quickly.

"Ooooo, do you have a weapon I could borrow?" Malon asked excitedly.

"Uh…sure. Just negotiate the release of my employees and I'll give you any weapon you want!"

"…Negotiate…what's that?" Malon asked in a confused voice.

The man gave a tired sigh, "It means to sneak in and break my workers out of jail without getting caught! Now get moving!" he said, and he shooed the girl outside.

"Ok!" Malon said happily as she went skipping off towards the Gerudo Fortress.

As soon as she neared the large fortress, a bunch of guards spotted her and came charging over to arrest her, their spears raised and pointing right at her. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!" Malon said quickly, giving a hi to each guard that was surrounding her.

"This girl has red hair…is she one of us?" one of the guards asked quietly.

Malon just continued to smile at them.

"She's sort of creepy…" another guard said. Once Malon heard this, she gave her usual creepy laugh, which made all of the guards shudder in fear.

"You people are so funny!" Malon said happily. "I'm here to negotiate the release of the workers that you captured!" she said, stumbling slightly on the word negotiate.

"Oh, she's with the Hylians. Alright, we'll take you to our leader!" one of the guards said, and Malon was soon being led through the confusing corridors of the fortress.

After awhile the guards stopped inside a large room, where a tall man was sitting and playing a game of Go Fish with himself. "Darn it all! I lost again!" the man shouted, tossing the cards of different colored fish away from him. It was then that he noticed Malon. "Hey, it's you!" the tall, dark man said happily.

"Hey, it's you!" Malon said, just as happily. "Ganondorf!"

"Did you get my horse back from that evil Link?" Ganondorf asked hopefully.

"Nope! I'm here to negotiate the release of the workers!" Malon said cheerfully.

"Oh," Ganondorf said, pouting slightly. "Well, I'm here to punish the workers for sneaking around my fortress!"

"Oooooo, is that like releasing them?" Malon asked.

"I'm not sure. You know, I didn't really know that being king was going to be so hard! I just wanted a better job than acting all the time, so I came here! Apparently, they needed a king. I don't see why they don't just elect one of their own to be queen, but whatever!"

"Ooooo, you're an actor?"

"No, I _was_ an actor! Was!"

"Oh. What did you act on?" Malon asked curiously. Ganondorf then went into a big long explanation about the reality show that Link was in. "Does that mean I was on TV too!?" Malon shrieked excitedly.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Ganondorf said.

Malon gave out an excited, high pitched scream and then promptly fainted.

"Hmm…maybe we should find a doctor?" Ganondorf asked one of the many guards that were there.

"The leader of the Gerudo is supposed to have all the medical training," the guard answered, studying her nails with a bored expression.

"Darn!" Ganondorf said, stomping his foot on the floor. "Oh well, it looks like she's still breathing, I'm sure she'll be fine! Let's go punish those workers!" Ganondorf said, and he ran off with all of the guards following him. After forcing all of the workers to write a ten page essay on how sneaking around other people's homes was mean, Ganondorf decided that being king was too hard, and so he went back to Mr. Owl to get his old job back.

Once Malon woke up, she found herself to be surrounded by almost all of the Gerudos. "Hiiiiiiiiii people!" Malon said happily as she stood up.

"You look like us, sort of, and so we have decided that you will be our new leader!" one of the tall woman said.

"Oooooo, really? Queen Malon, of Lon Lon Ranch!" Malon said dreamily.

"Uh…no. Queen Malon, of Gerudo Fortress…" another Gerudo said.

"Ooooooo! Queen Malon, of Gerudo Fortress!" Malon said, just as dreamily as before. "Just wait 'til I tell Daddy!"

"So, as leader, you have a lot to do!" said a Gerudo as the others started to file out, casting back welcoming smiles to Malon as they left. "I'm your Royal Advisor, Gerudo number 1,123! Nice to meet you!"

"Oooooo, can I just call you Sammy?"

"Uh…isn't that a boy's name?"

"Oh, right. How about Greg!"

"…But I think that's a-"

"Greg it is! So, Greg, what do I have to do first?" Malon asked excitedly.

"Uh, well, you still have to decide on a permanent punishment for the workers. They'll be done with their essay soon," Greg said, still trying to decide if she liked her new name or not.

"Hmm… Let's just lock them up somewhere! Then we don't have to look at their ugliness!" Malon said cheerfully.

"Ok!" Greg said, feeling more confident about their new leader.

After the order to lock up the workers had been given, Greg returned to Malon to discuss other important things. "Queen Malon, we also have a slight problem with food… Because this place was burned recently, we haven't been able to replant our farms."

"Food?" Malon asked.

"No, no food," Greg said sadly.

"No food, hmm… Oh! What if we plant some farms?"

"We tried that already, the plants won't grow in this new soil," Greg said patiently.

"On no! Oh well, we tried!" Malon said carelessly.

"But we sort of need food…"

"Oh, right…food. Oh! I know! We'll plant farms!"

"But I already told you, we tried that already!" Greg said, trying to stay patient.

"Oh, right. Hmm…Oh! I know!"

"Yes?" Greg asked uncertainly.

"For real this time!" Malon said happily. "We plant farms!"

"But-"

"Not here though, on the other side of the river!"

Greg considered this for a moment before a smile finally spread on her face, "That's a great idea!" she said.

"Hooray!" Malon cheered. She then scowled at Greg, "When I cheer, everybody has to cheer!" she shouted.

"Oh, sorry. Is that going to be your first official rule?" Greg asked, pulling out a scroll of paper and a quill so she could write it down.

"I guess so," Malon said, shrugging.

"Excellent!" Greg said, and she quickly wrote the new rule down. "I'll announce it to everyone!"

After a few minutes the announcement had been made, and so Malon decided to test it. "Ready everyone? On the count of three!" she said through the fortress' loudspeaker. "Three… two…one!"

"Hooray!" Everyone in the fortress shouted happily.

"It worked! Hooray!" Malon shouted.

"Hooray!" shouted the others.

"Ok, that's enough. Continue with whatever you guys do…" Malon said, and the other women quickly went back to standing around and looking busy.

"This is fun. What's next?" Malon asked, turning back to face Greg.

"Well, we still need to-" But before Greg could finish, the crazy bunny-rabbit guy came racing inside the fortress.

"Greetings, from the world of bunny-rabbits!" the man shouted happily.

"Oooooo, I like rabbits!" Malon said, signaling for her guards to leave the newcomer alone.

"Really? Then perhaps you would like to become a member of the bunny-rabbit club? There are now: 1 official members!" the man said.

"Ooooo, I'd like to join! Yes I would!" Malon shouted excitedly.

"Great! A few years ago, there used to be strict rules that you had to follow. You used to have to say all sorts of oaths to rabbits and stuff, but nowadays things are easier! All you have to do is do the bunny-rabbit dance!" the man said.

"Yay!" Malon said, clapping her hands.

"Yay!" shouted all of the Gerudo, even though they had no idea what they were cheering for. Greg rolled her eyes when suddenly the man and Malon burst into the bunny-rabbit dance, which looked a lot like the style of dance known as 'The Robot'.

After the two had danced for awhile, Malon became the first member of the club to actually want to join (the bunny-rabbit man doesn't count, because he started the club). "Congratulations! There are now: 2 official members!" the bunny-rabbit man said happily.

"Yes!" Malon shouted happily.

"Yes!" all the Gerudo shouted.

"That wasn't really a cheer, people!" Malon said impatiently. "Sorry about them, they don't understand the bunny ways," Malon said to the bunny-rabbit guy, who nodded sagely.

"Well, as leader of the bunny-rabbit club, I say we have a fun group outing!" the man said after a few minutes.

"Oooooo, yes! I just love group outings, yes I do!" Malon said happily.

"Great! Let's go to Lake Hylia! I hear there's tons of rabbits there!"

"Hooray!" Malon shouted, and the two went hopping off, imitating rabbits as best they could, and left behind the fortress' cheering inhabitants. Malon, who was slightly ahead of her club leader, was halfway across the bridge when she noticed ropes tying the bridge to the cliff. "Ooooo!" Malon said happily, and she started to untie the bridge. "Fly, bridge, fly!"

"What are you doing?!" the bunny-rabbit guy shouted, stopping short so he wasn't on the bridge.

"Making the bridge fly!" Malon said, still untying the ropes from the bridge.

Once she was done she ran the rest of the way across before it collapsed. "Awww, it didn't fly!" Malon said, pouting.

"Of course it didn't fly!" the bunny-rabbit guy shouted from the other side.

"Haha! I'm going to beat you!" Malon said, and she went racing off to Lake Hylia.

The bunny-rabbit guy stared after Malon as she disappeared into the distance. Then he sighed sadly, "There are now: 1 official members!" he said before turning around and trudging slowly into the tent to wait for the bridge to be repaired.

After just a few minutes had passed, Malon arrived at Lake Hylia. "Oooo, look at all that water!" Malon said, referring to the small pond below her. "Oooo, look at that cute little house!" The young girl went skipping to the other side of the lake, completely oblivious to the jumping, four legged spider things that were chasing after her. Malon had to climb a bit, but she finally made it to the small house that she had pointed out to herself earlier. Once inside, she met a man who very closely resembled a monkey. "Hey, welcome to the fishing hut," the man said.

"Ooooo, what's a fish?" Malon asked.

"It's that thing over there," monkey man said, pointing to a large fish that was sitting miserably in the corner of a small tank.

"Awww, it's so cute! Yes it is!" Malon said, tapping the glass wall.

"I'd give you a fishing pole, but there's no water in the lake…I don't even know how you managed to get up here…" the man said, pondering this new puzzle.

"He doesn't look very happy," Malon said, still tapping the glass.

"Well, you could buy him for just thirty rupees!" the man said, still trying to make money.

"Ooooo, thirty rupees? I don't have that much… I do have thirty-five rupees though!"

"Uh…ok."

"Great! Here you go!" Malon said, handing the man all of her money.

After she had received the fish, she went skipping off to continue on her quest. After awhile of walking around, she found herself to be on a small island with a large tree on it. On this tree, was Sheik. "Hiiiiiiii, stranger!" Malon shouted up at the man.

"Go away! I'm studying the effects of water on trees!" Sheik shouted back, sprinkling small amounts of water on the tree with a large watering can.

"But it's raining!" Malon said.

"So? That doesn't stop such a great and evil scientist as me! Ahahahaha!" Sheik shouted cheerfully.

"Can I help?" Malon asked, still holding onto her bottled fish.

"Yes, you can help by turning around and taking four steps forward!" Sheik said in a bored voice.

"Ok! Here I go! One…two…three…fo- Ahhhhhh!" Malon began to scream as she fell off of the island and landed on the hard ground below. "Four!" she finished quickly. "Ok, now what?"

"Now you can keep walking!" Sheik shouted impatiently.

"But if I go too far, I won't be able to hear what you want me to do next!" Malon said with a frown.

Sheik paused in his watering and considered this, completely forgetting that he had meant to get rid of the girl. "I guess you're right…Fine, get back up here!"

"Ok!" Malon said, and came running back, the large fish getting jostled around in the small confines of his bottle. "Here I am!" Malon said finally.

"Good, now we are going to wait here for Link, so that we can bother him some more! Ahhahahaha!"

"Oooooo, ok! Ahahahahaha!" Malon shouted.

Sheik scowled at Malon as he jumped down from his tree, "That's my evil laugh, fool! Don't go taking it!"

"Oh but, I'm queen!" Malon said.

"So? I'm a princess!" Sheik shouted. Malon stared at Sheik with a concerned expression. "Never mind!" Sheik snapped. The two sighed and then sat down, leaning against the tree.

"So, I'm on a quest!" Malon said after awhile.

"Me too! I'm trying to help Link stop Ganondorf, and save the world from the rain!" Sheik said happily.

"Oooooo…but isn't it already raining?" Malon asked, placing her bottle with the fish in it on the ground between her and Sheik.

"No!" Sheik shouted, blatantly ignoring the drops of rain that were currently hitting him.

"Oh," Malon said, still confused. "Well, I'm trying to find Zelda and Ganondorf and bring them to Mr. Owl."

"What!? Mr. Owl is evil! You shouldn't be working for him!" Sheik said crossly.

"Oh. Ok. Are you Ganondorf?"

"No!"

"Are you Zelda?"

"No!" Sheik shouted impatiently.

"Oh, because if you are I have to bring you to Mr. Owl."

"I already told you about that stupid owl! Don't work for him!" Sheik said, gritting his teeth angrily.

"You know, I think you're Ganondorf!" Malon decided finally.

"I'm not Ganondorf!" Sheik shouted.

"Well I think you are! I'm going to take you to Mr. Owl!" Malon said, trying to grab Sheik. But the tall man was quicker, and he quickly jumped back onto the tree.

"Go away!" Sheik shouted. "We hate you!"

"Who's we?" Malon asked curiously.

"I dunno. But I'm sure whoever we is, they hate you!"

"Well we sounds mean!" Malon said, and she ran around to the other side of the tree. Sheik quickly jumped down without Malon even noticing.

Just then the rain stopped and suddenly the lake began to fill up with bright, sparkling water. "Well what do you know, Link did it!" Sheik said happily while Malon started to continually run into the tree, still not realizing that Sheik was no longer up there. Sheik waved happily when suddenly Link appeared in front of him. "Oh, it's you," Link said grumpily. "I nearly get arrested for killing endangered, man eating clams; I had to sit for hours, listening to my stupid shadow plan my wedding; I had to wade through some weird, jell-o stuff and try to avoid a crazy monster that wanted to play doge ball; and now I'm stuck with you! The goddesses must hate me!" Link said tiredly, ignoring Sheik as he tried to show off the new dance he recently learned. "Stop tap dancing!" Link shouted finally.

Sheik gasped, but stopped his dancing for the time. "So, did Ruto want to thank me?" he asked.

"Uh…" Link began.

"Well, you can tell her that she is not welcome! Ahahahaha!"

"Ok," Link said, rolling his eyes.

Malon missed the rest of their conversation, as she was too busy chasing after her fish, who had managed to escape from the bottle. "Awww," she said when it flopped into the water. Suddenly Malon noticed that Sheik was back up in the tree. Grinning happily, the young girl bashed into the tree yet again, sending Sheik flying through the air and into the water. "You have to see Mr. Owl!" Malon shouted, swimming after Sheik just as the sun started to rise over the hills. Malon chased after Sheik for a long time, until finally they both got too tired to run around.

"Fine, I'll go meet your stupid owl! I've got a few things to say to him anyway!" Sheik said breathlessly.

"Yay!" Malon cheered, clapping happily.

"Hooray!" shouted all of the Gerudo, way faraway in their fortress.

The two walked quietly the rest of the way to the ranch, every once in awhile they would glare at each other suspiciously. When they finally arrived at the ranch, Malon found out that her father had returned and that he had kicked the giant owl and Saria off of his ranch. "How could you, Daddy!?" Malon shrieked angrily while Sheik walked around the ranch curiously.

"I'm sorry, Malon. I didn't know they were your friends!" Talon protested.

Malon glared angrily at her parent, "I cannot believe you! You're so bothersome!"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Talon said, following his daughter as she stormed into the house.

Meanwhile, Ingo was trying to recruit Sheik into helping him get the super secret journal. "It sounds boring, and I have more important things to do!" Sheik said impatiently, trying to shoo the farmer away.

"Oh, but, this is important! We might lose all of our chickens!" Ingo argued, trailing after Sheik as he examined all of the horses.

"Fine, I'll get you your stupid journal, but then you have to leave me alone!" Sheik shouted.

"Deal!" Ingo said excitedly. The two men walked cautiously up to the house, where Malon could still be heard scolding her father. Sheik turned to Ingo and began to do a bunch of hand signals, none of which Ingo understood. "…What?" Ingo asked when Sheik was finally finished. Sheik rolled his eyes and went through the hand signals again. "I can't understand you!" Ingo shouted. Both he and Sheik winced and quickly ducked under the window. Fortunately, Malon's screaming had drowned out Ingo's voice, and so the mission was still on.

"You go inside and distract them, while I climb the walls and break into the upper room through the roof!" Sheik whispered to Ingo.

"Oh! Now see, was it so hard to just say that?" Ingo whispered back. The only answer he got was Sheik rolling his eyes.

Ingo cautiously opened up the door and stuck a foot slowly inside. After a few minutes Sheik got tired of waiting, and he shoved Ingo all the way inside the house before slamming the door behind the man. The slamming door was enough to catch Talon and Malon's attention, and they both turned sharply to face the man. "Uh…howdy!" Ingo said hesitantly. While Ingo was stuttering about how important it was to slam doors every now and then, Sheik was slowly scaling the wall. He was almost there when suddenly he slipped. He would've fallen all the way down if it hadn't been for his climbing tools, which caught on to the wood. However, Sheik had fallen far enough down to be in complete view of the window.

Ingo was still stammering on about doors, when he suddenly spotted Sheik right outside the window, struggling to climb up further. Ingo's eyes widened and he quickly moved to block the window. Talon and Malon were just staring at the hired ranch hand with confused expressions. "Well, if it's so important to slam doors and windows…Malon, why don't you go and open up that window and then slam it shut again!" Talon suggested.

"Ok, Daddy!" Malon said happily.

"No!" Ingo shouted, spreading his arms to block the view outside even more. "Uh…I mean, I'll do it! You might do it wrong, since you're new at it and all…" Ingo said.

"Oh, ok!" Malon said, and she went back to stand next to her father. Ingo spun around quickly and pulled the window open.

"What is taking you so long!?" Ingo hissed at Sheik, who was still in front of the window.

"I think there's a bees nest up there! I can't go up there!" Sheik whispered back.

"What's taking you so long, Ingo?" Talon asked. "Just slam it shut again!"

"Uh…no, you have to let it feel the fresh air a bit first!" Ingo said nervously. "Just get moving!" he whispered urgently to Sheik.

"Fine!" Sheik snapped, and he started to climb up again.

Ingo quickly slammed the window shut and then turned around, not even noticing that some of Sheik's clothing had gotten caught in the window. "Ingoooo," Sheik hissed at the man. But Ingo didn't hear, as he tried to persuade the two ranch owners that the upstairs door didn't need slamming. "I did that one yesterday!" Ingo said quickly.

"No you didn't! I was up there all day yesterday, and you weren't there!" Talon protested.

"Uh…yesterday is just a figure of speech! Nowadays, when people say yesterday, they mean tomorrow!" Ingo said, flinching when he realized how ridiculous he sounded.

"You slammed the door…tomorrow?" Talon asked, confused. Malon appeared to have completely given up on understanding the conversation, and she was currently swaying back and forth, humming Epona's Song.

"Uh…yes?" Ingo said uncertainly. It was then that he heard the quiet tapping against the window. He whirled around again and gave out a short scream when he saw Sheik still there, trying to pull his shirt out from under the window. Ingo quickly opened it again to free the other man. But, unfortunately, Sheik hadn't been expecting the sudden release, and so he fell down the rest of the way.

"Watcha' doing, Ingo?" Talon asked.

Ingo quickly slammed the window shut again before turning to face his employer, "Sometimes you have to slam them twice! You know?" Ingo said, starting to sweat from his nervousness. Talon just shook his head, amazed by Ingo's knowledge of such things.

While Sheik was climbing back up to the roof, Epona was slowly starting to hear Malon's humming. Her ears went flat again, and she charged towards the house, hoping she would be able to shut the young girl up this time. Unfortunately, Link happened to be on Epona this time. "Stop, horse! Stop!" Link screamed as the horse charged through the window, just barely missing Sheik as he quickly scrambled up faster. Glass fragments flew everywhere as Epona landed inside the small room. "Well howdy, Link!" Talon said happily.

Ingo glared at Link, "I knew it! You're still a double agent! I've had enough of you ruining my plans! Prepare to die!" Ingo shouted as Link tried to shove Epona outside. Malon's humming had stopped as she just waved at Epona, and so the horse walked over to join the other horses. Before Link could even turn around to face Ingo, the farmer started throwing all of the dishes that were there at the boy. "Muhahahaha! Take that!" Ingo shouted.

"This place is crazy, I'm going home!" Malon said as Talon joined in the fun, throwing his chickens at both of the other two men. "Oh, I am home!" Malon said cheerfully, clapping for herself. "I guess I'll just go upstairs then!"

"Noooo!" Ingo shouted, but he couldn't stop Malon as two cuccos were currently pecking at his feet, and Link was throwing his bombs around randomly. Malon went skipping upstairs, humming happily. When she arrived in the other room, however, she stopped short. "Hiiiiii, Ganondorf!" Malon said finally.

Sheik, who had frozen in the middle of climbing through the upstairs window to get inside, glared at Malon. "I am not Ganondorf!" he shouted as he came fully inside.

"What are you doing here?" Malon asked curiously as she watched the man start to open drawers and shift through the papers that were there.

"I'm looking for the super secret journal!" Sheik said. "…What is going on down there?" he asked when a bunch of bombs blew up at once. This startled the cuccos, and so they called in reinforcements. Sheik started to scream in a very high pitched voice when a large flock of birds could be seen heading towards the house. Malon just closed the window calmly, rolling her eyes at Sheik's panicking. All the way downstairs, they could hear screaming as the cuccos flew into the other room. Malon laughed her creepy laugh, "That happens a lot around here!" she said, referring the attacking chickens.

"Right…so do you know where the journal is?" Sheik asked, embarrassed about his earlier screaming.

"Sure do! It's right over there!" Malon said, and she pointed to a small book that was laying in the middle of the floor.

"Oh. Well, that's easy!" Sheik said. He snatched up the book and then used a deku nut to blind Malon, so he could escape. The man raced downstairs, where the cuccos were still pecking at everyone. Sheik shook his head and then charged into the room, grabbed Ingo, and pulled him outside into safety. "Here! Here's your stupid journal!" Sheik snapped.

"Yes! Finally! After all these years, it's finally mine!" Ingo shouted.

"Yeah yeah, just read it!" Sheik said, curious as to what was inside.

"Ok!" Ingo opened up the book very carefully, as if it would crumble if he turned the pages to fast. Sheik watched him with a bored expression on his face as Ingo slowly leafed through some pages that just had drawings of flowers on them. "Oh give me that!" Sheik shouted, and he grabbed the book from Ingo before quickly turning the pages to where there was actually writing. "Day 1, Hi! I'm Talon!

Day 2, Hi! I'm Talon! …Day 3, Hi! I'm Talon!" Sheik glared at the book before skipping to near the end of the book. "Day 3,655, Hi! I'm Talon! Day 3,656, Hi! I'm Malon! Teehee! I stole Daddy's journal! Day 3,657, Hi! I'm Talon!" Sheik closed the book with a snap and looked at Ingo, who was staring at the super secret journal with the most miserable look Sheik had ever seen.

"There's nothing in there!" Ingo shouted finally. "Well, we'll show him!" Ingo grabbed the book, cackling maniacally. He opened it up and wrote down under Day 3,658, "Hi! I'm Ingo!" Ingo then closed the book, "Muhahahahahahhahahahaha!!" he shouted.

"Yeah, that's showing him alright," Sheik said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Well, I gotta go, lots of stuff to do!"

"Ok, bye!" Ingo said happily, and the two quickly went running off, Sheik to visit Kakariko Village, and Ingo to hide in the barn and wait for the cuccos to stop attacking Link and Talon.

Malon just jumped around in her room, hoping that someday she would get another quest from Mr. Owl.

* * *

Well what did you all think of this one? In the next chapter, you get to find out what happened to Link in the Water Temple!  
Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi again! Here's the next chapter, I hope you all like it! Muhahaha, that's right, I am now putting the author's notes in BOLD! It makes it look cooler and more dramatic! :-D  
Thanks sooooo much for the reviews! :-)**

* * *

Chapter 12

Wedding Plans and a Message from the Spirits

Link was lost in the Water Temple. The young man was still searching for the exit to the temple, since Ruto was doing all the work this time, but unfortunately for Link, he had drained the water, keeping him from reaching the exit. "Which way, Navi!? Which way!?" he shouted frantically.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, and she slapped Link with his magical hammer.

"Hey, watch it!" Link said, and he quickly ran through the nearest door to escape the maniac fairy and her hammer. After Navi had calmed down, Link decided that the only way to get back outside was to explore the new dungeon, which was exactly what he did, casting back warning glances to Navi whenever he heard her start to pull out the hammer. After awhile, he arrived inside a room that held giant clams. These clams also happened to be man-eating clams, but Link didn't know this as he casually swam past them. He found out rather quickly, however, when all four of the giant clams latched onto him. "Nooooo!" Link shouted, hitting at the clams with his shield.

After he finally managed to get them off, Link quickly swam to safety, only to be stopped by one of the guards that were usually stationed at Kakariko Village. "So…you thought you could get away with hitting an endangered animal, did you?" the man said, glaring at Link.

"What, the clams?" Link asked incredulously.

"Those aren't clams! Those are giant, man-eating, mollusks!"

"…But mollusks are clams," Link said, getting confused.

"No, they're just mollusks! Do I seem stupid to you!?" the man shouted.

"Uh…maybe?"

"The correct answer is no!" the guard shrieked.

"Oh, right. No!" Link said quickly.

"Good! Now, you are under arrest for nearly killing the endangered mollusks"

"Can I just pay a fee or something?" Link asked tiredly.

"No fee for you! Gwahahaha!"

"What is it with you guards!? You're all crazy!" Link said, and he went stomping off.

"Wait! You have to be arrested!" the guard shouted in a whiny voice. The man pouted when Link just went into the next room. "He's just so mean! I'll get him…when he least suspects it!" the guard said, and he went slinking off into the shadows.

Meanwhile, while the guard was planning his next attack to arrest Link, Link was still trying to figure out how to get the water level to rise. After a few hours of mindlessly wandering around the large building, Link came into a rather pretty room. There was a sky of sorts above him, and the floor was covered with a thin layer of sparkling water. There was also a small tree in the center of this room, and so Link happily skipped over to this. After examining the tree and finding nothing of importance, Link went running off to the other door, which was, of course, blocked off by iron bars. "Darn!" Link said with a pout as he tried to pry the door open anyway. After a few minutes of this, Navi got tired of watching him fail to open the door, and so she hit him again with the magical hammer. "Cut it out!" Link whined as he turned around to run away. It was then that he spotted a person standing next to the tree. "Hey, look! A person!" Link said, and he started to cautiously approach the newcomer. Navi hid under Link's hat and peeked out from under the brim with wide eyes, wondering if this person was going to kill Link or not.

"Hi there, stranger!" Link said happily as soon as he was closer. At this distance, Link was able to examine the person better. He looked just like Link, only his tunic was dark, and there were no discernable features to his face.

"Howdy! I have come to kill you!" the new person who looked like Link's shadow said cheerfully.

"Oh no!" Link said with a small pout. Then he sighed, "What's new. Everybody's trying to kill me. Nobody likes me anymore!" Link said miserably.

Link's shadow shared all of Link's emotions, since he was Link's shadow, and so he began to cry as well. Navi sighed as both men burst into tears, and climbed out from under Link's hat. She perched on the highest tree branch she could find before throwing deku sticks at the two of them, giggling happily every time she hit one of them. "I was cloned by some crazy princess to keep the Water Temple safe from intruders!" Link's shadow wailed.

"Wait a minute, you're my clone!?" Link shouted, his crying instantly stopping.

"Uh…sort of," Link's shadow said.

"That makes me sort of like your dad! Go to your room!" Link said, crossing his arms and glaring down at his shadow.

"I hate you! You're ruining my life!" Link's shadow shouted, and he went stomping off, slamming the door behind him loudly.

"I just don't know how to deal with him anymore!" Link said sadly before going to the other door, which had finally unlocked.

Navi quickly collected her sticks before following her friend through the door. The two found themselves to be inside a small room with a large chest set right in the center. "Hey look, treasure!" Link said cheerfully as he raced over to the chest. He unceremoniously pushed it open and pulled out…another hookshot. "Lame! I already have one of these things!" Link shouted, and he tossed the new hookshot (which was actually a longshot, a hookshot with improved range and firing power! Muhahahaha!) into his pocket recycling bin.

"Hey!" Navi shouted to get the boy's attention.

"What did you find?" Link asked excitedly as he ran over to the little fairy.

"Listen! This symbol on the floor looks just like the one from the Temple of Time, don't you think?"

"Hmm…" Link said as he examined the familiar symbol. "Not really," he decided finally.

Navi gave an annoyed sigh before hitting him with the hammer.

"Ow! Ok fine, it looks exactly like it!" Link shouted. "Now that we're all in agreement, can we go?"

"No!" Navi shouted, and she grabbed Link's ocarina from him.

"Hey! That's mine!" Link shouted as the small fairy began to play the Song of Time. "Nooooo! You've used it! Now it's ruined!" Link wailed when Navi handed the instrument back to him. Link was so busy glaring at Navi, that it took him awhile to realize that the symbol on the floor had disappeared, and it had taken a good chunk of the floor with it, leaving a large hole that Link could easily fall through.

Link found this out the hard way when he fell through it without knowing it was even there (he had been too busy throwing a temper tantrum at Navi and jumping around like a monkey). He landed rather hard on a wooden platform that was right next to a swiftly moving river. "I need a raft!" Link said cheerfully as he brushed himself off. "Or a boat or something…"

"Hey! Listen!" Navi shouted, not even waiting for Link to acknowledge her this time. "Be careful, Link! Don't get swallowed by the vortexes!"

"Yeah, whatever," Link said casually. "I wasn't going to jump in anyway! That seems kind of stupid, don't you-"

But before Link could finish what he was saying, the crazy guard jumped down from the giant hole, cackling madly. "You're under arrest!" the guard shouted before pushing Link into the water before the boy could even react.

"Nooooooo!" Link shouted. "I swallowed some of the water! I'm going to die!" he wailed.

"Gwahahaha! I'll catch him at the other end!" the guard said, and he hopped into the nearby boat that Link had somehow missed, and sped off along the river's edge. Unfortunately for the guard, he went right past Link without even seeing him, as the boy was walking casually under the water. His iron boots had somehow returned and he had put them on so he didn't have to worry about getting sucked into the whirlpools that were scattered along the surface of the water.

As soon as the guard realized this, he turned his boat around and paddled as hard as he could back up the river. The current was too strong for him, however, and the guard was swept off into one of the many vortexes. "I'll be back, Link! Someday, I will have my revenge!" the guard shouted before he disappeared. But Link didn't even hear this message, as he was already climbing out of the water and heading towards a nearby door. After a few more hours of trying to find the exit, Link stumbled upon a large key. "I wonder where this leads to!" Link said, completely forgetting about all the other finely decorated keys he had used in the past dungeons. Humming happily to himself, Link continued on. After awhile he finally got the water to go back to its previous level. "Now we can go home!" Link shouted excitedly, racing towards the exit. Navi, however, wanted to continue exploring, and so she set a bomb right in front of Link. "Nooooo!" Link shouted, but it was too late. Navi gave the bomb a good whack with the magical hammer so it would blow up right away, and then Link was sent flying across the temple. He ended up right next to the door that led to the room that led to the boss room. "Darn!" Link said unhappily as Navi shoved him inside.

After running past some scary blocks that had spikes on them and were going back and forth, back and forth, without even slowing down, Link made it to the door that took the large key. "I think we should reconsider this!" Link shouted at Navi as she shoved the key in the lock and struggled to turn it. "I'm not doing it for you," Link said, crossing his arms and glaring at Navi when she started to hit him with her hammer.

"Dad!" shouted a voice suddenly.

"Oh great," Link grumbled. He turned around to see his shadow racing past the blocks with no problem at all.

"So, I was talking with Sheik, and he said you were getting married! Why didn't you tell me!?" Link's shadow shouted before pouting.

"I'm not getting married! How many times do I have to explain this to people?!" Link shouted back.

"Oh, but, I have so many plans for you!"

"That's great, but I have to fight some monster…" Link said, suddenly feeling the need to run inside the boss room. Link whirled around and started to turn the key, but Navi had sort of broken it with her previous attempts, and so the giant key wouldn't budge, no matter how desperately Link struggled with it. "Nooooooo!" the boy finally shouted, and he sat down to listen to his shadow's wedding plans.

A long time later, the shadow was finally drawing to a close. Sketches of different decorations and formal wear were scattered all over the floor, along with samples of different cheeses and drinks, which Navi was currently tasting with large gulps. "So, I think you should go for this suit, 'cause it matches the table cloth and napkins better," Link's shadow said.

Link quickly snapped out of his nap and glared at the other boy, "For the two hundredth time, I am not getting married!" he shouted.

"You're calling it off!? You could've told me that before I went through all these different plans!" Link's shadow said crossly. He then smiled when a new thought hit him. "You're probably just nervous! Everybody gets that way before the big day!" he said cheerfully, not even noticing Link's twitching eye. "So, have you sampled the cheeses yet? I prefer this one, myself," the shadow said, grabbing some cheese from Navi before she could eat it all.

"Hey!" she shouted angrily, before turning to a different cheese.

"And you have yet to pick out a wine! You know, they always say to go for white wine, so in case you spill it on your fancy clothes, it won't show too bad…"

"Fine!" Link shouted. "I like that cheese, and that wine!" he said angrily, pointing randomly to the food items.

"Really? Because I sort of like this one better. Hey, here's an idea! Let's do both! …Or would that seem too cheesy? Hahahaha, get it? Cheesy?"

"I can't take it anymore!" Link shouted, and he jumped up from his sitting position before banging desperately on the door. "Open the darn door!" he shouted. Navi and the shadow just stared at Link, small pieces of cheese and glasses of wine still in their hands.

"He's losing it," the shadow said finally.

"Hey, listen!" Navi said happily, which was her way of saying that it was just pre-marriage jitters. Link's shadow nodded happily, and the two went back to sampling the other food and drinks, completely ignoring Link's desperate pounding on the door.

Finally the boss of the Water Temple grew tired of hearing the constant knocking, and so he unlocked the door before racing back to his hiding spot. "Teehee! This is going to be so much fun! The guy comes in, and I jump out and startle him by shouting boo!" the boss said cheerfully before peeking out of his hiding spot and staring at the still closed door with bated breath. Suddenly the door opened and Link came racing in before slamming the door closed as quickly as he could.

"Hey wait, you still haven't said where you even want the darn wedding!" Link's shadow could be heard shouting through the thick metal door.

"I'm freeeeee!" Link shouted, cackling happily as he started to dance around the room.

"Link, look out! That isn't normal water over there!" Navi shouted.

"Hey, how did you get in here?!" Link asked, confused. Navi signaled over to a large hole in the wall that was right next to the door.

Link's shadow was poking his head through this hole, staring at Link with a worried expression. "Maybe we should go over some dance moves too, because the stuff you got stinks!" he said in a conversational tone.

"Would you just cut it out!" Link shouted.

"Hey, watch out! I warned you about the water, fool!" Navi shouted, but it was too late. Link, in his panic, had raced right into the strange, jell-o like water.

While Link was trying to figure out how to move in this strange substance, the water behind him started to rise and form into a tentacle of sorts. Navi and Link's shadow watched with wide eyes as the monster's limb stretched out and tapped Link on the shoulder. "What!?" Link snapped, whirling around in the jell-o to see who was tapping him.

"Boo!" the monster squeaked excitedly.

"Oooo, I'm so scared!" Link said sarcastically as he finally made it out of the water.

"Oh, no fair! I wasn't ready! Let me try again!" the monster said.

"_You_ weren't ready!? You were the one who was trying to get _my _attention!" Link shouted impatiently.

"Oh, please! Let me try again! Please please please please please ple-"

"Alright! Fine!" Link said, rolling his eyes and turning his back on the monster.

"Yay!" the monster said happily before clearing his throat and then tapping Link again. Link turned around as slowly as he could to give the monster more time to get ready. "BOO!" the monster shouted in a very deep voice.

Link halfheartedly faked a scream. "Ok? Can I go now?" Link asked in a bored voice.

"Sure! Thanks!" the monster said happily, and the tentacle sunk down into the water.

"Whatever," Link said, and he walked back to where Navi and his shadow were waiting for him. Before he could make it all the way to them, however, a hard ball hit Link in the back of his head. "Ow! What was that for!?" Link shouted as the monster quickly grabbed the ball and started to aim at Link again.

"I want to play a game! Let's play a game! Dodgeball!" the monster squealed happily.

Link's shadow snorted, "Good luck getting him to play, he never played games with me when I was growing up!" he said, scowling at Link.

"Shadow, shut up!" Link shouted as he ran away from the ball that was being constantly thrown at him.

"My name isn't even Shadow! What kind of father forgets his own son's name!?" Link's shadow sobbed.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Link snapped as he hid behind his shield to block the monster's next 'attack'. Suddenly another tentacle reached out and grabbed Link.

"You little Hylians are just sooooo cute!" the monster said as it hugged the poor boy. Unfortunately for Link, the monster didn't realize how strong it was, and Link ended up nearly getting crushed to death.

"Hey!" Navi shouted at the shadow, trying to get him to do something.

Link's shadow crossed his arms and glowered at the scene in front of him, "I'm not helping him! He hates me!" the shadow snapped.

"Hey!" Navi said, more angrily this time as she got ready to hit him with a deku stick.

"Ok ok! Sheesh!" the shadow said crossly as he walked over to the monster and Link, who was still getting hugged to death…literally. "Hey, monster thing, you want some cheese?" Link's shadow asked in an extremely bored voice.

"Oh! I love those cute little Hylian snacks!" the water monster said, and it tossed Link away before snatching up all of the cheese, much to Navi's dismay, as she had really liked the cheese.

"Hey!" Navi protested as Link hit the wall rather hard (but, of course, nobody cared about him at the moment).

"What? You wanted me to help Link! You're never happy!" the shadow said with a pout as Navi watched the water monster eat all the cheese with a miserable expression on her face.

"I'm ok! In case anyone was wondering," Link said as he stiffly stood up. He sighed when he saw his shadow and Navi completely ignoring him and attacking the water monster with deku sticks as they tried to get the cheese back. "Ok, time to go!" Link called over to them as he walked as quickly as he could towards the exit.

"Awwww, do we have to go now?" Link's shadow asked with a pout, his deku stick frozen in the air in mid-swing.

"Yes, we have to go now!" Link snapped impatiently.

"Can't we stay just five more minutes?" the shadow asked in a whiny voice.

"Yeah, can't they stay five more minutes?" the water monster asked.

"No! Now let's go!" Link shouted.

"Fine!" Link's shadow shouted back angrily, and he stomped over to where Link was impatiently waiting, dragging Navi behind him by one wing as she continued to throw deku sticks at the monster.

The trio was about to leave when suddenly Princess Ruto came charging past them, a long sword in one of her hands. "Ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai!" she shouted as she leaped at the water monster, who was shouting boo at her several times.

"Ow!" the monster shouted as Ruto began to swing her sword at the monster in random directions. "You guys are just so mean! I'm out of here!" the water monster shouted, and it quickly started to drain through a grate in the... ceiling (the monster was part of the anti-gravity club).

"Muhahahahaha, I got it!" Ruto shouted, striking a majestic pose, with her sword pointing towards the ceiling... majestically.

The other three just stared at her with awestruck faces. "Go step-mom!" Link's shadow cheered finally, only to get a hard slap on the arm from Link and an angry glare from Ruto.

"I am soooo not marrying him!" she said, her face wearing a disgusted expression every time she looked at Link. "Once I become queen of the Zoras, I don't want some ugly Hylian as king! He would ruin all of the portraits that will be made of me!" And with that the young Zora princess stalked off, turning her nose up at Link as she passed. Suddenly the two of them, along with Navi, were warped to the Chamber of Sages. "Noooo!" Ruto screamed as she watched her temple disappear from sight. Link just gave a sigh of relief to finally be away from his shadow. "Oooo, Link this is all your fault!" Ruto snapped as she glared at the new room.

"My fault? What did I do?" Link asked with a pout.

"Hmph! I should've known something like this would happen! I suspected nothing less from the man I chose to marry, and then dump!"

Link just rolled his eyes as Ruto continued to rant on and on about how useless he was.

"Anyway, Zora's Domain and all the fishy people inside should return to normal soon!" Ruto said cheerfully after a few minutes.

"Good for them, can I go now?" Link asked tiredly.

"I'm not done talking, fool!" Ruto screeched. "I will stay here and guard the Water Temple. And you…you're looking for the princess, Zelda, aren't you!?"

"Uh…" Link began, but as usual he was interrupted.

"Hah! You can't hide anything from me! Especially when you're wearing a sign on your shirt that says you're looking for the princess, Zelda!" Ruto said, and then she began to cackle maniacally.

"I have trouble talking to strangers!" Link snapped as he tore the sign off of his tunic. "It's called being shy!"

"Sure, whatever," Ruto said, still cackling. "Anyway, she's alive, I can sense it!" she said mysteriously, the lighting in the room suddenly dimming slightly as the Zora examined a crystal ball.

"Oooooo, a magic crystal ball! What does it say?" Link asked excitedly.

"It says…" Ruto paused, and then gasped in surprise. "It says that we're all going to die! Doom doom doom!"

"Oh no!" Link shouted in a scared voice.

"No, wait, I was reading it backwards! It actually says…Mood mood mood! Eid ot gniog lla er'ew taht syas ti!"

"…What the heck is that supposed to mean!?" Link shouted.

"Well, give me a minute to translate what the spirits are trying to tell us! Honestly, you're so impatient!" Ruto snapped. Link sighed and sat down as he waited for Ruto to translate the strange message. "Oh, I got it!" she shouted suddenly.

"Yay! What does it say?" Link asked, his excitement returning.

"It says…Mud mud mud! Ed at Gnoig lalalalalala er, ewwww! Da hat says tie!"

". . . ."

"Hmmm, that doesn't sound right, not at all! Oh well, I guess the spirits are just confused!"

"Give me that!" Link snapped, and he snatched the crystal ball from the Zora, despite her protests that it was for fishy people only.

Link stared inside the ball and then glared at Ruto, who was looking around nervously. "This is just a stupid snow globe! It doesn't have any message in it, it just has a snowman!" Link said crossly.

"That's just what the spirits want you to think!" Ruto said in a mysterious voice.

"Oh whatever! Can I please have my medallion so that I can go?" Link asked impatiently.

"Sure! Here you go!" Ruto said, and she threw a large, blue medallion at Link. It hit Link in the head before bouncing off and hitting the goddess Din, who was getting rid of the giant pit of lava that she had added there earlier.

"Ow! Ooooo you stupid Hylians!" Din shouted, lightning sprouting from her hands as she glared at Link, who was stuffing the medallion into his pocket and staring at Din with wide eyes. "I'll show you!" the goddess shouted, but Link was already warping out of the chamber.

"Hey Link, if you see Sheik, tell him that he was absolutely useless, ok?" Ruto shouted as Link faded away.

In just a few seconds, Link found himself to be back at Lake Hylia, which was slowly filling up with water again somehow. Link would've been happy to enjoy the beautiful view, but, unfortunately, Sheik was also there. The man was standing right in front of Link and waving happily. "Oh, it's you," Link said grumpily. "I nearly get arrested for killing endangered, man eating clams; I had to sit for hours, listening to my stupid shadow plan my wedding; I had to wade through some weird, jell-o stuff and try to avoid a crazy monster that wanted to play doge ball; and now I'm stuck with you! The goddesses must hate me!" Link said tiredly, ignoring Sheik as he tried to show off the new dance he recently learned. "Stop tap dancing!" Link shouted finally.

Sheik gasped, but stopped his dancing for the time. "So, did Ruto want to thank me?" he asked.

"Uh…" Link began, not certain if he should tell the other man the truth or not.

"Well, you can tell her that she is not welcome! Ahahahaha!" Sheik shouted before Link had to make a decision.

"Ok," Link said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, Link! Look look look!" Sheik said excitedly, pointing towards the lake. "Together you and Princess Ruto destroyed the evil, icky monster!"

"Sure…" Link said, deciding it just wasn't worth it to explain what had actually happened.

"Once again the lake is filled with clean, pure water!" Sheik said, dipping a spoon into the water and tasting it.

Suddenly the man began to gag and cough. Link just watched the man with a bored expression as he threw his spoon into the lake angrily (this spoon just happened to hit the crazy guard, who had been sneaking under the water and getting ready to arrest Link). "Nooooo! You've defeated me yet again! But I'll be back!" the guard shouted, and he went running off, still under the water.

"Was that the crazy guard?" Link asked curiously as he ran over to the edge of the island they were on to try and get a better look. Sheik grinned and quietly snuck back to the tree and leaped onto one of the branches, planning to jump down behind Link as soon as he moved, and make him startle by shouting insults at him. But by the time Link turned around and started to move closer to the tree in search of Sheik, Malon had rammed into the tree from the other side, sending Sheik flying into the water. The splash caught Link's attention, and he tried as best as he could to see what was going on. After awhile he gave up, and went over to a plaque that was sitting in the grass. "When water fills the lake, shoot for the morning light," Link read out loud, so Navi could hear. She didn't hear anyway, however, as she was currently taking her little fairy nap. "What's that supposed to mean?!" Link asked impatiently. He was about to leave when suddenly the sun started to rise, right towards the part of the sky that Link was looking at. "Ahhhh, the sun! It burns!" Link screamed, and he blindly shot an arrow towards the sun. "Hahahaha, take that!" he shouted.

Somehow, the arrows went all the way into outer space and got near enough to the sun for their tips to get on fire. Then they somehow fell back to where Link was currently playing the Rain Song over and over again to keep the evil, blinding sun blocked out by the rain clouds. All that rain caused a flood in Kakariko Village however. Fortunately for the people though, all that water drained into the dried up well. Not so fortunate for the people, however, all that water woke up a rather grumpy ghost that was living in the well. Being woken up so early in the morning didn't help his grumpiness, and the ghost was soon running around the village, creating fires and all sorts of mayhem there.

All this was unbeknownst to Link for the moment, though, as he carefully picked up his new fire arrows and stuffed them into his pocket. This caused the Zora Tunic to catch on fire, and so Link was left with just his two other tunics (luckily, the green tunic hadn't burnt into a pile of ashes). "Well, I wonder where we have to go next!" Link said cheerfully as he marched across the bridge and started to play Epona's Song so that he could go to Kakariko Village and hopefully get some rest. Epona came running, and as usual she stopped just short of killing Link to stare in awe at the strange creature that was always following Link.

"Hello!" said the strange creature.

"Interesting, it has the ability to speak," Epona thought thoughtfully. "I must study this new creature more. I think I will name it after my good friend Ganondorf. Yes, Mymaridae Ganondorf! I like it!" Epona went prancing off then, deciding to go to Kakariko Village to get a drink from the river there. Coincidentally enough, that's just where Link wanted to go, and so once again he thought he was steering the horse as she galloped off. Halfway there, Epona suddenly heard that annoying girl hum that annoying song. "I've got to shut her up, once and for all!" Epona thought angrily, and she charged towards the ranch, ignoring Link's screams and the gentle tugging on her reigns as he tried to get her to stop.

"Stop, horse! Stop!" Link shouted as his horse charged through the window of the farm house. Link had to cover his face to protect it from the flying glass. As soon as everything had settled down, Link took his arm off of his face and looked around. Talon, Malon, and Ingo were all there, staring at Link and Epona.

"Well howdy, Link!" Talon said finally.

Ingo was glaring at Link as he dismounted Epona and tried to gently shove her back outside. "I knew it! You're still a double agent! I've had enough of you ruining my plans! Prepare to die!" Ingo shouted angrily.

"One minute," Link grumbled under his breath as he finally managed to get the horse to move. She pranced off happily towards the corral, leaving Link to be suddenly hit by flying dishes.

"Muhahahaha! Take that!" Ingo, the culprit of the airborne dishes, shouted.

"Ingo, cut it out!" Link shouted, ducking behind his shield. "Ow! What was that, a cucco!?" Link asked incredulously as chickens were suddenly being thrown at both him and Ingo by Talon, who had been feeling left out.

"Noooooo!" Ingo shouted suddenly, trying to get past two very angry cuccos, who were pecking at his feet. Link was too busy protecting himself from the flying objects to concern himself with whatever Ingo was screaming about however.

"That's it! I need to clear a path out of here!" Link shouted to himself, and he started to throw his bombs around helter-skelter.

The only thing this helped to do, however, was make the cuccos angrier. They started to crow at each other as they called in even more birds from around the world. Everybody downstairs began to scream as the large birds attacked them. While Link and Talon were hiding underneath the table and behind Link's shield, Ingo was running around the room in a mad panic. After a few minutes he was rescued by Sheik, who came charging down the stairs and outside before the two men under the table could even react. "Wait, don't leave us!" Link shouted after Sheik, but the man had already closed the door behind him. "What do we do now!?" Link shouted. He turned to look at Talon, only to find him fast asleep. "Oh for crying out loud!" the boy shouted impatiently, and he then went back to trying to protect both himself and the useless farmer from the angry animals. Finally they left, crowing at the two of them as a warning.

"What in tarnation!?" Talon shouted as the bird's crowing woke him up.

"Some help you are!" Link snapped as he climbed out from under the table. He gave a low whistle when he saw the condition of the room. Broken dishes were scattered everywhere, along with large strands of hay and shredded paper. White feathers were drifting lazily around the room along with light clouds of dust. "Wow, good luck cleaning this mess up!" Link commented cheerfully. "See you around!" he said, and he quickly ran out of the house before Talon could ask him for help. "Now then, onwards to Kakariko Village!" Link said as he breathed in the fresh air. He looked over towards the corral, and his cheerful smile quickly faded when he saw Epona battling it out with two other horses. "Hmm, maybe I'll just walk…" he said, and he quickly set off towards the village, not knowing at all about the evil ghost he had inadvertently woken up there.

* * *

**Well, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, the name that Epona gave Navi is actually a real name of a bug! Not the Ganondorf part, of course, but the Mymaridae part! It's a type of wasp, but it's called a Fairy Fly, so I thought that sort of fit...kind of... Also, I'm pretty sure that I named it right, I looked online and they said to name the genus first, and then the species, so I'm pretty sure that Mymaridae is the genus. If I'm wrong then I apologize.**

Anyway, in the next chapter, Link starts heading to the Shadow Temple...scary!


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone! The next chapter is here, and we now get to see what happens at the Shadow Temple! Oh, and just a quicky warning, in this chapter there is a very confusing time travel explanation thing that makes absolutely no sense, so don't even try to figure it out! I actually made it up in just a few seconds, so I'm pretty sure that it isn't a real time travel theory... or hypothesis... or whatever. :-D**

* * *

Chapter 13

More Time Traveling and Getting Better Movie Ratings, Even though the Reality Show isn't a Movie

"Here I am! Kakariko Vil- Oh my gosh! The village is on fire!!" Link shouted.

"We know!" shouted one of the villagers who was hiding from the fire in his wooden house.

"Help! Help! Heeeelp!" Link shouted, running around in circles frantically. Then he started to scream for help even more when he spotted Sheik standing next to the well.

"Link, get over here!" Sheik shouted finally.

Link reluctantly approached the other man, "Hey, Sheik, did you know the village was on fire?" Link asked conversationally.

"Really?" Sheik turned around and saw that the village was, indeed, on fire. "Well look at that!" he then turned back to face the well. "Get back, Link!" he shouted.

"But you just told me to come!" Link said in a confused voice. Before Sheik could respond, the wooden beams over the well suddenly went flying off, as if some invisible force had hit it. "Wow! Did you see that!" Link asked as he stared at the wooden beams in awe. Sheik, however, was still insisting on staring at the well. When Link finally turned around, he saw Sheik flying through the air, as if the same invisible force had decided to throw the poor guy around. "…Sheik! You're flying! How did you do that?" Link asked.

"Hey!" Navi shouted as she stared at the scene in front of her from under Link's hat.

Sheik finally stopped his flying, and he landed rather hard on the ground a short distance from the well. "Wheeee!" he shouted, right before he hit the ground.

"Sheik, Sheik, teach me how to fly!" Link shouted as he ran over to the Sheikah.

"Never! It is a secret only Sheikah can have! Ahhahahaha!" Sheik shouted.

"Fine, be that way!" Link said, pouting slightly. Suddenly he spotted a weird river type thing of black…something…that was moving over the buildings at an extremely fast pace. "Ahha! Maybe that thing will teach me how to fly!" Link said, pulling out his sword and shield so that he could look cooler. As the river thing started to approach Link, Sheik tried to warn the boy that it was probably going to kill him. Link, however, was too busy trying to look cool as he went into all sorts of different fighting stances and admired himself in the reflection of his shield. Suddenly the whole world went dark, and somehow Link managed to trip and fall to the ground, even though he hadn't been walking. The shadow thing gave up on killing Link, and it went home. Sheik was covering his ears, because for some reason Link wouldn't stop screaming. Since everything was pitch dark, Sheik couldn't see that Navi was forcing Link into a tea party, complete with tiny, fairy-sized cups and saucers, and little crumbs of cake that Link wouldn't have been able to see even if the sun had been working properly.

After awhile the sun started working again (the sun going dark had actually been Din getting back at the Hylians for hitting her with the Water Medallion), and Sheik found Link to be sleeping, the boredom of the tea party too much for the poor boy. The fires had disappeared, since the sun had gone dark it had gotten too cold for the fires, and so they had gone out. Now a gentle rain was falling on the village. "Link, oh Link! Wake up!" Sheik shouted.

"Hey!" Navi shouted along with Sheik, but in a more angrier tone, as she was extremely mad at the boy for falling asleep during her tea party.

"What happened?" Link asked as he sat up.

"Listen!" Navi shouted, and she whacked her friend with the hammer.

"Ow!" Link shouted, and then again when Sheik decided to join in the fun and hit him with his deku sticks.

"Looks like you're coming around!" Sheik said after he and Navi had finished hitting Link.

"Yeah…thanks," Link grumbled crossly.

"Link, a terrible thing has happened!" Sheik said, though his voice was cheerful, which made Link even more scared. "The EVIL SHADOW SPIRIT has been released!"

"Ok, you don't have to shout!" Link said impatiently. "I'm right next to you!"

"I know, but I wanted to add emphasis on the more important words!" Sheik said happily. "Anyway, IMPA, the leader of Kakariko Village, had sealed the EVIL SHADOW SPIRIT in the bottom of the WELL! But then there was this big FLOOD, and it made the SPIRIT really mad, and so it's coming to destroy the world and enslave everyone!"

"How can it enslave everyone if the world is destroyed?" Link asked, confused.

Sheik have a disgusted sigh, "What is your problem? You find one flaw in my story and you keep picking at it! Pick pick pick!"

"Ok, sorry!" Link snapped as he stood up.

"I believe that Impa has gone back to the SHADOW TEMPLE to seal it up again. But she'll be in grave danger without any help…'cause she's kinda old and stuff."

"What is your problem with old people?!" Link asked, rolling his eyes.

"They're boooooooring!"

"We are not!" shouted the creepy old man/wizard from inside his house, and he threw his pet cat at Sheik. The wizard's cat, who didn't care much for the rain, latched onto Sheik's head and hissed and spat.

"Get it off, get it off!!" Sheik shouted, running around. Link couldn't help but grin as he watched the other man try to pry the angry cat off of his head. The wizard was also watching, cackling happily. "Link…I'll….teach…you…a…song…so…you…can…get…to…the…SHADOW TEMPLE…and…help…IMPA!" Sheik shouted, saying a few words every time he passed Link during his frantic running. Finally Sheik managed to get the cat off, and the little animal went scampering back towards the wizard.

"And you better not steal my cat again!" the wizard shouted angrily as he slammed his door shut after his cat was safely inside.

"So, here's the Nocturne of Shadow, this song will suck you into the darkness that even absorbs time…so I guess it's a black hole!" Sheik said cheerfully as he rummaged around in his pocket for his new instrument.

"But I don't want to go inside a black hole!" Link protested.

"Well too bad, that's where the next sage is!" Sheik said, and he pulled out a brand new drum. "Ok, here we go!" Sheik said as he got ready to play the new song. Unfortunately, the drum couldn't really handle all the water that was pouring down on it, and so the very top of it became soggy. The minute Sheik hit his hand against it, the drum collapsed in on itself. "Nooooo!" Sheik wailed.

Link gave a tired sigh, "Go on, let's hear you sing it."

"Oh but, it's sort of scary…I'm sure you can figure out how to get there yourself! See you around!" Sheik said, and he went running off.

"Well, he's a lot of help!" Link said grumpily as he went walking off.

Suddenly Sheik came running back, "Hi hi hi! I'm back! I can teach you a song!"

"Ok…" Link said uncertainly.

"Here it is! Prepare to play, THE PRELUDE OF LIGHT!! Here it is! Doo doo, doo doo doo doo! Doo doo, doo doo doo doo! Your turn!"

"Fine," Link grumbled, and he pulled out his ocarina before Navi could grab it. Sheik began to snicker as Link played the song that he had learned. Just as Link finished, he blew up into little yellow balls of magic and went flying off. "Stupid Sheik!" Link shouted as he was sent hurtling over Hyrule Field towards the Temple of Time.

"That'll show him!" Sheik said. "…Show him for what, I'm not sure! But it'll show him alright! Muhahahahaha!"

* * *

"Sheik is so annoying," Link grumbled as he brushed himself off after he had rematerialized inside the large temple.

Suddenly Sheik came running in after him, "Ahhahahahaha! I sure showed you!" he shouted.

"Showed me what?" Link asked in a confused voice.

Sheik gave an annoyed sigh, "Of course that's the one thing you ask! You never ask me questions that I can actually answer!" he said, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Ok then…why is the sky blue?"

"Oh! The sky! It's blue, because blue totally pawns all the other colors that are out there!" Sheik said excitedly.

"…Right. Ok then, was there something you wanted, or are you here to just annoy me?"

Sheik clapped his hands excitedly, "Another question I can answer! Hooray for Link! Link is so nice!"

"Link is right here," Link said in an annoyed tone.

"Oh, right! I'm here to annoy you,_ and_ to ask you a question!" Sheik took a deep breath before shouting at Link, his voice echoing around the temple, "Why don't you have the darn longshot!?"

"Uh…because I already have one?" Link asked, pulling out his hookshot.

"No no no, it's all wrong! That's a hookshot, you need the longshot, fool!"

"You mean that thing I got at the Water Temple? I put it in my pocket recycling bin!" Link said, proudly showing off the mini-recycler.

"Oh Link you make me so mad! Take it out before it's too late!" Sheik screamed.

"Ok…" Link said with a shrug. "Uhoh," he said when he had pulled the longshot out.

"What? What!?" Sheik shouted.

"Uh…it was already recycled and used to make a mini-chair," Link said, examining the tiny rocking chair.

"Hey!" Navi said excitedly, and she raced out from under Link's hat to grab the chair before setting it up on Link's head. She plopped down on the chair happily and went back to sipping on her tea.

"You better not spill any of that tea on me, it's hot!" Link said nervously as he straightened out his hat.

Sheik was just glaring at Link as he did this. When Link was finally finished fixing his clothes, he turned to face Sheik, who was wearing the angriest expression Link had ever seen. "Uh…" Link began, but as what usually happens when Link starts to say something with that word, he was interrupted.

"I can't believe you turned such a vital item into a chair for your fairy!" Sheik shouted.

"Well actually, I was hoping for something a bit bigger, but I guess you can't expect much from such a tiny recycling bin," Link said cheerfully. He smiled nervously when Sheik continued to glare silently at him. "Uh…"

"Oh! Guess what!" Sheik interrupted cheerfully.

"What?" Link asked tiredly.

"I got a longshot that you can borrow! But don't even think about putting it in the recycling bin!"

"Hey, thanks!" Link said happily as he grabbed the new item from Sheik.

"Hey!" Navi said happily, and she quickly stuffed the old hookshot into Link's pocket recycling bin before staring at it with wide eyes, hoping for a table to go with her chair.

After Link had put the longshot into his pocket, where it promptly fell through the hole that was still in his pocket and onto the floor, he prepared to leave. "Hey, where are you going?" Sheik asked with a frown as Link started to move towards the exit.

"I'm going back to Kakariko Village, so I can save Impa!" Link said impatiently. "I would've done it sooner, but _somebody_ decided to trick me into coming here!"

"Oh but, you can't leave yet! You have to stick the sword back in the pedestal!" Sheik protested.

"Why would I want to do that?!" Link shouted.

"Because then something cool will happen!" Sheik said, still pointing towards the pedestal where Link had first found the Master Sword.

"Ok, if you think it's cool, then it must be really bad!" Link said, starting to get nervous.

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" Sheik scolded. "Put the sword back!"

"Never!" Link shouted, and he went running outside, cackling madly. Sheik sighed and then leaned against the wall casually, waiting for Link to return. After a few hours he did, with a large pout on his face. "I couldn't get up to the temple because it's up on a cliff…" he grumbled.

Sheik threw a smug grin at the other man, "Well, I can teach you the song that'll bring you there, but first you have to stick the sword back! Ahhahahaha!"

"Fine! What happens when I put the sword back?" Link asked nervously as he approached the pedestal.

"Well, when you stick the sword back, it bends space-time, creating a type of wormhole that sucks you into the past, back to when you first created the wormhole seven years ago. Of course back then, the wormhole randomly ended up sucking you into this time…But now you can go back to-"

"Whoa, wait a minute!" Link shouted, who hadn't really been listening to Sheik. "It pulls me into space-time!? That sounds painful!"

Sheik gave a disgusted sigh, "It's not painful, because you're not really being pulled into the past! You're bending along with the space-time thingy!" Sheik shouted impatiently.

"What?" Link asked in a very confused voice.

"Oh forget it, just stick the stupid sword back in the pedestal!"

"What?" Link asked again.

"Are you brain damaged again!?" Sheik asked in a disgusted voice.

"No, you were just whispering really quietly…"

"Oh, sorry. I'm just excited! Put the sword in the pedestal already!"

"Ok ok!" Link shouted, and he shoved the Master Sword back into the Pedestal of Time, keeping his eyes tightly shut.

After awhile, when he still didn't feel anything, he opened his eyes, only to find Sheik still standing next to him and glaring impatiently. "You have to put it in all the way!" he shouted.

"It is in all the way!" Link protested, leaning against the sword. He gave a small scream when the sword moved a few centimeters more into the pedestal. Suddenly Link was surrounded by a bright, blue light; the last thing Link saw before he shut his eyes was Sheik waving at him, the man's red eyes glowing brightly as he watched Link disappear. After the blue light had faded, leaving only the Master Sword behind, Sheik turned around to leave. Along the way back to Kakariko Village to get some well deserved rest, he picked up a newspaper that was lying on the ground next to one of the creepy zombie people. Sheik gave a surprised gasp, and then an annoyed sigh when he saw the front page. It was dated seven years ago, and on it was a picture of a young Link being arrested by an entire army of guards, in the background Sheik could just make out the crazed windmill guy, and the old man who thought he was a wizard, giving each other smug grins.

The headline read: Young boy arrested for ruining Kakariko Village's water supply, and stealing a magnifying glass thing from the well.

Sheik turned to the main story: "I knew that boy was trouble, from the minute I saw him!" claimed the old man who thinks himself a wizard. The crazy windmill guy had only one thing to say, "Go around! Go around!" Not only did this boy's actions ruin the village's only water source, but he made one of the villagers go insane. Fortunately, this boy has been sent to juvenile detention, where he will do community service by delivering masks for the Happy Mask Guy. His fairy companion had this to say about the matter: "Hey! Hello! Listen! Hey! Watch out!" Our most experienced translators have figured out what this exactly means: "Hey! Hello! Listen! Hey! I'm going to be in the news!" The malevolent child had only one thing to say, but we're a sophisticated newspaper, and we will not tell you what evil things the boy said about saving the world from rain.

Sheik then tossed the newspaper onto the zombie guy when he saw that the rest of the news was just advertisements for things nobody really wanted. Ignoring the zombie guy's moans of protest over having a newspaper covering his head, Sheik marched back to the Temple of Time, where Link was just returning. "Are you happy now!?" Link shouted as he marched towards Sheik. "I had to go inside a very scary well, get nearly eaten by these weird, and very scary, hand monster things, only to find a stupid magnifying glass thing, which, apparently, shows you the truth! The truth about what, anyway?! And then I got arrested for no good reason, and had to run all over Hyrule Field just to deliver a bunch of stupid masks!"

"I can't believe you got arrested!" Was all Sheik was concerned about. "I would've never gotten caught! Loser!" And after creating an 'L' on his forehead with two of his fingers, Sheik went skipping off, leaving behind a very frustrated Link.

"Hey hey hey, what about that song!" Link shouted, and he went running after the man, who was now throwing blinding deku nuts everywhere to slow Link's progress, and to annoy the zombie guys, all at the same time.

Halfway across Hyrule Field, Link finally managed to catch up to Sheik, who was beginning to run out of deku nuts. "Teach me the stupid song so I can get to the next temple!" Link shouted.

"Ok, but you won't like it!" Sheik said with a shrug as he pulled out his newest instrument, a didgeridoo.

"I don't care if I won't like the song! Just teach it to me!" Link snapped impatiently.

"No no no, I'm not talking about the song, fool! I mean that you won't like the temple…it's scary!"

"Scary?" Link asked in a small voice. "As scary as the well?"

"Pretty much!" Sheik said, and he then began to blow extremely hard through his instrument. Unfortunately, Sheik hadn't played the didgeridoo until now, and his lungs were too weak to actually get any sound out. After he had turned red in the face and started to get dizzy, Sheik gave up on the instrument and threw it away from him in disgust; it went flying through the air and landed in the nearby river, where it was promptly swept away by the strong current. "Nooooo!" Sheik wailed. Link just rolled his eyes as the other man started to sob over losing yet another musical instrument. After a few seconds Sheik recovered from his loss, and he took a deep breath as he prepared to sing the new song to Link, who was already covering his ears with protective earmuffs and building a sound proof room around himself as quickly as he could. "Doo doo doo doo doo doo dooooo!" Sheik shouted in his usual, screechy singing voice.

Fortunately for Link, since he was in a sound proof room and wearing protective earmuffs, he heard Sheik's voice at a normal volume. So while the rest of Hyrule was going deaf as Sheik's singing spread throughout the world, Link was perfectly fine. After Sheik finished singing, Link cautiously left the soundproof room and played his ocarina, ignoring Navi as she tried to dance along. "Bye, loser!" Sheik shouted as Link was suddenly warped away.

"Hey!" Navi shouted angrily before flying as fast as she could after the flying purple balls of light that Link had turned into somehow. By the time Navi had caught up to him in Kakariko Village's graveyard, Link was already running around in a panic over having lost his only friend. "Why didn't I make sure she was in the stupid hat first!?" he wailed.

"Hello!" Navi said cheerfully as she joined him on the cliff.

"Navi! You're alive!" Link shouted happily, and he quickly stuffed the poor fairy into his hat before she could say anything. "Now stay in there this time!" he scolded before marching into the large opening that was carved into the cliff. The two soon found themselves in a large room that was filled with unlit torches. These torches were surrounding a slightly raised platform that had a symbol of a flame drawn on it. At the other side of the room there was a heavy door blocking any further progress into the Shadow Temple, as well as a sign that said the door wouldn't open until the torches were lit. "Now what?" Link asked dumbly, completely ignoring this sign.

"Hey! Listen! These torches look as if they're meant to be lit!" Navi said excitedly after she had read the sign.

"Well duh! They're torches! And get back in the hat!"

Navi sighed but went back inside her little house.

"Now, how do we light all of these torches at once?"

…five seconds later…

"Go, Navi go!" Link shouted as he ran around with a lit deku stick, which he had managed to light by first lighting one of the many torches with his fire arrows.

"Hey!" Navi, who was also wielding a lit deku stick, shouted back as she flew desperately around the room, lighting as many torches as she could. Somehow the pair managed to light all of the torches in time, and the heavy door slowly slid upwards into the ceiling.

"Yes! Go us, it's our birthday! Go us!" Link started to dance around the room happily while Navi just stared at him with a concerned expression. After a few minutes the door finally finished moving, and Link finally finished dancing, and so they went marching deeper into the scary dungeon.

* * *

Meanwhile, the giant owl and Saria were arguing yet again while sitting on a comfy couch in their new office at Lon Lon Ranch. Technically, they weren't really supposed to be there, since Talon had kicked them off of the farm, but they had snuck back in during some sort of scuffle against cuccos and while two others had been staring at some sort of diary, and they were now in the other barn that was all the way at the other side of the ranch. After moving in the aforementioned couch, the giant owl had declared it their new home. "Why didn't we have him get the cool magic thing that shoots fire!?" the owl shouted.

"You mean Din's Fire? Because, one: He doesn't like to visit the creepy actresses that you hired to play the stupid great fairies, and two: We don't have a special effects person anyway, so it wouldn't shoot out any fire!" Saria said impatiently.

"Oh but, it would've been so cool! It would've upped our ratings right away!" the owl said with a small pout.

"I don't think anything we do will up our ratings, we only have one viewer," Saria said, trying to ignore the cow that was currently trying to get closer to the couch to see what it tasted like.

"How do you know how many viewers we have?" the owl asked curiously, scooting closer to Saria so he could see the computer screen better.

"Because, we have a counter thingy!" Saria said, pointing to a large number one that was near the corner of the screen.

"Do they have to make it so big?" the owl asked with a small pout. "It's like they're mocking us! Oh well, did he say anything about the show?"

"As a matter of fact he did!" Saria said cheerfully. "He said, This show stinks."

The owl gave a surprised gasp, "How dare he!? …Is that all he said?"

"Pretty much!"

"Blast it all! How do we get more viewers? How, Saria!? How!?"

"Calm down!" Saria shouted, smacking the owl across his beak. "All we have to do is add something in there that we don't have!"

"Well, what don't we have?" the owl asked impatiently.

"Well, we don't have-"

"Culture! That's what we need!" the owl shouted excitedly.

"No, I was going to say-"

"Silence, foolish mortal!" the owl boomed. "I have decided that this show needs more culture, and so it shall be!"

"Uh, ok…But I really think that all it need is-"

"Let's get busy creating this thing! Muhahaha!" the owl shouted.

"But I-"

"Moooooo!" shouted the cow, who had decided that she didn't care much for the couch, nor the two newcomers that were always shouting at each other and not feeding her.

"Alright, who else should be in this thing we're planning?" the owl asked energetically after he and Saria had been shoved outside, along with the couch, by the rude cow and her equally rude friends.

"I don't know," Saria said tiredly as she gathered up all of their equipment and got ready to move to a new location.

* * *

While the owl and Saria were planning the new addition to their show, Link and Navi were trying their very best to not go running out of the Shadow Temple, screaming at the top of their lungs. "This place is so scary!" Link sobbed as he carefully walked down the narrow corridor, whose walls were covered with skulls and other such bones. "It's just like the well!"

Navi just hid deeper under Link's hat; she hadn't gone down to the well with Link, as she had been too busy annoying the random workers, who had been building something back then. Then she had gotten involved with the whole news thing, and it had all been really fun and exciting. Now she was just wishing that the same thing had happened this time. Finally Link reached a door, but he wasn't very happy about it. "Doors are bad…" Link said, but he went inside anyway. Both he and Navi gave out small screams when they saw long arms reaching out of the ground, their hands stretched out towards the ceiling. "Don't let it touch you!" Link shouted as he turned around to leave. But the door was already blocked off by iron bars. "Nooooooo!" both he and Navi screamed.

"What do we do, Navi!? What do we do!?" Link shouted.

"Goodbye!" Navi shouted back, and she quickly disappeared through a crack in the wall.

Normally Link would be proud of Navi for learning a new word, but this time he was just upset. "Oh, real mature, Navi! Leave me here all alone!" Suddenly one of the hands grabbed Link from behind and held him tightly as a strange and very scary looking monster popped out of the ground and slowly moved towards him.

Navi was very good at pretending not to hear Link's screaming as she quickly flew back outside into the fresh air. She then met Dampe the Gravekeeper and was swept into a very long and boring quest as he searched for Sheik, to get revenge on the man for stealing his hookshot. After a few hours they returned unsuccessful, as Sheik had avoiding them by hiding inside a very poorly made costume that was supposed to look like a tree, but he had ran out of materials and had made the tree purple instead. But fortunately for Sheik, it had fooled Dampe, and Navi was just bored and hadn't bothered to point out the snickering, purple tree.

While Navi had been kept busy with that, Link was trying to escape the very scary looking monster which had a bunch of arms but somehow none of these arms were even connected to the monster's body. Despite the lack of joints, the monster had no problem grabbing Link. After awhile of just standing there and screaming, Link finally managed to escape the monster's grasp, just as the creature was bending its very creepy head towards Link. After he had escaped, the boy ran around in circles, screaming at the top of his lungs about the monster never getting him alive. Eventually the monster got tired of chasing after Link, and it quickly burrowed back under ground. "Muhahahaha!" Link began to cackle, his voice slightly shaking with nervousness. "Big tough monster can't catch me!" he shouted, and he started to head for the door. Unfortunately, he hadn't been paying much attention to what was in front of him, and he rammed right into one of the arms. The hand, which was attached to the arm, quickly grabbed Link, and out popped the scary monster again. "Noooo!" Link screamed, and started to swing his sword around desperately. "Navi, you better get over here right now!" he shouted, but of course, Navi couldn't hear him, as she was busy staring in boredom at Sheik disguised as a tree and wondering why Dampe was accusing a blade of grass for being Sheik.

Link finally somehow managed to defeat the horrible monster, and as a reward he got new shoes. "New shoes, just what I wanted," Link grumbled. "When am I going to get something cool!?"

"Oh but, they're shiny shoes!" the chest, where the shoes had been stored, protested.

"Right…" Link said, staring at the chest with wide eyes. "Well, I gotta go so bye!" he shouted, and he went running back outside (the iron bars that had been keeping the door from opening had magically disappeared just as magically as they had appeared). Once outside the scary room, and inside the scary hallway, Link raced back to the room that he had first entered after lighting all the torches and getting rid of the heavy door. In this room, there were lit torches that were shaped like creepy skulls. These torches were evenly spaced from each other and surrounding a large statue of a bird type thing. At the other end of this room there was a large gap and then another door, which Link had no idea on how to get to. After peering at the door from the other side of the gap, Link saw that the door was blocked by those pesky iron bars anyway. Link gave a sigh and then leaned against the statue, only to fall on the floor as it started to spin around. "Oh no! I broke it!" Link screamed as the statue slowly came to a stop, the beak of the bird pointing to one of the torches now.

Suddenly the iron bars on the one door disappeared, much to Link's excitement. "Amazing! By leaning on the statue and causing it to move, the iron bars go away! Obviously, the statue has super magical powers, which also happen to be invisible, and it blew up the bars!" Link deduced in a cheerful voice. "Now how to get to the door…" Link was just about to try jumping across the chasm (which also happened to be a bottomless pit of doom, which had been really popular and considered the modern style when the Shadow Temple had been built), when suddenly Navi came flying in. "Well well, look who's back," Link said with a scowl.

"Hello!" Navi said cheerfully, glad to see Link was still alive and, more importantly, that his hat was still in one piece.

"Well Navi, I was just about to go to that door over there. So I'll be seeing you!" Link said, and ignoring Navi's protests, he jumped towards the door. As pretty much everyone was expecting, the newest boots suddenly fell out of Link's pocket and started to fall, when they then went against gravity and landed on top of Link's regular boots. Link was amazed to find that he was now able to walk on air for a short while. "Amazing! That statue is really powerful!" Link said as he landed safely next to the door at the other side. "Thank you, strange bird statue thing!" Link shouted towards the statue, where Navi was currently demolishing it with a gigantic sledgehammer, just because she could. "No, Navi! Nooooo!" Link shouted, but the statue was already crumbling under the tiny fairy's attacks. "Oh well," Link said with a shrug, and he then went through the door to explore the new dungeon.

* * *

"Uh, stupid giant owl? I'm not sure that this is going to increase our viewer number…" Saria said uncertainly when she saw what the owl had brought into their old office in Kakariko Village.

"What's wrong with it?" the owl asked.

"It's a giant ghost thing!" Saria shrieked.

"Saria, his name is Bongo-Bongo!" the owl admonished.

"Whatever. How exactly is he going to help the show?"

"He's cultured! Show her, Bongo! …Do you mind if I call you Bongo?"

"Yes," said Bongo-Bongo.

"Oh, fine, be that way!" the owl said, ruffling his feathers slightly. "Now show her what you got!"

"Ok." And with that short reply, the giant ghost pulled out a large drum, that pretty much crushed everything in the office, and started to bang against it and play a native African dance song. Saria just stared with an incredulous look at the owl as he started to dance to it.

"Uh, yeah, I really don't think this is going to work…" Saria said after awhile.

Both Bongo-Bongo and the owl stopped dancing/drumming and turned to look at Saria. "Saria, don't insult the giant evil ghost!" the owl hissed through one side of his beak.

"You don't like Bongo-Bongo music? Then Bongo-Bongo not work for you!" Bongo-Bongo shouted, and with that he stormed outside, ignoring the owl's attempts to apologize.

"She doesn't know what she's saying! She's un-cultured!" the owl shouted as the door slammed shut behind the giant ghost.

"Why does he even bother with the door? He can go through walls!" Saria commented thoughtfully as the owl whirled around to glare at his employee.

"Way to go, Saria! You just scared off culture! Now what are we going to do!?"

"Like I was saying before you and the stupid cow kept interrupting me, I think we should just add-"

"Bongo-Bongo change mind!" the giant ghost said happily as he came charging back inside.

"Really? Wonderful!" the owl cheered as Saria went to sulk in a corner.

"Bongo-Bongo go to work in Bongo-Bongo's own home?" the ghost asked curiously, referring to the Shadow Temple.

"That's right! You will show everyone culture at your own house! Just one thing…you have to stop terrorizing people and burning the village, ok?"

Bongo-Bongo considered this for the longest time before finally agreeing, "Deal!"

"Excellent! Bwahahahahaha!" the owl shouted, while Saria just rolled her eyes.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," she said, but nobody heard her as the owl was too busy laughing maniacally, and the giant ghost was too busy trying to figure out how to live his life now that he couldn't burn the village.

* * *

**Bwhahaha! I put in a new type of laugh! Hooray! ...Anyway, thanks for reading/reviewing! Oh, and thanks to those who put this story in their faves list (I probably should've thank you all for that earlier, but I kept forgetting...Oops!)  
And if anyone wasn't sure, I did not make up Sheik's latest instrument! The didgeridoo is a real instrument, made in Australia! It's this really big, gigantic, wind blowing instrument thing... Well anyway, thanks again for reading, hope you all liked it!  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everybody! Sorry for taking so long to finish this one...I've been sort of busy...farming...in Harvest Moon. And you know, I have been farming almost all day everyday, and then my parents decide that I should help them with _their_ garden (which happens to be real). And I was all like, "No way, man! I'm trying to support my family! You're on your own, fools!" Yeah...That didn't go too well... And I can now say that real farming is hard! I have a new respect for all those real farmers out there... You have to actually pull out weeds! And it's not as easy as just pushing a button (fortunately, Harvest Moon doesn't have weeds!), you have to...dig...in the dirt! It's really icky.  
Anyway, now that I have bored you all with my ranting... Thanks so much for reviewing! And now, we find Link in the middle of the Shadow Temple! Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 14

Bongo-Bongo and Seeing Things in 3-D for the First Time Ever

"This is just like this one movie I saw!" Link said in awe as he stared at the hallway he was currently in. Every few feet there were large block things with spikes that would fall to the floor, squashing anyone who was unlucky enough to have been standing there. "Let's see, in the movie the guy did all these cool flips and stuff to avoid the evil spikes…But I think I'll just close my eyes and run for it!" Link said cheerfully.

He was about to do just that when Navi quickly pulled him back. "Hey!" she shouted warningly.

"Hmm, you're right! I'll find something to make me invisible, so I don't have to worry about getting hit!" Link said, and he went marching off. Navi just heaved a tired sigh before following him.

The two had been exploring the Shadow Temple for a few hours now. They had had to avoid all sorts of scary things, such as parts of the floor that wasn't really a real floor but a bottomless pit of doom disguised as a floor, strange monsters that were shaped like hands and dropped down from the ceiling, and other scary things like that. "All this work just to find Impa! Why can't she find someplace nice to go in? Like a house filled with puppies and kittens! That would be fun!" Link said miserably as he searched for something that would turn him invisible. Somehow, while he was exploring, he managed to find a shortcut and skip most of the temple. "Hey look at that! A giant cruise ship!" Link squealed with joy as he ran towards the large ship, that didn't look anything like a cruise ship.

"Let's go!" Link shouted, jumping up and down impatiently on the wooden deck. Navi was about to mention the symbol of the Triforce that Link was currently jumping on, but then thought better of it and kept quiet. Unfortunately, Link noticed it for himself, and he excitedly pulled out his ocarina and played Zelda's Lullaby. As soon as he finished the large ship started to move. "Wheeeee!" Link shouted happily as he pulled out a cushioned lounge chair out of his pocket and sat down with a cool glass of lemonade that had one of those fun, curly straws in it. Suddenly, the grumpy crew of the cruise ship got tired of watching Link laze about, and so they jumped from out of nowhere onto the deck of the ship. "Hi guys! Do you have a bowling alley here?" Link asked in a casual voice, completely oblivious to the fact that the crew were actually walking skeletons.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, but Link completely ignored the monsters as they drew their swords and shields.

"Well!? Do you have a bowling alley or not? Honestly, you guys could at least answe- Oh my gosh! They're skeletons!!" Link shouted when he finally looked at the two skeleton monsters that were slowly walking towards him.

Link quickly abandoned his comfy lounge chair and lemonade before running towards the edge of the boat. Unfortunately, the ship was nowhere near any land that Link could jump on, as it was currently passing through some sort of tunnel. And the longer Link managed to avoid the crew members, the more of the un-dead crew joined them on the deck. By the time the ship arrived at its destination, the entire ship was covered with walking skeletons. But since the entire crew was chasing after Link, nobody was there to stop the ship, and it ended up crashing into a large wall. "The ship is sinking!" Link screamed, and he quickly jumped off of the boat and landed safely on a platform, leaving the crew to scramble to the bridge to try and repair their ship. They never managed to, however, and they ended up turning the boat into a submarine and giving tours of the underwater world to anyone who happened to go to the Shadow Temple.

Meanwhile, Link was slowly coming up to the room where Bongo-Bongo was waiting to show off his knowledge of different cultures. Link was also blowing up some neat looking statue, claiming that it had looked at him funny. As soon as the statue collapsed, much to both Link's and Navi's excitement, it created a bridge over a bottomless pit of doom that had been blocking Link's progress. "Cool!" Link said cheerfully as he walked carefully over the statue. As soon as he was across he marched straight into the next room, only to be stuck once again. More bottomless pits of doom were in this room, and they were keeping Link from reaching the boss room. "Too bad there aren't any super statues with magical powers! They could get me across no problem!" Link said as he looked around the room for some sort of inspiration. After a while Navi got bored of waiting for Link to come up with something, and so she abandoned her hair-powered tv and flew out from under Link's hat, bringing her gummy-bears and soda with her. "Hey!" she shouted in an attempt to get the boy to come up with something faster.

"I'm thinking, Navi!" Link said in an annoyed tone.

Navi sighed and was about to return to her little house under Link's hat when suddenly she accidentally dropped her soda. "Watch out!" Navi shouted warningly.

Link was able to jump away just in time before the sticky drink hit his head. But, unfortunately, the liquid hit his boots. "Navi! Those were my good boots!" Link shouted as he pulled them off, revealing teddy-bear socks.

"Listen!" Navi said cheerfully.

"I know I have two other pairs, but I liked these the best!" Link said as he stuffed his old boots into his pocket to be cleaned later. He then pulled out the other pairs and examined them carefully. Eventually he decided that he didn't want to go stomping around in his iron boots, and so he slipped on the pair he had just gotten. "Well, now that that's settled, what are we-" before Link could finish, however, he suddenly realized that he was gliding along the floor. He turned his head to see Navi pushing him along, humming happily. "Navi! Stop! We're coming up to the edge!" Link screamed. He quickly shut his eyes when Navi didn't stop pushing him, and he waited with dread for the fall.

When it didn't come he opened his eyes again, and saw to his amazement that he was actually gliding right over the bottomless pit of doom and heading right towards the large door. "Amazing!" Link shouted, and he began to flap his arms around happily. This threw Navi off, however, and as soon as he stopped moving he fell towards the bottom of the bottomless pit of doom. "Noooooo!" Link shouted, and he quickly reached out his hands to find something to hold onto. He somehow managed to grab the ledge of where the boss door was, and after struggling to find a foothold, he managed to pull himself up. "These boots stink!" Link shouted, and he quickly tossed the Hover Boots towards the pit. The boots flew through the air for awhile before stopping in mid air and just hovering there. "Stupid boots, now they're mocking me!" Link shouted, and he decided to waste all of his bombs and arrows as he tried to kill the evil boots. Navi soon decided that watching Link was much more entertaining than her little tv, and she quickly flew up to the ceiling so she could get a better view of the show. After Link had expended all of his weapon ammo, he turned sharply around and went through the door, trying his best to not look back at the still hovering boots.

Once inside the next room, he waited for Navi to catch up before jumping down into a hole through the floor without a second thought. Navi sighed and then followed him down into the room below, where she found Link to be jumping around on a giant drum. "Trampoline! Trampoline!" Link shouted happily as he hopped around. Suddenly he started to fly through the air even higher as something else began to jump on the drum. Navi shouted out a warning when she saw two giant hands banging on the drum, but Link was too busy shouting with excitement to hear her. "It is time for culture!" shouted a loud voice suddenly, causing Link to miss his next landing and collapse on the drum.

"Hey, Navi not so loud!" Link said as he stood up. It was then that he realized that he was still bouncing on the drum slightly. He slowly turned around to see a giant ghost with one eye banging on the drum. "Ghost! Run!" Link screamed. While he desperately started jumping around and trying to get back up the hole, Navi quickly flew up and left the temple completely for the second time. "Hey!" Link shouted as he watched Navi's easy escape.

"Culture time!" the ghost shouted again, and he started to bang faster on his bongo, nearly squashing Link several times.

"Noooooo!" Link screamed as he ran around and dodged the giant, creepy looking hands. "I've had about enough of this!" Link shouted after a few minutes, and he quickly reached into his pocket, still dodging the ghost's bongo playing. Eventually he found what he was looking for, and he pulled out…his old boots! After slipping them on very carefully, so as not to get any of the sticky soda on his hands, he turned to face the giant ghost. "So, giant ghost! Prepare to meet your doom!" he shouted, and he pulled out his bow. He instinctively reached for an arrow and pulled on the bow string before he even realized that he was out of arrows. He soon found this out, however, when the string just gave a small plucking sound. "Darn!" Link shouted, stomping his foot against the drum.

"Hey…you messed up Bongo-Bongo song!" Bongo-Bongo shouted.

"Uh oh…" Link mumbled as he looked up from his bow to see what the ghost was doing. He had stopped hitting his bongo and was currently glaring at Link angrily. "Um…want to use my bow?" Link asked, giving the string another pluck so the ghost could see what to do with it.

The ghost continued to simply glare at the boy.

"Uh…"

"You ruined Bongo-Bongo show! You can tell that owl person that Bongo-Bongo quit, and that Bongo-Bongo never work for him again! …Ever!" The ghost shouted, and he went to the other side of the room to sulk.

"What owl? What are you talking about!?" Link snapped impatiently as he stuffed his useless bow back into his pocket.

"You know…the owl!" the ghost said, sniffling slightly.

"What, Kae…Kabora…however you pronounce it…that owl!? What's he got to do with anything!?" Link asked curiously.

"Well…"

* * *

"We got a code red! Code red!" the owl screamed right into Saria's ear.

The girl scowled at him and set her book down calmly. "I don't even know what code red is!" she snapped at him.

"Look!" the owl screeched as he pointed towards the screen.

Saria gasped when she saw that Bongo-Bongo was about to tell Link all about their show. "Code blue! Code blue!" she screamed at the owl.

"Noooo! I already told you, we're doing code red for the important stuff!" the owl said in a whiny voice.

"Oh but, code blue is used for hospital emergencies!" Saria argued. "That means it's urgent!"

"So!? We're not a hospital! We're using code red! It sounds cooler!"

"Whatever, we need to stop Bongo-Bongo before it's too late!" Saria said quickly, and the two were soon running all the way to Kakariko Village.

* * *

"I don't care about the owl's childhood, I want to know what he has to do with you!" Link shouted impatiently as the ghost continued to tell him all about what the owl's parents looked like. "And it's creepy that you know so much about him anyway…" Link grumbled.

"Well fine! Be that way! People today are so rude! Anyway, like Bongo-Bongo was saying, when owl person first learn to fly, he-"

"I can't take it anymore!" Link shouted, and he pulled out his sword and started to attack the giant drum in his frustration.

"No! Not Bongo-Bongo drum!" the ghost screeched angrily.

"Oops. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea…" Link said as the ghost's eye began to turn red. "Run run run!" Link screamed, and he began to start jumping around again in a desperate attempt to get back up to the other room.

"Die, Human, die!" the ghost shouted, only to quickly cover his ears when Link gave a high-pitched scream. "Make it stop!" the ghost shouted, and he started to run around frantically. Suddenly he tripped on one of the rips on his drum that Link had previously made. "Noooo!" Bongo-Bongo screamed as he fell to the ground. Items fell out of his pockets and fell ontop of Link, who started to scold the ghost for not keeping a better eye on his things.

"Hey, these are arrows!" Link said happily.

"They are? Bongo-Bongo thought they were quills for writing…" the ghost said as he stood up again. "Ahha! Can't find Bongo-Bongo now, loser!" the ghost shouted suddenly, and he quickly turned invisible except for his hands, which were still visible as they started to slap Link across the face.

"Hey, watch it!" Link shouted, and he quickly shot an arrow out, not even taking the time to aim. Somehow, even though he had been aiming in completely the other direction, he managed to hit one of Bongo-Bongo's hands.

"Ow!" the ghost shouted, but he continued trying to hit Link with his other hand.

"Take this!" Link said, excited that he was actually getting the evil ghost.

After awhile Link managed to hit the other hand, and soon the ghost was trying to run Link over with his giant, one-eyed face, which Link still couldn't see. He could, however, hear the ghost coming, and so the boy was soon running around and shouting for Navi to quit being so lazy and to help him. Eventually Link tripped on the same rip in the drum that the ghost had tripped on. Amazingly enough, something had managed to stay in Link's pocket despite the hole, and this item came flying out of said pocket after Link had hit the ground. Link picked up the item and saw that it was the magnifying glass that he had found in the well, seven years ago, but really just a few hours ago. "Hey, this side is blue, and the other side is red!" Link said, finally looking at it instead of just stuffing it into his pocket. "It must be a 3-D magnifying glass! Now I can see things in 3-D! Amazing!" Link said, and he quickly stuck the lens to his eye and slowly turned around. "The world looks so much bigger now!" he said happily.

Suddenly he saw Bongo-Bongo getting ready to try and run over him once again. Link gave a scream and quickly lowered the Lens of Truth. He then gasped in surprise when the ghost instantly disappeared. "Hmm…" Link hurriedly put the lens back over his eye, and then grinned happily when he was able to see the ghost again. He then put the lens down and watched the ghost disappear, then he put it back to his eye, and watched it reappear. He did this for awhile, until he finally realized that the ghost was getting dangerously close to him.

After screaming for a bit about this, Link started to throw his arrows at Bongo-Bongo, not bothering to waste time using the bow. Finally he managed to hit the giant ghost right in his eye. "Ow!" the ghost screamed. He then became visible and glared at Link while he put his new 3-D magnifying glass away. "You're mean!" the ghost shouted angrily.

"You started it!" Link snapped.

"No, Bongo-Bongo didn't! You did!"

"No, you!"

"Nuhuh!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

Suddenly Saria and the owl came rushing into the room and threw some water on the ghost before rushing out. "Nooooo, Bongo-Bongo meeeeelting!" the ghost shouted, and it dissolved into a small pool of black, steaming, liquid.

"What happened?" Link asked in a confused voice (the owl and Saria had been so fast that Link hadn't even noticed them come in). "That was weird…" he said, right before he was warped back to the Chamber of Sages. The boy gave an annoyed sigh, "You know, this is getting really annoying!" he shouted. Then he noticed Impa standing in front of him, with her arms crossed and glaring at the boy.

"I hate you!" Impa shouted finally.

"You said that the last time we met," Link said tiredly as he looked around for any sign of Navi.

"Well…I still hate you!"

"Whatever," Link said in a bored voice.

"Hi there! I'm Impa! Sage of Shadow!"

"Right…shouldn't it be Sage of _Shadows_…or Sage of _the_ Shadows?" Link asked.

"No!" Impa snapped. "I know my own name, foo!"

"What's a foo?"

"It's short for fool, foo! I still hate you! Here, take this!" Impa shouted angrily, and she threw a large, purple colored medallion at him.

This time, Link actually managed to catch the medallion, instead of it hitting him and knocking him out, or it landing in a giant pit of lava that the goddesses had put in for decoration, and then taken out again. While Link was examining the medallion proudly, Impa suddenly began to snicker. "What?" Link asked suspiciously.

"That's not the real medallion, foo! That's a bomb, under cover!" Impa shouted, laughing cheerfully.

"Oh no!" Link screamed, and he quickly threw the medallion away from him, where it promptly blew up right over Rauru, who had been visiting to see how Link was doing.

"Uh oh…" both Link and Impa said nervously as Rauru tried to flatten his hair back down and wipe the black soot from his face, glaring at the two of them the entire time.

"You wanna speed this up a bit, maybe?" Link asked urgently.

"Good idea!" Impa said quickly. "So, on that day, seven years ago, before you tricked Ganondorf into making a wish to make the world a horrible place," Impa began hurriedly, glancing nervously at Rauru every once in a while. "Ganondorf tried to take the Ocarina of Time for himself after he saw pictures of it that Zelda had showed him…"

Flashback…

"And here's me with the Ocarina! Oh, and here's me with the Ocarina! And here's another of me…with the Ocarina!" Zelda said, showing off all of her pictures to a very bored looking Ganondorf, who would then hand the pictures over to his new puppies, who promptly chewed them up. "And here's my parents," Zelda said in a bored voice. Then she instantly brightened when she found another one of her. "And here's me again! That's me over there, riding the horse…with the Ocarina! Say, do you want to hear me play the ocarina?" Zelda asked cheerfully, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Princess?" Impa, who was slightly off to the back of the courtyard, asked.

"Silly Impa, of course it's a good idea! I always have good ideas!" Zelda said, and she went skipping off to find her musical instrument.

"But, that's one of our better props! You'll break it!" Ganondorf protested the minute the girl returned. Impa and Zelda just glared at the man until he quickly sat down. "Ready!" Ganondorf said cheerfully.

"Ok, here we go!" Zelda said, and she began to play.

"Why do you follow her around, anyway?" Ganondorf asked Impa as they both tried to pretend they were enjoying the horrible playing that Zelda was doing.

"She hired me to defeat any other evil scientists, so that she'd be the only one! She's paying me two hundred rupees an hour!" Impa said happily.

"Wow, I should work for her!" Ganondorf commented cheerily.

"Hey, the job's taken, buddy!" Impa said angrily.

"I wasn't going to take yours!" Ganondorf tried to explain, but before he could say anything else, Zelda finished her song, much to the relief of the puppies, who had been hiding behind Ganondorf.

As soon as the ocarina stopped playing, the young dogs came racing out from their hiding place and grabbed the Ocarina of Time from the princess' hands. "Hey! Give that back!" Zelda screeched angrily as the puppies began to try and chew it up.

"No, puppies! No!" Ganondorf shouted as he chased after the dogs.

"Get him!" Zelda shouted. "He wants the Ocarina for himself!"

Impa quickly jumped up and started to chase after Ganondorf, who was still running after the dogs. After a few seconds Zelda got bored of just watching, and she quickly joined in by chasing after Impa and whacking her with a deku stick. "Faster, Impa! Catch him!" Zelda shouted, still hitting her body guard person with the stick. Eventually Ganondorf managed to catch the dogs, and Impa managed to catch Ganondorf, and Zelda was then able to hit both Impa and Ganondorf with her stick. After it broke in half, the group calmly walked back to where they had been sitting before, the puppies prancing around them as they went, wagging their stubby little tails. "So, it doesn't look too bad…" Ganondorf said, examining the ocarina for any signs of teeth marks. Fortunately, none were to be seen.

"Give me that!" Zelda snapped as she snatched her instrument away from the man. "Ewww, it's all slimy!" the princess shouted, holding it away from herself and giving a disgusted look.

"I can clean that!" Ganondorf said nervously.

"It's too late! I'm not showing you anymore pictures ever again!" Zelda shouted angrily.

"Come on, Impa! We need to get out of here and find something to clean this ocarina!"

"Ok…" Impa said, and she went walking off to find a horse. Zelda spent the entire time that Impa was gone just glaring at Ganondorf and keeping the ocarina above her head so that the puppies couldn't grab it again. Ganondorf just looked around nervously under the princess' angry stare. Finally Impa returned, and she and Zelda went stalking off to find an ocarina cleaner.

"Wait, you forgot your gloves!" Ganondorf shouted suddenly when he noticed the white gloves laying on the ground. The man quickly scooped up the gloves, told his puppies to wait for him at his house, and then went running off to find the princess and return the gloves.

Meanwhile, Zelda was continually hitting the gate keeper guy to lower the drawbridge. "Hurry up, man!" she shouted impatiently. Finally she gave up and just had Impa have the horse jump over the moat. It was then that she spotted Link, and she quickly started to throw all of her items at the boy. After shouting at him and scolding him for awhile, she accidentally threw her ocarina at him without realizing it. "Hey, guess what!" she said suddenly, wanting to show off to Link before they got too far away.

"What?" was Link's nervous response.

"I can do special effects!" she shouted, and she proved this by throwing a bunch of her potions together and creating a massive explosion. By the time they had made it through the large dust cloud, Link and the town was far off in the distance. "Now then, to find that ocarina cleaner!" Zelda said happily. "Oh no! I threw it at Link! Nooooooo!"

…End of Flashback…

"So anyway, here's the real medallion!" Impa said quickly as soon as her story was finished.

"Thanks!" Link said, and he quickly stuffed the medallion into his pocket as Rauru slowly got closer and closer.

"Ok, bye now!" Impa shouted, and she quickly blinded everyone with a deku nut. Link was fortunately saved from this, as he was quickly warped back to the graveyard in Kakariko Village.

"That was a close one!" Link said, giving a sigh of relief when he remembered how close Rauru had been getting to them with that angry expression.

"Hey!" a familiar voice suddenly shouted.

"Navi! Where have you been?" Link asked happily.

"Listen! Just one more Spiritual Stone, Link!" Navi said excitedly.

"Hooray!" Link shouted.

"Hey!" Navi cheered along.

"So, where is the last one?"

Both of them were silent as they tried to remember what Sheik had told them before. Remembering back to that time, however, was extremely hard for Link, as that had been the time when he had had that pesky brain damage. Finally Link remembered saying something about dessert, and Sheik looking rather annoyed at him. "The desert! That's where we have to go!" Link said cheerfully. "Of course, it's sort of obvious…that's the only place we haven't been to yet."

"Hey!" Navi said happily, and the two immediately set off for Gerudo Valley, right after getting a few hours rest, playing a few archery games, and buying random stuff that they didn't even need.

* * *

**Well, Link was really close to finding out about his show today...but nope! Will he ever find out? Who knows! I know I don't, 'cause that chapter hasn't been written yet! It think I'll visit a psychic! They're always fun...especially since there's a Starbucks coffee shop thing right next to the one that lives near me... :-D I just love their hot chocolate!**

**So, thanks for reading and all that! :-)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi everybody! Next chapter's here! Um...I can't really think of anything interesting to say right now...  
Thanks for reviewing! :-)**

* * *

Chapter 15

A Rescue Mission and Joining a Club

"Come on, how long is this going to take!? I've been here for days now!" Link shouted across the large ravine where one lonely worker (who was actually the boss of the workers) was currently building a brand new bridge, since Malon had completely ruined the old one.

"Look, buddy, building stuff takes time!" the worker shouted back gruffly.

"Yeah, especially when you guys are doing the building! It took you guys forever to finish that stupid store in the village!" Link grumbled, crossing his arms and sitting down on the dusty ground as he watched the worker continue to lay down planks and then try to nail them in place before they fell down into the river. He usually didn't get the nails in in time. Link sighed tiredly when yet another board fell into the rapids below, "Why don't you have someone helping you?!" Link shouted finally.

"Because, all of the real workers are under arrest for looking ugly in the Gerudo Fortress!" the man responded impatiently.

"Hey!" Navi shouted suddenly, her voice slightly muffled from being under Link's hat.

"Navi, I don't care if cartoons are on again!" Link said, trying to keep his voice patient. "And stop eating in there, you're messing up my hair!"

Navi grudgingly threw her bag of candy onto the ground, where Link then picked it up and stuffed it into his pocket, grumbling about polluters.

"That's it, we can't stay here forever!" Link said after a few more hours of doing absolutely nothing. He quickly pulled out his longshot and aimed it towards the wooden board that was currently being held by the workers' boss. "Stay still!" Link shouted at the boss.

"What?" The man shouted back, but Link was already heading straight towards him. The old man gave a surprised scream before dropping the board and running into the safety of his tent.

"Hi there, I'm the bunny-rabbit guy!" the bunny-rabbit guy quickly greeted the man as soon as he appeared in the doorway. The boss of the workers gave another scream before running back outside just in time to see Link miss the cliff by a short distance and fall towards the river. The man quickly ran over to the ravine and peered over the edge. He gave a relieved sigh when he saw that Link had managed to grab onto the side of the cliff with his longshot, and he was currently hanging over the long fall, trying to keep Navi from making him let go so she could go down the rapids (she even had a small raft for herself and a little floatie that resembled a mini-octorock). "Come on, Navi! You're totally ruining the cool atmosphere I set!" Link said, trying to look cool as he held onto the longshot with just one hand. The other man sighed before reaching down and grabbing the boy below him and pulling him up. "Thanks…" Link grumbled as Navi pouted and then went down to the river to raft on the rapids on her own.

"So, since I saved your life, I think you owe me!" the boss of the workers said, always quick to recognize an opportunity for getting free workers.

"I guess…" Link said uncertainly, brushing the dust off of his tunic.

"Great! Go into the Fortress and free my men!"

"Why should I!?" Link snapped impatiently.

"Uh…'cause I saved your life?"

"Oh, right."

"So, will you do it?" the old man asked hopefully.

"Sure, why not," Link said, shrugging and trying to ignore Navi's shouts of joy as her little raft sped down the switly moving river.

"Heeeeeellllooooooo!" the little fairy shouted as she disappeared down one of the many waterfalls.

"Is your friend going to be ok?" the workers' boss asked, peering down the cliff.

"She's fine," Link said casually. "So, how many guys do you have in there?" the boy asked, suddenly pulling out several spy gadgets, such as binoculars, ninja swords, and other cool stuff.

"Where did you get all that?!" the older man asked in awe.

"What, these?" Link asked in a bored voice. "…I got them in a Happy Meal…"

"I see," the bald man said, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

"So…how many guys do you have?" Link asked again.

"Oh, right! I've got four and a half men."

"…You have half a person!?" Link shouted incredulously.

"Yeah. He doesn't really do all that much work, lazy bum."

"Right…well, I'll just be going now!" Link said, and he quickly raced off towards the large fortress, where several tall, red haired women were walking around and keeping a look out for intruders.

Link surveyed the area with his binoculars (which didn't even magnify anything, but turned everything into fun rainbow colors). "Hmm…" Link said, trying to sound cool.

Suddenly Navi came flying towards him, still in her octorock floating device. "Hey!" Navi shouted.

"Shhhh! Navi, we need to very quiet!" Link hissed.

"Hello!" Navi said, still not lowering her voice. She then went into a very long narrative about her adventure down the river. Link rolled his eyes before grabbing the little fairy and stuffing her under his hat. He gave a sigh of relief when Navi's voice was instantly muffled. "Now then, time to go!" Link said, and he started to crawl along the ground, doing a few handstands and black flips every now and then. As you can imagine, Link didn't make it very far.

"Hey, stop right there, intruder!" shouted one of the women, and three of the guards instantly raced over to Link and pointed their spears at him.

"Uh…" Link began. "Hi?"

"You are under arrest!" the guard shouted, and Link was promptly grabbed and then thrown down into a tower-like building with absolutely no openings except for the small hole in the roof that they had used to throw Link in, and also a small window that was high up and out of reach.

"Now what, Navi?" Link asked as he examined the small room he was in. He gave a tired sigh when he realized that Navi was still talking about her trip on the river. "Ok fine, I'll figure it out on my own!" Link said with a small pout as he stared up at the window. Suddenly, Link got an idea! He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out…the Lens of Truth! "Maybe if I can see things in 3-D, I'll be able to get an idea!" Link said as he looked around the room anew. After a few hours of doing this (even though a search only took five seconds), Link finally gave up on the Lens of Truth. "This thing is a piece of junk! Where was this made!?" Link shouted, and he quickly examined the handle. "Made in Lon-Lon Ranch, by Secret Agent Ingo, but you'll never know his name!" Link read from the handle in a bored voice. He snorted, "Figures." He then pulled off his hat to find that Navi had fallen asleep in the middle of telling her story. "Hey, Navi! Wake up already!" Link shouted. The only answer he received, however, was a sharp tug on his hair. Link sighed, and then went back to staring up at the window. Then, suddenly, Link got another idea! This time, he pulled out… the candy bag! After eating all of the candy and then throwing the empty bag into his pocket sized recycling bin, Link used his longshot to escape through the window.

"Freedom!" Link shouted. His shouting made the guards notice him, however, and he was promptly thrown back into the jail. Oddly enough, they didn't confiscate his longshot, even though he was proudly showing it off to them as the item he had used to escape. Once the guards had finished scolding Link for escaping, they quickly left back to their posts. This time, Link decided to wait for nightfall before attempting another escape. After waiting for a few days, he finally realized that the sun had once again gotten stuck. "Stupid sun… always getting stuck up there…" Link grumbled as he went through the window again. This time he refrained from shouting with joy, and he just did a short victory dance to celebrate. After that was done, Link carefully jumped down onto the roof of one of the buildings that was below him. Once there he jumped down to the ground and ducked behind some boxes before the guards could see him. Link was just starting to quietly sneak towards a nearby doorway, when suddenly Navi woke up from her nap. "Hello!" Navi shouted as she jumped out from under Link's hat and hovered happily in front of his face.

"Shhhhh!" Link shouted, but it was too late. The guards were already racing towards Link with their large spears and blowing non-existent whistles.

After Link had escaped from the prison for the third time that day, he did the same thing he had done previously, this time making it through the doorway. He had kept Navi busy by giving her an arts and crafts project (she had to make three-hundred thousand paper snowflakes). While Navi was happily humming a little tune and cutting away at the paper under Link's hat (with safety scissors, of course; Link didn't really trust her with the sharper kind), Link snuck around the fortress in search of the four and a half workers. Eventually Link came into a room that had a jail cell in it. Behind the bars was one of the random workers. "Hey! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Link said happily.

"Me?" the worker asked.

"Well, not just you…all of the workers!" Link explained impatiently.

"Oh, fine!" the worker snapped. "One of the guards here has the key to the door…"

"Of course she does," Link said in a tired voice.

"But be careful, they're everywhere! Hey, look out!" the worker shouted suddenly.

"What now!?" Link asked, and he whirled around to see one of the Gerudo women standing in back of him and glaring at the two of them impatiently. "I have been standing here the whole time! It took you fools long enough to notice me!" she shouted in a shrill voice. "Now, prepare to meet your doom!"

Before Link or the woman could do anything, however, Navi came flying out covered in little pieces of paper, proudly showing off her large pile of paper snowflakes. "You're done already!?" Link asked in awe. "I just gave you that job ten minutes ago!"

"Hey!" Navi said happily, and she then handed Link, the woman, and the worker each a snowflake.

"These are…so…so…" the Gerudo began.

"Beautiful?" the worker asked in a dreamy voice as he admired the snowflake.

"Yeah…" both Link and the woman said as they stared at their own paper decorations.

"I don't want to fight anymore!" the woman said finally. "This snowflake has taught me that there are other ways to prove oneself without violence!"

"The snowflake taught you that?" the worker asked in a confused voice. He gave a small scream when the tall woman glared at him. "Ok, sounds good! Can I come out of jail now?"

"Sure!" the Gerudo said, and she cheerfully let the man out. The man was just coming out when suddenly the woman slammed the door shut on him. "What am I saying? A stupid snowflake didn't do anything!" she turned sharply to Link, who was still admiring his snowflake and was completely oblivious to what was going on. "Prepare to die!" the Gerudo shouted.

"What?" Link asked, snapping out of his daze to see the warrior charging towards him.

"Quick, Navi! Give her another snowflake!" Link shouted.

"Hey!" Navi shouted back, and she quickly threw another snowflake at the woman.

"Hey…this is so pretty!" the woman said happily. "Look, look! This one is different from the first one I got! They were right, no two snowflakes are the same!"

"Yeah…" Link said nervously. He quickly grabbed the key from the woman, before she had yet another change of heart, and released the poor worker. "Well, does this key release the other prisoners?" Link asked.

"Don't be silly! Our keys dissolve once they've been used!" the Gerudo snapped, still comparing her snowflakes.

Link sighed and rolled his eyes when the key in his hand suddenly turned into a small cloud of silver dust. "Seriously, what's the point of that?" Link asked. The worker just shrugged before running off to return to his boss. Unfortunately, he got caught the minute he went outside, and he was quickly put into a different prison. "Can I have the other keys then?" Link asked.

"No way! I can't believe I let these stupid snowflakes distract me like that! I should-" Suddenly Navi placed another snowflake into the woman's hands. "Hey…this one has little diamonds along the edges! Are those real…?"

"Hello!" Navi said happily.

"Here, take the keys! I don't need them anymore!" the woman said, and she tossed three keys at Link, and then half of a key.

"Thanks!" Link said, and he and Navi quickly ran out of the room. "Navi, how did you get real diamonds?" the boy asked as soon as they were far enough away from the prison room.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"Ok, ok! I won't bother you!" Link said tiredly as they continued to explore the fortress.

Meanwhile, in a land far far away, a group of police were trying to figure out how someone had managed to break into their bank and steal all of their precious diamonds, without using any of the doors. They completely missed the small hole in the wall, that was just big enough for a little fairy to squeeze through.

While the police were questioning a strange man named Tingle, who could cast evil spells upon people with his evil words (Tingle Tingle kooloo limpah!), Link was releasing yet another captured worker. "Why couldn't you guys be all together in the same cell?!" Link snapped as the second worker pranced excitedly around the room, enjoying his long awaited freedom.

"Because, we hate each other, and the Gerudo were tired of listening to us argue!" the worker explained casually.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted when suddenly the same Gerudo thief from before raced into the room. "I must have more snowflakes! I must prove to the world that no two snowflakes are the same, because my friends don't believe me!" she shouted in her shrill voice.

"Ok ok, take it easy! Navi, just give her the rest of your snowflakes," Link said.

"No!" Navi shouted, hiding under Link's hat with the remainder of her paper crafts.

"Navi! Do you want her to kill us!?" Link snapped impatiently.

"No!" Navi shouted again.

"Then give her the snowfla-"

"Nooooo!" Navi screamed.

"We don't need them anyway!" Link shouted, his patience finally gone as he tore his hat off of his head, revealing Navi's small rocking chair; a mini-large screen TV; and Navi herself hiding under her table. "…Where did you get that TV?!" Link asked, grabbing it off of his head and examining it. "You aren't rich, your wallet can only hold one rupee! Where'd you get it!?"

"No!" Navi shouted, still hiding under her table.

"Oh for crying out loud! Navi, just give me the snowflakes!" He gave an annoyed sigh when Navi just stuck her tongue out at him and then flew up to the ceiling with her snowflakes.

"I must have them!" the Gerudo woman screamed frantically, and she began to throw her spear up at Navi.

"Hey, watch it!" Link shouted, and he tackled the woman to the ground and tore her spear away from her. "This is mine until you can calm down, now go sit in the corner and don't talk for ten minutes!" Link shouted.

"Fine! But I hate you!" the woman shouted, and she stomped over to the corner and sat down sulkily. "Liiiiink, she stuck her tongue out at me!" the Gerudo whined after a few seconds.

"Navi, cut it out!" Link said tiredly.

"What should I do?" the worker, who was still standing there, asked.

"Why haven't you left yet!? Go leave!" Link snapped crossly.

"Ok! Freeeeeeedom!" the worker shouted, and he raced outside, where he was arrested again and put into another jail.

"Navi, why don't we split the snowflake pile in half? You can keep one half, and the Gerudo gets the other!" Link suggested after a few minutes had passed.

"No!" Navi shouted, hugging her snowflakes tighter.

"That'll never work! I need them all!" the Gerudo shouted before cackling maniacally.

"I thought I told you to be quiet for ten minutes!" Link said in a scolding tone.

The woman pouted and crossed her arms before turning around so her back was facing Link. Link smiled happily before signaling to Navi, and the two quickly snuck out of the room. After a half hour had passed, the woman finally turned around, "This has been the longest ten minutes ever! Can I talk yet? …Hey, where'd you go!? I must have my snowflakes!!" the Gerudo jumped up and raced out of the room, tracking Link's path by following the trail of items that had fallen out of the boy's pocket along the way.

* * *

"I told you my name was Sheik!!" Sheik screeched angrily at the giant owl, who had once again insisted on calling him something else.

"Ok, ok, fine! Sheik!" the owl shouted impatiently. "Saria, can you help me out here?" he asked in a whiny voice to Saria, who was just sitting in her couch and reading a book while sipping on some coffee.

"You're doing great on your own," she responded in a bored voice.

The owl pouted before turning back to face Sheik, who was looking around the Temple of Time with the same bored expression that Saria was wearing. "Ok, look, we need your knowledge of time travel so we can go back and hire someone for our show!" the owl said.

"Who?" Sheik asked curiously, deciding that if he pretended to know what the owl was talking about, he'd be able to gather more information to relay to Link.

"We need to hire a Gerudo named Na…Nu…Sariaaaaaa!" the owl whined out Saria's name. "What's her name?"

"Nabooru," Saria said with a bored sigh.

"Right! Nabooru! She's sort of incharge of the Gerudos. If we hire her, then we can get the Gerudos to do whatever we need for the show!"

"This show you speak of…what is it?" Sheik asked curiously.

The owl gave an annoyed sigh, "I don't have time to explain this again! How do we get back to the past without the Master Sword?"

"Hmm…well let me think! You don't!" Sheik snapped.

"Oh, but, there must be some way!" the owl said sadly.

"Well…" Sheik began uncertainly.

"Yes?" the owl asked excitedly.

"No, you just interrupted my thoughts. I lost my idea!" Sheik said cheerfully.

"Nooooo!" the owl wailed.

"Oh wait! It's back! We'll just flick that switch over there!" Sheik said happily, and he raced over to a small light switch and turned it on. Both the owl and Saria screamed when suddenly a bright light flashed right into their eyes. "Ahhahahahahahaha!" Sheik's maniacal laughter slowly faded away as the light flashed faster and faster. Finally the light stopped, and Saria and the giant owl found themselves right outside the Temple and back in the past, seven years ago.

"Incredible!" Saria said as she looked around.

"Oh, duck! We're coming!" the owl screamed, and he and Saria quickly hid behind some bushes when suddenly another giant owl, another Saria, and a young Zelda came rushing out of the Temple of Time.

"We must have arrived right before Link tricked poor Ganondorf into making that wish!" Saria said.

"We should hurry before those weird zombie guys get here!" the owl said, and the pair quickly ran into the main market area, where people were screaming and running around for no particular reason. "What is your problem!?" the owl shouted at a nearby Hylian.

"It's Random Scream and Panic Day!" the woman said in a voice that said it was obvious.

"Oh that's right, they got rid of that holiday two years ago, when someone accidentally ran right into a tree and put himself into a coma for a whole year," Saria said as the two exited the city.

The owl laughed cheerfully, "What idiot did that?"

"Uh…you?" Saria said, rolling her eyes at the owl.

"Oh…I don't remember that!"

"That's because you were in a coma!" Saria snapped impatiently.

The owl glared at Saria, "You told me that I had spent that year on a vacation in the jungle!"

"It's not my fault you're so gullible and actually believed me! There isn't even a jungle here!" Saria shouted.

"Oh but…oh! You're so mean!" the owl said, ruffling his feathers angrily. "Let's just find Nabooru!" he said finally.

The two walked in silence for the rest of trip. By the time they arrived, it was nearly night time. The two crossed the bridge and approached the Gerudo that was guarding the gate on the other side of the aforementioned bridge. "Oh great, more visitors!" the guard said tiredly when she saw the giant owl waddling up to her, and Saria skipping next to him. "Look, like I've told the people before you, we don't allow non-Gerudos in!" the woman shouted.

The giant owl instantly went into a pout, "Oh, but, we need to see Nabooru!"

"Sure you do," the guard said disbelievingly.

"We do! It's a job offer!" the owl said cheerfully.

Both his and Saria's friendly smiles quickly faded when the Gerudo burst into laughter. "Nabooru is the leader of an entire group of theives! She doesn't need another job!" the woman said, still laughing.

"Oh…are you sure? Maybe we should just ask anyway!" the owl said, still trying to stay cheerfuly.

The guard's laughter instantly ceased, "I don't think so, birdy. Why don't you and your little friend go somewhere else now. …I thought Kokiri were supposed to die if they left the forest anyway!"

"That's just a myth to keep the losers from bothering any of the other races," Saria said casually.

"Ahha! I'll fly us there!" the owl shouted suddenly. He took off and picked up Saria in his talons. "Here we goooooo!" the owl said happily as he flew over the desert, completely ignoring both Saria's and and the Gerudo's protests.

Finally they reached the large Spirit Temple, and the owl and Saria quickly entered. "It's so dark in here!" Saria complained as the groped their way through the darkness and towards the nearest torch. Once they had lit it, they stopped in surprise, for there was Nabooru, but Link was there as well. The entire room had been decorated with paper snowflakes, and the two of them, as well as Navi, appeared to be having some sort of party. They were even wearing paper hats. "Now what?" the owl asked. Saria just shrugged uselessly.

* * *

"There's the last worker!" Link said happily as he released the final worker from his prison.

"Hey, thanks!" the worker shouted. "Did you release the half of a worker yet?"

"Uh…no," Link said. "I didn't think he actually existed."

"Well don't release him! All he does is talk talk talk!" the worker said, scowling at the very thought of the other man. "Anyway, I'll be seeing you!" the man said, and he went running off, only to be arrested once again and thrown into the prison where all of the other workers were.

Link was about to leave when suddenly the same Gerudo from before came racing inside. "Ahha! Give me the snowflakes, or die!" she shouted, panting from her long run.

"Ok, you know what? We really don't have time for this!" Link said impatiently.

"Hiiiiiiya!" the woman shouted, and she started to swing her sword around as she slowly approached Link.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted from the safety of the ceiling, still holding onto all of her snowflakes.

Link just heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes at the Gerudo.

* * *

"What do we do?!" the owl asked, still staring at the party that was going on between Navi, Link, and Nabooru.

"We go back into the future, and then into the past again! But this time, we have to be faster!" Saria whispered.

"Right!" the owl said quickly, and the two were soon flying back to the Temple of Time. They quickly flicked the switch, and soon found themselves back in the future, where Sheik was repainting the entire inside of the temple a navy blue and adding bright stars to it.

"Hey, not bad looking!" Saria said as she looked around.

"Ahhahahahaha! I picked out the colors and star patterns myself!" Sheik said cheerfully.

"Great, well, we gotta go!" the owl said, and he flicked the switch yet again.

"Nooooo! My paint work will completely dissapear if you change more stuff!" Sheik screamed, but the other two had already disappeared. Sheik sighed sadly as he watched his hard work slowly fade away.

The two quickly flew all the way back to the Spirit Temple, making excellent time this time around. "Nabooru! We want to hire you!" the owl shouted as he and Saria raced into the room where the young Gerudo was hanging out. Nabooru stared with a bored expression at the two new arrivals.

"Hire me for what?" she asked finally, examining her nails.

"To be in our TV show!" the owl said happily, striking a majestic pose with his feathers slightly ruffled.

"Right… and why would I want to be on your show?" Nabooru asked, still bored.

"Uh…well…" the owl stammered, exiting his pose. "I'm going to be famous someday?"

"And, we'll pay you!" Saria cut in.

This instantly got Nabooru's attention, "How much?" she asked.

"Well, not that much…" the owl began, but Saria quickly interrupted him.

"How about, fifty rupees!" the young girl said.

"I don't know…" Nabooru said as she considered the offer.

"Saria, we don't have fifty rupees!" the owl whined quietly.

"So? We can borrow some from Zelda while we're in the past!" Saria said happily.

"Oh yeah, she's got money!" the owl said, grinning at the thought of all the money that the false-princess had.

After a few minutes, Nabooru finally came to a decision. "Fine! I'll do it! What's my first job?"

"You have to wait here for a boy called Link!" the owl said. "And make sure you tell everyone at your fortress that your going to let this boy be a part of your group!"

"I'm not letting him join!" Nabooru shouted angrily.

"Oh but, it'd be a cool part of the show!" the owl whined.

Nabooru sighed, "Fine, he can join. But only when he's older! I'm not letting some little kid with creepy eyes join!"

"Good enough!" the owl said, and he and Saria quickly set off for the Temple of Time once again.

* * *

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya!" The Gerudo woman continued to shout as she continued to walk slowly towards Link, still twirling her swords around. Link and Navi were just staring at the woman with bored expressions. "I mean it! Hiiiiiya! You better run!" she shouted.

"It's taking you forever to get here, I might as well just walk instead of run!" Link said casually.

"All right, that's it! Prepare to meet your doom!" she shouted angrily.

Link rolled his eyes, "If I had a blue rupee for every time I heard that…" he grumbled. Suddenly the Gerudo started to charge towards the boy. Link just sighed again and waited for the woman to get closer. As soon as she did, he stepped off to the side with his foot stretched out slightly. "Hiyaaaaaaaaa!" the woman screamed as she tripped on Link's foot and fell to the ground.

"Hello!" Navi cheered for Link, waving two little paper pom-poms that she had just made. "Hey, hey, hello! Hey, hey, hello! Listen!" Navi cheered, dancing around with the pom-poms.

The Gerudo was standing up at this point, and glaring angrily at Link, who was dancing along with Navi. Suddenly the Gerudo remembered that Nabooru had ordered them to let this kid join their theif club seven years ago. "Where'd that memory come from?!" the woman asked herself. She then shrugged and slapped Link on his face to get his attention.

"Ow!" Link shouted.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"I have something to say!" the Gerudo shouted.

"What?!" Link asked impatiently.

"You're pretty good at fighting, kid! How would you like to become an honorary member of the Gerudo theives club?"

"I don't know, I'm not really much for clubs…" Link said.

"Hey!" Navi protested.

"Oh fine, Navi wants to join, so I guess I'll do it!" Link said happily.

"Hooray!" the Gerudo cheered along with Navi, who was shouting out a bunch of hellos. "So, as part of this guild, you get a complimentary theiving kit, a complimentary spear, a complimentary bag of candy, and a complimentary scrunchie!"

"What am I supposed to with a scrunchie!?" Link asked as he handed the bag of candy to Navi, who was bobbing around in the air next to him as she stared at the candy.

"To tie your hair up, duh!" the tall woman said.

"But my hair is short…" Link said in a confused voice.

The Gerudo gave an annoyed sigh, "Well fine, then no complimentary gifts for you!" she shouted, and she took back everything she had given him, except for the candy, Navi had eaten it all already. "Well, now that you're a member of our club, you can use the horse back riding archery course thing we set up, and you can also go into a scary room and try to pass a really hard challenge!"

"Why would I want to do that?" Link asked in a scared voice as Navi pouted over there not being anything made for fairies here.

"I don't know!" the Gerudo shouted impatiently. "But anyway, we have club meetings on the first Friday of every month, and if you aren't there, we kick you out! Bwahahahaha!"

"What do you do on these meetings?" Link asked curiously as the group slowly walked outside.

"Well, we talk about killing people, and stealing from people, and upcoming poetry contests, and killing the people who lose the upcoming poetry contests, and stealing from the people who win the upcoming poetry contests, and-"

"Ok, I think I get it," Link said while Navi just stared at the Gerudo with wide eyes.

"Good! Well, if you have any questions, feel free to keep them to yourselves, 'cause we kill people who have questions! Bwahahaha!" and with that final statement, the woman went running off to make a poem for the upcoming poetry contest.

"So…where do you think the next sage is?" Link asked Navi as they explored the fortress.

"Hey!" Navi shouted.

"You can just tell me what you think, you don't need to say hey first!" Link said tiredly.

"Hey!"

Link gave a sigh, "What?"

"Listen! We should check out the desert, Link!"

"Oh but, the desert is scary! And we don't have much water…" Link said, but before he knew it Navi was pushing him along towards the desert.

"Hey there, going to the desert?" one of the Gerudo guards asked.

"No!" Link shouted as Navi continued to push the boy into the gate that was blocking the way.

"Don't worry, I'll open the gate for you!" the guard said.

"Noooooo!" Link screamed, but it was too late. The gate was already open, and Link was soon being pushed through thick sand. "Navi, stop it! I can walk by myself!" Link shouted.

"Hello!" Navi said happily, and she quickly went under Link's hat, just as a giant sandstorm hit them.

"Noooooo!" Link shouted.

Two guards were watching as the sandstorm hit Link. His scream could just be heard over the howling winds. "What a noob!" one of the guards said. The other one just nodded cheerfully.

* * *

**Ok, so I had a moment of inspiration a few days ago, and I know exactly what's going to happen for the final chapter! It's really cool!  
Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you all liked this chapter! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Ok, once again, I'm sorry for the wait for this one... And thanks so much for the reviews! :-D  
Also, I have news! There's just one more chapter after this one! Although it's starting to get kind of long, so I might split it up into two separate chapters. If that's the case, then the first half will be posted next week sometime, since it's finished. I'm still trying to write out the last half, though, so it might be a while for that one to come out...who knows! Anyway, hope you enjoy the possible second to last/third to last chapter! :-)**

* * *

Chapter 16

A Surprise Party for Ganondorf and Two Evil Sisters

"Hey!" Navi shouted impatiently.

"I know there's a river of quicksand right in front of me! I'm not blind, you know!" Link snapped.

"Hey!" Navi shouted again.

"No Navi, I don't have anymore candy," Link said tiredly.

"Watch out!" Navi said angrily, and she pushed Link into the river of quicksand.

"Noooooo!" Link screamed, and he quickly used his longshot to pull himself out by grabbing onto a nearby box. "Navi, stop pushing!"

"Hey!" Navi said, and she shoved Link into the quicksand yet again. Link just sighed before using the longshot once again.

The two had managed to survive the thick sandstorm, and now it was slightly easier to see where they were going. Link was now currently trying to figure out how to get across the river of quicksand, but Navi kept pushing him in it before he could see anything on the other side. After Link had climbed back to the safety of the box again, he gave Navi a warning glare before going back to scanning the desert. "Ahha! Look Navi, there's another box on the other side of the quicksand!" Link said happily.

"Hey!" Navi said happily. She was about to shove Link back into the quicksand, but the boy was already using his longshot to get across. Pouting, the little fairy followed, struggling to fly in a straight course through the strong, burning winds. "Ok! Now we're getting somewhere!" Link said happily. He watched Navi cross over the quicksand river, and then grabbed her and placed her under his hat before the winds sent her flying to some unknown place. "Here we go!" Link said cheerfully, and he started to walk through another sandstorm that was slowly heading towards them.

As the thick sand continued to blow straight at Link, he soon found it impossible to see anything in front of him. Finally he stumbled onto a sign that was pointing in a certain direction. Not able to see what the sign read, Link set off in the way the sign was pointing, holding onto his hat as he went so as not to lose the clothes item, or Navi, who was happily watching cartoons on her hair powered, wide-screen TV. Eventually the sand started to clear enough for Link to see a giant flying carpet that was hovering over a giant pit of quicksand. "Hello?" Link called out to a small figure that was sitting on the flying carpet.

"Hey there! Come on over man!" the figure shouted.

Link shrugged and then jumped over to the flying carpet. "This is a weird place…" Link said as he tried to figure out how the carpet was actually flying.

"Hey man, want to buy something?" the figure asked. Now that Link was closer, he could see that the figure was a man with a very long beard and hair.

"Uh…" Link began.

"I've got a lot of stuff to sell!" the man said cheerfully.

"Like what?" Link asked cautiously.

"I can't tell you what I'm selling, man! It's a surprise! You give me two hundred rupees, and I'll give you something good!" the salesman said.

"I don't…something sounds fishy!" Link said. He was about to leave when suddenly Navi came flying out and handed the salesman the two hundred rupees. "Navi! That's all our money!" Link shouted.

"Great choice, little fairy! Here you go!

""Hey!" Navi said happily. "Hey!" She shouted angrily when she saw what she had gotten.

"A bombuchu!?" Link asked, glaring at the salesman.

"It's a special bombuchu!" the salesman said cheerfully.

"Hey!" Navi said in a whiny voice to Link.

"Navi, I said not to buy it. You can't come whining to me now!"

"Watch out!" Navi shouted. She was about to light her new bomb and throw it at the salesman when Link grabbed the item from his fairy friend.

"No, Navi, we don't kill a person just because we don't like them," he said tiredly.

"Hey!" Navi protested.

"I don't care! You're the one who agreed to pay him! Now let's go already, and leave the sale stuff to me from now on…"

"So long, come again!" the salesman said as the two left his magical flying carpet and continued on their trip through the desert.

After Link had arrived back at the sign, the sandstorm reappeared from out of nowhere. "The weather here is so wacky!" Link complained after he had put Navi back under his hat. He was only able to see a short distance ahead of him, but it was far enough to make out flags leading in a different direction. Having no other thing to follow, Link began to follow the trail of flags, being very careful to not wander to far away from them for fear of getting lost. After awhile the sandstorm began to clear again, and Link found himself next to some sort of stone fort. "Hello!" Navi said as she climbed out from under Link's hat.

"No, Navi, we aren't going to have a snowball fight here! There isn't any snow here anyway!" Link said with a sigh.

"Listen!" Navi shouted, and she threw a small pile of sand at Link when his back was turned to her.

"Navi! Don't throw the sand, you might get it in my eyes!" Link said as he turned around. Navi just threw another ball of sand at Link, getting him right in the face. "Nooooo! I'm blinded!" Link shouted, and he ran towards the fort, all in a panic.

After he had made it to the very top of the fort, he looked around for any sign of Navi, but the little fairy was nowhere to be seen. Shrugging, Link turned to look at a pedestal type thing that was nearby. Suddenly, Link felt an inexplicable urge to look around with his Lens of Truth. After doing just that, and once again commenting on how cool things looked in 3-D, Link spotted a ghost floating around, dancing the cucaracha dance. "Uh…excuse me?" Link said hesitantly.

The ghost continued to dance, completely ignoring Link.

"Hello? Hey, I'm talking to you, stupid ghost!" Link shouted.

The ghost froze in the middle of his dance and then slowly turned to face Link, "…You can see me!?"

"Uh, yeah!" Link said, rolling his eyes.

"I demand to know how you can see me!"

"Well, I got this Lens of Truth thing…" Link said, pointing to his lens with the hand that wasn't holding it.

The ghost glared at the Lens of Truth, "Stupid Hylians! You guys can't be happy with what you can see now! Noooo, you have to see everything in the whole entire world!"

"Hey, calm down! I just need some help getting to the next sage, and then you can go back to…whatever it was you were doing," Link said.

"I wasn't dancing, if that's what you were thinking!" the ghost said quickly.

"Fine, whatever, can we go now?"

"Ok! I'll show you to the Spirit Temple, but getting back is your problem!" the ghost said, and it went flying off, humming the cucaracha dance song under his breath.

As soon as Link jumped off of the fort to follow, he was bombarded by tons of sandballs that Navi had made. "Ow! Ouch! Nooooo!" Link screamed, and he went running after the ghost, shielding his eyes with one of his arms while Navi continued to hit Link in the back with her balls of sand.

After a few hours of this, the ghost finally led Link and Navi out of the constantly blowing sandstorm and into a sort of oasis. "There, happy!?" the ghost snapped crossly.

"Great, thanks!" Link said as he stared at the giant temple at the other side of the oasis.

"Yeah yeah, just don't bother me again!" the spirit said, and he went flying off, leaving Link and Navi (who was still throwing sandballs around) behind.

"Navi, how many of those things do you have!?" Link shouted finally, disturbing the calm of the oasis. Instantly a bunch of weird, spinning, green things came out from under the ground and started to attack him.

"Hey!" Navi shouted, and she used up the rest of her balls of sand to scare away the monsters (this didn't really do anything except make the creatures angrier).

Finally Link just grabbed Navi and made a run for it, heading straight towards the temple. As soon as they entered, the creatures that had been chasing them went back to their little houses under ground. Inside the temple, Link was instantly reminded of the Fire Temple. "That temple had the same entrance design!" Link said, glaring at the stairs that led up to a slightly higher up landing. Grumbling to himself about how uncreative the people who had built the temples were, Link started to explore the large room he was in. Suddenly he stopped and whirled around to face the empty entranceway. "Alright, Sheik, where are you!?" Link shouted. "I know you're here!"

Sheik, who had just been about to jump out at Link, scowled at him and continued to hide in the shadows, deciding to surprise Link when he wasn't expecting it. Link looked around suspiciously for awhile, and then shrugged before carefully taking a few steps deeper into the room. Sheik, who was bored, decided to throw the nearby pots at Link. After doing that, the man ran outside without Link even spotting him. "What is it with the pots!?" Link shouted as he stepped around the broken pots that were on the floor. "They committed suicide!"

After Link had avoided the dead, evil, flying pots, he ran up the nearby flight of stairs. Up here, he was able to get a better view of the two paths that were there. One of them was blocked by a giant block, and the other one was a very small tunnel that Link couldn't fit in. He tried, of course, but he ended up getting stuck, and Navi had had to pull him out. After Link had straightened out his tunic and cleared his throat embarrassedly, he walked back down the stairs dejectedly. Ignoring the two elaborately decorated signs that Navi was trying to point out, Link walked back outside. The little fairy sighed before following. Once back outside, a blue-clad figure jumped from out of nowhere and landed right on his face in front of Link, who was staring at Sheik with a bored expression. Sheik quickly stood up, trying to look as if he had meant to do that. "Howdy, Link! Hi, Navi!" Sheik said cheerfully.

"Hello!" Navi said happily, waving enthusiastically.

"Hey, Sheik, what's going on?" Link said in a bored voice.

"I'll tell you what's going on!" Sheik said happily. "I'm here to give you another speech!"

"Darn!" Link shouted.

"No!" Navi screamed.

"Ahahahaha! Too late! Here's my speech, now shut up!" Sheik said, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Past, present, future…" he began in a dramatic voice. "The Master Sword is a ship with which you can sail through time-"

"Wait a minute…is that the owl!?" Link shouted suddenly, pointing up at the sky towards a giant bird that was flying as fast as it could over the oasis.

"No, now be quiet! I'm talking!" Sheik said angrily. Link sighed but waved his hand for Sheik to continue. The other man beamed happily at Link and then continued with his speech, "The port for that ship is in the Temple of Time, and-"

"Excuse me, but isn't this speech a little lame?" Link asked.

"Um…maybe? Fine! I'll skip ahead!" Sheik said with a pout. "To restore the Desert Colossus and enter the Spirit Temple, you must travel back through time's flow…"

"Oh here we go," Link grumbled.

"Prepare to learn a new song!" Sheik shouted excitedly.

"Yeah yeah," Link said, pulling out his ocarina and getting ready to see what new instrument Sheik had gotten.

Ever since the death of his didgeridoo, Sheik had been learning to play the xylophone. He had gotten quite good at it, and he was really excited to be showing off his new skills to Link. Unfortunately, the thick sand from the desert got under and in-between the keys, keeping them from making any sound when they were hit, no matter how hard Sheik started to hammer on them. "Noooooo!" Sheik finally wailed when he realized that he had, once again, lost another instrument. "I cannot believe this! Why does this always happen to me!?"

"Maybe you should just stick with the harp…just don't go inside a volcano," Link suggested.

Sheik just glared at Link, "I wanted to do something different! Anyway, I'll just sing it to you!"

"Of course you will," Link said tiredly.

"Here it is! The Requiem of Spirit! Tra, la, la, la, la, laaaaa!" The man shouted out the song very slowly, to add more suspense, which didn't really work.

After Link had copied the song with his ocarina, Sheik glared at the boy, "How come you don't have any trouble with the sand!?"

"I dunno," Link said, shrugging.

"Fine! Be that way! Anyway, this song will lead a child back to the desert!"

"I have to send a kid here!? Why would I do that? It sounds mean!" Link snapped.

"Not a random kid, foo! You have to turn back into a kid, and then come back here!"

"Oh no you don't! Last time I tried doing that, I got arrested!" Link shouted.

"Oh don't be such a child!" Sheik scolded. "You have to save the world, so suck it up!"

"Don't you tell me what to do!" Link said angrily, and he played the song that would take him back to the Temple of Time, making sure to stuff Navi under his hat before he played the last note.

"Hello!" Navi shouted at Sheik before they went flying off to the temple.

"It's goodbye, stupid fairy! GOOOOOODBYE!!" Sheik shouted, shaking his fist angrily at the sky. He sighed when he realized that the two were long gone. The man looked dejectedly at his xylophone before walking off, leaving it there for the giant owl, who really _had_ been there, to pick up. "What is this strange thing?" he asked, tapping the instrument with a wing. He clapped happily when an out-of-tune note quietly sounded. "Fun! I am so taking this back to the office!" he said, and he went flying off to show his new toy to Saria, and to let her know that Link had made it safely to the next temple, and that Sheik had ruined everything by telling him where to go next.

* * *

"Ok, here we go!" Link said as he carefully placed the Master Sword back into the pedestal. A bright blue light surrounded both him and Navi, and in just a few seconds (or negative seconds…since they're going back in time…but that would be negative years…but anyway), Link was seven years into the past and back to looking like a creepy ten year old with creepy, large eyes. "Ok, let's go back to the Spirit Temple, now that I'm a kid!" Link said happily, and he quickly played the newest song that Sheik had taught him. After a short time, Link was standing in front of the large temple in the desert. "Here we go!" Link said, and he marched inside. After he had went back up the stairs, he was met by a young woman who was grumbling to herself about annoying owls. "Hi there! I'm Link!" Link said cheerfully.

"Hello!" Navi said.

The Gerudo glared down at Link with a suspicious look, "I haven't seen you around before, kid. What do you want?!"

"Uh…" Link began.

"Here, here's a list of possible responses that you can say!" the woman said cheerfully as she handed Link a small piece of paper.

"Well, that makes things easier!" Link said as he scanned the possible responses. "I'm looking for the sages!" he said happily.

"A sage? I don't know anyone like that!" the woman snapped angrily.

"But it was one of the possible responses!" Link protested.

"I haven't seen you around before, kid. What do you want!?"

"..."

"Well!? I haven't got all day!" the woman shouted.

"I'm here to see the temple?" Link asked uncertainly.

"You're just a kid! The temple is no place for kids!" the Gerudo shrieked loudly.

"But I-"

"I haven't see you around before, kid. What do you want!?"

"…Nothing?"

"You have nothing to do!? Great! Can you do me a favor then? Oh but wait…I have to ask you something first… Are you one of Ganondorf's followers?"

"No way! That guy is crazy!" Link shouted.

"Hey, you've got guts, kid! I like you! Now then, let me introduce myself! I'm Nabooru of the Gerudo! I'm a lone wolf thief!"

"You're a wolf?" Link asked in a confused voice.

"No no no! A _lone_ wolf! Get it right, kid!"

"Sorry…" Link said, still confused.

"Now, I have reason to believe that Ganondorf is using this temple as his hideout! He, and some sort of owl, and a green headed gal!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted in a confused voice (she herself had gotten so into the story, that she had completely forgotten that she had been hired by the owl herself).

"An owl…and a green headed gal…" Link said slowly, realization starting to dawn. "Wait a minute…Is that Sari-"

"And I'm going to ruin their plans by stealing all of their treasure!" Nabooru said happily, interrupting Link's thoughts and ruining the comprehension that had been going on inside his brain.

"What sort of treasure do they have?" Link asked curiously.

"I dunno. But I bet it's all really shiny and neat looking!"

"Alright!" Link cheered. "I'm in! What do I have to do?"

"I need you to sneak through this small hole here that's behind me, and find a treasure that's there! The treasure is called the Silver Gauntlets, and if you wear them, they make you super strong!" Nabooru, in her excitement, had punched the wall rather hard. "Owwww!" the woman shouted as she waved her sore hand around in the air. "See? If I had had the gauntlets, then it would've been the wall hurting, not me!"

"Awesome!" Link said, imagining himself punching through walls and making the dungeons a whole lot easier.

"No no no, kid! Don't even think about keeping the treasure for yourself! They only fit adults anyway!" Nabooru said, glaring at Link as she used her psychic powers to read his mind.

"Fine," Link said, crossing his arms and pouting.

"So, what's your name, kid?"

"I am Link!" Link shouted, striking a majestic pose with his sword arm outstretched.

"Link, eh? What kind of a name is that!?" Nabooru asked.

Link instantly went out of his pose and glared at the woman, "What kind of name is Nabooru?"

"A very cool name! It means: I can kill people with one finger! Muhahaha!"

"Your name really means all that?" Link asked incredulously.

"You bet! What does your name mean?"

"Uh…"

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway! I need you to get that treasure! Let's give Ganondorf and his followers a big surprise!"

"You mean like a surprise party?" Link asked.

"Well…yeah, I guess so!"

"Hello!" Navi said happily, and she quickly grabbed all of her paper snowflakes and started to decorate the room they were in.

"I have hats!" Nabooru shouted excitedly, and she threw sparkly, conical hats onto Link's and Navi's heads (Navi's was an extra-small size). "Partaaaay!" Nabooru shouted, and she broke into dance, a large grin planted on her face.

"Shouldn't we wait for Ganondorf?" Link asked.

"No!" Navi shouted, bobbing around in the air. Link sighed before finishing Navi's job of decorating, grumbling to himself about how it didn't make much sense to have a party when the person you were having it for wasn't there in the first place.

After a few hours Nabooru fell asleep from dancing too long, and so Link and Navi set off to find the treasure. They spent a few hours getting lost, getting un-lost, and then getting lost again, but eventually they made it to a large room with a giant statue that was standing right in front of the next door. Link tried everything to move the statue out of the way, but eventually he got tired of trying to push it, and so he gave it a good whack with his sword. "Ow!" The statue shouted.

"…Is there someone in there!?" Link shouted at the statue while Navi did the smart thing and flew off to safety.

"Uh…no?" the statue said hesitantly.

"It sure sounds like there's someone in there!" Link protested.

"Um…I'm actually a dark being, created by dark magic, by a dark wizard!"

"Yeah, ok, I get it, you were made in the dark…no wonder you're so ugly!" Link said.

"How dare you! I'm not ugly! Prepare to meet your doom!"

"Oh here we go agai-" Before Link could finish, however, the large statue sent Link flying into the wall by tapping him lightly with his giant, killer axe. "Hey, watch it!" Link shouted. He then started to run around the room in a panic when the statue slowly started to clomp towards him.

After a few minutes of being chased around the room, Link finally realized that the statue guy was extremely slow, and it didn't look as if he was going to speed up anytime soon. So Link whirled around and reached into his pocket to find one of his many weapons. After a few seconds he pulled out…nothing! Because the hole in his pocket still hadn't been fixed, and the TV crew were on their break, and they didn't know that Link needed an item. "Where did this hole come from?" Link asked out loud as he examined the giant hole in his pocket. By the time he finally remembered that their was a giant, killer statue after him, said giant, killer statue had already caught up to him. Once again, Link was sent flying into the wall. "This is getting old," Link grumbled. Suddenly, Navi came flying in with a giant flock of cuccos chasing after her. "Oh Navi, did you pick on the birds again!?" Link scolded as Navi quickly hid under his hat while the angry birds attacked both Link and the killer statue.

Eventually, the birds felt that the two had learned their lesson, and so they went flying off. "Hello!" Navi said happily as she climbed out of Link's hat. Both she and Link watched with bored expressions as the giant, killer statue went into an extremely long and dramatic death speech. After a few days, he finally finished, and then collapsed to the floor where he disintegrated. "Finally!" Link said happily, and he marched through the door that was now no longer being blocked by anything. Once through that door, the two found themselves to be on an outdoor balcony of sorts that was near the very top of the temple. On this balcony was a large treasure chest, as well as the giant owl. "Noooooo!" Link screamed while Navi shouted out a warning before flying back inside the temple.

"Hey, what's up, Link! Surprised to see me?" the owl asked happily.

"Not really," Link said tiredly as he sat down and prepared himself for another long speech.

The giant owl ruffled his feathers happily as he prepared to say his long speech, "A long time in this world is almost nothing to you, is it? How mysterious!"

"I guess… Of course if you would ask Sheik, he'd say it wasn't mysterious at all," Link said.

"Yeah, whatever," the owl said in a bored voice. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! How mysterious! Even I thought that-"

"Is this going to take long? 'Cause I've got stuff I have to do," Link said.

"Well fine, be that way! Do you want to hear what I said again?" the owl asked grumpily.

"Not really."

"Fine! But I'm saying it again anyway! Bwahahaha! How mysterious! …Do you want to hear what I said again?"

"No!" Link shouted.

"Well fine! I'm out of here!" And with that, the giant owl went flying off.

Link shook his head before quickly running up to the chest and opening it. Inside, Link found a large family of squirrels who promptly attacked him for a bit before running off, as well as the Silver Gauntlets that Nabooru had been talking about. After he had stuffed the new item into his pocket, a sudden, freak sandstorm hit him, keeping him from seeing anything for a short time. When it finally passed, Navi came flying up to him, a worried expression on her face, which no one could see anyway, because she was too bright. "What'd you do now, Navi?" Link asked, crossing his arms and looking at the fairy with a knowing expression.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"Hey, where are you taking me!?" Nabooru's voice suddenly shouted. For some reason, instead of looking in the direction of where the voice was coming from, both Link and Navi looked around in the sky. "Yeearggh! Let me go!" Nabooru shouted as Link continued to stare up a the pretty blue sky. Finally Link decided to figure out what was going on, and so he ran over to the edge of the balcony and peered down to the ground far below. "You, you fiends! Ganondorf's minions!" Nabooru shouted as she was slowly sucked into purple colored quicksand. "You interrupted the party!" the Gerudo shrieked at two bird like creatures that were circling around her on broomsticks. "Link, get out of here now! We'll have the party somewhere else!" Nabooru shouted up at Link.

For some reason, the creepy bird creatures completely ignored Nabooru and didn't notice Link at all, even though she was still shouting at Link about what to get for the party. "And don't you dare forget the ice cream!" Nabooru shouted before her head finally disappeared under the purple sand.

Link gave a sigh of relief, "It sure took those witches a long time to get rid of her! Now these gauntlets are all mine!"

"And confetti! Don't forget the confetti!" Nabooru shouted from under the sand, much to Link's disbelief.

"How can you manage to talk under all that sand!?" Link shouted.

"I dunno," Nabooru said in a bored voice. Finally the purple quicksand of doom completely disappeared, keeping the Gerudo thief from saying anything else. The bird creatures then went flying into the temple, just as another sandstorm came along.

"Nooooo!" Link shouted as he slipped and fell all the way down, where he was attacked by the family of squirrels again, just because they really didn't like him all that much.

After managing to escape the evil squirrels, Link and Navi were soon warping back to the Temple of Time so that the boy could try out his new gloves. It took him the seven years back to the future to remember about the hole in his pocket, and so he had to go all the way back to the past to pick up the gauntlets again, this time making sure to fix his pocket before he left.

After he had gone back to the future, again, Link slipped the Silver Gauntlets onto his hands before testing it out on the wall of the temple. After failing to make a hole in the wall, Link miserably pulled out his ocarina and warped back to the Spirit Temple. Instead of trying to go through the small hole and getting stuck again, Link decided to try moving the giant block that was at the other side of the room. "Hooray! It works! I am all powerful now!" Link shouted excitedly as the block slowly started to move forward. As soon as the block was out of the way, Link marched into the next room, where he was immediately attacked by a weird statue thing that shot laser beams out of its eye. After avoiding that, Link continued to run through the temple blindly, hoping that he wouldn't run into any locked doors or anything. Eventually, of course, he did. "Now what?" Link asked as he looked around the room for a key.

"Hey!" Navi said happily, and she pulled out a whole pile of keys and threw them at Link.

"Where did you find these!?" Link asked happily as he stuck one of the keys into the keyhole. Unfortunately, it didn't fit. Neither did any of the others. "Navi, you got these from other dungeons, didn't you?" Link asked tiredly.

"Hello!"

"They don't work in this dungeon!" Link said crossly.

"Hello?"

"No, no keys!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted angrily, and she grabbed the keys before chucking them out of the room, hitting some weird monster thing who called himself a Gibdo or something (his real name was Mummy, he even looked like a mummy, but due to some obvious jokes that his friends kept throwing at him, he changed it to Gibdo). The Gibdo guy then went into this big, long dramatic speech about how he had been defeated, but fortunately, Link missed it as he wasn't in the same room.

Link and Navi pondered for awhile on how to get through the locked door. Eventually, the two of them came upon a genius plan. Instead of doing the same old boring thing and looking for the right key, they decided to hire a blacksmith to make a key for them! And so, in just three to four business days, they were able to go through the door. Once through that door, they found…another locked door. "Darn! Call that blacksmith again!" Link told Navi as she eagerly pulled out a small, pink colored cell phone and started to dial.

"Hey!" She shouted after listening to the phone for awhile.

"What do you mean he isn't there anymore!?" Link shouted impatiently.

"Listen!"

"His business got shut down? But we just talked to him two minutes ago! Nothing happens that fast!" Link snapped, and he grabbed Navi's phone before shouting into the tiny speaker. "Listen here, you! We need another key, so you better get over here right now and-"

"Beep! We're sorry, your entire message could not be recorded. Try re-dialing, and then talking faster," said a tinny voice from inside the phone.

"Wait a minute…this isn't a real phone!" Link yelled, and he quickly pulled the cover off to reveal a bright pink fairy inside, who was staring at Link in surprise.

"Hey!" Navi shouted angrily.

"Hello!" the other fairy shouted.

Navi instantly brightened, "Hello!"

"Hey, listen!"

"Hello! Look!"

"Oh great…" Link grumbled as the two fairies continued to 'talk' to each other. "Is this your sister or something?" the only answer he got, however, were two angry glares for interrupting them.

Link sighed and then continued to explore the temple, deciding to get the keys the old fashioned way. The two little fairies followed him, still talking and hardly paying any attention to where they were going. Link was forced several times to jump into groups of enemies to keep the little fairies safe as they flew around. By the time Link finally made it to the Boss Door, he was completely exhausted. The fairies, of course, were perfectly fine (mainly because they had secret stashes of coffee. Where do they keep this coffee, you ask? Where does anyone keep anything in this darn story!) Before Link opened the door, he equipped the new shield which he had found. It was a lot nicer than his old shield, but Link didn't care much for it, mainly because it's shiny surface had reflected some light right into his eyes, which had blinded him for a short time. Glaring at his new shield (which blinded him once again), Link marched into the Boss Room. "This looks just like that one room with the giant, evil, dark, killer statue!" Link complained when he saw the room.

Sure enough, it did look exactly the same, there was even a giant, killer statue standing next to the door at the other end (well, actually, it was sitting on a chair, it was a lazy statue…). The only difference was that the two bird-like creatures were there as well. Their backs were turned to Link, and they were staring at the statue for some reason. "Uh…" Link began, but as usual, he was interrupted when suddenly one of the birds noticed him. She turned her head slightly to reveal a blue headband on her head. She glared at Link before talking, "Ho ho ho!" she shouted. "It looks like-"

"Ho ho ho? Are you…Santa!?" Link shouted excitedly.

The two fairies, who had been watching the reality show starring Link under his hat, quickly flew out. "Hello!" both fairies shouted at the bird.

"Ok, one, No, I am not Santa! And two, Santa is more of a title! It's not the name of the stupid guy who delivers presents!" the bird shouted angrily. The two fairies pouted before going back to watching Link being pummeled by Bongo-Bongo on the TV.

"Oh, but…Santa says ho ho ho!" Link protested.

"I'm not Santa! Now can I finish saying what I was going to say, please!?"

"Sure," Link said dejectedly.

"Thankyou! Ho ho ho! It looks like someone is here, Koume!"

It was then that the other bird turned around, showing off her red headband as she spoke, "Hee hee hee! Looks like it, Kotake!"

"Seriously? Your names are Koume and Kotake?" Link asked in a bored voice. "Those are pickled plums, and mushrooms!" Link then burst into laughter while the two twin witches just glared at Link.

"Can we continue now?" asked Kotake.

"Sure, go ahead," Link said, his laughter instantly stopping.

"Ahem! What an outrageous fellow he is, to intrude so boldly into our Temple…Ho ho ho!" Kotake gave Link a warning glare before he could start shouting about Santa again.

"We should teach this outrageous fellow a lesson! Hee hee hee!" shouted the other sister happily.

"Awww, come on! I finished school already! Well…actually, we didn't really do much…But I did learn that if you have four deku nuts, and you share half of them with a friend, then you only have two left over!" Link said happily, keeping track of his deku nuts on his fingers. The two witches just stared at Link with bored expressions on their faces.

"Yeah…Moving on!" said Kotake finally. "Oh loyal minion!" she said in a sing-songy voice, which reminded Link of Malon slightly, as she and her sister turned to face the statue again. "Wake up, stupid loyal minion!" they shouted, and they began to hit the statue with their brooms.

"Whaddya want?" the statue asked sleepily, in a voice that Link recognized, but couldn't quite place.

"Destroy this intruder on our behalf!" shouted one of them (Link wasn't sure which one, because they both sounded the same, and she didn't give her laugh, which was the only way to tell them apart really).

"Okay," said the statue, still sounding tired as it slowly stood up and waved its giant axe around for a bit. The witches, who had wanted to watch Link get killed, had to leave or else get hit themselves by the axe.

"Watch out!" shouted both of the fairies at the same time, before they went flying off to safety as well.

"Thanks for the support, guys!" Link said sarcastically as he threw himself to the ground to avoid losing his head. After he had dodged the attack, he lost his head (no, not literally! Figuratively!), and he began to run around the room in a mad panic, screaming something about how mean Santa was. After a few minutes the statue tripped on its extremely heavy boots, and it ended up losing all of its armor. As the helmet fell off, Link was shocked to see that inside the statue was none other than Nabooru. "Nabooru! What are you doing in there!? You almost killed me, foo!" Link shouted. Nabooru just fell to the ground, still tired from being woken up in the middle of her nap. She looked up at Link, finally, and motioned for him to come closer. Link obliged happily. "Link…did you…did…"

"What?!" Link snapped impatiently.

"Did you…remember…to bring…the ice cream?"

"Oh for crying out loud! You're still going on about that party!? That was seven years ago, man!" Link shouted.

"Hey…where am I?" Nabooru asked as she looked around the room.

Before Link could answer, though, the two witches suddenly returned. "Well well, it looks like she's back to normal, Koume!" said the blue headband witch, Kotake.

"She's just a little girl, but she commands a lot of respect among the Gerudo, Kotake…"

"Oh no you didn't!" Nabooru shouted suddenly. "I'm not a little girl, I'm a grown up!"

The two witches rolled their eyes, "Whatever."

" Maybe we should make her work for the great Ganondorf for a little while longer! Ho ho ho!" said Kotake.

"Then we should brainwash her again! Hee hee hee!" shouted Koume.

"Way to make it obvious…" Link grumbled as he crossed his arms and glared at the witches. "I figured out that she was brainwashed on my own, you know!"

"Really? I didn't think you'd be able to!" said Koume. "Try this! What's three plus three?"

"Um…three what?"

Kotake gave a disgusted sigh, "What's three deku nuts, plus three deku nuts!" she screeched loudly.

"Ohhhhh, I see! One minute!" Link said, and he began to pull out some deku nuts from his pockets. The two witches just stared at Link for a while before suddenly zapping Nabooru with some magic to make her disappear, before disappearing themselves.

…five hours later…

"And three more makes six! Six deku nuts!" Link said, looking up from his seeds triumphantly. He sighed when he saw that everyone had gone except for the fairies, but they were sound asleep in the corner of the room where they had been hiding. After carefully placing them under his hat, Link moved through the door that Nabooru had been sitting in front of before. He went through a short hallway, and then made it into a large room. In the center of this room was a giant pillar that Link had to climb to reach the very top. As soon as he had climbed over the edge, the twin witches reappeared, looking very annoyed at Link. "Look at that stupid kid! He came on his own to offer himself as a sacrifice to the great Ganondorf…" said Kotake.

"Well, let's get him then! With my fire, I will burn him to the bone!" shouted Koume.

"And with my ice, I shall freeze him to his soul!" shouted the other sister. Suddenly their hair, which had previously resembled the straw part of a broomstick, changed. Koume's hair turned into a bright flame, and Kotake's changed into sparkling snow, which, amazingly enough, stayed in the shape of hair.

"Ok great! Could you guys just hit me at the same time? I should be fine then!" Link said cheerfully.

The two sisters glared at Link, "That's it, prepare to meet your doom!" they shouted.

Link sighed, "Here we go again," he said, just as he was hit by the witches' spells at the same time. "See! I told you I'd be fine!" Link started to cheer, until he was hit by one of Koume's spells all by itself. "Ow! I'm on fire! I'm on fire! OW! I'm stuck in an ice block! I'm stuck in an- OWWWW! I'm on fire again!!"

The two fairies had long abandoned Link's hat, and they were currently just watching the show with wide eyes in a corner of the room, while the two witches cackled madly whenever their spells hit poor Link.

* * *

**Hooray! Link finally got that hole in his pocket fixed! And they have a new fairy friend! And Koume really is a Japanese pickled plum, and Kotake is a type of mushroom! I read that online somewhere (can't remember where, I have a horrible memory for those things...). Anyway, the final battle (which has a really neat twist, at least I think it does...) is coming up...sometime!  
Thanks for reading!  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Oh my gosh, I am so sorry I took so long to post this! I completely forgot about it...  
One more chapter after this one, then it'll be finished and you all won't have to wait forever anymore! Yay! **

**Thanks for the reviews!  
**

* * *

Chapter 17

Link Discovers the Truth

Link was hiding behind his shield to defend himself from the evil twin witches' spells, when suddenly the mirror shield started to deflect the spells and send them flying off in a completely different direction. "Wow!" Link shouted in amazement. He quickly aimed his shield at the other witch when one of them shot a spell at him, hoping that he could hit them. Unfortunately, aiming was really hard, especially since Link had to stay in one place while aiming, and the other witch tended to drift behind him. Finally, though, Link managed to hit them a few times, enough to make them very mad, which probably wasn't a good thing. "That's it, let's get serious now, Kotake!" Koume shouted angrily.

"I thought we were already being serious!" Kotake protested.

"No, fool!"

"Oh, but, I was saving my clown outfit for when we weren't being serious…Are you saying I should've worn it before!?"

"Uh… no… Would you just throw out that stupid clown costume already! It embarrasses me!"

"You're just jealous because all eyes were on me last time I wore it at a party!"

"Of course everyone was staring at you! Everyone else was in formal wear!"

"Oh, ok, Koume," Kotake said patronizingly, not remembering that at all.

While Link was trying to sneak back to the exit, the two witches started to spin around incredibly fast. "Kotake and Koume's Double Dynamite Attack!" they shouted. Suddenly both of them started to panic when they realized that they had accidentally lit some real dynamite. "Run! Run!" they shouted. After they had given Link the dynamite, who had promptly eaten it (?), they quickly turned into one being. A giant woman, with two ponytails, one made of fire, and the other made out of snow, was soon floating in front of Link. "Oh my gosh! You're ugly!" Link shouted, his voice slightly panicky. "You look like the creepy fairies!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted from somewhere way far away.

"Not you, the giant fairies!" Link shouted. He turned to face the new witch, only to see her wink at him. "…Dude, did you just wink at me!?"

"Uh…no?"

"Stupid Kotake, quit winking at people! It's creepy!" the same witch shouted, which got Link very confused. The boy got even more confused when the witch began to argue with herself. "It's an eye twitch! I get eye twitches sometimes!"

"I don't remember that!"

"Well I do!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Stop that!" Link screamed.

The witch turned to look at Link with an annoyed sigh, "We're talking! Don't interrupt your elders, kid!"

"Oh…ok," Link said meekly, and he quickly sat down and started to draw little pictures in the dust while the witch continued to fight with herself.

"Oh forget it, we'll talk about this later! Let's deal with the annoying intruder!" the witch finally said.

"Hey, that's me!" Link said happily, standing up quickly and waving.

"Yeah…we know. Let's get him!" the witch shouted, and she started to throw both fire and ice spells at Link. Link, with the power of hindsight at his command, was really starting to wish that he had just stayed home and taken his chances with listening to Navi say the same thing about seeing the Princess of Destiny over and over again for the rest of his life.

After a few hours, Link could still be found in the boss room, once again hiding behind his shield to defend himself from the witch's spells. Suddenly his shield began to beep at him in a very annoying fashion. "Stop it, shield!" Link shouted, trying to cover his ears with just one hand. He ended up dropping the shield. This made the shield even madder, and so it shot out all of the magic that it had been storing whenever the witch had hit it. Unfortunately for the shield, it missed Link, and ended up hitting the witch instead. "Hahahahaha! I have a super shield!" Link shouted excitedly as he picked up his very annoyed shield. "Which means that I am…Guy who carries Super Shield!"

"Huh, I thought he was going to start calling himself Super Link, or something stupid like that…" the witch said, before hitting Link with another spell. Link, or Guy who carries Super Shield, was too busy dancing around the room with Super Shield over his head to even notice the spell, and he ended up getting hit again. "Ow! I'm on fire! I'm on fire! OW! I'm stuck in an ice block! I'm stuck in- Owwwww! I'm on fire!"

The shield, if it could have, would've given a miserable sigh as Link went back to running around the room frantically.

Finally Link realized that Super Shield wasn't going to do anything on its own, and that he had to do something himself, so he pulled the shield in front of him and waited for it to start beeping at him again. After a few spells had hit it, it began to do just that, and so Link threw it away from him once again. The shield shot out all the magic, trying to hit Link again, but, just like last time, it hit the witch. After doing this a few times, the giant, ugly witch suddenly blew up, much to Link's amazement. "Hooray for Super Shield!" he cheered as Kotake and Koume rematerialized into their separate forms.

Koume glared at Link, "Shoot, what a fresh kid! This time, we'll get serious, right Kotake?"

"…Fresh? You mean like fresh fruit? Yum! I like blue berries!" Link said happily.

He was completely ignored by the other two, however, when suddenly Kotake noticed a weird torus-shaped hat thing on her sister's head. "What is it!? What is it!?" Kotake shouted, pointing at the hat.

"What? Is it a spider!? Get it off! Get it off!" Koume screamed.

Kotake continued to just repeat herself in a panicky voice, especially when she found that she had a hat as well. "What is it!? What is it!?"

"And I also like cherries, and bananas, and tomatoes…" Link continued listing all of the fruits that he enjoyed eating, completely oblivious to what the witches were doing.

Suddenly everyone stopped talking when a very bright light shone through the ceiling and enveloped the twins. "Ahhhhhh! I'm blinded!" Kotake screamed.

"Get it off! You, help!" Koume shouted, pointing at Link.

"Oh but, I'm eating my fruit salad right now!" Link protested.

"…Where did you get that!?" Kotake asked curiously.

"I made it!" Link said happily. "All by myself!" He pointed at himself with his thumb proudly before continuing to eat all of the fruit that he had.

"Heeeeelp! We're floating towards the ceiling!" Koume shouted suddenly.

"I don't want to die! I'm only four hundred years old!" Kotake hollered loudly.

"Well…I'm only three hundred and eighty! Hah!"

"Aren't you guys twins?" Link asked.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" both witches snapped at him angrily. Finally they reached the very top of the room, and the light instantly began to ram them into the ceiling in an attempt to get them outside. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" both witches shouted as their heads continued to hit the hard ceiling.

"Here, I'll help!" Link said, finally finished with his snack.

"Noooooo!" the twins screamed at him, but Link was already tossing his bombs at the ceiling. "Oh, of course, now he has perfect aim!" Koume complained as the light raised them up into the sky through the new hole in the roof. It took them all the way into outer space, where they were then accidentally dropped into an alternate reality somehow. They then decided to take over this world instead, and so they started to raise money for their doomsday device by giving tours of an incredibly swampy area, where nobody even wanted to visit, never mind have to sit for hours on a slow moving boat, getting bitten by mosquitoes the entire time.

Meanwhile, while the twins were forcing people into their boats at wand-point, Link was being warped all the way back to the Chamber of Sages. Once there, he found that Nabooru was also there. "Linky! Check out my new lipstick!" the woman shrieked excitedly at Link the minute she spotted him. "Does it not go with my party outfit or what!"

"Um…not?"

Nabooru glared angrily at the boy.

"What?"

"Thanks! I know! Great, right!"

"Uh…"

"So anyway, I really messed up… I completely forgot that it was my job to bring the ice cream! Now our party is ruined! Ruined I say! Ruuuuuuined!"

Link gave a tired sigh when Nabooru continued to say ruined in different ways.

"Ruiiiiiined! Ruuuuuuiiiiiiined! Ruiné! Rovinato!"

"Are you done yet?" Link asked impatiently.

Nabooru just ignored Link, "Ruiniert, znicil, geruïneerd, en ruinas, ruined I say!"

"Ok, fine! No party! Can we move on now?!" Link shouted.

"Ok," Nabooru said with a slight shrug. "Isn't it funny? That a person like me could become the Sage of Spirit?"

"No! Why do all you Sages think it's funny that you're a sage! It's not funny! Ok!?" Link shouted loudly.

"Fine, be that way! Kid... No...Link, the Hero of Time!"

"Ooooo, Hero of Time! I like that so much more than Guy who carries Super Shield!"

"Instead of keeping the promise I made back then-"

"What promise?" Link asked in a confused voice.

"I give you this Medallion!"

"Oh but, I don't want another medallion!" Link whined.

"Take it!" Nabooru shrieked.

"Ok, ok!" Link said, glaring at the Gerudo as she tossed an orange colored medallion at him. This time, though, Link didn't end up getting hit by it. It was at this point that Navi and her new fairy friend came flying into the Chamber.

"Hello!" Navi said happily. Suddenly she spotted the flying medallion, and she watched with wide eyes as it flew right into the cell phone fairy. Both she and Link stared at where the heavy medallion had fallen on the floor, the other fairy underneath it. "Well…thanks…" Link said to Nabooru as he very carefully picked up the Spirit Medallion and wiped it off before quickly stuffing it into his pocket and warping out along with Navi.

Instead of arriving outside the Spirit Temple right away, Link found himself to be inside a fluffy white cloud. "Cotton candy!" Link shouted. Rauru, who was also inside the cloud, stared at Link as he and Navi started to try and grab onto a piece of the cloud so they could eat it. "Darn!" the boy shouted when he realized that clouds couldn't be eaten. Rauru cleared his throat, trying to get Link's attention.

"Oh hey, Rauru, what's up," Link said casually while Navi refused to give up on eating the cloud.

"Link, the hero!" Rauru began, but he was promptly interrupted.

"Hold on there, that's Link, the hero _of time_! Get it right!" Link said, crossing his arms and glaring at the man.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, finally, all of us, the six sages, have been awakened!"

"Wait a minute…I only did five!" Link shouted.

"No…I'm a Sage too!" Rauru snapped impatiently.

"Really? Well, you never gave me a medallion!" Link said. He quickly covered his mouth when he realized what he had said.

"Oh…right, here you go!" Rauru said happily.

"Nooooo!" Link screamed, but the golden medallion was already heading straight towards him. "Hello!" shouted a familiar voice. Link turned to see that cell phone fairy had actually survived! Unfortunately, the newest medallion ended up squashing her…for real this time.

"Darn! I missed him!" Rauru said with a pout as he watched Link retrieve the last Medallion from the ground (the cloud had somehow become solid long enough to keep the medal from falling to the earth). "Anyway, the time for the final showdown with the King of Evil has come! Only you can keep the rain from getting the Princess of Destiny's hat wet!"

"The main plot for this quest stinks," Link grumbled.

Rauru refused to hear Link, however, as he continued to talk. "Before that, though, you should meet the one who is waiting for you... The one who is waiting for you at the Temple of Time…"

"A friend? I love having friends! …Wait…it's Sheik isn't it."

"Maybe…" Rauru said mysteriously. "Now get going!" he shouted, and he quickly warped Link out of the cloud, where he then fell all the way down to the oasis.

"Aw come on! You couldn't have just warped me to the Temple of Time!?" Link shouted at the sky. "Now I have to play another song…" he grumbled as he pulled out his ocarina. After playing the Prelude of Light, Link and Navi were soon at the Temple.

For some reason, however, Link felt like going outside, and then back in again. After doing that, Sheik surprised him from behind, hitting him with a deku nut.

"Owwww!" Link whined as he rubbed his eyes to try and get his vision back.

"Hi, Link! Hi hi hi!"

"Hi, Sheik," Link said, less enthusiastic than Sheik was.

"I've been waiting for you! I've got this really long speech that I've been planning for days now!"

"How long, exactly?" Link asked nervously.

"Really long! We're going to be here for a few days, at least!" Sheik said cheerfully.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she quickly went under Link's hat to watch some TV.

"Let's get this over with," Link said tiredly after he realized that Sheik was blocking the exit.

"Ok!" Sheik quickly cleared his throat, drank a glass of water, ate a ten course meal, and then cleared his throat again before continuing. "You have overcome many hardships, and awakened six Sages, and-"

"I know what I did!" Link shouted impatiently.

"Fine, be that way! Anyway, now you have a final challenge, a showdown with Ganondorf, the King of Evil... Before that...I have things I want to tell only to you. Please listen. Another unknown legend of the Triforce passed down by the shadow folk, the Sheikahs…" Sheik quickly reached under Link's hat before he could even react and grabbed Navi's TV. "Hey!" both the little fairy and Link shouted as the other man set up the small TV against the wall.

"Let's see, I think it's on Channel 109,876!" Sheik said, and he started to slowly flick up to the specified channel, starting at channel 1.

"What's on channel 109,876?" Link asked curiously while Navi just watched the different channels flick by with a bored expression.

"Your show, of course! They're going to be doing a little play about the Triforce, since they lost you when you went inside the cloud!" Sheik said cheerfully.

"What are you talking about!?" Link shouted, feeling more confused than ever before.

"You need to know more about the Triforce, and I don't feel like explaining it to you myself, so you're going to learn all about it on TV!"

"No, I meant what show? I don't have a show!"

"Here we are!" Sheik said happily after Navi had grabbed the remote from the man and just pressed in the channel's number.

"But I-" Link began.

"Shhhh!" both Sheik and Navi hissed at Link before turning back to the screen. Link sighed before joining them, straining his eyes to see what was going on on the tiny screen.

"Alright, kids, who's ready to learn about the Triforce!" shouted a familiar looking owl.

"Wait a minute…is that-" but once again Link was shushed by the other two.

"Then let's learn about the Triforce!" the owl then burst into song, every once in awhile dancing along as well. "Ohhhhhhhh! The Triforce is so cool! The Triforce is so neat! Anyone who doesn't like it, is just…uh…a beet!" Everyone, including the live audience that was watching the play, just stared at the owl as he finished lamely. "So…Anyway, let's learn some more about the Triforce! The Triforce is made up of three different forces! Power, Wisdom, and Courage! If somebody tries to grab the Triforce, it usually ends up separating into those three different pieces. And then, a few people, chosen by destiny, get the three different pieces! Isn't that cool!" The live audience refused to answer, as they were already fast asleep. The owl ruffled his feathers impatiently before pulling out a cucco.

"What in tarnation'!?" Talon, who was the only one to wake up, shouted.

"I said…isn't that cool!" The owl yelled.

"Uh…yeah, I guess…" Talon said.

"Good! So, moving on! You can tell who has a Triforce piece by looking at the back of their hands! They usually have a symbol of the Triforce on them! And now, we've finally found the star of our show, so let's see what he's up to!" the owl said. Sheik quickly turned off the TV before Link could see himself on it. Not that he would have anyway, he was too busy staring in awe at the back of his hand. "I have a Triforce piece! Yes!"

"That's right!" Sheik said cheerfully. "You have the Triforce of-"

"Oh oh oh! Let me guess! I've got Wisdom!"

"No…"

"Oh. Power?"

"NO!" Sheik shouted.

"Darn! I don't want Courage! I wanted Wisdom!"

"Ahhahahahahaha! I'm the one with Wisdom, foo!" Sheik said loudly, his laughter echoing around the Temple.

"Really? But you're not important!" Link protested.

"Am too! I'm actually…Zelda! And the seventh sage! Who will rule the world!" Sheik/Zelda shouted, and in a blinding flash of light, the Princess of Hyrule was standing there in a pink frilly dress. "Darn it all! I wanted a pirate outfit!" Zelda said with a pout, completely oblivious to Link's shocked stare.

"Wait a minute…you're actually a girl!?"

"Well duh!" Zelda snapped at him, trying to get her hair to stay down (little did she know that Navi was actually right above her with a balloon).

"But…you were a guy before…"

"Was not!" Zelda shouted, her short term memory loss kicking in.

"Was too!"

"Not!"

"Fine! You weren't!" Link said grumpily, deciding it probably wasn't a good idea to argue with royalty.

"Ahhahahahaha! I win!" Zelda shouted, and she started to dance around the room, Navi following close behind with her static electricity-charged balloon. "Anyway, like I was saying…" Zelda said after she had finished dancing. "Seven years ago, Ganondorf used the door you opened in the Temple of Time and entered the Sacred Realm. But when he laid his hands on the Triforce, the legend came true. The Triforce separated into three parts. Only the Triforce of Power remained in Ganondorf's hand. The strength of the Triforce of Power enabled him to become a mighty, evil, rain making king, but his dark ambitions were not satisfied. To gain complete mastery of the weather, Ganondorf started looking for those chosen by destiny to hold the two other Triforce parts."

"Oh oh oh, that's me!" Link said excitedly.

"And me!" Zelda said, just as happily. "Anyway, on that day, seven years ago, Ganondorf attacked Hyrule Castle. I saw you as I was escaping from the castle with my attendant, Impa. I thought I should entrust the Ocarina to you...I thought that would be our best chance…" she said dramatically.

"No you didn't!" Link argued. "I know the true story! You just wanted to find someone to clean your ocarina for you, but then you accidentally threw it to me!"

"…I don't remember that!" Zelda snapped, wondering how he had found out about that.

"Whatever," Link grumbled.

"Now no more interrupting!" the princess shouted at him before smiling sweetly and continuing with her very long speech. "As long as you had the Ocarina in your possession, I thought Ganondorf could never enter the Sacred Realm, but...something I could never expect happened... You went and opened up the doors! What idiot does that! Seriously! I wanted you to collect the Spiritual Stones for safe keeping, not for using, foo!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that!" Link shouted impatiently.

"Honestly, anyone with half a brain could've figured it out!" Zelda shouted back, glaring angrily at Link. Navi was completely unaware of the two arguing in back of her, as she was too busy staring at herself on the TV (she was currently hovering right in front of the hidden camera, and so that's all anyone could see).

"Those stones were probably safer where they had been hidden!" Zelda said crossly.

"Then why did you even bother sending me to collect them!?" Link shouted.

"Well duh, because of the stupid reality show!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes.

"…What show!? There is no-" It was at this point that Link caught Navi waving at herself on the TV. Link gave Navi a gentle push, which sent her flying to the other side of the Temple. "Oh my gosh! That's me!" Link shouted.

"Huh, I didn't know they're doing it live now!" Zelda said happily. Suddenly she gave a high pitched scream.

Link whirled around, "What!? What is it?"

"My hair! It's a mess!" Zelda shrieked, and she quickly pulled out a large table that was covered in mirrors and got to work on fixing her hair.

"What is this show about?" Link asked, turning back to stare at himself on the TV screen.

"You, obviously. It could've been about a beautiful princess who was going to save the world! But nooooo, they wanted some boring kid!"

"Then, it's recording me saving the world!" Link said happily.

"No no no! You've got it all wrong!" Zelda snapped, finally finished with her hair. "You're in a reality TV show, you idiot! The world doesn't need saving at all!"

". . . . . ."

"Uh, Link? You're looking a little angry there…" Zelda said nervously.

"Not…real?" Link asked, gritting his teeth.

"Nope!" Zelda said happily.

"Who's idea was this!?"

"The giant owl's…" Zelda said, deciding it best to not say it had actually been her idea.

"But, what about the sages? And the Triforce!? And the time travel! You can't fake this!" Link shouted, showing off the glowing symbol on his hand.

"Oh, well that's all real! The TV crew just got lucky with that one! And the Sages are real, too! They're just…not Sages," Zelda said. "They're a little crazy," she whispered.

"Great! I just went around rescuing insane people!?"

"Pretty much!" Zelda said cheerfully.

"Are you even the real princess!?" Link shouted after a few minutes of silence had gone by. Zelda gasped in surprise, "Of course I am! I'm the Princess of Destiny, remember?"

"Right…" Link said, still glaring at Zelda. "So how come you didn't tell me about the show the minute you found out about it!?"

"Well, I forgot! I have short-term memory loss, you see. So I knew about it when you first arrived, but then I-"

"Why didn't you tell me about it then!?"

"Uh…"

"Oh forget it! I'm out of here!" Link shouted. He pulled the Ocarina of Time out of his pocket and waved it in front of the hidden camera. "And I'm keeping this!" With that, he grabbed one of Navi's wings and pulled her outside.

"Hey!" Navi shouted in surprise when they saw Zelda sitting outside with a bored expression on her face.

"Hey…how did you get here so fast!?" Link shouted at her.

"Link! I'm the real Princess of Hyrule!" Zelda said, standing up.

"Yeah, ok, we talked about this already!" Link snapped.

"No… we just met! That other girl you just talked to is an actress!"

Link gave a tired sigh and was about to argue some more when he suddenly noticed that she did seem different. "You've got a crown!" Link said finally.

"Uh, yeah…I'm also taller, I have green eyes, and my face is different!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes slightly.

"Oh yeah…" Link said, finally noticing these other things now that they had been mentioned.

"Anyway, seven years ago my family and I was visited by a giant, talking owl. He persuaded my parents to let that actress take my place as Princess. I've been trying to figure out what that owl is really up to ever since!"

"I already figured it out! He's making a reality show starring me," Link grumbled.

"He is doing that, yes. But then I found out that he's also doing something else!"

"What?" Link asked, becoming more curious.

"He's trying to…make it rain!"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Link shouted.

Zelda burst into laughter, "Sorry, I couldn't help it! I've been watching your show ever since it started! You have to admit, it's a lame plot."

Link sighed, "So what is the owl really doing?"

The real Zelda quickly resumed a more serious air, "I think he's trying to get the Triforce pieces together, so that he can rule over Hyrule himself!"

"How'd you get that idea?"

"I overheard him talking about his plans to his teddy bear," Zelda said simply.

"Oh."

"And that's why he had one of his actresses take over my job as Princess! He wanted the Triforce to go into her, instead of me! He knew that he would never be able to trick me into giving up the Triforce of Wisdom, but he could trick her! He's been planning this ever since the fake Zelda came up with the idea for the show!"

"I always knew there was something weird about that owl!" Link said.

"Of course you did," Zelda said sarcastically, shaking her head at the man. "Link, we have to stop the owl, before he tricks that actress into-" Suddenly there was a high pitched scream, coming from inside the Temple of Time. "What was that!?" Zelda shouted, her ears still ringing from the scream.

"She's probably still having trouble with her hair," Link mumbled, but he followed Zelda into the Temple, Navi bobbing along after them happily. All three of them stopped in surprise when they saw the false Zelda trapped in a pink crystal.

The actress turned to glare at Link, "Where have you been!? You missed my concert! I had a new instrument and everything!" she said, pouting slightly.

"We have to get her out of there!" the real Zelda said urgently.

"I'm on it!" Link said, and he drew his sword and started to hammer away at the crystal. Navi and the false Zelda decided to help out by throwing deku nuts everywhere.

"Whatever your real name is, give me the Triforce of Wisdom!" the real Zelda shouted at the other girl over the loud snapping of deku nuts.

"Why would I give it to you!?" the actress snapped, unable to see Zelda as she was currently blinded from the deku nuts she was throwing.

"Because, I'm the one who actually deserves it!" the princess snapped.

"But I'm the Princess of Destiny!" the false Zelda said with a pout.

"No you aren't!"

"Am too!"

"Are not…I'm not getting into this, just give me the darn Triforce piece!"

"Never!" and with that, the false princess turned her back to Zelda and crossed her arms.

"Link, do something!" Zelda shouted desperately as the crystal began to slowly float towards the ceiling.

"I'm trying!" Link shouted, still hitting the hard crystal with the Master Sword. Finally Link gave up on that, and he started to throw some bombs at it.

"Nooooo!" the false Zelda screamed, but the bombs just bounced off of the crystal and started to head straight for the real princess.

"Nooooo" the real Zelda screamed.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Link grumbled, and he quickly threw his shield at Zelda so she could protect herself from the bombs. Unfortunately, Zelda had never really been in any life threatening situations before. She carefully picked up the shield by its edge with just two fingers, "And what do you expect me to do with this!?" she asked disgustedly as the bombs get closer and closer to her. Link, however, was too busy shooting at the crystal with his bow to hear the princess.

Just as the bombs were about to hit the princess, Navi came flying from out of nowhere and easily lifted the shield, protecting them both from the blasts. "Well…thanks…" Zelda said uncertainly to the little fairy, who just said a hello and then offered a small portion of candy. "Uh…no thanks," Zelda said, wrinkling her nose in disgust at the sticky candies.

"Hey!" Navi said grumpily, and then she tossed the candy into her mouth before joining Link, who had ran out of arrows and was now trying to pull the crystal back down with his longshot. The large hook just clanged against the crystal, however, and didn't do anything of use. Finally the crystal was too high up for Link to do anything, and he and the real Zelda stared up at it helplessly. Navi just spun around Link's head for some reason. After a few seconds, the crystal just disappeared. "We have to find her before she gives her Triforce to the owl!" Zelda said, giving Link a shove so he would start moving. "Here, if we get there too late, you'll need these special arrows to defeat the owl," she said, and she handed Link a pile of glowing arrows.

"Ooooo, these are so pretty!" Link commented.

"Yeah…they're called Light Arrows, and-" Before Zelda could finish, however, Link started to shoot them all over the room they were in. "No, Link, no! You wasted them all!"

"Oops," Link said.

"What is your problem!?"

"Um…They were pretty?" Link said uncertainly. Zelda just glared at him. Suddenly, a loud earthquake started to shake the Temple.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted.

"Navi, we don't care if there's a show about turtles on right now!" Link said impatiently as the earthquake got worse.

"That rumbling…It can't be!" Zelda said nervously.

"What now?" Link asked as he tried to get both Zelda and Navi to move so they could go outside. Before they even made it to the door, however, another pink crystal surrounded Zelda. "Oh here we go again," Link grumbled.

Suddenly the giant owl's voice drifted over to them, "Bwhahahaha! Princess Zelda...you foolish traitor! I commend you for avoiding my pursuit for seven long years. But you let your guard down...I knew you would appear if I let this kid wander around! My only mistake was to slightly underestimate the power of this kid... No...It was not the kid's power I misjudged, it was the power of the Triforce of Courage! But, with the Triforce of Wisdom that my Zelda has...When I obtain these two Triforces...Then I will become the true ruler of the world!! If you want to rescue either Zelda, Link, come to my castle!"

"What castle?" Link asked in a confused voice as the other Zelda disappeared as well, an angry glare pointed straight at him.

The owl gave a disgusted sigh, "The castle that's right outside, fool!"

"Ohhhh, that castle! That's not really yours, you know, you sort of just stole it…"

"Whatever. Just get over here, so I can kill you!"

"Now see, why would I want to come now!?"

"Oh come on, it'll be a cool ending for my show! Then the people will love me, and it'll make it easier to enslave them!"

"Ok, you know what, I'd like to file a complaint against this reality show thing!" Link shouted angrily.

"Ok…the complaint office is in my castle!" the owl said. "Bwhahahaha!"

"Fine! I'll go to your stupid castle!" Link was about to say something else when suddenly Ganondorf's laughter could be heard along with the owl's. "Ganondorf? Is that you!?" Link shouted.

"Uh…no?"

"It is you! What are you doing? Don't you know that that owl is crazy!"

"Yeah, but he promised that I would be able to get my revenge!"

"What revenge?"

"You stole my horse! I will have my revenge!" Ganondorf shouted.

"Ok, we're running out of time," the owl said. "See you later, loser!" He and Ganondorf then began to laugh some more, before they finally turned off their microphone thing that they had been using to talk to Link.

"This whole world is going insane!" Link said as he marched out of the Temple, grabbing his shiny shield as he went.

"Hey!" Navi protested, angry at Link for moving the shield, as she had been planning on painting pink unicorns and flowers on it.

* * *

**Ok, I'm really hoping that the last chapter will be finished _before_ next week, but for some reason it's taking me forever to get the ending for this one right... Anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter (if you want to :-D ). And if you do want to, please tell me your thoughts on the twist with the owl, because I'm kind of worried that it's a dumb idea.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi everyone, we're finally here! The final chapter! I want to thank everyone for reviewing, I really appreciate it! And also, to Sott, thanks so much for your wonderful ideas! I probably will be doing something with Twilight Princess later on, but I'm not sure if it will be a reality show like this one because I don't think the owl is in that game. However, I can put your name in there if you still want, lol. First though, I want to work with that one idea I mentioned a few chapters ago for a more serious story, though whether or not it will work out is still debatable... Either way, it will probably be a while before I post anything new. Anyway, I'll quit boring you all with my rambling, on to the chapter!**

* * *

Chapter 18  
The End

In just a few minutes, Link and his fairy friend, Navi, were right outside the castle that the evil, giant owl claimed belonged to him, when, in fact, it didn't. Unfortunately, there was no way to get into the castle, as it was somehow hovering over a giant pit of lava, and there was no bridge leading to the entrance. "Now what?" Link asked, leaning over the edge to see if it was, in fact, lava. Suddenly all six of the 'Sages' appeared.

"Hi, Link!" Saria said cheerfully, deciding to not tell him that she had known about the show as well. Nabooru had decided the same thing, and she just gave a short nod to the boy. Impa went into a long rant about how much she hated him, Darunia crushed him in a big Goron hug, Ruto turned her nose up at him before stalking off, and Rauru started to build a bridge out of light, since he was the Sage of Light. After it was finished, and after Link managed to escape the giant Goron, the boy raced across the bridge, only to fall right through it and fall towards the lava.

"Haha! Loser!" Rauru shouted as he used a spell to pull the boy back up before he hit the burning substance. "You can't walk on light!"

"You guys are evil! How am I supposed to get across?" Link asked, glaring at Rauru after he was back to being hugged by the Sage of Fire.

"I can build a bridge! Me me me!" Impa shouted.

"Ok…" Link said nervously, feeding Darunia some bombs to distract the Goron from crushing him. Impa cleared her throat, and then summoned Bongo-Bongo, despite the protests emitted from the other Sages and Link.

"Bongo-Bongo will show you all culture, whether you like it or not!" the giant ghost shouted, and he then forced them all to listen to his drum playing for over a week. As soon as he was finished, all of the Sages, except for Impa, who was still dancing and hadn't noticed at all that Bongo-Bongo was finished, quickly sent the ghost back to the Shadow Temple.

"Who else thinks they can build a bridge?" Rauru asked patiently.

Link just sighed, "This is going to take a while," he said to Navi, who nodded in agreement.

"I can build a bridge!" Saria said happily, and she started to make a bridge made of trees. But since this bridge was supposed to go over a pit of lava, and trees were made of wood, the bridge bust into flames almost right away.

"Next!" Rauru said happily while Saria sat down and threw a temper tantrum, which little kids were prone to do.

"I will build a bridge for Brother Link!" Durania said, and he started to make a bridge made of bomb flowers. When it was finally finished, they all turned to Link, who simply stared at them as he tried to figure out if they were joking or not.

"I'm not walking over that!" Link shouted finally. Before anyone could ask him why, the bridge blew up.

"Ohhhhhh," all the Sages said.

"That's why. Ok, next!" Rauru said, starting to have fun with this little get together they were having.

After Nabooru had tried, and failed, to make a bridge out of sand, Ruto stepped up, glaring at Link. "I'm not doing this to help you, you know! I just want to show that I can make a bridge better than anyone else!" she said, and with that she turned her back to Link and pulled out a small phone. In just a few minutes, the group of random workers came rushing towards them, being led by none other then Shadow Link.

"Oh no," Link grumbled under his breath as his shadow spotted him and started to wave happily.

"Hi, Dad!" Shadow said cheerfully while Ruto began to issue out unnecessary orders to the workers.

"Hey, Shadow…" Link said tiredly.

"I told you, that's not my name! I changed it…to Link!"

"You can't have my name!" Link shouted.

Darunia glared at Shadow, "Yeah, there's already two Links around, it's confusing enough as it is!"

"Fine!" Shadow said while Link started to argue with Darunia that he hadn't made the Goron name his son Link. "Hey, Step Mom, what should my new name be?" Shadow asked Ruto, who instantly stopped ordering the workers around.

"I told you, I'm not your step mother!" she shrieked angrily. "…But you are kind of nice. Maybe I'll adopt you, since _somebody_ isn't a very good father anyway!" Ruto said, glaring at Link.

Link just gave a frustrated sigh and looked up at the sky, silently begging the goddesses for more patience.

Shadow stuck his tongue out at Link before stalking off to join Ruto. "Can I order the workers around too?"

"Of course you can, dear! Make sure to hit them with this stick too!" Ruto said sweetly.

"Ok!" Shadow said excitedly, and soon the two of them were whacking away at the poor workers.

"Awww, a mother and son activity!" Rauru said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"You're all crazy!" Link shouted, but he was ignored.

"Here, I made some new Light Arrows for you. Just don't go wasting them, this time!" Rauru said in a lecturing voice.

"Hey…thanks!" Link said happily, and he handed them to Navi for safe keeping (probably not the best thing to do, as she immediately started to tear them apart to build another one of her art projects).

Finally the bridge was finished. Link shouted out a few goodbyes as he and Navi quickly raced inside the castle, actually grateful to be heading to their possible deaths. Once inside the castle, the two found themselves to be under attack by some weird statue things that shot laser beams, just like the ones from the Spirit Temple. After running around in a mad panic for awhile, they realized that the two statues had shot each other. "Weird…" Link said as he examined the smoldering remains of the statues. "Well, let's move on!" he said after a while, and they marched straight through the walls somehow until they reached a bridge that was blocked by a weird, force field thing. After attacking it with his sword for awhile, Link realized that he would have to do something else to get rid of the shield. He was about to start trying all the other doors that were around, when he suddenly tripped on Navi, who had been gluing the pieces of Light Arrows into different shapes. Link quickly caught himself before he hit the ground, but he ended up pressing a hidden button that was in the wall. Instantly the shield collapsed, and Link quickly continued on, Navi slowly following while still gluing things together.

Soon they were climbing a long flight of spirally stairs, and an organ being played could just be heard in the distance. Finally, after avoiding lots of scary monsters, they reached a large door. And in this room was…well, for some reason the first thing that caught Link's attention was how high the ceiling was. After he had gasped in surprise about that, he ever so slowly looked down to see who was playing that horribly slow paced music. "Hi, Zelda! …Hi, Zelda!" Link said happily when he saw both girls floating in one giant crystal above the organ, which was being played by Ganondorf.

"Link, what took you so long!?" one of the girls asked. Link wasn't sure which Zelda it was, as they both were now crownless, and they were too far away to make out any details.

"The stupid Sages had to figure out how to build a bridge!" Link explained.

"Oh hey, I'm a Sage!" the other Zelda said. Link grinned happily, he could now tell which was the real princess, and which was the false.

The first one (who was the real Zelda) that had spoken gave a disgusted sigh, "You are not a sage! How many times do I have to tell you?"

At this point, even Ganondorf was getting tired of the same song over and over again, and so he turned around, sweeping his long cloak in back of him to look more impressive. "These toys are too much for you!" Ganondorf shouted, still trying to appear cool. It didn't really work. The three Hylians just stared at him with confused expressions (Navi was too busy with her gluing to care about what was going on).

"What toys…?" Link asked finally.

"You know… the Triforce!" Ganondorf said with a small pout.

"Ohhhh," the other three said.

"Oh forget it! Just give up your Triforce pieces, so that I can have my revenge!"

"Now see, why would we give up the pieces now?" Link asked impatiently.

"Ok!" the false Zelda said happily, and she quickly handed Ganondorf the Triforce of Wisdom, despite the other Zelda's attempts to stop her.

"Yes! Now I have two pieces!" Ganondorf said excitedly, clapping his hands gleefully.

The false Zelda turned to Link, "Come on, hand him the other piece already so I can go home!" she said while the real Zelda continually banged her forehead against one of the crystal's walls.

"I command you to give it to me!" Ganondorf shouted. "I will destroy you, and then I'll finally get Mr. Horse back!" Suddenly a strange wave of dark purple stuff came flying towards Link.

"Navi, do something!" Link shouted as he tried to keep the wave from throwing him into the wall. Navi, who was still busy creating her art project, scowled at him. She then made up something about the darkness keeping her from helping him before returning to work. "Oh fine!" Link (who had bought the fairy's lie) said. Suddenly Ganondorf started flying, and instantly the two Zeldas and the giant organ disappeared. "Hey, how did you do that?" Link asked as he looked around for the instrument. Ganondorf, who was extremely excited about finally getting his long awaited revenge, didn't answer Link. Instead, he jumped around on the floor, trying to vent some of his excitement so he could concentrate better. This caused the areas that he was jumping on to fall towards the room below them. "Oops," Ganondorf said nervously as he stared down at where the floor had fallen on top of a few monsters. "I can fix that!" Ganondorf shouted down at them.

"Hey, Ganondorf, I've been thinking. How come you don't just get a different horse?" Link asked as the monsters below them started to yell at the other man.

"Um…I dunno."

"Oh. Ok…"

"I like Mr. Horse the best! Now prepare to meet your doom!" Ganondorf shouted, and he started to fly around again.

"Wow! Can I learn how to fly?" Link asked excitedly.

"No way, man! It's a secret only Gerudo can know!"

"Oh but, Sheik told me that only Sheikah could know it!"

"Then why are you bothering me about it!?"

"Uh…"

"Nevermind! Just let me kill you, so that I can ride around on my horse!"

"Ok," Link said, shrugging. After a few seconds he realized what Ganondorf had said, and he quickly ran out of the way of a flying ball of magic that the Gerudo had thrown at him. "That's it! I'm tired of being shot at, people trying to kill me with swords… and I'm also tired of people saying prepare to meet your doom! It was an interesting phrase the first hundred times, but now it's just old!" Link shouted.

Ganondorf stared at Link with a nervous expression on his face as the boy continued to rant. "I'm tired of the monsters popping out of the ground, falling from the ceiling, jumping out of the water, and appearing out of midair! I am tired of having to visit insane farmers and stupid Sages, who, apparently, aren't Sages at all!"

"Uh…Link?" Ganondorf said uncertainly, trying to point out that the symbol on Link's hand was beginning to glow even brighter.

"And where is that stupid complaints office!? I want to file a complaint against that stupid owl!"

"Oh! I'm the complaints office!" Ganondorf said happily as he pulled out a pen and some paper, completely forgetting about his anger towards Link.

"Oh good! I want that owl to be put in jail!"

"Ok, and why are you filing this complaint?" Ganondorf asked.

"He could've gotten me killed with his stupid TV show! What do you think my reason is!" Link shouted impatiently.

"Hmm, I don't think that'll work…"

"Why not??"

"Because, you signed a form that said you wouldn't blame the owl if you were killed or injured!"

"I didn't sign anything!"

"Well, according to this you did! Take a look!" Ganondorf then handed Link a single sheet of paper. Link looked at the signature that was at the bottom of the page and then glared up at Ganondorf. "What?" the man asked.

"This was obviously signed by someone else! I do not sign my name with little hearts everywhere!" Link shouted, his eyelid beginning to twitch.

"Well, I'm afraid there's no way to prove it, unless you-"

"That's it! Where's the stupid owl! I'm taking this up with him!" Link interrupted.

"But all you have to do is-"

"Owl! Where are you!?"

"But you-"

Suddenly the two Zeldas returned, free from their crystal prison. "Link Link! I managed to free us!" the false Zelda said happily, clapping for herself.

The other Zelda just shot a glare at her before walking over to Link. "Link, we found the owl! He's trying to escape the castle!"

"Oh oh oh, I work for the owl!" Ganondorf said happily.

"Really? Me too!" the false Zelda said. The two actors then burst into dance.

The real Zelda shook her head at them before continuing to talk with Link, "If he escapes, he'll return someday to get the two pieces of the Triforce that Ganondorf already has!"

"What!? I thought he was going to let me keep the Triforce!" Ganondorf said, instantly ceasing his dancing.

"No, you fool!" Link snapped.

"Ohhhhh, I'll show him! I won't let him escape the castle!" Ganondorf said. Suddenly the two triangles on his hand began to glow. A few seconds later, and the entire castle began to shake.

"What did you do!?" Link shouted over the rumbling.

"He's taking down the entire castle! We have to get out of here!" the real Zelda shouted back.

"What'd you do that for!?" Link asked as all four of them left the room as quickly as they could.

"I don't know! I panicked, alright!" Ganondorf shouted. Suddenly all four of them were thrown to the ground as the room they had just left collapsed, forcing the building to lean partially.

"Um, I think I'm going to go on ahead… And make sure the exit is clear!" false Zelda said, and she quickly changed into Sheik before running off, Navi following close behind, her almost finished project still in her hands.

"Real nice, Navi!" Link shouted after his fairy friend as the three continued at a much slower pace than Sheik (mainly because they would feel bad if they left the real princes behind, and she was really slow). "Can't you turn into Sheik, too!?" Link asked after he had shoved Ganondorf out of the way of a large piece of ceiling that was falling.

"No," Zelda said, glaring at Link for suggesting such a thing.

After a few more minutes, both Zelda and Ganondorf suddenly got trapped by a ring of fire. "Ahhhh!" Zelda screamed.

"Ahhhh!" Ganondorf screamed, even more higher pitched than the princess. "I hate fire! I talked to my psychic advisor, and she said to avoid fire!"

"That's common knowledge, Ganondorf!" Zelda snapped as they watched Link battle two large skeletons that had just appeared. After a few minutes the two trapped people got bored of watching Link fail to kill the monsters, and so they set up a card game.

Meanwhile, while Ganondorf and Zelda were trying to figure out how to actually play a card game, Navi and Sheik/false Zelda were exiting the castle with plenty of time to spare. "Well, that was easy!" Sheik said.

"Hello!" Navi said happily, showing off her completed project.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Sheik said as he reached out a hand to touch Navi's creation. His hand was quickly slapped back, however, and the man just settled with staring at it. It was, in case anyone was curious, a real, life sized trebuchet. "What does it do?" Sheik asked curiously.

"Look!" Navi said happily, and she pressed a button on the side. Instantly the large machine launched a large ball of bright magic off into the distance.

"Ohhh, you used the Light Arrows to make this!" Sheik said happily.

"Hey!" Navi cheered for herself.

"Ahhahahaha! If I had something like this, no one would ever dare to try and take my place as the best crazy evil scientist ever!"

"Hey!" Navi shouted angrily, glaring down at Sheik.

"Oh…um…how would you like to be my assistant?" Sheik asked.

"Hello!" Navi said happily, and the two were soon planning their first evil experiment.

* * *

"Well it's about time!" Zelda shouted when Link finally defeated the walking skeletons and the ring of fire disappeared.

"We don't have much time left! Run!" Ganondorf said urgently. But, of course, Zelda refused to run. Instead she just walked really fast. The two men sighed before casually walking after her, easily keeping up. "Come on, Zelda, move it!" Ganondorf whined after he and Link had nearly gotten hit by another piece of falling metal.

"I can't run in these shoes, fool! You try walking in high heels!"

"I can run just fine in those!" Ganondorf said. Zelda and Link stopped short and stared at Ganondorf.

"Right…" Link said nervously.

Ganondorf gave a disgusted sigh, "I had to try on some pairs for my mother, alright?" he snapped. "She doesn't trust anything until I've given it the ok!"

"Sure…" Zelda said, and the trio continued to walk as fast as they could towards the exit, Ganondorf grumbling under his breath as they went.

Finally they made it, and just in time too. Just as they had ran over to where Navi and Sheik were talking next to a giant trebuchet, the entire castle collapsed. "It's over…it's finally over!" Zelda said after the last stone had finally fallen and there was no sign of the owl.

"Now that was some cool special effects!" Sheik shouted excitedly. "Did you see all those explosions? It was so cool!"

"My castle!" Ganondorf sobbed.

"You're the one who told it to collapse!" Zelda snapped.

"Well yeah, but I didn't want the whole thing to be destroyed!"

"Well that's what you get for going along with an insane owl's plan!" the princess scolded.

While Zelda and Ganondorf were arguing, Sheik and Navi were excitedly showing off their trebuchet to Link, who was trying to sound impressed, even though all he wanted to do was go home. "And watch, we push this button, and boom!" Sheik shouted as they launched another magical ball. "And watch, we push the button again…and it does the same thing! Boom!"

"Yeah…that's great…" Link said, trying to slowly sneak away.

"And look look look! It's made out of Light Arrows! And look! If you push this button, it launches the light from the arrows! See?"

"Yeah, I saw…" Link said tiredly.

"You try! Go on, push the button!"

"Oh, ok," Link said in a bored voice. He quickly pushed the button, and then went running off to join the others while the Sheikah and fairy were distracted by the explosion in the distance as the light hit the ground far away (who knows what they were actually hitting, it might have even been Kakariko Village…).

After splitting up Zelda and Ganondorf from their argument, Link decided that they should make sure that the owl was really dead, and so the three of them marched onto the remains of the castle. Suddenly a large wall of fire separated Link, who was slightly ahead, from the others. "Link!" Zelda screamed. "Don't leave me here with these crazies!"

"Hey!" Ganondorf whined.

"Would you two just stop arguing already!" Link shouted. "I'm going to go check the rubble out."

"Be careful, it might be the owl!" Zelda called, but Link was already marching confidently towards a large pile of building remains. Suddenly, the giant owl jumped out of the rubble, his large wings flapping angrily. This knocked the Master Sword out of Link's hands (though he could've sworn that he hadn't even been holding on to it), and sent it flying over the wall of fire. Zelda gave a surprised gasp as the sword knocked Ganondorf into unconsciousness. This made the two Triforce pieces mad for some reason, and so they went inside the owl instead. "Bwhahaha! I almost have all the pieces! Prepare to die, Link!" the owl shouted, and he suddenly transformed into a giant monster thing.

"Oh boy, this can't be good…" Link commented.

"Link Link, I've got the Master Sword!" Sheik shouted as Navi flew over to hide under Link's hat, even though that probably wasn't the safest place to be right then.

"Throw it to me!" Link shouted back.

"Oh…ok…" Sheik said uncertainly. He threw the sword as hard as he could, but it ended up moving only a few inches before landing point first into the hard ground. "Hang on, I got it!" Sheik said, and he quickly grabbed the hilt of the sword and tried to pull it out. "Wow, it's really stuck there…" Sheik said after a few seconds.

"Oh here, I suppose I should help," Zelda said with a sigh, and she joined Sheik in trying to pull out the sword. "Ganondorf, lend a hand already!" Zelda shouted, but the man was still knocked out cold from his encounter with the sword.

"Oh never mind! I'll fight him without the sword!" Link snapped, and he started to run around and look through his items to find something that might help. Finally Link found… his ocarina! "Yes!" Link cheered happily.

"…Oh no he didn't!" Zelda shouted suddenly.

"What?" Sheik asked, looking up from trying to pull the sword out. The man gasped when he saw that Link had disappeared. Even the giant, mutated owl seemed confused. He even got rid of the wall of fire.

"Where did he go!?" Sheik asked impatiently.

"How should I know! You're the one who taught him all those ridiculous warping songs!" Zelda snapped.

"Oh sure, blame it all on me! You're the princess, you're supposed to protect your people!"

"Oh! Now I'm the princess, am I?"

"Well, yeah…" Sheik said nervously.

"I wasn't the real princess half an hour ago!"

"I have short-term memory loss, you have to be nice to me!" Sheik said crossly.

"No I don't!" Zelda said, glaring at Sheik.

Finally Ganondorf woke up, and he instantly started to scream and point towards the town. "Oh what now!?" both Sheik and Zelda snapped impatiently as they looked to where Ganondorf was pointing.

"What's wrong?" Sheik asked. "It's just one of those crazy guards that all look alike, and I may or may not have actually cloned them, which would explain why they look the same…Anyway, it's just an insane guard… coming right towards us…" Sheik said, his eyes widening in fear. "Run everyone!" The three of them began to run around in a mad panic, the mutated owl joining in as well.

"Hey wait, Link is with him!" Zelda shouted suddenly. The three instantly stopped panicking and started to cheer instead.

"Go, Link! Go, Link!" Ganondorf shouted as Link ran towards the giant owl, the guard chasing after him and shouting something about still being under arrest for almost injuring an endangered mollusk.

"What do you want?" the owl snapped at the guard, who had instantly shut up when he saw the owl.

"I brought him here to show him the endangered animal you nearly killed!" Link said while the guard just stared up at the owl with wide eyes.

"What?!" the owl shouted.

"You almost squashed that poor little mosquito over there!" Link shouted, pointing to a tiny bug that was hovering next to Zelda. Zelda instantly hid her fly swatter behind her back and smiled innocently.

"I did not!" the owl protested.

"Yes you did! It was resting right there, and you almost stepped on it!" Link said cheerfully.

"Ahha! Mosquitoes are in the endangered species list! You, sir, are under arrest!" the guard shouted, instantly forgetting any fear he had felt when he had seen the monster.

"I've seen that list, every single animal in the world is on it, endangered or not!" the owl protested.

"That's not true!" the guard said, slightly hesitant. "And even if it was, you still have to follow the law! And you didn't! So you're under arrest!"

"Oh oh oh! Guess what!" Sheik said excitedly. "I follow the law!"

"Good for you!" the guard said approvingly. "Everyone should follow this person's fine example!"

Link and the others pouted slightly and grumbled under their breath.

"Bwahahahaha! You'll never get me alive!" the owl shouted as he suddenly transformed back into his real form. The giant owl then took off, leaving the others far below.

"Oh oh oh! We got the trebuchet!" Sheik said happily.

"Fire it!" Link shouted.

"…You want me to fire it?" Sheik asked in a confused voice. "Ok! Trebuchet, you're fired!"

Link slapped his forehead with his hand, "I meant to press the button!"

"Ohhhhhh! Why didn't you say so?" Sheik asked.

"Watch out!" Navi shouted, and she quickly fired the trebuchet.

"Noooooooo!" the giant owl screamed as the ball of light hit him. Everyone (except for the insane guard, he was already marching straight towards the spot where the owl was falling to so he could arrest him), watched as the giant owl fell towards the ground.

"We did it!" Ganondorf shouted, and he and Sheik started to dance around the destroyed castle, cheering loudly. Navi quickly joined in along with the mosquito, where it was promptly sent flying into the rubble by all the flailing arms. None of them noticed that the mean and boring Princess had warped both herself and Link up into another cloud.

"Hey! I wanted to join the party!" Link whined.

"I have something to say!" Zelda snapped.

"Fine," Link grumbled miserably, crossing his arms and pouting.

Zelda cleared her throat before beginning a long and boring speech, "Thank you, Link. Thanks to you, the giant, evil owl has been sealed in the Evil Realm, and-"

"Actually, we just sort of shot him…were you not paying attention or what!?" Link asked in a bored voice.

"Whatever," Zelda snapped. "Peace will once again reign in this world, for a time…" she said mysteriously.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Link asked nervously.

Zelda, however, just ignored him, "All the tragedy that has befallen Hyrule has been my doing…I was so young, I could not comprehend the consequences of allowing my parents to actually rule Hyrule for a few days."

"Yeah, they're a little crazy…" Link said. "Where are they now, anyway?"

"Who knows!" Zelda said exasperatedly. "Probably off, wreaking havoc somewhere. Anyway, it is now time for me to make up for my mistakes! You must lay the Master Sword to rest, and reseal the Door of Time…"

"What?! No way! I like my sword! So shiny…" Link said, hugging his sword (which he had somehow gotten before Zelda had warped him away).

"Link, would you just follow my orders!?" Zelda shrieked angrily.

"Ok, fine! All you royalty people are the same…" the boy grumbled sadly.

"By doing this, the road between times will be closed," Zelda said, completely ignoring Link's grumblings. "Hand me the Ocarina!"

"Why should I?" Link asked suspiciously, hugging his ocarina along with his sword.

"Because I said so!" Zelda snapped impatiently.

"Oh, ok!" Link happily handed the ocarina to her. "It's used though, you know…"

"I don't care!" Zelda said, glaring at Link. "Some hero you are!"

Link just gave a tired sigh.

"Now, as a Sage, I can return you to your original time with this ocarina."

"Yeah whatever," Link said. It took him a while to figure out what Zelda was actually going to do, and by the time he finally did, the princess was already halfway through the Song of Time. "Nooooo! I don't want to go back to being a little kid! I want to go to the party!" Link shouted as a blue crystal surrounded him and started to slowly pull him higher into the sky.

"When peace returns to Hyrule...It will be time for us to say good-bye...Now, go home, Link! Regain your lost time! Home...where you are supposed to be... the way you are supposed to be…" Zelda said, the song finally finished.

"But peace is already here…should we just say good-bye now?" Link asked.

"Sure, why not," Zelda said casually, shrugging her shoulders.

After the two had traded farewells, Link realized that he was still stuck in the crystal. "But I don't wanna go back to the past!" Link wailed as the crystal took him even higher into the air. "YOU!" Link shouted down at Zelda, who was extremely small at this distance. "CURSE YOU…ZELDA! CURSE YOU…SAGES!! AND CURSE YOU…LINK! No wait, that's me… Just curse you, Zelda! And the sages! They can be cursed too! Someday, when I am back in this time, I will exterminate your descendants! As long as the Triforce of Courage is in my hand…" At this point, Link was taken back to the Temple of Time, leaving Zelda in the cloud.

"Gosh, he's so dramatic," the princess said, rolling her eyes before warping back to the remains of her castle to join the dance party that Sheik, Ganondorf, Navi, and the slightly dazed mosquito were still having.

…Epilogue…

As soon as Link had arrived at the Temple of Time, and after he had stopped cursing Zelda and the Sages, he instantly tried to leave the Temple. Unfortunately, he tripped, and the Master Sword went flying into the Pedestal of Time. Link was sent back to the past, where he then started to panic about leaving Navi behind in the future. He spent seven long years just waiting to catch up to the others, so he could join the party. Unfortunately, since he had changed the past by just waiting at home, there was no party, because nothing had been defeated. Link then spent most of his miserable, party-less life as a hermit in Death Mountain, where he spent all of his time teasing mini-Goron Link, until mini-Goron Link was no longer mini, and Link was then pummeled into the ground. After that happened, Link stopped teasing not-so-mini-Goron Link, and he moved back to Kokiri Forest, where the Kokiri were permanently children, and he could keep teasing them as much as he liked.

Navi, on the other hand, went to many parties, and was very happy. She joined up with Sheik once again, and they were soon creating non-functioning doomsday devices to take over the world.

Shadow Link and Princess Ruto somehow met again, and once again the shadow was adopted into the royal fishy family. Ruto never married, claiming that all the potential husbands were too ugly, and would ruin any portraits that would be made of her once she was queen. The Zoras did have better lives once Ruto was in charge, surprisingly enough, as long as they didn't mind having their walls covered with her portraits, and having to rescue her every day from Lord Jabu-Jabu's stomach, as she still insisted on picking on the poor fish.

The giant owl had been planning his reality show with Link in it so he could take over the world… again, when he accidentally stepped on a mosquito. He was then forced to spend the rest of his life as a fugitive, running from the insane, yet persistent, guard.

After a few years, Talon and Ingo became too old to take care of the ranch, and so they not so eagerly handed it over to Malon. The girl instantly burned it to the ground (by accident, of course), and so they moved into Kakariko Village and joined the beggar that was always there, trying to get people to sell her something with 'c'.

Ganondorf was finally able to become the pacifist he really was (and he also got Mr. Horse/Epona, along with all the other horses from the ranch, and the cows, since they had just been roaming Hyrule Field), and he soon joined the Bunny-Rabbit Club, and hopped around the world happily.

The Gerudo got really bored with just patrolling their fortress all the time, and so they left to become pirates, even though there was no ocean anywhere. Anyone visiting Lake Hylia had to be very careful to avoid all the ships that were floating around there, just barely missing the bottom of the lake. Even though the tourist attraction went down for Lake Hylia, the Gerudo had a grand old time, dressing up like pirates and saying 'Arrr' all the time.

Princess Zelda (the real princess) ruled over Hyrule, making sure to never place her parents in charge again. After a few decades had passed, Zelda decided she didn't like being old, and so she used her ocarina to send everyone back in time to when she was young. Link got upset about this, because he had been in the middle of planning the ultimate prank on Mido, and so he marched to the castle to trample on her flowers to get back at her. To punish the young Link, Zelda sent him off to look for Navi. The poor boy actually listened to the princess, and so the next thing he knew he was stuck in a parallel universe somehow, and he got swept into yet another adventure. But that's a completely different story all together.

-The End-

* * *

**Well, that's it! I hope you all liked this chapter, and let me just thank you all again for reading and reviewing! See you around!  
**


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